Okay, when you're ready, sir, you can introduce episode 56 in your own time. And you're not going to leave that in where you just said that. What bit? A bit you just said that you always leave in.
I might as never like a clean intro. It's always us being you, just you being a dick. I thought we got to the insort quite quickly. This episode shows what you started, Jack, and you've called me a dick.
You know how that makes me feel hard, rock hard. Hello, do you fucking throw? You heard me inhaling. You remember now that it doesn't, you don't talk about the intro, it leads into the intro music now.
So you can get a bit of a different dynamic in your intro. You're introducing the theme song by a guy called David Milner. I think I've gotten his name right. I can't, I forgot to pull up his name, but he's a guy who did the remix for the new episode, theme tune from episode 50 onwards.
And how many episodes are we going to be using? I like it. I really fucking love it. So I'm going to keep it.
I like it. Was it got Brian's up for the outro? Why are people having a fucking some kind of discussion outside my house? We're in the house of pickles.
We'll get to that in a minute. Can you do the fucking intro so we can start the episode, please? Ladies and gentlemen. Is that too loud?
A little bit, but just remember, my technique, you've only been doing 56 episodes. You think you'll learn my technique by now, but no, but no. Hello there, ladies and gentlemen. It's cheap show time yet again.
And what episode are we on now? We're on episode 56. I'm Eli Silverman and who is Elsie Sier? Who is this other Sier?
It's Morgana. And everybody. One day I'm just going to rip you off and we'll end the show. You're going to rip my dick off.
Yeah. Oh, brilliant. And I'm going to put a poo in your head. You're going to rip my dick off.
What? Like I'm going to fucking psychopath. And then what you're going to do? You're going to call the ambulance or what?
Just leave me to bleed out and murder me. You're going to murder me. Welcome to sheep show. Hey, you and your fucking move.
I'm going to have a paucy. I'm going to have a poo. What? The fact that you chose.
You're going to have a poo. You said. I'm going to fucking keep showing. I'm not going on.
I'm going on. I'm going on. I'm going on. So welcome to the show.
Yeah. Welcome. We've done that. We've just decided.
We've just decided right now that this episode is going to be our loveliest episode. So we have to be absolutely lovely to one another. All right. You always say that.
You always like bring it up. Eli. Bring the mood up. Sheer up.
Be lovely. We're going to pretend to be nice. I'm sick of it. Yeah.
Hello, Paul. Welcome to cheap. You can't do it. You can't be nice.
I can be nice. Be nice then. Well, you just said to be fair. Yeah, Paul, you just said you're going to rip my dick off.
Broom my pre-show. Do the intro. Pre-show. Now we're in show.
I'm being nice to you. You lovely man. Thank you. You lovely man.
I'm a lovely man. You're a lovely man. You're so courteous and kind and generous. Nice to be to say that, Paul.
Now what have you got coming up on this wonderful, lovely, pleasant, respectful of other people's attitudes, episode of. Epitode. It's a future that had been developed to deliver medicine. Epitode.
As like an epiple who, no, people have an epipen if they're diabetic. Oh, something like that. Epitode. So you carry that around.
It's trying to say, I'm trying to introduce that. How does it work? You carry a toad run with your young tongue. You're back and squeeze the toad.
Give it a lick. It likes it. It jucks sex fluid over its body and you lick it and it's got medicine because it's been genetically engineered and you give it a little bit of lettuce or something to keep it alive. What a shit idea.
Well, what if shit idea? How is it better than the already existing epipens? Because epipens run out. If you keep this toad going, you have a little pet and it keeps producing high quality medicine, insulin or whatever.
Coming up on the show today, we'll be playing off-brand brand off. Oh yeah. And so will Eli be once again able to tell the difference between a brand on off-brand product and which incidentally is his favourite? Yes, both those things I'll tell you.
Yes, which is the favourite and which I believe is the brand. Is the brand. Is the brand brand. It's the brand brand.
Yes, it's one of our favourite segments on the show. I've been good, but I failed. I mean, I hear that. You didn't really fail.
You just failed with the aero. Yeah, but the interesting thing there is you didn't fail. Just preferred the off-brand. And that's fine.
And assumed. It was obviously better quality than it was the brand. So that's the way around it usually is, Paul, isn't it? Yes.
Right. And then after that, we're going to be playing the price of shite. No addition. No addition.
No version. Yeah. We like it with the cliffhanger. We do like the cliffhanger.
Yeah. I have some issues with every item having to be less than a pound. Which we discussed before. You did plan.
You didn't plan. You didn't plan. And now you're planning. You're just moaning because you didn't plan in advance.
I'm just saying it's very limiting. In this world, this hyper-inflated world of the 21,000 hundreds, why am I turning into you and not being able to speak? I don't know. It's nice, though.
In this modern world, very few items are less than a pound that would be of any interest to us. I managed very well to get through items. You made shit up. I didn't.
I'm telling our listeners now, I did not. How fucking dare you? I mean, you lovely man. You're like, ah, don't worry if they don't listen to Paul.
Just fucking make something out of the game works. Yeah, you like fucking something. I'm one of these. It's Van Garlic.
It's not. Don't worry. She's a blank, really. But I'll just stick her out there.
What are you talking about? I'm Paul, the Van Garlic. Yeah, I'll say, I'll fucking take a KitKat. Bang.
You are talking bogs. You're actually actually talking auto shit right now. Anyway, I'm just saying, I like Cliff Hanger. But I think there is a way we could go under a five or something.
Yes, there is. No, because the model is a little bit more calibrated scale. No, I find a calibrated scale. Why are you complaining now?
You were really keen for it last time. You had no problems then. Your problems now, because I actually get the items advanced. You didn't have to go this morning.
I've got the items on. They were complaining when you had weeks to plan this. So don't come to me with your sob story about, don't like the rules. We need to change it.
Just to fit your laziness, right? Yeah, I'm so late to do it. I mean, but you're seeing the raw truth. That's coming up.
What else we've got coming up? And then we're going to end the show by playing Go for Bro. So there's two sections. Three.
Oh, brand off brand. Go forward to that, people. Coming up very shortly. Sure.
And then what's after that, Paul? Price a shot. And then what's a shot. Some problems with the format.
But hopefully you'll still enjoy it. Take you. And then go for broke. Finishing like Go for broke.
The ball game might catch up. I might just get a little prediction about that. Yeah. I'm going to win.
Yeah. I will win. Why doesn't it surprise you that again, where you have to lose as much more as quickly as possible? You're really good at.
How did Paul go last night, by the way? Win a lot. Lose a lot. That's 90 p.
Excellent. And now is that problem gambling, Paul? Is that gambling? You're fucking.
Yeah. You're. Let's begin the show. Ladies and gentlemen, this is our most warmest episode to date.
It's going to be so cuddly. You could off brand brand off. Yeah, let's do that. Continuing on.
Lovely, lovely, lovely cheap show. That's nice and not mean at all to one another because we love each other. So what you sniffing out. You've got Ron and V.
No, I do not. We're in the House of Pickles. What you're smelling that's making you feel ill is the House of Pickles. No, it is not.
It is. We are very. The House of Pickles is a toxic area. We're recording in there again today because we've had to record the House of Pickles.
We weren't able to secure the pod from last time. So apologies if the sound quality is not as good. But feel the smell as I like to say. Feel the smell people.
If you hear, you can feel it. It's smothering. It's quickly on the cheeks. Mate.
It makes me sad that you live here. Oh, oh please. Oh, dear. So what have we got for me to tell some of that?
Today we're playing. I'd like to do the info. That's all right. I'm not going to interrupt you.
Like you do. I'm not going to do that, Paul. No, I'm not going to do that. I won't do that.
Yeah, I think I can do it. I'm talking talking. That's all. I know.
Yeah. Your little face will scratch the door. You know you're going to do it. I'm not going to do it.
I'm not going to do the intro. Just do the intro to Brando, Brando, Bopra, Bopra, Bopra, Bopra. You lovely man. Oh, you lovely man.
Oh, you lovely man. Oh, off-brand, off, off-brand, off-brand, off-brand. I don't know what I mean. I don't know what I mean.
I don't know what I mean. I don't know what I mean. I mean, that was all right. You should've just cut it short.
Yeah, maybe to look at this. Yeah. You do the dill-dill-dill-dill-dill it. Dill-dill-dill-dill-dill it.
Oh, off-brand, Brando, off-brand, off-brand-brand. They just need to work, Paul. Anyway, yeah, I think that's in the bag, yeah. The intro's in the bag.
The intro's in the bag. Yeah. Okay, now what's more important? I think what people might find a little bit more interesting.
It's the actual content of your off-brand, brand off-bag. What have you got? Well, I have a lovely selector today. We're going back to a kind of froth shop off Brandeiff.
Okay. Is this episode's edition of off Brandeiff is brought to you by Ganon's rough shop. It is. It's basically a subsidiary today.
Okay, so just a bit is. I was in spite of this video by two incidents. What I saw was you asking video. Literally about, what you tell me about and you interrupt me before I get into the video.
Okay, I thought you said this video is if this was a video, which would be wrong. Give me a break. Okay, no, continue. Sorry.
I'm being facetious. So I saw a video by Stuart Ashen. And he reviewed this candy, right? Right.
It looked like a good knockoff worth a try on our show on the other brand off. And then I read an article about this very same item because it made all the papers for a bit of controversy about what it was called. So we all love, you know, M&Ms, right? Peanut M&Ms.
Yeah, I would say love. I'm a bit neutral towards them. Yeah. But you know, I'll have a handful.
I'll have a handful. If it was proper to me in a bowl. I would eat a handful. But I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't select them in this corner shop.
But if there were snacks in a wedding reception, you'd put a little bowl of them together. Yeah, definitely. They're nice enough, aren't they? So yeah, so I have.
Like a peanut M&Ms, right? There we go. Hashtag spawns, Barry Virgin Kitchen spawns, right? But there's a knockoff.
And the knockoff is called Nottas. Nottas. And who makes these ones? Well, let's have a little look.
They may buy a company called Undisclosed. I can't see it. But are they sold in one of the supermarket chains? Yeah.
No, in Only Poundland. Poundland, okay. So these are a bag for a pound. Bose were a pound, weirdly enough as well.
They have sort of the M&M, whereas on the real M&Ms, they're kind of cool guys. Yes. On these, they've got bits bitten out of them. Yeah.
And they're all like, they're on lithium. Yeah. Like Nutsos, I guess. But that was the problem with the title people complaining.
It was about, it was mocking mental health patrons or people with mental health issues. I think it's a step too far. I think that's, because there's also, I didn't get them for the show, but there's also, you know, regular M&Ms. The knockoff brands similar to this are called Chockas.
So it's Chockas and Nottas. Yeah. I think that's just going too far. If they call their snack mental health losers.
Yeah. Or something. Or like, caring the community. Oh God.
Or something like that. That's a lot. Yeah. Or get over it, you depressive.
So there's something like that. That means I'll tell you this is not butter. And it's get over it, you depressive. Peanut.
Chockas. Chockas. Snacks. So like Nutsos, I think that's, and so, were they forced to discontinue this?
Well, they were still on sale as of as they were when I bought this. I don't think they've got a case, really. Well, you know, I can imagine. Nutsos, you could be, and Nutsos isn't necessarily someone suffering from a mental health problem.
No, it might be a pisser. It's in the morning waving a knife around. He's trying to get lampposts. He probably does have mental health issues.
So it's not funny. Like someone playing football very enthusiastically. Oh, what a nutter. Yeah.
And you wouldn't necessarily be mocking someone with an actual mental health problem. You might do your nutter on the bus, obviously, is that. I mean, that is the nutter on the bus. Every comedian used to have their own little nutter on the bus story, didn't they?
Did you? I mean, I had lots of experience. You were a bus and someone took a shit. Yeah, I was going to work.
That's hardcore. At eight in the morning, and a guy who obviously lived on the streets got on the bus, and was only me on the top deck, and then he did a squat on the chair, did a poo, and then moved and sat away from it. Well, you would. You don't know the shit where you're sleeping.
Well, own it. Right? What do you mean, own it? I'm a friend.
You should have said that to me. Yeah. Anyway, it's stunk. And everyone who came up to get a seat on the bus, arched weight, looked around, smelled it when I was like 100 people down there, just resorted on the top deck.
So that guy, anyway, he's living by his own rules. Not necessarily mentally. OK, so let's just get on to the test. I think maybe, you know what?
They may be objected to more than just the title. It's the title plus the illustration, because the illustration they notice how these googly eyed, and they look like they're drugged up, and they've had a guy taken out of their heads. It's something reminiscent of the bottoming sort of victim. They've eaten them, isn't it?
The M&M men. Those two guys. All the special, not scoped, sent to a different factory, where they're cooped up, treated like animals. Well, I'll tell you what, Paul.
Yeah. All this talking about them is maybe you want to try them, and see if I can guess which is brand on and which is brand off. And also to say, this is a bit about my, what I think. Well, yeah.
OK. So shall I put on the thing? Put on the blindfold. Which blindfold today?
Yes. So I'll just add this right. I'll let you use it. It is a stinky.
It's not stinky. It's clean. It's stinky. It's freshly laundered.
Stinky. It's a freshly laundered vest, Paul. Your feet smell. Overpowering the house of vehicles.
We should do a little spin off comic. Paul's rotten feet versus the house of pickers. All right. So I'm going to take a picture of this picture of the eye looking like a proper wallie on the cheap show.co.uk.
So yes, he's put it on. I don't understand how you've managed to look so stupid. You look like fat Zorro. OK.
All right. Yeah, that'll do. I've got a picture of you. Yeah.
All good. Fat Zorro. Just assure the listener that I really won't be able to see out of this. Yes, he won't.
Right. So I'm going to open both. OK. And then I'm going to hand you why.
I want to tell you which one it is. You'll taste the test, give your feedback, and we'll see. OK. I'll figure it out.
OK. I'm ready for my first peanut covered chocolate. Chocolate covered peanut. It's got to be snapped.
Here we go. OK. So which one I don't choose. I'm going to feel it first.
Can I feel it? Will that give it away? I'll let you feel it. Put your hand out.
Are you ready? Yeah. I'm going to put it in your hand. It may be a little cold.
OK. Here we go. Slightly tacky. Like a stickiness going on, which I'd say a real lemonade.
Yeah. Has a more lacquered shiny. OK. It will melt less easily.
This feels cheap already. That's just my first thought. I'm going to buy this. I'm going to dissect it.
All right. Get to the fucking point. Just eat it. How about mouthfeel?
How is it for you? It's nice. Yeah. Yeah.
It's got a nut that has been roasted. It's got that kind of smoky nut. And chocolate very sweet. Oh, very sweet.
Oh, sorry. Too sweet. Or just sweet enough. There's a sort of, I think it goes along with what I was saying about the tackiness.
The actual crisp element. The sugar coated crispy shell. Yeah. As such.
Don't you nick my thing. It feels a bit crumbly rather than sort of crispy. So I, yeah. Those impressions.
No, no for sure. But I think that could be our nut at all. OK. That could be our nut at all.
It didn't have its amplitude as low. So there's a bunch of different flavours. OK. Yeah.
Are you ready for your next one? I need a. Would you like to sub some of your lemon drink? Yeah.
Could you give me that, please? Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, to clean this palette, Eli, is drinking an iced tea green tea mint lime drink. Oh, God.
I don't know if you heard that. Look as it sounded. I'm just thought you were meant to be meant to be. So are you ready for your next chocolate in the off-brand brand off competition?
Yes. Put your hand out. Here we go. In your hand it goes straight away.
To the handles it feels different. To the hands. It feels. Yes, it feels less tacky.
Can you be the microphone close to your mouth? Thank you, God. It feels less tacky and more shiny and smooth. OK.
So I don't know if this is just playing into my already decided story that this is the real lemonade. But it does actually. Yeah. OK.
So I'm going to, again, go for the same technique or I'm going to dissect this with my t-futis. Nice. It's right into half the half. You are talking shit today.
Oh. Oh, interesting. Quite a sudden reaction, but no words of yet. The peanut doesn't taste as good.
In my way, it tastes less sort of roasted. Pretty much like a muckus tea mouth a lot. It tastes less roasted. Yeah.
And there's really not very crisp, the thing. No, the smell is even worse. Yeah. It's softer.
Yeah. And thinner. OK. And the peanut taste is just a bit dirtier, more muddy.
OK. I haven't got the smoke. I'm going to change my mind on this, I think. Interesting.
OK. I prefer the first one. Yeah. It's a tough decision because you were wrong last time.
You know, so to speak. But that's not really the competition. The more competition here for me is the off-brand better. Yeah.
That's what's important to you, Paul. But I have some pride. And I would like to be able to distinguish. I mean, I just preferred the first one.
But I'm not sure if that was a. Well, I'm going to go out on a limb here. I'm going to say the first one was, as I said originally, off-brand was the nutter. The second one was the real M&M.
And I preferred the off-brand. Well, Eli, yes. I can tell you that the first chocolate peanut snack was an M&M. And the second was a nutter.
How interesting. You were. I preferred the real brand. Yeah.
You preferred the real brand. What you thought that was. You know, I mean, I just sort of got, you know what? I preferred the nutter.
And the last time I was wrong about the aero, and just thought, it's such a huge brand M&M, perhaps they just get, I'm going to taste the nutter. Perhaps they get by on just being crap, and everyone just assumes that they should have been. And the nutters would have to make more, the nutters just not as good as it is. The nutts aren't as nice.
The nutts aren't as robust. That's true. The nutts aren't as roasty roasty, are they? What are your impressions for?
The nutter tastes very close to the M&M. But it's got that slightly more artificial sugary taste to it. Yeah. That all knuckle-brand tend to have.
Will they kind of overcome and say it with the sugar? Yeah. Or whatever it is. Just not as, just, and the crispness doesn't quite deliver.
It's good to be off. Yeah, but let me try the M&M now, the normal M&M. Oh, oh. Oh, see, this one's a lot quicker for me.
Yeah. It's crunchier, and it has more, do you know the mean of a more of a roasted peanut? Yeah. Rich that peanut comes through.
Yeah. Which is what you want. You want that lovely sort of, almost slightly smoky recipe nut flavor name. I don't know why I just decided to take my guess myself there.
I should have gone with my gut, which I knew. Well, the first one was better. You may be deem yourself on this next challenge. OK, so I have a part too.
It's time for part two. So I take the best off my face. Momentarily you can, yes. The next one I'm going to do now.
Right there. On a very famous stock brand in the UK called, Minsteralls. Minsteralls. You can't go wrong with Minsteralls.
They're a solid chalk snack. And they are made with a type of chocolate known as galaxy. Oh, yeah, the galaxy chocolate, which is a Mars brand, isn't it? It's they are a Mars.
They are Mars's version of a smarty, essentially, aren't they? They're a big boy smarty. They're smarty for grownups. They're smarties electric blue.
They're bigger than smarties. Shocked. They're a sex smarty. They're a smarty plus.
They're smarty. You're rather really going to carry on doing this. Are you not happy with any one of those? No.
None of those landed for me. Normy, mate. What a lovely man you are. Shut up.
Lovely friendliest episode of Cheapshoe ever. You lovely man. Right. They're the anal of smarty.
Anyway. Oh, yeah. Don't be proud of yourself. You wretched little lovely man.
Anyway, for those who don't know, they're basically a little chocolate coin. A little chocolate. They're like a big M&M. It's over the galaxy.
Chocolate. Chocolate shell. Shut up. Shut up.
What is wrong with you? I just want to finish that bit. I was saying, Paul. Go on.
You've got one more. Now you're smarty. It's like a some kind of health affliction that Paul and actors get. How poor.
That was a poor. How poor. I'm going to say for that. So what did you describe in minstrel?
So our listeners. Yeah. Chocolate shell. That's around a galaxy chocolate center.
It's a little chocolate coin. You know, like a big smarty. Also, you're going to add nothing. Go on.
I'm adding fat. I'm adding fat. I'm not going to move you right now. You've really got it right on my dick end.
Just leave it. Call it down. Take it down a notch. All right, Paul.
Yeah. I've got fact. Go on. Fact coming out.
Fact. Mouth come out with fact. 17 minutes is such as been going on. Miss Roles used to be included.
And perhaps they are still up by another Mars product, which had a variety. Revels. Yeah. So, yes.
You got you got minstrels in revels. Yeah. I think revels acted as a kind of advertisement for all their other different things. They did because they had Maltesas in there.
They did. And minstrels. When used to be treats. And the treats.
What were treats? Basically chocolate peanut. Cup of peanuts. Basically, yeah.
They had the raisin ones as well. Yeah. That's really one's. That's really one's.
The raisin's down peanuts. No, treats is just peanuts. Oh, really? No, no, essentially.
Mars version. But Mars make it an emissant. Yeah. Anyway, just like that.
Make treats anymore. But that used to be the coffee centre and the orange centre. I even liked coffee. I liked coffee.
I like coffee. I hate orange. I'm the reverse. Maybe that's a metaphor for our relationship.
OK. Yeah. So the minstrel. Minstrel is our brand today.
It's a classic sweet. It's a classic confectionery. Queen. Now, I found the knock-off brand once again in Poundland.
And it's called Chocolate Miracles. Milk chocolate in a crisp coloured shell. And they gone for a complete facsimile. Almost of the packaging.
Yes. These are called chocolate, where the word galaxy would be, in a similar font. Minstrels in a similar font. And then on the minstrels, it has a tagline.
Pleasure worth sharing. And what does it say on our miracles? Enjoy sharing. It's like it's gone into a Chinese translation.
And then that got it. Yeah. So that's the next thing we're going to do now? We'll see what I think the big trick here is.
Recognizing the galaxy chocolate flavour. Once you've got that down, then it becomes a personal choice about what you prefer. So we can look forward to this call. This is tough.
So, well, we'll see. Good luck. Put on the mask. Should have gone with my gut with that last one.
If there's one thing you can never do. Go with my gut. Yeah. Why?