Wow, wow, Wes. We can start on that. That was hilarious. Also, that one girl who just called a stray in the middle of that where they're like, it turns out it was the mom who was texting the girl the entire time in bullying her.
But then they're like, that one girl was always a bitch. We thought it was her. And then they just interviewed this other high school girl and they're like, so you were a cunt, right? She was like, I guess.
I guess I was mean. A little bit. No, yeah, it was probably that bitch, Courtney. Nobody came out of that unscathed.
That was pretty fucked up. Anything happened to the kids? Did they end up like doing that? I thought they had the daughter.
It was real sad to see the daughter like that. But they had the body cam when the cops go to the house and be like, we've traced the numbers. It's coming from your mom. It's really fucking sad.
Heart rate, yeah, devastating. Did they hit her with a joke? Like, Joe who? Like, wow, wow.
It was Joe. Missed an opportunity. I was just home. That's my niece's number one joke.
My niece with Down syndrome. That's literally it. She's got a great joke. Not, not.
Who's there? Joe. You go, Joe who? Don't my mom.
But she switched it up. Now she knows her best joke is, not, not. You go, who's there? She goes, Joe.
Joe who goes, Joe Biden. Yes, Joe Biden. Joe Biden, nice Joe Biden. Come on, man.
It's a modern twist. I don't know classic. That's fucking great. Joe Biden is such a fun one.
And then she claps because everyone laughs. That kid's fucking awesome. She's adorable. Yeah, that's great.
Yeah, I got to go home and spend time with those animals this week. It was nice. I got to see little kids football. I didn't know they played that young.
It was hilarious. Like, fucking six years old. Five to six. People pancaking.
No one cares about concussions. Oh, my God. These kids are getting fucking leveled. They don't know how to hit.
So they sprint into each other and no one has balance. It's just hit stick after hit stick. But they break runs, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, there's like three kids that can run. They get the ball, they're gone. That's awesome.
They won't keep the score. That was a little piss. You should have. You should have won.
I can have a score. Shamrock's won. I can have a score. Shamrock's won.
I can have a C.B. Eagles. Yeah, I wish I was. I didn't know they put that.
I thought it was all flag until flag score. Suit them up. We don't weigh-ins or what? Also, there's no fucking lay-ins anymore.
I saw a kid, a unit on, like a fucking, this kid must have been 200 pounds. Wait, shut up. It's like, there was the next kids up, the next team, like ponies or peewees were warming up and there's no weight limit now. They just have to play on the interior offensive line.
Gotcha. The interior line is like, for real. What? It was like six feet, two feet feet.
How old are these guys? That's crazy. Yeah, he was just a very, very obese kid. He was fucking bringing it.
I'm glad they're getting the shine. That's kind of nice. Yeah, that's pretty good. He's the greatest kindergartner, right tackler, right guard there ever was.
They said he threatened to shoot a kid. What? I got that going on. Yeah, that's a lot of stress.
What was it? Did you get a flag? Personal foul for death threats? No, it was a practice.
Whoa. Yeah, one of his coaches told me. He's going to channel that to the other teams. It's time for him to start winning.
I don't mind having a little Jalen Carter on your squad. I mean, somebody's willing to die first play of the game and spit on the quarterback. That's great. I saw Dak spit at first.
Was there a reason for that? Yeah, I thought that. Dak did spit at him first. We didn't know.
That's the craziest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, he got kicked out of the game, right? Before the first lap. Before the first lap, yeah.
You're out. Yeah, you can't do that. You were fired up. I was curious.
Did he go up a phase? I was just right on his chest. But Dak spit towards him. Dak spit from a distance towards him.
It was a cowboy. Which is a good move. If you're going to fire someone up. Yeah.
I think it's easy to get. I'm going to get on the side. I'm like, okay, I like it. Jalen, though, that's the guy you've got to target.
Yeah. If you're an opposing quarterback, you can get him to take that again. You can get fired up. If he stays in the game, you're in trouble.
Yeah. That's why you dropped so far in the draft. You guys always fucking... Everybody falls right in your fucking lap.
It's unbelievable. You guys had a good draft. Yeah, but... The G-Men.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We always seem to have a good draft. It just doesn't pay out. You guys lost again this weekend, right?
Dude, I mean... And the Dodgers are on the list. They'll get swept, huh? A lot of tough losses this month.
I'm with you. It's all right. I know this is all. We're talking sports.
Notre Dame going on, too. I know. I'm a curse on whatever team I love. Really?
Never mind. The Eagles are on Super Bowl. Philly's look pretty fucking good. Philly's are good, but Notre Dame.
I went, too. They're two. You just pulled off a huge upset against Penn State. Well, now we're talking...
Now we're talking about North Texas College Football Dynasty. You don't want somebody else where you take the ball into your own hands. I had to with the crew back. I still can't believe I've been on Penn State today.
That was a good game. That was exciting. I rode my bike five and a half miles, charged it up, and then I walk in and hit you playing. Walking into North Texas.
Game-winning game. Streaming Eagles. It was incredible. It was me, it was me, it was me, it was me, it was me.
It was me, it was me, it was me, it was me. Yeah, I mean, taking North Texas to the promised land on Heisman, good luck. True. Not many can do it.
You're on Heisman right there? Obviously, I'm on Heisman. And you're cutting through the defense like that? That's what I do.
A lot of guys have hobbies and families. Play the computer on hard, it's crazy. I'm just playing with North Texas. Focused on recruiting.
A lot of guys have a fulfilling life. Just trying to take the Mean Green to Clemson and the Rose Bowl as soon as this podcast is over. I'm just proud of my guys no matter what. I don't think it's looking good Clemson on Heisman and the Rose Bowl, but it's the way this team came together.
Yeah, I was pretty impressed with this. Yeah, I appreciate that. I was hyped. Coaching offers, I thought were kind of slapping the face.
Oh, you're old coordinator. My cousin was a fucking quarterback from Mexico. He's got two quarterbacks. That's what they're saying.
They're Jewish quarterbacks. Unbelievable. Yeah. They're not running up the score.
They're the only Jews not running up the score. That's true. Well, maybe they'll play the Cumberland Valley Pee-wee football team. Drop 40,000 on them.
No, but it's serious. I checked the news. Is that over yet? Not at all.
It's ripping. You just got ruled by the UN like an official genocide. No, it's really bad. But we went to Chicago.
We did. There's some harsh videos. Really, really fucking day. Oh, yeah.
It's a genocide. The UN rule officially. I've been waiting for that to call it out. Yeah, the UN rule.
Well, you don't know. It's funny. Somebody was like, you don't need to say 3,000. I looked it up.
I've been saying it. Well, too much. I was saying it before the conflict. I was so lazy to me on Rogan Hammer.
Like, 3,000. All right, slow down. Yeah. The Jays will get you.
They're good. They're good? They're good. I mean, they're literally good.
Have you ever seen me texting any of you guys? Never mind. What? Nothing.
My love. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. Man, I'm so happy we've gotten football back. Like, what was I doing before?
Having a life? Doubt it, bro. True. Happy as I am.
Nothing brings down the Sunday vibes like an injury. Sure, the players that feel the pain, but the pain I feel from my picks, that hurts so much more than the pain from a guy that's trying. That's why you've got to play on PrizePix. Give me that.
They offer injury reboots, so if one of your players leaves the game in the first half and doesn't return, PrizePix won't count. He had a loss. I'm going to have a seizure, dude. They were the first app to offer injury reboots.
I was trying to read that. They offer injury reboots. Okay, so that gives me some freedom on my picks. So I'm thinking more on Jalen Hurts' rush yards.
And let's go with more on Christian McCaffrey's rush and receiving yards. I like the way he runs the ball. That's how white man runs the ball. He just plays the game the right way.
What the fuck? What the hell? Always like adding a guy like that to my lineup. This is how PrizePix adds an extra layer of fun to the game.
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That's code Drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, it's good to be right. Also, guys, I'm about to start hitting the comedy clubs again pretty soon. I've got a bunch of stuff coming out.
Right now, the only thing that's nailed down is Off the Hook Comedy Club in Naples, Florida on November 7th, 2025. I have a couple others that will be coming out, so stay tuned. I have Houston and Tulsa this weekend. Then I'm in Florida, the 25th, 26th, 27th.
Then October 3rd, Baltimore, Maryland. October 17th and 18th, I'm at Resorts World in Las Vegas. And then November 7th, San Francisco. November 8th, Sacramento.
So go to those. Thank you. So we get into Chicago. Chicago was nice.
Dude, that was seriously one of the best weekends of my life. Go see Oasis. Yeah. I forgot I saw it.
Exactly, dude. I'm with it, though. I kind of barely saw it. I know.
I saw it. I saw too much of it. I just got washed out. I was jamming harder than anyone possibly can.
I was jamming harder than anyone. But Noel coming down, saying what's up before the show, taking a group picture, maybe the fattest photo I've ever taken. Ruined the photo. I was like, no one's getting this photo.
No one's going to have it. It's the fattest photo possible. And I ruined it. I'll be huge.
It can't be that bad. And I looked at it. I was like, I can see the projection. Let's not put that one out.
Dude, I was just praying I wouldn't embarrass myself when I did it. You did? I know. I said epic like 14 times.
He was full-on Chris Farley SNL interviews. He was like, dude, remember when you did Wonderwall? Wonderwall, Wendley. It was so epic.
And I was just standing there like, what the fuck are you doing? Why are you doing this? That was nothing compared to the plan. What were you going to do?
Oh, right. No, they wouldn't get it. But he did an interview with this guy, Alan Partridge. And he says, his catchphrase was knowing me, Alan Partridge knowing you, Noel Gallagher.
Aha. And I was going to do that, but say Adam Egan, and it would have been infinitely worse. I would have been so upset. Yeah.
So, be thankful. I decided against him. Hit him with an epic. Totally.
Epic was sick. In all fairness, the fucking shows in at Wendley were epic. Bro, I agree. I stand by it.
Yeah, they were for the win. I should have said it 14 times. He was the person I've always been most nervous. I've always wanted to meet him more than anybody in the world.
He was so nice. He was the coolest fucking, even cooler than I thought he would be. And I thought he would be the coolest man alive. It was also crazy knowing he had to go to a concert.
That was his chill level before having to go to a concert for fucking 80,000 people. He still remained pretty chill. You'd see him singing, you'd be like, who's locked in? Yeah.
They're the shit, dude. No, they were. That was just rules. But the real thing that happened was Adam Egan, Mr.
fucking Sobriety, our one guy who's supposed to be the sober man on the trip. Also, Matt was with me and Billy and Spud. I figured I was like, we're going to drink a little bit. This will be an easy, laid-back time.
You know what I mean? I'm just going to get that great. Spud, maybe. Yeah.
I don't drink. You don't drink? No. My wheels, the boulder was rolling downhill for me at that point.
The flight was fucking intense, man. What do they call them? Bubble boos? That was good.
I was thinking the big bopper. Yeah, you should do that. That was terrible. Oh, baby, that's what I like.
Oh, baby, that's what I like. But Mr. Sobriety, we're up in a box, which, thank you to Noel for giving us that one of the sweets. That was fucking incredible.
You want to watch it from a sweet. The vibe was too contained. It was too contained, yeah. It came in.
There was a plate of glass and music would seep in through a little tiny window. Mr. Sobriety goes, hey, I got some acid. And it was like, no, I'm not taking that.
We have a couple drinks to go. All right. I'll take half. Matt will take half.
We'll split one. I knew it was coming down. I'll do three. Matt buys a bottle of tequila, sneaks it down to the floor where we're all standing.
By the way, the biggest bottle of Casa Azul I've ever seen. It's like the Costco. Casa Azul. Half of acid had probably started.
Yeah. And we were like, this isn't doing much. Let's take another full one. Yeah.
So now we're both like half and a half. Yeah. And then it kicked in. Yeah.
And I was just standing still watching, but Matt was fucking going wild. Every time I looked over. I looked over at one point, and he's literally drinking the fucking Casa Azul. Every creature gathered around this bottle of tequila on the ground.
Literally like six different big fat white guys were all just. They were just a bottle on the ground. I had my sweatshirt over it, and eventually my sweatshirt just got kicked. And people would look at it, and I'd go, dude, you can have some.
They think it was a trap. They'd be like, what is it? And I'm visibly tripping like, dude, J-Tex. And they were like, is there anything in it?
And I'd go, there's nothing in it. And I'd show them, I'd take a sip, not realizing I was taking like half a shot. It had no effect on it. Of course.
Yeah. I was just. I smoked a bat. The bat did nothing.
Oh, yeah. Then I looked over. All this ale combated. They combated eventually.
Every time I looked over. The shirt over his head. You never took a shirt over your head to let his weight win? Did you ever do that?
It was a classic trick. There was a side of that I've almost never seen. It was like, that was in 19... We kept being like 99 Woodstock.
It was 20-25 oasis. Oh, yeah. Because I felt like I wasn't tripping that much, because I'm not used to that. So I was just like staring.
I was definitely high as fuck. Staring at the wall, the graphics. A little Wonderwall. But Matt would be like, literally Hillary with the balloons every second.
And I was doing that thing where I'm like, I'm not even that fucked up. Look at Matt. Look at Matt. That's crazy.
I was the highest. I've been like, every two seconds. I'm like, did it kick in for you? I would look back at you and be like...
Yes. Yeah. I was just... Eventually I was like, yo, play Wonderwall.
I gotta go home. The concert, the music was my favorite part. Yeah, it was awesome. I got in there and when it started kicking in on me, I was like, I just noticed I was doing that same stuff where I'd be like, I don't know, man.
Who the fuck designed this artwork on the back? This shit's weird. Everything I see, that's weird. This sucks.
Why is this guy doing that? Every three songs is this fucking hero. This legend goes, walks up there and gets us a big case of bottled water. He caught me.
I went up to try to go to the bathroom and had to take a thousand photos. And then Matt came behind me with a whole case of water. And he was like, I got water. I was like, oh my God, you're an angel.
Here, sweet angel. He sent an email to himself at one point. Yeah. That was awesome.
Oh, that was so funny. Matt's like, dude, check out this email. I was like, bro, stop. He was literally in the middle of Wonderwall.
He was like, look at this email. Like, dude, please. Send an email to himself. Matt, like, you're all vibrations.
Your flower is beautiful. Check out this email. This time was so long and I was in line and I couldn't stop laughing about how much it sucks to stand in line. There's a part of you that believes you're so important that you stand in line.
It's just like a knife just hitting that part for the whole time. And this guy next to me was like, I don't know if he's a Mexican guy or what, but he was just like, you know, I heard that we can go up the steps and get water. And I was like, nice move. That's how we found it.
That's how we found it. I was like, hey, man, I heard you. He was like Mexican, but very American. But then he stopped.
And then he was just like, hey, I'm trying to support some fucking Coke, man. And I was like, oh, cool, dude. Let's get some water. And we'll talk about that.
And that's when I discovered you. Just get people like, oh, shit, oh, shit. Yeah, that was actually, that helped me, though, with the line. They're like, go, go, go.
Yeah, that's nice. And I was like, thank you. I'm on acid. Thank you.
Hi, I'm on acid. I'm on acid. I told everyone to three straight edges. I'm on acid.
Hi, I'm on acid. I'm kicking for me until literally the fireworks. The fireworks was where I realized how severe it was. Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't know it. Once the fireworks, I was like, okay, this is intense. And then the music stopped. And I went, oh, okay, now what's my brain going to do?
And I was, oh, man. And that's when KG Elfman saved us. Yeah, KG Elfman. So KG Elfman opened for him, and we were hanging out with them a little bit.
They were very nice. Yeah, cool. When he jumped on me, I was like, I'm on acid. This is kind of the first time I've ever taken acid.
He was like, I got you, man. I was like, I don't know how much you're helping me. I was like, whoa, check out that shit, right? Yeah.
I didn't even notice that. Yeah, I didn't care for the purposeful, like, heaviness of conversation they kept doing, which I know what you guys are doing. Oh, yeah. It was bringing up, like, rape and shit.
Somebody. What? Somebody in the room. Yeah, there was, like, it was a joke.
I think they were doing it to, like, purposely fuck with us. I don't know. They were being really nice. Everybody else was being super nice.
They saved us. Dude, I had to walk out in that crowd. That would have been, I couldn't even, my legs were, like, vibrating. Yes.
No, I don't know. I was just, it sounded good. I just was sweating so far from me. I went for so many napkins.
That was the best. You were dying. We're sitting in the green room. They bring us, KJL and save us.
They just go, here, don't, don't. Just run back to the locker room. Right behind the stage. So then we're sitting there.
They're all being very nice. And you were cracking me up with just, like, trying to be in control. Like, this is it? This is as high as we're going to get?
Everything's down from here. I was like, Matt, we're going to be high for a day. This is just starting. We're so hot.
I thought for sure it was about to wear off. This is getting worse. I was like, no. Two hours ago.
Just started. That's fine. This is as high as we're going to get. I thought it was 150 degrees.
My feet felt like they were like this. My glasses were fogged up. It was so hot. There was, like, food there.
He gets trying to have conversation, too. All of a sudden, you're like, Chicago's great. Like, Chicago, what a great city. Look over there.
He's got a pile of paper towels because he's sweating. Oh, yeah, Chicago. What a fucking town. Is that a Chicago town?
It was really weird. Like, not exaggerating. Maybe, like, 20 paper towels. It was so funny.
I really tried it for a second to hide them, but everyone was like, dude. Were they in your pocket? Were they in your pocket? They were like, oh, you're going to have a good night.
They were like, real. And that one dude was fucking awesome. He's like, show me. He's like, what do you got?
I got one left. He's like, okay, yeah, it's going to be about seven hours. He told you exactly what you're going to experience. I think it was one of seven.
I think it was one of 12. We'll look at a entire day. He said 12, and I remember sitting there being like, oh, no. We escaped the stadium on the way out.
They brought in the cleaning crew. Oh, my God. How funny was that? That was crazy.
It was like a parade. It was just all the people that come in to clean. So it looked like just 40 to 50. It was a small door with a very narrow stairway.
They came from an opening above down a little tiny stairway. It's like, you know, you see a cleaning crew, maybe 12 people. It just kept going and going. And then it was like, Jenkins.
Yo, yo. It was literally like 45 Mexicans. And then a black guy at the very end of the procession went, god damn, Jenkins, is that you? And I was like, oh, no.
I think he's the end. Which is very funny. We died laughing. And then it was like, we should have used that opportunity to go up the stairs.
And then they immediately turned around and went and we had to wait for the 40 people to go back up the stairs. Yeah, they were shuffling those. It was like a military procession. They just were showing us.
And they were like, all right. Yeah, it was a show for you. They were like, back up. And they just went straight back up.
Billy was leading the way. But one of my favorite moments of the night is we get outside the stadium. And Matt's like, I'm telling you, that fucking caffeine. That coffee.
I actually had that caffeine. It got me on jittery. Matt, I just watched you party harder than anyone I've ever seen. You're talking to tequila smoking.
You're talking to acid. It wasn't the cup of joe. It was the rest of your cup of joe. Yeah, I know.
And it was the fucking acid and tequila in the week. Dude, I think those oysters were off. Matt said that it was oysters, acid, martini, tequila, weed, and then acid. And he was like, fucking coffee.
I'm telling you, coffee. He's like, stop. Caffeine's not good. I'm telling you, man.
It was... I'm telling you, it was caffeine. I'm telling you. I try not to touch myself anymore.
And Billy leads us to nowhere. I have to get to the Uber. Oh, we walked for a while. Then we get under the tree.
I tried to take a picture of a spider. Oh, yeah, you're trying to identify a spider? I'm like, cool. Remember, there's a whole gang of people under the trees?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we kept walking. That was pretty weird. It was just an encampment.
Yeah. Then we got into a crossover sedan. Then we just got into a regular guy's car. It was a hack-ass.
It wasn't an Uber. It was just a guy. Yeah, it was a hack-ass. He was, yeah.
It was huge. It felt like a clown car. I don't know how we all fit in that car, but I'm in the very back with you. Yeah, it was fucked up.
I couldn't see shit. It felt like he was going to come around. It was like a station wagon with a third row that you can barely fit. It was...
That car was good. I had the... I had the nice... I just saw the skyline of Chicago, and it was all moving.
It was like the lights were all flickering. I was like, this is the best moment of my life. It's a great town. It's a great town.
It's a great town. It's a great town. I love it. It's a great town.
Oh, God. Just having a nice cup of Joe in Chicago in Alaska. It's a good one. I don't know what to put in the bean in Chicago.
I'm like, oh, God, damn. I still always... I was like, L.C. Don Robbins.
That's what was cracking me. Like, literally when you said it, I had a montage of what I saw you doing. It was one of those joints that had like an eighth of a weed over there. It was enormous.
It was huge. Remember the ones I gave you from Detroit that are just like, they're bats. Absolutely. They're for real joints.
It was so fun. Big joints in Chicago. Then we go back to the hotel. We're in my room.
We're just staring at one painting. Free beer. Free beer. I mean, I have a photo.
Free beer painting was... But it looked like it should have been hanging in the loo. Like, it was fucking gorgeous. The dimensions and depth in it were crazy.
It was stunning. And then, remember, there was one. I thought it was a swan. And Billy's like, you fucking read her.
That's a rose. She's holding a rose. It looks like a swan. It looks like a swan.
Yeah. Thank God for Billy for... I'm going to see if I can find that painting. Free beer painting.
This is a new. All right. No, we're not getting this. That might be just one of a kind.
That was probably an original. Yeah, I believe so. But I did wake up the next day and realize it was a dull sack of shit painting. It literally looked like it was from Marshalls.
Like, I guarantee you that's worth it. They got it. I think it seared in my brains. Adam showed me like several days later on his phone.
I was like, God, that's such a nice painting. Yeah, it was epic. It was fucking epic. Chicago.
What a town. Towards the end, I knew it. I was on the wall. I was like, these guys are ready to go to bed.
I was keeping the chat alive. I was long as possible. You're trying to keep the chat alive. Because I'm telling you, when I have too much caffeine, when it wears off, I just get horrible knots in my chest.
I can feel it coming from me. I was like, me alone in this room while I'm kind of tripping. Oh, I know. Kind of tripping.
That's true. We were tripping. Oh, nice. It's pretty good, dude.
God, the painting's fucking awesome. I still like it. I still like it. It does look like a swan, though.