Absurd Personality Quizzes: Egg Drop Soup, Goku & Michelle's Results

Recorded in early 2021, Henrique decides that Michelle has enjoyed enough false security and revives the show's least scientific tradition: mysterious online quizzes. His rule is simple. Michelle can answer each question, but she cannot know what the quiz claims to measure until the result appears—because, according to Henrique, advance knowledge would compromise the experiment.The first quiz asks Michelle to choose a comfort food, cold-weather clothing, a drink, a movie, pizza and a vacation destination. Her selections include stew, long underwear, iced tea, 13 Going on 30, veggie pizza and Tokyo. The resulting classification is egg drop soup, described by the page as “comforting and delicious.” Michelle likes the soup but finds being compared to it understandably unsettling.Henrique then finds a much longer HowStuffWorks quiz filled with questions about fear, family, conflict, style, dream jobs, mythical creatures, honesty and hypothetical battle skills. Michelle argues with the available choices, explains when none fit and repeatedly wonders how much longer the ordeal can last. Along the way, the hosts detour into recurring crime dreams, quiet friendships, apple orchards, unicorns and whether a narwhal counts as evidence that one-horned mammals are plausible.After the sprawling questionnaire, HowStuffWorks declares that Michelle is Goku from Dragon Ball: cheerful, competitive, loyal and inclined to use violence only as a last resort. Neither host knows enough about Goku to judge the comparison, but both agree it sounds nicer than being called delicious. These quizzes are preserved as comic internet artifacts—not science, psychological assessment or evidence about Michelle's personality, family, ethics or future behavior.LinksEmail the hosts: [email protected]