EP 658: Laying my Trauma to Rest

What a couple of weeks it’s been! Since I last reached out, I drove to NY and back (over 3600 miles) within 4 days. It was grueling and at times even scary. But I made it. One major development is my ability now to put to rest any notion of quitting everything to become a truck driver. That’s definitely not going to happen! I’m sure you’re wondering what on Earth would make me do such a thing. As I tell it in today’s episode, I traveled back to NY for my mother’s funeral. Though she was sick, my mother’s passing was sudden and unexpected. And my first thought was ‘At last, she doesn’t need to be angry anymore.’ Then it occurred to me - more as a feeling than a thought - ‘She can’t hurt me anymore.’ This second statement says so much! At 5’4”, my mother hasn’t been able to hurt me since I was 13 years old. Maybe even younger than that. But in the 40 years since, I’ve felt gripped with the tension of a nervous system that was formed under abuse and threat and this has resulted in a fear and sympathetic nervous system response that’s impacted nearly every experience I’ve had. This was illustrated in the way I experienced all my uncles and aunts at the funeral. I was bracing for the usual judgment and ridicule I would get from them every time I’d see them. Of course, it stands to reason that they took special care to be gentle on this difficult day, but I experienced a lightness that continued on even as their words became slurred as the drinks flowed. Anyway, here’s today’s episode. I hope you enjoy it. If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here: https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/ You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here: https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron: https://www.patreon.com/artburns