Ep.72 Am I Grieving Wrong? Why Grief Doesn't Look the Same for Everyone

Send us Fan MailThis week I'm sitting down with Dr. Melissa Weiss for a raw, unfiltered conversation about grief, trauma, and what it actually takes to become the creator of your life instead of the victim of it. Melissa lost her husband Derek to COVID complications while she was nine months pregnant, and she takes us straight into it: the hospital, the missed phone call, the moment she found out he wasn't coming home. We talk about the difference between people who let tragedy become their identity and people who let it become their catalyst, why the victim role can feel comfortable even before the tragedy hits, and how nervous system regulation, radical self honesty, and plain old stillness rebuilt her from the inside out. If you've ever wondered why your healing doesn't look like everyone else's, or caught an old pattern like people pleasing or self judgment sneaking back in after you thought you'd already done the work, this conversation will meet you exactly there.WHAT YOU'LL LEARNWhy the victim role can feel comfortable, even familiar, long before tragedy ever shows up, and how to catch yourself in itThe grief box and grief button metaphor Sari shares, and why grief never fully disappears, it just gets quieterHow dissociation and "throwing yourself into tasks" is actually the body's intelligent protection mechanism, not a personal failureWhy radical ownership, not blame, is the real starting point of healingHow your nervous system has to be calibrated before it can actually call in the next relationship, opportunity, or level of lifeWhy stillness and quiet, not constant doing, is where you learn the most about what you actually needHow grief and old trauma resurface together, and why healing one often means finally facing the otherREFLECTIONHave you ever noticed the victim role feeling strangely comfortable, even before anything tragic happened?What is the "grief button" in your own life, the thing that still gets hit sometimes even years later?What would you need to feel calibrated enough in your own nervous system before you could actually call in what you say you want?Work With SariIf you've done the healing work but something keeps pulling you back into old patterns and you can't quite figure out why, that's exactly what a 1:1 session is for. Book a Freedom Roadmap call and let's see what you can't see from inside the jar. And if you're the woman who has read every book and listened to every episode and is still waiting to feel the shift in your body, start with the free 5-Minute Nervous System Reset. Something that actually helps tonight. Connect with Dr. Melissa WeissYou're not broken. You're not behind. And you're not alone. If you made it here, that means something.TIMESTAMPS00:56 — Setting up the topic: the grief Melissa has walked through since losing her husband 04:11 — How Melissa met her husband Derek, and what made her know he was the one 16:10 — Dissociating, then throwing herself into logistics instead of feeling the loss 19:28 — How the body protects a pregnant mother and a grieving wife at the same time 21:51 — Admitting she sometimes hates her husband for dying, and why all the feelings need room 22:52 — Sari's grief box and grief button metaphor 26:02 — What actually separates someone who grows from tragedy from someone who stays the victim 27:45 — Passive suicidal thoughts, and choosing to keep going anyway 29:21 — Radical ownership over blame, and stepping out of the victim role 32:33 — The lesson from Melissa's energy healer on receiving feedback without becoming a victim 34:24 — How the depth of past trauma reveals the height you're capable of reaching 35:36 — Facing childhood sexual trauma while grieving and parenting solo 45:00 — Grief, death, and the idea that we only experience 1 percent of reality 54:02 — How grief recalibrates what you will and won't tolerate in relationships 57:18 — Dating again as a widow, and choosing joy before choosing a partner 1:00:59 — Why your nervous system has to be calibrated before you can call in what you want 1:03:11 — Melissa's closing message: don't be afraid of stillness 1:05:52 — Melissa's move to Florida and the new Reclaim for Women program with Dr. Jen Auchter5 minute nervous system reset ad for midroll