Thanks for tuning in to the Real Women Chronicles podcast. I am your international certified life coach, T. Audra Taylor. The sole purpose of this podcast is to get you from where you are now to where you want to be.
Yes, it's time to break chains and to get unstuck. Thanks again for joining in. Let's begin. Hello, hello, hello.
Thank you guys for joining me for yet again another week of the Real Women Chronicles podcast. I am your host certified life and relationship coach, T. Audra Taylor. First let me apologize for last week's glitch and loading the podcast.
Unfortunately, I had some technical difficulties, could not get it loaded. So I had to wait until this week, but hey guys, it is what it is. If ever you log in on a Wednesday, you don't get the podcast or you don't, you're not able to get it. Sometimes Apple has issues loading it.
Sometimes my podcasting platform may have an issue, but just, hey, I have over 70 some odd, uh, podcasts that you could always go back and listen to or re listen to. There's motivation, plenty of motivation over a year's worth of motivation. So just FYI, but I do apologize. But of course, as always, I'm coming back again, another Wednesday with another podcast.
I want to speak from the tagline or the question of whether or not you should lower your standards. And the reason why I want to speak from this particular tagline is because I get this question asked a few times a year. And I do believe that sometimes, especially us women, when we're single for an ex amount of time, sometimes we wonder whether or not we're asking for too much of a meat. So this podcast is going to be, I'm definitely going to give you two different viewpoints on whether or not you should lower your standards or your standards may be a little too high or unreasonable and kind of let you make your own decision.
So on the first hand, I want to say this, I do feel like sometimes when we're going through a season of singleness, we, I don't like to use the word desperate because I know a lot of people will say, Oh, well, you just got desperate and you pick up anybody. No, I just think many of us want to be loved. We are made out of love. So we have that desire to be loved.
And sometimes when you're in a season of a singleness for a long period of time, you do start to look and try to see the best in certain people that let's just say early in your singleness and your single lifestyle, you may have passed up. And what I mean by that is you may overlook the fact that he doesn't work at the moment or you may overlook the fact that he doesn't drive because you may have been single for sometimes, maybe some years. And at this point in time, you're like, Hey, this man wants me. Let me just go ahead and give him a try.
Now the reason why I say there's a two sided sport with things like this is because we all should have our core characteristics and our core necessities, shall I say, when it comes to dating and what that and what I mean by that your core essential things that you want out of a relationship. Do you want somebody that's loyal? Do you want somebody that works? Do you want somebody that cares for your kids or, you know, a family oriented guy, whatever your core qualifications are, I want you to keep in mind that these qualifications should not be compromised with as long as they're realistic.
Okay, as long as those core qualifications are realistic, you put them there for a reason. There's a reason why you want somebody that is family oriented. Maybe you're a single mom. There's a reason why you want somebody that's career or gold driven and stuff like that.
Maybe it's because you're gold driven and you're trying to go places in life. So to settle for someone who is completely opposite from what you actually really want leads to one of two things. Okay. It either leads to you, a relationship where you're constantly trying to force this person to be something that they're not or it forces you to kind of resist the person for not living up to your standards.
A lot of times we will get into relationships, especially when we've been lonely for some time on the hopes that this particular person will turn into what we know they can be because you know, as a woman, we have that way. I don't know if it's a maternal and single web, but we have this way of really looking at a person and saying, man, I know this person has great potential. I know this person could be a boss one day. I know this person could be faithful, whatever it is that you're hoping for in that person.
But the thing is, I want you to remember this. You want to judge a person off of who they are today. And even I myself have gone through relationships wanting this person to be something that I know they can be and ultimately realizing that they are who they are. And some people don't want what you want for them for their lives.
They have to see that potential in themselves. If they're not an entrepreneur and you're looking for somebody who understands the entrepreneur lifestyle, you can't always push a man into becoming an entrepreneur and becoming a boss. And that's the type of mentality is something that is not really taught. That's something that you want from the inside.
And that's been my mistake. And I'm sure that somebody listening on this podcast who has absolutely made that mistake of trying to push somebody into a destiny that maybe God just doesn't have for them. So what I say all that to say is when you accept a relationship and you're lowering your standards and this doesn't mean that the person is less than or anything. It just means that what you want out of a relationship, they really don't possess.
You end up feeling kind of resentful and maybe regretful for even making that decision, which causes issues within a relationship or you spend a lot of energy trying to push something on them that really is not your job to do so. Ultimately, God is the one that determines their path in life. And sometimes what you see in this person and what you want for this person or your relationship may not be what God has for them. And so that's why it's so important to really, really evaluate the person for who they are today.
Is this person somebody that you can see a future with if they never change? So say for instance, you're dating somebody and you normally say, Hey, I normally like the date guys. They're pretty well established. I don't want to date guys.
They're struggling financially or with their credit and things like that. Think about this. If this person ever changes, this person that you've allowed into your, your realm and into your life, if they never change, can you continue to love them and be with them the way they are? If the answer is yes, go for it.
If the answer is no, then wait on God. I encourage you to wait on God. God is not a God that's going to come to us and short change us. Trust me and believe if you have faith and the things that you want and they're not superficial or very prideful in nature and you have things that you really want in the mate, you do not have to settle.
You can absolutely trust that God will deliver that to you. Okay. When we get out of bad relationships, it's easier for us to jump into a relationship, another relationship that's not really suitable for us, but we're afraid of being alone and we need someone to replace that person, but we know in the back of our head, like the person we may be replacing them with, it's not really suitable. Don't go towards that frustration.
Run away from it because I promise you down the line, you'll eventually get a little frustrated. That's what, that's when you hear a lot of people talk about these rebound relationships. Okay. These rebound relationships normally come when somebody is super, super hurt and they have literally jumped into another relationship with somebody else.
And next thing you know, a year or two down the line, they no longer want that person because ultimately that person didn't even have the qualifications of what they wanted in the mate in the first place. They kind of just use the person to heal and that's the worst type of relationships to get in. I promise you whenever we jump into a relationship, except for them to help us heal our heart, we end up breaking their heart in the long run. And that is something I don't know about y'all, but that is something that I truly do not want to do to a person.
So like I say, this is a two-edged sword that I'm talking about now. That's just the saying that I say, but this is a two-edged sword that I'm talking about now. And that's a, you know, I do want to say that sometimes our standards are unrealistic. Okay.
Sometimes you may need to come down a notch. Okay. If you are so superficial about how a man looks and I'm not saying, let's be clear. I'm not saying for you to settle for a man that's not attractive to you.
A lot of people talk about this topic and I'm going to be 100% honest with you. I do not believe that God is going to put something in front of your face that's not pleasing to your eye. So, and actually I read this years ago, just that just made me think about it. I read this years ago in a book called Sinko and Loving It.
And she talked about just that because it was in my twenties and I was, I was, I was getting to the point where, hey, I do have prospects, but they're not my type. I'm not attracted by the, you know, to them. I'm not, you know, I don't find them attractive. I don't find, you know, they're, they're fun to hang out with and be friends with, but they're not my type.
And a lot of times I was when we were single, we'll sit there and think like, Oh my gosh, well, maybe God just wants me to just be with this guy who's not my type. No, that's not how God works. He wants to give you what you desire. Absolutely.
But what I'm saying is when you're super, super official about the enclosed minded about, oh, he must only have green eyes and he must have hair that reaches the middle of his back. I'm talking about unrealistic type of standards here. Okay. I'm down a notch because we have to be realistic here.
Sometimes we ask a person to be something that we're not even ourselves. We're, we're asking for somebody to be a millionaire. Are you a millionaire? We're asking for a man who can cook and clean, can you cook and clean?
Make sure whatever it is that you're asking out of a person, you're also able to present to that person. You know, are you faithful? You want somebody that's going to be loyal to you and consistent? Are you loyal and consistent?
So these are the things that I really, truly want you to think about when we're talking about standards, because sometimes the reason why you're not getting the relationship that you want is because you've set such high standards that only Jesus himself can meet. You don't ever want to put that much pressure on a person. We all have flaws. We're all going to come with something that's wrong with us, including you.
And if we expect people to accept our flaws, we have to be willing to accept their flaws as well. Remember that. So in that show, there are times, again, just to sum it all up, there are times that you do want to lower your standards, but there's also times where you want to wait on God and keep your standards right where they're at because I don't want anyone out there to become frustrated because you're trying to make something out of nothing, meaning that you're trying to make a relationship be what you wanted to be when it was never that from, to the beginning. Okay.
So that is the spill that I have for this week. I pray to God that it touched somebody out there. Listen, y'all, if you are in need of life coaching, please shoot me an email at TNTGrowthProject at gmail.com. Again, that's the letters T and T GrowthProject at gmail.com.
Be sure to subscribe to my podcast so that you are notified each and every time that I post, leave me as some comment, I love some love, whatever, break the podcast and whatever platform that you are listening to the podcast on. As always, let's close out and pray your father, God. I just thank you for allowing us to come together yet again, another week, Father God. We pray for all those out there suffering from the coronavirus, Father God.
We pray for the civil unrest in the world, Father God. We pray for peace, not only in our lives, but also in the lives of the people that we love. And in this world, as general, Father God, we also would pray that you allow us to be patient and wait on you, Father God. Help us not to run into a relationship, you know, letting our heart lean and leaving our head behind, Father God.
We pray that you choose our mate for us, Father God, and don't allow us to just choose out a desperation or out of loneliness, Father God. We pray that you've got every footstep in our lives, Father God. We pray that any weapon formed against it from the enemy shall not prosper, Father God. We love you.
We praise you. We glorify your holy name and the name of Jesus Christ. We pray. Amen.
Until next week, y'all. I love y'all. Have a great week. Bye-bye.
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