What? How we started? I can see what he had. Go on.
Right. So. No, don't. Fuck off.
Just do your intro. I'm not going to say anything. It's so childish Paul. What am I doing?
I'm not going to describe it. I'm not going to do your intro. Oh, you're always doing your intro. Just do your intro.
I'm not doing anything. Don't do that. He's making real gestures at me. I'm not.
I'm not. He's such a fucking child. Okay. Hello.
Welcome ladies and gentlemen. It's cheap show again. I'm an icilverman. I've come all the way here to Cambridge, row row.
Canbow row. Canbow row. Canbow well sands. Canbow row.
What are you talking about? To do cheap show. And here is the co-host of the show. It's Paul No Real Empathy Ganon.
I'm actually No Real Empathy. You heard me. What does that even mean? Exactly.
Let's take your pictures of top darlings from the top. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time again for cheap show. Here I am. I'm on the ice level.
I'm on the Cambridge to do some cheap showing. Oh, great. It's fantastic. Here is Paul.
Lack of Real Empathy Ganon. And he's the other guy. I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry.
It feels like I've been doing that my whole night. I'm sorry. Sometimes I have nightmares when I'm trying to do the intro and you're being a cunt. Oh, yeah.
I'm like a nightmare man for you now. Well, you're standing in front of a room full of important business people and you're trying to do a big sell. Right. And then in your dream you're standing there and you go, ladies and gentlemen and here we go.
Oh, in the back of the room. No, it's more like there's somewhat, you know, my teacher's giving me a blowjob or something. Male teacher, female teacher. I'll leave that to your imagination, Paul.
I choose it to be a male teacher. I call you two. I do. Yeah.
I'm a lovely man called Mr. Sminkins. Mr. Sminkins.
There's too many characters. Oh, the show. Yeah, we don't have another one. We won't do Mr.
Jimmy Biscuits, which was the, just the end of literature. Jimmy Biscuits is the end of culture as we know it. Oh, no. Jimmy Biscuits was fun.
There's been a lot of positive feedback on Jimmy Biscuits. Oh, Jimmy Biscuits sounds exactly like a pinch key from that other episode, doesn't it? They are closely related. They may be brothers.
Well, why change their name and marriage? Paul, I just didn't even hear anything. So, Paul, tell us what's coming up on the show today. Show episode, do you even know?
Seven-two-nine. Yes. Coming up on the Seven-nine, like, you're having a blow job and then someone shits in your eyes. No!
Yes! It's not that at all. Grow up. Episode 79 has on it an intro.
We're doing that. We're in it. It's happening. Following that, we have Ask Silverman.
We've had a few of those, so I thought we'd do a few more Ask Silverman. Okay. I'm here to be asked. We're also doing a price of shine.
Do you have a range of that today? I think you're going to love it, Paul. I'm looking forward to that. And then, oh, you're also in charge of the League of Snacks today, where we obviously go through the League of Snacks and crisps and crisps.
And we take them. And we rate them. There's been some controversy. I've had a little birdie whispering in my ear and some things that's displeased in.
Shall we deal with that in the segment? We'll deal with that when that comes up in the segment, which is the League of Snacks and then we end. So that's what's coming up on the show today in another wonderful, sexy, the Bose-Witty. You're going to have to pull.
You're going to have to sort it out. Your mouth parts are flapping. Just calm the thoughts. Put the bad thoughts back in the basket and hang the basket outside in the conservant.
Where the crows can peck at them and then calm down. I might be a psychopath. Do you think? I'm glad you're admitting this.
Do you think that we have this recorded? So when I end up... This segment's over. OK.
We got the sniffles. We've got the sniffles. We've got the sniffles. We've got the sniffles.
We've got the sniffles. Sniffles. Sniffles. Sniffles.
Not everything is a song. It might be. We might have an album. No.
We can't just... You, I hate you. I hate when you do this. Let's not do a song.
How about that? I got the sniffles. Sniffles. Sniffles.
Sniffles. All right. That's the chorus. Oh, wait.
I woke up in the morning and I had a fever. I didn't know what to do. I had sniffles in my nose. I had itchy eyes and I wanted to say achoo.
I got the sniffles. Sniffles. Sniffles. That's different now.
You're doing a different chorus because you can't remember. I might play it back later when it's in some clever personal line because it's hit. Can't expect that to happen. I'm gonna.
I'm ready. The quality's half from Ghibli Wood. Ghibli Wood might be my masterpiece and it's Ghibli Wood. Oh, who the fuck cares?
Me. It's important for branding. I got the Ghibli Wood. Don't sing that.
Please don't sing that. You know when they went on to the pops because they released Earth Monkey Gibbon and they then three men in the mid 30s had to go on to the pops and do a song called Funky Gibbon. So we're too old already. Oh, here we are.
Yeah. We're the age that Ghibli's were when their careers started to falter. The Ghibli's in the 80s. Yeah.
When they moved to ITV. Yeah. Oh. Goodies.
And apparently Bill Ody. Very bad feet. Alright. Legitally.
What are you looking at? It's our silver. It's our silver. It's our silver.
It's our silver. It's our silver. It's our silver. It's our silver.
It's our silver. I'm mentally understimulated and banged up. You get the woo. No.
It's what I mean. Take the hint. When I say mentally understimulated it means. This fucking vacuous noise.
This is a vacuous song noise. Which isn't really content Paul. It's not content. It's not, you're not.
Right. So here's the first ask silverman. Here's the first ask silverman. Mr.
Silverman. Given a choice would it be vinyl or sex to give up for life? Right. Okay.
So this is ridiculous. Right. Just a, it's just a, I want to give up vinyl. I can't touch another record.
Yeah. They disappear from your existence. Would I know that they would have been there? No.
That's why I like it's own. I can't even remember. They've gone from the world. They've gone from the world.
Are they? I mean everyone will see said. No, that one. Maybe you get a ban.
Maybe you're not allowed to. Well, how would I make any money from DJ? Computers? So it's not a buy.
I don't like this. No, but this is the quantity you're asking. You can't do that again. Or, you know, your mum dies.
Don't do that one. That's exactly what I was thinking. It's something like that. It's like never ride a train again or be unable to say the letter I.
Or something. Okay. Well. It's fucking like never wear headphones again or suffer from terrible dick cheese.
It's pop, infection. Yeah, right. Tick dick, cottage dick, cottage dick infection. What's that for me?
Who's this guy? Peter? I don't want to answer it. It's impossible.
I want sex. I also love vinyl. What could you do without? Could you live in a life without sex or live in a life without vinyl?
Paul. We both know. Paul, we both know. I have been living a life without sex for the last four years, so.
So basically, you are living the answer. Yeah. Thanks, Khan. Whatever it's called.
Fuck sake. All right, terrible. Ask Silverman. All right.
Well, let me examine my life and feel bad about it. Is that what this fucking show is about? Yeah, apparently, increasingly so. The next one is from Gogg's, At Electro Gogg.
He asks, what's worse? Airport, one ply bog roll, or the type where one side is like some paper and the other side is for it. Jim was now I've never encountered the second. I've never encountered the second.
Maybe he's a copy paper or something. Maybe he's a copy paper or something. Maybe he has the one type of stuff. That's bizarre.
I've never had toilet paper like that. Interesting question though, Gogg's. Thank you. That was better than the fucking last one.
That's what fucking cool. Because it's introspective. You don't like that. Oh, you say I can't.
He answers yes. Thank you. So Paul, I remember I'm old enough to remember when you used to go to public toilets in London. No, it's not going to start yet.
You know, you end up with some council run place and they used to have toilet paper that was like tracing paper. Yes, but it used to have printed on each sheet property of the council or something like that. It's a little thing on each sheet with people with liquid. Yeah, or something.
So it's really bad. When you're under barrels. You had to use that. It was a traumatic spirit as a child.
It's literally just sharp. Your best bet is to fold it a few times. So you've got a scraper and then literally squeegee the shit off the of the rig. You can do that.
Yeah. Like a scraper. Yeah. So that was bad.
Is that what he means? He's just saying what's worse. I don't understand Gogg's definition. What's the first one?
Airport paper thin. Yeah. That's great. You can always ward it.
You can always ward it. That's what I would do. I think it's a bit thin. You know when it comes to bottom wiping how you play you.
I'm a foreplay. I go for a good foreplay. I did it. Yeah.
That's a terrible thing. Yeah. Because then you've got two issues to clean. Yeah.
You don't want to do it. My dad's one of my dad's favorite jokes was how the campers were? They're good way to wipe your ass when you're camping or something. Oh yeah.
You put your fingers through the middle. And then you scoop it all out. And then you wipe everything out. It's cool to think.
Dirty. But apparently they do teach people to do that. Really. And the army you want to say?
To use one sheet. Because they used to use leaves or something. Your fingers were going to get clean. No.
What do you think? Now you know if you never covered Bible IP on the show before? Good. Good.
I think he's built up an idea where you've got to use this paper, which is a bit like San Paper on one side, but because it's frictions on the other, you've never come across this. No, but what kind of internet did it? No. No, mate.
Oh, that's too low. Joke about come across something. When you criticize me for my level of humour, then you deliver dingers like that. Dingers.
Humb dingers. Humb dingers. It doesn't go to home. It wouldn't be such a true.
Just say one ply. No, just say the other one. Just say the first one because I'm not coming across and it sounds like an item. Alright, so what's worse, the one that exists?
Yeah. Alright, okay. No, the one that does exist is worse. I think you like this next question, though.
Without any irony, without any kind of undercutting of a joke, I think you'll generally like this question. This is from, I think it's called Pat the Moose on Twitter and asks Eli, if the House of Pickles was on fire and you could only grab five vinyls to survive the flames, which would you grab? Oh. Now I know it's a terrible situation to imagine.
You're sitting in a bed. It's so hard to answer this ball. You wake up and fire. Fire!
Fire! If you had a fire two doors down across the way from you, then yeah. Don't talk about that. So, you know, imagine if it's spread and the House of Pick, this is a very important question.
I don't want it. And I'm there. Well, I'm just trying to build a picture up from the first party insulting question. We don't need to know what— D'you know, I'm coming to pass the first question now.
The first question is, would you rather never have sex or never have vinyl? Now my house burns down, the vinyl is fine, and I'm already not having sex, then what happens to me then, Paul? Where am I then, Paul? Well, who would I turn to then?
You wouldn't say with me, love. I look at the idea. So don't do, how am I to answer this? What is the most treasureity to fire?
To let go through? The most treasureity to fire. You wake up, you're in the bed, fire, you're going to save fire. You're looking around the room, where do you go?
I'll probably wouldn't have time to do this at all. I'd be getting out. All the vinyls gone, baby. All right, well, let's just say, is that my vinyl is worth the most money?
Or potentially, or the most emotionally to you? The thing is, the reality of this situation is I wouldn't be able to locate these records within a few minutes I'd need. I would need at least two hours. I know.
If not more. If not more. See, whoever asked this, has no real appreciation of what a record collection actually is. What they called?
Can't all can't support the moves, ask this. Well, exactly. They just want to know what five vinyls you value. I know what they want, Paul.
I know what they want. She just worked right. So, favorite vinyl. So, I love that BBC music for schools record.
I have that as a radio phonic band. Yeah. I'll probably grab that. Okay, I'm answering the fucking questions.
I know. This is interesting. I can't think of any others. Well, you don't have an album that you think of.
Oh, that means a lot to me. I'll grab that. I have several. That's the thing.
It's just, if you collect records for years and years and years or anything, the likelihood you'd have one favorite one or anything out of the whole bunch become diminishes because it's just so many. So many records. Yeah. I know.
It becomes a my asthma of just choice. I know. I know. It's a lot of labels.
It's mostly on 45. So, when you talk about saving five records, you're saving 10 songs. All right. Okay.
So, you know, save one album. And, you know, exactly where it is. That's how I would probably take. All right.
It's sentimental value because it was one of my loveliest digs. Yeah. So, that's just like BBC music for schools. Really, that would be the one you'd save.
One of them. Yeah. Interesting. Have you played that on the show?
Yeah. Very not. Let's do that. Oh, I can find it.
It's a BBC for schools episode. Yeah. No, you wouldn't be able to find it. Oh, yeah.
That's when we had where it was a very dirty boy. Oh, fat baby boy. We killed the pool. Yeah.
It's like that. We nailed the pool. It's Ted to the board. I don't think that, but I remember in school going into the pool.
Sweet. Okay. Well, I was trying to make a stadium point. What?
Being in school and doing movements of music. Like, it wasn't on vinyl. It was like a set. Yes.
But I do remember that happening. Yeah. So, that's what this is. And so, the first side is sort of a bit too classical music and little exercises.
Yeah. Let's go for that in a future episode. Right. So, I would grab that even though it cost me a quid and a terrible condition.
And in mint would only probably be worth $40, $50 quid. So, we've got an interesting answer finally out of you on that. So, Aaron, he asks at Sysar. S-Y-A-R anyway, Aaron.
I'm going to have a make. He asks, I'm insulting before we hear the shit question. All right. Oh, here's the shit question.
Sorry, Aaron. As you are. And rightly so, the King of Noodles. Oh, fuck.
Sorry, Aaron. There we go. Have you ever attempted to make them from scratch yourself? If so, how do they turn out?
Oh, here we fucking go. Don't do that. Well, no, don't. No.
Let's not bring back anything you do. Let's just me do. OK. No.
The answers. No, I would love to give it a go. But it is quite work-intensive. You've seen people doing it.
You have to do that. You have to do an egg and you mix it. And then they do that thing. Well, the Japanese were doing it.
And they continue to drape it and re-combine until crazy. And you see them doing it? Yeah. I've seen YouTube videos.
Yes. I think there are some wrestlers like Tom Kotso, which is a British Roman chain that do have a central place where they make their own noodles. Right. Thank you, Aaron.
What do you want to do a few? All right. Gloominism says hello. At sex with son Ra she asks this question.
She doesn't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I know you don't know.
I know you don't know. We all know you don't know. I know you don't know. Stop.
They're not going to do this with that. Yeah. I got this sniffly. No, don't put the sniffly words.
That'd be good. We'll think about that later. Anyway, Gloominism asks, you're making a mix tape for a lover. But you've come over.
Come on. Come on in. I've come up you. But you've come over all hips there.
Oh yeah. Which redundant audio format do you record this mix tape onto? Recodable paper. That's what I want though.
That actually really is. We were just as funny. What's she called? Murphy swab.
That's wrong. It's bubbled up. Gloominism. Gloominism.
Murphy swab. Be better if she's called Murphy. Do you know who the gen of this thing is? I don't care.
What's the question? Sorry. What's the question? We're not an audio format.
We record a mix tape on top of that. In YouTube channel, Techmo. He does a little very dry but informative videos about technology of yes of yes of yes. One of the ones he covered was recordable paper which is tape a back with magnetic tape.
My nit tape yeah. And you have a special thing that reads it in a tape. It has spiral. It moves it a spiral in the back of the paper in a similar way to vinyl.
Very ingenious. I put a link on our website to that episode because that's interesting. That would be a hipster thing. If you got that out in a fucking independent coffee shop and started putting bits of paper on.
You know what I mean? Oh. You imagine how hipster that would be. I'm going to plug in the Travis.
That would always rain on me. That would hurt. But you know something like a sound burger. Yeah, but that's just the player isn't it.
It's a record player, but anyone who actually takes a portable record player out to listen personally, hipsters, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, yeah, that's just, we've looked at it, never, never, never, never, never. I would personally use Mini Disc, that's my... But Mini Disc is cool, yeah. I like it.
It is actually universally respected, isn't it, by everyone who's ever used it. So it's a great format, the sound quality was better than 2D, was it? I think so, I mean, I don't know all the details, but guess what, there's a brilliant video on Tech Mode and all about it, and appreciation of Mini Disc. There's lovely little Mini Disc players as well, like the portable ones, you still have a nice one.
I've got a high HD. Do you know what's probably weird? I know this is getting a bit too dry, but... No, no, I like it.
It's drying out. Yeah, it's all podcast is running ashore into the dry ground. All right. Well go on.
Mini Disc. Yeah. The problem was they never released anything on the format, did they? They didn't bring out new records, they might tried it, but it never kind of caught on.
They wanted it too. I have a few albums on Mini Disc. I have actually released. Yeah, I have...
I have... I've gone... I've gone to the soundtrack, yeah. Yeah, and I've got a bed-vault-five album.
Now we're beginning to see why it failed. I had a demiracry. Exactly. This is just getting worse.
I had... Demiracry, you go to the sound here, is it? You are a sad, sad middle Englander. Right, next question.
Last question, actually. OK, we'll do this one. OK, so Jaws 19. Hello, Jaws 19.
They have a YouTube channel, I believe. Refer us to Back to the Future 2. Yeah, who directed Jaws 19? Max.
Max... It's real about... Yeah. Because...
Don't learn as it's called Max as well. Yeah, Max Landis. He is. I wonder why they...
I wonder why they each other's got fathers or something. Because they knew each other, didn't they? Maybe. Directors don't have any actual imagination when it comes to name with their kids.
What do we call the new child, Steven? I'm directing the movie. Oh, Max! Calling Max.
Jimmy Biscuits directing the movie. One voice Paul. Jaws 19 asks, What kind of cheap show merch would you be most horrified to have your face and blazen the pond? OK.
Good question. Max. Maxie. Max, oh boy.
He's not called Max. Oh, isn't he? What do you call? Do you mind my swamp gas?
Just answer the question now. Fuck you now. Well, do you mind? What's the question?
I don't know, it's been a long weekend for me, Paul. What kind of cheap show merch would you hate to have your face on? I'll remember the question. I'm just told you it.
Dildo. Great answer. Great answer. I would be mortified.
A huge, great big black man bow. Oh, God. You know, these wobbly ones. They're the worst.
My ex, that is Ray for right. My ex had one of those on because he was helping one of my friends with an art installation before them. And she was wearing this huge black rubber fucking thing. Yeah, and she kept going around while we were trying to be drunk and having nice stuff.
Rather than get people's faces. And everyone was like, get the fuck out. Yeah, that dog out of my face. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Just one of the litany of things that fucking person would do. It's not therapy. No, it's not therapy.
That's the end of the segment. Oh, good. You got to say something about slapping? Slap name of big deal, no.
It is time for the price of shite. Because it's the fucking price of shite. It's a fucking price of shite. It's a fucking price of shite.
Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. Oh, that is right. Okay, now we got, I'm going to basically discuss it because there's a bit of a wall bearing about the rules and all of this stuff. So I just thought I've restrained myself, Paul.
Restrained myself from just cheating in a bucket. Bring it here. I just fucking flinging it here. Right.
I've restrained myself. Yeah. I think what I did was. The poo tie.
The poo tie will not be remembered. We've forgotten. We'll be. I'm getting the fucking gannons.
The poo tie will not be forgotten nor forgiven. And I'm going to build a great big statue to the poo tie in my room. And I'll salute it. And I'll fucking claim provenance over you.
Get on with the fucking show. Right. We've got a very special price of shite today for you. How are the rules looking for this?
I'm going to build a little bit of a basic format. There are four items. Four. And there's a little story.
There is a little story. So one of these items I will tell you now. So we'll get to tweaking it a bit. Yeah.
Just to give it a bit of interest. Give it a bit of spice. Give it a bit of a chive and lugg, yoghurt, paltis. Slap right at the arse and then kep dalbridge.
So I'm kind of nappy. Yeah. Chive and yoghurt, paltis. Right.
Yeah. But it is the basic format. So that means you must guess with it. 25p each.
Right. So two points of your spot on. Yeah. Yeah.
Agreeable terms. You can get this. You can get it. I'm just telling you that now.
So first item, yeah. Yeah. So what you see, Paul? Well, I see what looks like a sports drinking bottle and it's been designed so you can put your hand in it like it's like you can see your head through the middle like a knuckle duster and the little or a donut or a baby, a baby bottle or a baby bottle.
Do they have baby bottles with a whole lot? I think they do. I'll just grab a look. See why not?
What kind of sport do you think this would be useful for? Running. You won't drop it. But what's the capacity?
Doesn't look like a kibatch water in there? No. It looks like you could keep maybe a cup of teas worth liquid in there. It's a little bit of a standard thing because there's a logo on the side that says so xyley sports.
And if that's a make of a drink or a make of a coffee, they've made the bottle. It's got a nice, it's got a nice grip in it. You could not have to. It's a donut shape with a grip like a bicycle grip on the inside and it's definitely made for running and using and it's got a little thing.
What type of lid has it got pulled? I don't know why you describe it. It's one of those little stuffy lids that you pop up and then it's up from. You can squirt out.
Close up. Yes. So what would you describe that? There's no words in English.
What that lid is. It also made the top of a washing up liquid bottle. Yeah. You pull it on the shaft.
And then you jack it. You squirt it in your gob. Hot. Sports fluid into your coffee.
Got it. Yeah. That's spur, spur, spur. And if you're jogging down the road with it, it's there right now.
And then someone on the street goes, well, you jog a wanker. You can run over them. Kind of like knuckle dust. Yeah.