Down one place to number 9 this week, it's only Heartbreak Massacre with their hit, I can't believe I left the gas on. 16 to number 8 is the Caribbean Bee Boys with what are you looking at? And straight in at number 7 like a bullet, it's Loafhead with WOW MY BUGGER. No change at number 6, it's a steady hitter with dire concerns and rock to your mum clocks.
Down 7 to 5, it's WHY HAVE I ALWAYS NICKED? Why the cheese pops? And straight in at number 4, it's a climber, it's true onions with the witches' arsehole. Down one place to number 3 this week, why I can see your gaping voice by, I can see your gaping void.
It's a great big number 2, at 2, it's put that on the right around, make it all come out. By the... Spunk Mothers. Brand new number 1 this week, straight in at number 1 and it is...
Labian Cave with Slurp My Wolves. More hot hits and cold cuts, same time next week, but coming up, more cheap laughs with the cheap show chaps. You'll know the real taste of pizza in Walker's Pizza Pizza. Criminal is eating now, we're going to my face with bits of bits of pizza, don't these Walker's Pizza Pizza, you'll love them to bits.
Cheap show TV is on its way, but first let's have a look at what's coming up for the rest of the day. From 830, we've got some award-winning comedy in the form of Bobby's Mucky Flat. Tonight Bobby has to deal with a death in the family, and a wet t-shirt competition. At 9 we hear more salacious sex talk from mid-tier celebrities in a new episode of Stars in Her Thighs.
Following that at 10 is part one of a new hard-hitting documentary about Russian presidents and their cheese snack obsessions. It's called Poutine on the Ritz. And finally, ending the seasonings entertainment at 11pm, we have our raunchy, late-movie confessions of a radio DJ with Pachar and Barbara Windsor. So make sure the kids are in bed for that one.
For all that though, it's time to join Paul, Ash and Eli, not Eli, for a very special cheap show. Hello, my name is Paul Gannon and you're listening to another episode of Cheap Show, and yes, once again, you've gone back to the charity shops, found a bunch of board games based on TV shows, and we're delivering to you our third, almost annual, but not really quite annual to make it annual. TV board game, game, game, game, special, yay! And there are lots of prizes, lots of games to play to their based on shows from yesterday yesterday and our two contestants tonight.
Let's see where they're from, who they are and what they do. Let's meet the pros. What's the look of the contestant number one today? You're all the way from London, what's your name?
It's Eli's husband, hello, welcome to me here, yeah. You're ugly, man, aren't you? You can fuck off, you unprofessional cunt. And don't come with ugly.
Bit of banter, bit of banter. You know what? Bit of banter, but you can't be ugly ever again. Bit of banter, bit of banter right now.
Bit of banter, bit of banter. It's not a bit of banter, it's body shaming. It's body shaming, Paul. And it's out of order.
Is it? Yes, right. You're not ugly, I'm differently faced. What?
You are ugly. Fuck you. Hashtag ugly, hashtag differently faced. You're not very good at speaking.
What do you do for a living? I got you there, haven't I? I'm not prepared to say. Why?
Just for reasons. Because you're a loser. You're a loser. I got a girlfriend, I have a job.
You look like Clarkson's signing law. What does that mean? Some cunt who married one of his daughters. LAUGHTER Where's a ballgame, you're sick.
Fuck you, you're ugly. You are ugly. You look like a bogglin. That's falling a fucking mile of wigs.
And you got a small dick. Yeah. And no one loves you. I love you.
What about the other contestant? Well, get into it and one more about you. That interesting anecdote about your life, maybe you do his part of your job. Yeah, so I was DJing the other day, Paul.
And you know, you get people coming up often. I know you do. Actually, on the way to the DJ booth, I had to go through the crowd. And this woman grabbed me, started grinding a bum against me.
And roughly my hair. And they were reaching something unintelligible at me. Wow. Did you?
I tried to get away from her as quickly as possible. It wasn't easy because it was very crowded. Very crowded. Now it's a bit harrowing.
You don't want a bit of that, do you? That's number two. I was playing this gym by Rick James the other day. Ow.
Yeah. And the woman came over and she asked for... Rick James. No, no, no.
Oh, okay. She's reminded her of... Bruno Mars. Uptown Funking Up.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's so Nick, the sound of those Rick James records. Yeah, it's got a reminder of that record. So now she's asking for that record.
But in fact, she doesn't know. There's a subconscious process going on with her. And I had to tell her, you're only saying that because this is reminded you of it. Because this is better.
Fuck off! Well, is anyone you'd like to say hello to at home? No. Well, good luck on the show today.
I hope you're hoping to win. They're hoping to win hard. Good. W in the W column for win.
Right. Very good. Just so you know. Right.
So I'm still here. There's a contestant number two. And adding a poo poo. You have said your bit and you can now...
I'm never done. I'm never done. You've been done for a while now. I'll fucking keep speaking.
I'm the host. Your contestants. No, your place. Right.
Just introduce him. Right. There's number two. What do you come from?
My name is Ash and I'm from my mommy's tummy. Oh, round of applause for mommy's tummy. I'm not going to applaud that. Why?
Miss will come. He's trying to psych me out. The mind games have started early. So what do you do for a living?
Ash. I'm a professional podcaster. Oh, a professional podcaster. Yeah, I make all of my money via podcasts.
And with podcasts do you work on ladies and gentlemen? I work on the Pranks and Firth podcast, which you can get from all outlets. And also the cheap show podcast, When I Can Be Boggled. Middling, middling content to provide them.
But they're pranks so well. Yeah, but you know, all like, what's so good about working with me and Eli? I like your witty band. I like how you get on the...
On Mike, there's this sort of tension and anger, but off Mike, it's just so much love between you. It's sexual. And I assure everyone that it's not one of them. At the end of every report, you apologize to each other for the things you've had to say in each episode.
You're like, I'm so sorry, I called you a Grot-faced old cunt, weasel. And then Eli will say that, I'm so sorry, I called you a talentless producer. Jack-a-mose soldier. Jack-a-mose soldier.
I'm sorry, I said that you looked like you married on the clubs and told us. Yeah, it's great. And Eli looks like we're just gaping our soul. And then you're an apologist.
Not how many? You're an apologist. That's why I love being on Quichers. So what games have we got coming up?
Well, we have to do this job for you because you're a total slap. Shut up. You're a presenter. No, I'm a presenter.
You're a contestant. Well, that could be good, ladies and gentlemen. Let's hope that these two contestants have a fine time with the fine times. You said good luck to the audience.
No, that's at the audience to give you good luck. Oh, yes. Let's applaud our contestants. We'll be back after this commercial break.
Oh, we are the last from country life and you'll never put a better bit of butter on your night. I'll give you half a minute, yeah. I'll work with your wife and spend on your girls in the morning. It's country life's as English too for a...
Who's this? And now? What are you doing? Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. It's all spent on your girls in the morning. Country life. You'll never put a bit of butter on your night.
Welcome back to Chit Joe's TV show board games special. And we've got some front titles up for you, but I'm making a bit of a secret as we go. But the first one, it's a classic. It's one of the great British quiz shows.
There's an ITV in the 80s mostly, and it's called... Blockbusters. No, I'll just play the proper theme now. Okay.
Please welcome the host of Blockbusters, Bobbusters. Yeah, hello. Welcome to Blockbusters. I'm the host of this particular round on the Chit Joe TV show board games special, and it's going to be Ash versus Eli in this first round on the playing Blockbuster.
Okay. It's a very simple game. A versus B. A have to get across the board and answer questions, but B can block those questions and try and circumvent by going forwards across...
Answer the question instead of the white person. That makes us am racist. So what's a multiracial where it's white against blacks? Is that a gris?
No, it's a race war board game. It's a hexagonal race war. It's a hexagonal gris. A grid with...
Who's Grigg? It's got classical music, Grigg. Four. It's got qualms.
It's got a hexagonal gris of 20 spaces with letters on each, and blue goes across and white goes up. You've got to basically connect four. But the first thing goes across is a team of two, usually. But we don't have that, so here's what's going to happen.
If you're going up, then you only have four to answer to win. You have to answer the fourth one twice, making five and ten all. Lovely. So you can do that concurrently with the same final role.
Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm happy. Yes, yes. Now, let's toss to find out who's going to be who.
Does that sound fair? So, Ash, since it's you, and the toss you get, then you can pick a collar. Right? Tails.
It's tails. It's tails. So you want to go across, five spaces or up with four? I'm going to go across.
You're going to go across, meaning you have to get four and then... He's the double person. Yeah. No, he's the one person.
You're the double person. Because you're fat. Oh, I got four with laugh. Fuck off.
Right, so here's the thing. There is going to be a challenge for this. So the winner wins, but the loser has to eat the number of spaces filled on the grid in their colour. So if you go across in five...
Except Ash will not eat them. Well, no, I will eat. You eat for Ash. Yeah, I will eat for Ash.
Yeah, and we are using, again, the double dares Jelly Belly knockoffs. And they're revolting. Can you give us an EIV flavours? They have lemon or rotten cheese.
Watermelon or snot. Yes, it is. Cola or cat food. Yeah.
Even the good ones taste like shit on these. Caramel or snail. Yeah, that's a real slider. It's a real...
Blubry or toothpaste. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine.
Blubry or mint. It's not a bad thing at all. And lastly, strawberry or fresh blood. Oh, that's a horrible horrible one.
It's a truly disgusting taste we've found out before. And one of us may find out again today. So can we just scream at something right now? If he gets to get off all these things, there must be some kind of payback forums.
I'm here. Don't be like that. You shitty little chimp. What is a chimp, is he?
He's not the racist. No, he's a little dirty orangutan speciesist. He's like the Mitchell and man with a haircut. You are lame.
I'm not going to be such a liar. I've got good words today. No, you want to punch in the fucking... No, great.
That's a nice bunch of words, isn't it? You've already hit him. That's good, isn't it? Poor you.
Fucking Vladimir. Pooh Thai. You're waving Keith about all the fucking time. He speaks to me.
It's broke bastards. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, here we go. So you got the toss right.
You want to go first or second? I will go first. You want to go first. Can you see the grid?
Yes. Hey, well, I'll put pieces on the grid. How do you... I'll put them in the little jigsaw pieces, slide them in.
So therefore you know, right? So you are blue and EY is white. Blue and white. Good luck, EY.
We do want to start anywhere on the grid. W, please. You're going to start with W. All right, let me find a W card and we'll get going.
We're going to be from top to bottom. So there's no me picking an easier card one out to pick you over. I was going to the top of the card. Right.
What W went pop in the rhyme half a pound of Tuppy rice? I want to say weevil. But pop goes the weevil or pop goes the weasel. I want to say weevil.
You're incorrect. Is EY still there? No, it's not. Is it weevil or is it weasel?
Let's find out. EY, what do you think you know? Weasel is the correct answer. When you said did I not know that?
You saw me not getting it. I thought you were doing a bit. Oh, yeah. The first weevil weasel is taking my EY.
Why is he not putting Ws? Come on, Paul. I got FU mixed up. I got confused.
I didn't know if it was weevil or weasel. You can see why I was confused. Yeah. Well, you got it wrong.
And now all the world is laughing. How do you look an evil? Eli, where'd you go next on the board? You're going up and down.
So you're going up and down. Go for M. You are going to go for M. Please, yes.
Let's have a look for M on the block busters' cards. Okay. Eli, yes. What M are troops, trains for service at sea or on land?
Militaries. Marines. Now I'm going to take your first answer and your first answer is incorrect. So can Ashley all this?
I'm going to say Marines. You are correct? That's cheating. Well, again, did you not know that?
You can't believe it. It's a bit smillatoury! It's a bit smillatoury! Just, yeah.
Ash, you gave control of the board. Thank you. What, would you like to go? What letter next?
I'd like to go with C, please. You are going to go with C. Let's have a look for C. Like the military, go on.
This is going to be good for me, V. Let's see how we go. C, Ash. What C is the occupation of Cole's Hinds at Tosska Housing?
Are you saying what? What C is the occupation of Cole's Hinds at Tosska Housing? He was a cellist. Is it incorrect?
As you know, I know. You've lost anyway. Do you want to have a guess? What was his job?
I can't even think of any confession started with it. It's a fucking idiot. It doesn't matter. You can't answer now.
I'm just going to have to go, eh, Kevinist. You thought of the C one? He was a chocolateier. No, he wasn't.
He was a composer. A composer. You're a famous cellist composer. Ash, you get the next question for that.
Actually, what would happen? I guess you just have to get it again. Otherwise, I'd be all day. In that case, I'm going to randomly pick a letter.
L, because you both go wrong. So, if you give one of you a day, yeah, kind of. You're going to know the rules. You've been hit up, but I've got the right to do.
You're not in charge of this. Paul, have you done a little sort of straw poll of our listeners? Do they like it when you go into PopSonger's sink? Because it's really...
It's killing me. It's fucking killing me. It's really bad. Why don't you shut your fucking mouth?
You feckless. Evaculous. Turnless. Say feckulent.
Fuck you. You bevel grille. You are a horny beast. I'm Randy.
L. First all, we shout the correct answer. First one, you shout this is not a blockbuster. First one, you shout the answer, get this letter.
L. What L is a brown, soaring, singing bird? Lark. Is the correct answer.
Ash, L. Where do you want to go next? On the board. Mr.
Ash. T, please, Bob. Mr. T.
Let's find T car. You don't know anything about plotting. You always get like this. It's the best day of my life, Bob.
I was like, I don't want to play. This is T. Yeah. What T is a Japanese city that the show comes called, you know, is correct.
That's another one for you. Right. Where do we go next? C, please, Paul.
Let's go for C. Let's have a little look for C, shall we? C. What C was Queen Elizabeth's second?
No, sorry. What C was Queen Elizabeth's second's first born child? Christopher. You know that wasn't it.
You decided to throw it to give little Charles. Charles. Fonteroy, little go. Charles.
It's Charles. It's Chris. Give me the flipping child. I'm angry about that because I know you threw that round just to let the fucking Fonteroy have a little go.
Little dirt Fonteroy. Prince Christopher. There is no Prince Christopher. You think we wouldn't know about him?
You think he's like a boy or we don't know? Cool. Prince Christopher. I would like a D, please, Paul.
Get on with it. I'm not happy about this. I feel like he gave you a mulligan. I'm not happy.
It doesn't matter. He doesn't know. He's not eating the non-vegan beans. I would like him to put some more fucking effort in because if I think you're cheating, I'm just going to start taking points away from him.
So if I think there's anything like that going on and you've only got one... It might have been Christopher. We need a couple of the four figures. You've got to be something...
I know he has to have a scoop of one of your hot sauces because they're going to be vegan. They just crushed peppers. That's true. So if you lose, you have the spoonful of hot peppers chosen by Eli.
No, I want to spoon. Few drops. I want to spoon in your mouth. That sounds creepy.
Right. D was... Yes, but Eli. D.
What D is associated with Gran Kool-A, Caribou and Azwan? Could you pronounce those? No, it's properly. No, it's not.
What D is associated with Gran Kool-A, Caribou and Azwan? Can I see them writing down, please? Yes, you can. It's the top question.
No, I tick away. What is the answer? Docs. It's wrong.
Do you know... Drive. Drive? What does that mean?
I think you'll throw the match. You're going to get a spoon at the end of this round of hot chili. You need to fight for this. Because if you don't, you'll be fighting...
Like a road. You're both wrong. You're both wrong. What's the answer?
Dams. They were dams. I did not know that. I didn't know that.
That's a drive. The next question is going to be G randomly because you both got this wrong. G. G.
What G is the sacred river of Hindus? Ganges. Is the correct answer Eli takes the G spot. And I would like a J please.
Paul. Why don't you roll on yourself? LAUGHTER Right, here we go. With the J.
With the J. What J Eli is the name given to God in the Old Testament? J-O-V-A. It's correct.
That's another spot for you. Buh! I would like a D now, please, Paul. This game is as good as over.
Eli, here is your next D question. D. What do you call before with, weather and wine? Right.
It's correct. D goes in. There is no one's ever come back in this position. Desperate for a slash, Paul.
You've got three points. You've got one spot to win to potentially close off your line and win this game. I'm desperate to squirt your in, Paul. Is that you saying?
I would like a P, please, Paul. He said it. He said it. Three match points.
Right. I need you to fight for this, Ash, just so you know. I can't. He's going to know the answer.
Don't know that though. You don't know. If you don't think you're fighting for it, you are getting a spoon. You're getting a drop.
For everyone that you got on the grid. You're going to get three drops of hot sauce if he wins this. Yeah? You'll have the bean still but you have to have the hot sauce.
That's fair, right? I don't want him getting off with no risk. You're showing him the fucking answers. It wasn't at the back.
I just saw the answer. Paddington. It's not Paddington. There's no Paddington here.
All right. What P, Eli, is going to read out the question. Ready? What P goes before?
Cheer, bike and button? Push. I'll get the chili sauce. It's so much easier when you waggle the card in front of your slice just before you ask the question.
It's funny when you throw the match and I'll give Eli a bite and then all of a sudden you've lost. I didn't work out for you, did it? Chris. Yeah?
So you're going to have some hot sauce, three drops of hot sauce and a spoon and I'm going to have three beans now. We're both full because you didn't put the effort in. And I'm angry. I'm angry.
How did you know I wasn't Prince Christopher? There's no, we'd know there was a Prince Christopher. You threw that to give him a bone. No.
He's very unhappy. He was. Yeah, but look at him now. He's looking at him.
And so I didn't, he looked genuinely upset. I can't have you think like that. I haven't got the killer instinct. You wait for the next game because you're both in it.
You're both working together. Oh, that's okay. Oh, so it's okay when my artist on the line. I just felt like he's new.
I'm never coming back with giving you three episodes now. Did you see how unhappy he was? Did you see how unhappy he was? Yes.
But I see him looking unhappy all the time. I can't do it to him. It's got happy guys. No, he has sad man eyes.
He's back with the spoon. Why was sad man eyes? Yeah, you do. Oh, you got water for yourself?
That's good. It's not for me. I don't like it. And that's three drops.
Yeah. I don't like it. I don't like it. You strike me as a man who likes hot sauce.
It's not. It's not that bad. But the fact you provide me with water. That's just because I'm a humane person.
I can smell it from here. It's good stuff. I don't like hot food. Have it.
I'm not sure. Have it. Get it in your mouth and get gone. You're going to have a little bit of water.
Clagging. I should have lost that round of blood. I don't like it. Would you go up or would you turn up?
I don't like it. Fucking hell. Yay. Oh, it's very hot.
I'm going to have three fucking beans. Oh, I need. Do you remember how previously when I burnt the roof of my mouth? Yeah.
God, that would need to put some more effort in and not throw the match. Oh, it's Prince Christopher. Yeah, not Prince Christopher. It's not Prince Christopher.
It's your downfall. I won anyway. You won that round. No, I've got to eat three of those though.
Oh, I've got to eat three of those all days. Yeah. I want you to pick them up from random. It's coming all the way down.
Good. I'm about to take that. Really? It's kind of not that bad actually.
I don't know anything. Ever. Really? My eyes.
Here you go. Give me three at random. All right. I don't know what you're thinking about in June the next decade.
I didn't taste my retinas. I've got three in my hand right now. Oh, that's hard. You're thinking so much about it.
This is three different flavors. So I've got potentially what here? You know. I've got brown, yellow and red.
Potentially caramel or snail. Oh. Lemon or rotten cheese. Right.
And then red. That was strawberry or fresh blood. Strawberry or fresh blood. Colour cat foods, strawberry or fresh blood or lemon or rotten cheese now.
I need to split into something. No. Can I split into that empty milk thing? Yes.
All right. I can't get it one second. I need to get it one second. I need to put it all the way down.
Well, it won't sit. I just thought he looked really sad. Here we go. I'm going to start with yellow.
Oh, God. Why can't me? Lemon. It's lemon.
I'm going to go with the blood one next because. Yeah. Let's have his blood. Oh.
That's so bad. The blood one. Oh. And this one's snail.
Yeah. Oh. Caramel. Oh.
Caramel. No, no, no, caramel or snail or colour or cat food. Okay. It's colour cat food.
Colour. Oh, thank you. I was scared. You're welcome.
Oh, my God. All right. Well, at the end of that round, Eli is victorious. Yeah.
Oh, he has the blockable, the blockable, the extra, the bit. And you've won a prize? I think I'll have you. What's my prize for?
You have won the Noel Edmonds, Telly Addicts, Kellogg's Bit. Split. Slit card game. Cheryl inside her sad split.
Anyway, let's come back after the commercial break and try another wacky TV show. My spine is on fire. You deserve that. Let's come back after the break for more TV show, Game Show, Game Show, Game Show special.
Oh, yeah. Well, I started racing Greyhound now, and this one's an older winner. He hasn't lost a single race, a dead certain money-spinner. That's why I call that he orly hound.
Now, I named my dog Ronzales, because he goes at such great speeds. The bookies curse, but he always burst, and I'm laughing all the way to the leads. He always leads me to the leads. See, I got an account called Liquid Gold.
That's where my cash is kept. If you want top rates of interest, the leads are your best bet. And you can get your boys on it instantly. Big one day he was lured away by a pound of caught from Beat.
I'm my Well I didn't want to lose that dog cuz he's my capture party down at the track TV show Game show special where we play four games based on TV shows and on this round Why it's only the million dollar drop. Yes, I'm Divina Nicole The Queen of the Coles! Excellent! I'm sexy-laid it from the 90s but no more!
Sexy-laid is up at 90s! Top draw, sexy-laid from the 90s! She's shame-tainable, she's shame-tainable! Big brother!
Sexy-laid in front of the 90s like no other. What about this game I've never played it before? Well, it's simple as a table with four trapdoors. You have a million pounds.
You're gonna separate that morning house over the four trapdoors to baby dig a guess on the question that relates to each of the doors, which are answers to the fuck I got! Right! Absolutely got it. You've got 40 pats, you've got 40 pats, you've got butter, there's butter, lube it up.
You are giving it the start of the game, one million pounds. Right, so I lube my cheeks with butter pats and then I ask a cow to come and lick it. You've got 40, is it the million pound ball lick? Does the cow have a rough time?
It's a rough time, it's all raspy on my balls. I understand the rules of this. I feel like I've played it before for about 40 minutes. 20, I didn't record.
Which is why we're doing it again, all a bit salty-laids. I'm ready. You have 40 pats, or 25k. You have 40 pats?