Ep #82: Your Self-Concept: Where It Came From and Why It's Wrong

In this episode, I dig into something I cannot believe I haven't talked about yet in almost three years of doing this podcast: the self-concept. It's the story we carry about who we are, and for most of us with ADHD, that story was written by other people; teachers, parents, caregivers and it's usually pretty negative. I talk about how to start rewriting it using the identity triad from Siri Solden's work: your core sense of self, your feelings about your brain, and your relationship with the world. I also get into the four kinds of destructive messages; you messages, they messages, duh messages, and absorbed messages that built the self-concept we're carrying around, and why this work is joyful, lifelong, and something you get to own as an adult. Weekly bonus episodes, video episodes, ad-free episodes, full archive on Patreon $7.99 monthly or pay annually for a big discount.  Join the "We Are A Lot" ADHD/AuDHD Online Community. Choose the level that works for you: We Are A Lot Community + Podcast (Patreon) — $24.99/month: Full community access on Circle plus ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, and video episodes on Patreon. We Are A Lot Community — $17/month: 24/7 support hub with daily body doubling sessions and weekly meetings with Jen & other members and over ten sections of guided online ADHD/AuDHD help hubs made by Jen. (Use code WELCOME7 at checkout and get $7 off of your first month, cancel anytime easily, no sales pressure) Body Doubling Only — $7.99 month: Daily body doubling sessions with Jen & other members. (Use code WELCOME3 at checkout and get $3 off of your first month, cancel anytime easily, no sales pressure) Research Used In This Episode:  A Radical Guide For Women With ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank Shop to Support the Show: Jen's Favorite ADHD Supports (with Discounts) Brain.fm — A Focus Tool I Use Every Day I listen while I work and I can feel my brain lock in. It's not AI, or binaural beats. Brain.fm is science-backed sound made by musicians and scientists for ADHD brains. I want you to try it for 30 days free, with my link! The Big A## Calendar I have the Big A## wall calendar that maps out the entire year and the Big A## personal planner with 365 days in one view, dry erase markers, color coded labels. With my unique link you can get 10% off of your order. Hugimals — Weighted Comfort for Kids & Adults I own Hugimals, give them as gifts, and love that they're made by a neurodivergent founder who understands nervous system needs. These weighted stuffed animals and pillows help with anxiety and overwhelm, and you can get 15% off anytime using my link and code JENKIRKMAN (it never expires). Bookshop.org — Books I Recommend I love Bookshop.org because every purchase supports your local independent bookstore, not Amazon, while still shipping directly to you. I've curated book lists on ADHD/AuDHD and mental health, and you can get 20% off everything when you shop using my link. The Time Timer - a Cute Visual Time Tool! I use my Time Timer every single day to help me visualize time during work blocks, and to gamify chores. There's no discount, but when you use my link I earn a percentage that goes directly into supporting this podcast. Appointed — Planners, Notebooks & Desk Goods Appointed notebooks are my go-to for my spiral notebooks, day planners, calendars and Le Pen pens for list-making, journaling, and planning. Save 15% off with my link and code JENKIRKMAN. Bearaby - Weighted Blankets, Warmables, Stress Pillows I LOVE my Bearaby cooling weighted blankets, the weighted and warmable lap lounger, I need their products daily to regulate and relax. Their products are built to calm the body down and support a. natural sleep cycle.  UnHide - Weighted Faux Fur Blankets, Pillows, Plush Home Goods I LOVE my UnHide faux fur weighted blankets, my squish pillows and my backrest that is always on my bed for my sitting up in bed working days. Get 20% off everything with my link and JENNIFER at checkout.