Ep. 87 Why Lowering Your Expectations of Others Can Save Your Relationships

We all do it — we expect people to show up for us the way we show up for them. But what happens when they don't? In this episode of ProblemSolvHer Podcast, Chloe and Dagmar dig into the expectations we quietly place on the people around us — partners, parents, siblings, friends, and even our communities — and why those unspoken expectations so often lead to disappointment.Chloe explains why she keeps her expectations of others low while holding herself to a much higher standard, and shares the moment she realized she'd been quietly testing an ex-boyfriend's effort. Dagmar opens up about the frustration of being the one who always reaches out, only to be told "I missed you" by someone who went silent for weeks. Together they explore how childhood, culture, and community shape what we expect from the people in our lives, why rejection gets easier with practice, and why choosing love over fear changes everything.What You'll LearnWhy keeping expectations of others low (and expectations of yourself high) can protect your peaceThe difference between a "running tab" mentality and true reciprocity in relationshipsHow community and culture — from German villages to Jamaican parishes — quietly shape what we expect from each otherWhy close, "ride or die" relationships come with a higher (but healthy) barHow learning to handle rejection early in life builds resilience later onWhy choosing love over fear changes how you show up for othersTimestamps & Chapters(Episode runtime: 21:43)00:00 Welcome to ProblemSolvHer 00:51 Today's topic: Expectations of people around us 00:54 Chloe: keeping expectations of others low, expectations of yourself high 03:36 Dagmar: relying on expectations to be happy — and getting disappointed 05:20 Texting vs. calling, and Chloe's story about reconnecting with her "sister" 07:25 Why your inner circle earns a higher (but healthy) expectation 08:26 Expectations with parents — and why Chloe doesn't keep score 09:38 When you show up for people who don't show up for you 10:05 Societal expectations — growing up in German villages 11:23 Jamaica's drinking culture and the pressure to say yes 11:49 Community expectations in Chloe's hometown, San San, Jamaica 13:56 Learning to handle disappointment and rejection 13:56 Chloe's dad putting her on the phones at 12 years old 16:15 Why trolls and internet criticism don't faze her anymore 16:40 Dagmar on fear holding people back 16:57 Fear vs. a healthy ego, and Chloe's dad and brother 18:38 Growing up in Jamaica, Bob Marley, and choosing love over fear 20:54 Choosing your nervous system: fear vs. calm, peace, and love 21:32 Chloe's takeaway: a world without expectations 21:43 Dagmar's takeaway: choose your own truth about expectations🔎 Resources🎯 Create Meaning & Monetize Your ExpertiseTurn your experience into an online brand and income stream. Start by clarifying a monetizable niche and mapping your next step.Book your Quick Strategy Call (15 min) with Dagmar Gatell, Founder & Visibility Architect of From Here AI💫 Coaching for Women Ready to Own Their VoiceLead with clarity and confidence. No more second-guessing — it’s time to lead with power!Book a Clarity Call with Chloe to reset your mindset and align your next move with who you are.Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It reflects personal experiences and opinions, and is not intended as medical, mental health, legal, or financial advice. Please consult a licensed professional for advice specific to your circumstances.📲 DM on instagram.com/problemsolvher/👉 youtube.com/@problemsolvher👉 problemsolvher.com