What do you think a Snickle is? Is it a... Someone's happy this. I think Twitter may be ready.
A Snickle. A Snickle. Is it animal, mineral, vegetable or... Vegetable and mineral, I guess.
Vegetable and mineral. Well, definitely vegetable. Is it a type of stone cucumber? Oh.
Oh. No. No. No.
Is it some kind of fungal yeast infection? No. It's a food stuff. You can eat it.
You can eat a Snickle. Is it a snail's antennae? It's lightly battered. Oh, very nice.
No, it's not that. Is it...? This episode doesn't start until you get it right. Is it a frogs?
No. Perineum. Oh, that's a delicacy, sir. No, it's not that.
That's a bruise widow, that is. Oh, right. Yeah. Cool back.
Yeah. Oh, fuck you then. I've lost the wheel to live. Yeah.
Cheer up, be like... Take what a Snickle is. Yeah. A Snickle.
Right. You take a pickle and you hollow it out and you push your Snickers bar in the middle. Ooh. So it's half Snickers, half pickle.
I don't go for that. I don't go for that. I don't go for that. I don't go for that.
No, I can do. No, I won't go for that. I refuse to do that. No, I won't do that.
No, I won't do that. No, I won't do that. No, I... Would you try it?
Yeah, I'll try it. Yeah. Great. Well, I can do.
I'll do the intro. Go for that. I can do. Go for that.
I will do that. I will do that. I will do that. I will do that.
I will do that. I have done that. I have done that. Can we know?
Well, in case you didn't guess already, yeah boy. It's time. It's time for Chib Chogan. Here's me.
You guys are from a straight, live and erect from the steaming house of pickles to all the broosters. Oh, yeah. And here's Paul. I'm Gann Ganon, man.
And here he comes. And he can do what he can and I can do. Hi. Welcome to Chib Chogan.
Hey, you and your fucking mood are positive. People love mood. Back to Chib Chogan. I'm fucking upset.
I'm moodle. I'm not going on. I'm not going on. Right.
Hello. Hello Eli. Hello. Welcome to the Economy Comedy Podcast where Eli and I weekly go for the bargain based on the charity shops.
I'm Pat Lanter, Britain. Let's see if we can find some treasure. The bargain. I'm going to pick up on that.
Let me just talk. How long? Let me just hold you. Two minutes, 38 seconds in.
Great. Here we go. The bargain based on charity shops, you say the bargain basement or charity shops? Have you ever been to a bargain basement?
I'm just going to happen to a bargain basement. Yeah. Where? In a record shop.
In a record shop. Yeah. Yeah. There's a bargain down there.
Is that one? It's a table. It's not there anymore. Is it not?
It's the record and the paper exchange. And it's gone. It's gone. It's all going down there.
Oh, it's all going to be all chain shops. Lament, the loss of your high street ladies and gentlemen. And they had the bargain basement and they had like, you could get, why are you looking at your lips? It's a tasty story.
Yeah, you could get singles for 10p. Nice. And I bought Tom Jones. Yeah.
What's it called? The Lonely One. Really? It's a fucking love that song.
Very cheap. When people go here to the top best song by Tom Jones, that's never on the list. It should be. It's like the most atypical Tom Jones groove beat down track.
Yeah. It's a fucking barn store. It's a very good Tom Jones track. The other one that is famously funky is looking out my window.
Look at my window. I've seen you do. I want to call me back with my nappy. I've filled my nappy up.
Oh, yeah. Okay. That went a bit wrong. I need a medical paltis.
What a medical paltis. It is. This is the second time you've used a paltis now when you're recording. Well, I've used it a lot of times before, Paul.
Yeah. Oh, well, maybe I'll pick it up on it now. You're picking up a paltis. It's some kind of ointment.
It's a prepared ointment putting a cloth. Right. I think, yeah. But what makes it special?
Nothing. It's a medical thing. So you can put what you like in it and you want to put it in. You can't even remember what you said now.
Because you know what? No. Look at the rain. You say horse paltis.
Someone's got a horse paltis. So hello, welcome to Cheapshow. And what is happening today on this show? On the show.
We are going to be, we haven't been in a while, but we're going to do Cheapshow. Life hacks. It's exciting. We haven't been in a while, but we've asked our lovely listeners on Twitter, hashtag Cheapshow hacks.
So basically, things that we used to come up with. Now they do it. So we need to record it for us. Fucking great.
Love it. No. Get them to do it. No.
But it'd be weird if I listened to Cheapshow. One day it was like some dude who sounds a bit like you and someone just do a zippy voice for you. And I said, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're a go-to character. What, who makes a noise when you approach it? And then people just reduce us down to just these sound bites.
It's like frothy, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's a slow creep without sorcery. Yeah, it's a strange, isn't it?
And eventually, you know, we might think we're playing ourselves on a keyboard that plays all of our phone names. You mean like that soundboard someone made for a second play? Yeah, which you've used. So you've already tried this shit.
Yeah. It's the slow creep of out sorcery. I could outsource you in a heartbeat. Oh yeah, who would you get?
Who would you get? A big fucking bag of thumpsocks. Put a smiley face on Google eyes. I'd be more entertaining than you.
Good. I'm glad you've done this. I could put a big arms load of severed dicks together. Lillie against them.
The kids on the microphone. And it would be, and it would offer more than you ever did to me. Yeah, but also, I mean, think of the trouble you get into. Like the police person.
Explain yourself. I had to get rid of him. And I took all the penises. Yeah, from where?
Where would you even find that many penises? I'd dog him up. Yeah, I mean, this is bad. Don't talk him up while you were fresh.
While just don't blow. Your voice isn't good for this. You needed more of a... I had to pick up the penises.
I dug up the penises. My eyes. I'd let you down. Give me a sniff.
No, give me a sniff. Here you go, my. These aren't fresh. Where did you get these penises?
Oh, I got you from the second cocktail. Like, you can handle it. God is a jogging. LAUGHTER Anyway, we're doing like this.
And then we've got a price of shite. I've collated the price of shite tonight. And I think you'll enjoy it. All right.
OK. And then finally, we're going back to Eli's country noodle kitchen for some more delicate noodle-y delights. And do you want to just drop a few hints of what we can expect? Well, there's one I've been bringing up a lot, which is an outstanding noodle.
And it's a noodle that straddles the line between the traditional distinction of Freight style and super style instant noodles. It's a nice thing. It's straddles at nine. It's the best of both worlds.
And it's really something about, I'm excited about. So a mold breaker pour and an unusual thing. I certainly haven't tried. I'll just give you a little clue here.
Yeah, I've got this to do with the temperature. Right, great. Well, we're all on tent talks now wondering what's around the corner in country noodle kitchen. We'll get there, but let's go via LifeHacks first.
That's a good look, though. Hey, welcome back to the House of Pickles. Fancy more cheap show. Let's do it.
OK, then. So we're going to do ages ago, I would challenge you to like to talk with some LifeHacks, some ways to improve your life by making little cheat code moments to it. And he failed, numerously, over and over. Yeah, little parts from Peter.
They fit in a table hole. That was brilliant. It's not because why does it make your life easier? Because you've got something where you put your saucy's pool.
Where did your relic go? Look at the House of Pickles. Look at the chaos, my saucy's drawer. That is anarchy.
If I had some kind of vestibular vestic, vestic, vestibular, well, it's not going to trough actually built in to the surface of the table. How neat and tidy would that be? It would be lovely. It would be, and then we'd have all places for the catch-up.
Oh, it's drawing me in. The sauce mound. The sauce topia. You ought to get lost in it in a river.
You can see it. Actually, the sparkle of magic is nice. There's an unusual one there. That's a sauce from a walk to walk.
Have you ever been to a walk to a walk shop? No, it's a... They just do you go, I'll have those, and I'll have some of those. I'll put some of that in.
Okay. And then they go, what, what, what, what, what. And then you walk, so you get the walk, and you can walk with it. Yeah, got it.
Cool. A little noodle box. Yeah, cool. Let's bring it up.
Is it a good hot chili sauce? Don't give a shit. You can't first say you don't give a shit. I don't give a shit.
I don't give a shit. I'm just in my sauce trap. More? Less.
I give more of a shit. I give less more of a shit. Imagine someone is a compliment. Imagine someone actually did.
Come round your house and give you a shit. It's really good. It's so hard. He gave a shit.
He gave a shit. He did a really hard shit. It was a hard pebble shit. He really gave it.
His eyes were watering. He gave a shit. You know? He got the effort.
Yeah. Right. Anyway, we're doing life acts because he used to do them, and Eli always let me down. So we've asked you our fantastic cheap skate listening army.
Don't own a dog. It was another classic. That was all right. I gave you that one.
Right. Don't have a kid. You don't buy toilet paper. That was another one.
That was awful. You should buy toilet paper. Don't buy it. So here are the cheap show hacks, hashtag, cheap show hacks, sent in.
We're going to evaluate them as we go. See how we feel. Yeah. So they have to pass on muster.
Okay. Yeah. Musta or duster? Musta or bust.
Musta or bust. Musta or bust. I must. I must.
I must improve my bust. Right. Here we go. This is from a at thin four LE FPS.
So it reads like finale FPS. No, this bit really just. Okay. Yeah.
He says when you go to same three or Tesco's or any of the mainstream shop, if you need a bag, just go to the bakery aisle and take one of the ones they have there. That's good. You like that one? Practical.
He's no spend money in the bag. No, of course. It's great. Five stars.
Five stars. Great. Travis T. Who are you upset?
I'm just going to tweet from. He's just like to the episode where you slammed him and broke his soul. What did I say? Oh, his pro star was brilliant.
Yeah. It was too chummy and too funny. Okay. Well, I've got my pinions, Paul.
You do. Yeah. So he says, tired of people stealing apples from your apple tree, pick up your apples and put them in the bucket at the base of the tree with needles inside the apples. Doesn't mean you over it's like the first one.
It's just a bit spiteful, isn't it? It's nasty. I'm just saying, it's like we were saying in that previous episode, Paul, about people who just prank people, but don't hang around to see the prank. What's he in some tree watching me like giggling, eating myself on some apple.
Be easier to just put the raisers in the tree. Why don't I just go out to someone and slash them out? I'm going to step up and get out. All right.
I'm moving on. He hasn't redeemed himself, Paul. Is it home, isn't it? Oh, whatever.
I like you, Travis. Not as much as Eli, doesn't it? Avoid making a business comes from a guy called Guffo or at Pixel Golf. Goof.
At Pixel Golf. It's an amusing name. It's witty. He looks funny in his photo.
Good. I don't need this. I don't want your nipseed to muffle the noise. As a bonus, it will also mop up any stray shortage.
I mean, it's practical. Will it choke a fart? I don't know. I don't want to find out.
I have to say, Paul, is it like a silent surfer, you bum old? You feel like you needed a shit and then all the water would seep out. It'd be like, you'd be like, I really? God, is this him listens to us?
He's what they think we want. I've got fucking needle in my gut. My palate is injured. Now I've got a fucking tampon at my ass.
All right, here we go. Well, this comes from at James Joiner and says, tell everyone you work with that you have a twin so that you don't have to acknowledge or talk to them if you see that outside of work. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.
I've got a twin. So if I see you in the street and you wave, I don't see you, that's my twin. Always my twin. I go to work and I go home.
That would work, wouldn't it? That would bring it up a lot. Oh, good morning, Bob. Twin.
Twin. Exactly like me. Is the report ready for Tuesday? I have a twin.
Okay, we know that. All right. Okay. Don't listen to that, though.
He says another one. He sends another one. Letting out a silent fart when opening a dairily triangle will convince the biggest. It's expensive, French cheese.
These are all our top tips now. Oh, they stole them. We've got to draw the line. We've got to draw the line.
They stole them. We're repeating them from this. That would be like what Keith Cheggman used to do. Oh, yeah, he's dead.
He is. He made a film called Kill Keith. Kill Keith. Oh, did he?
It's a smooth comedy about this guy who wants to kill Keith Cheggman. So we have to be protected, but it's a bit weird. It's got people like... He produced it himself.
He biggens it's probably a ticana film. He produced it himself. I don't think he did. I think it was a script written for him to be in.
And he did it. Yeah. It was a straight to DVD kind of movie. It did not see the inside of a cinema, I don't think.
The trailer is online. I might put it on the webpage if I can find it. But I'd be interested to say, you know, fuck it looks bad. Yeah, well, he was the king of shit, wasn't he?
There's a lot of celebrity playing themselves in it kind of gas. Oh, terrible. Yeah, so it looks great. Right.
Sam Davis says, tired of paying for bottled water when you're thirsty, find the pigeon and drink it's blood. Nice. Would you do that though? You'd have to.
You'd have to. Would you? Yeah. So thirsty you were going to die.
Okay. They've been some kind of apocalyptic event. What are the pigeons of poisonous toxic? He still doesn't matter.
He died. I'm out of two days with no fluid after two days. Wow. You've got to take that risk.
You've got to take that risk. You've got to drink that piss. You've got to go for that blower. You've got to squeeze a pigeon into your mouth.
Wow. Beautiful prose. Oscar Man 97 says, sick of the hot weather during the summer. Don't wear clothes.
That doesn't work though. Because it's so hot that makes no difference. And also, you don't wear clothes. There's nothing to soak up.
The sweats you get a really slick feeling. Really slick, oily feeling. I've got a little bit of wood then. Anyway, Aaron at SIR says nothing on TV.
Tom scrunched up Timfall in the microwave for a cheap and quick light show. I've done that. Don't recommend it, but it's a lot of fun. Yeah, well, that's a bit like a crispson.
And it shrinks down to many sides. I would just put a light match. You could. Watch it.
Blow it out. If you've done this in your darkest hours. Blow it out. Light it out.
Light it out. Watch it. Blow it out. Christ.
Blow it out. Light it out. Thomas Jeffords says, blow it out. If you're in a club and don't like the music, find a DJ desk and ask the DJ for music you like instead.
Oh, he's done there. I see. He's got a bit of an antagonist. He's got a little hateful.
Hateful little Burke. But what if someone reads that and goes, that's good idea. And then one night they come across you. Excuse me, mate.
You're DJ. Yeah. Well, yeah. Sorry.
One second. Yeah. So what's your request? Mate, I'm loving the vibe you're doing tonight, but I just want to play something a bit more funky.
Have you got something more funky? No. No. You got something like that one you played two tracks ago.
No. You're like, however, something funky. So how do you got a funky music record? I have for the next record.
I'm sorry. I'll get the fucking security. Yeah. That's it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I mean, I've got a song on my spot. Have I show you my spotify?
No, I do not do that. You got that? No. I'm going to talk to you.
It's just small to come in the booth. Oh, could you give us a tenner? Yes. Come in the booth.
Look at my record. You can look for my records. I'll take pictures of you. Yes.
You can pretend you're the DJ? No. I'm not bad. You.
I'm not bad. You need a DJ. He's a charge for you. You need a DJ.
Yeah. I'll take five. You look for the records, give us a tenner. Yes.
You. Yeah, actually, free you. Yeah. Yeah.
Wow. Read another one. All right, OK. Mike Carter says, a genuine one, my nan use was from one of those Women's Misery magazines.
Put half a lemon in the fridge to make the fridge smell nice and the milk tastes funny. Oh, that's nice. I mean, I don't need my fridge to smell nice. No, no, you actually know you do.
It's a bit gross. It's got cheese in it. Read it. Just give me a look.
Like, oh, this is bad. Yeah. Oh, this is from Shana, the girl in America. She writes, need a quick and easy way to reduce your carbon footprint.
She's very young and very dark. Yeah. She your up love. It's going to be all right.
I mean, it's not. All right, the end. It's never all right. That's when you die.
And then you go. Is it all right? You want to go in your sleep? Yeah.
Or do you want to go in your sleep? Or kick it in screaming like the people in the boss I'm driving. No. No.
No. I've got a life hack, Paul. Yeah. I've been brewing it.
Yeah. Like a fight. It's going to stink. OK.
Now, a lot of people have troubled language. I know you do sometimes you struggle to find the right word and put them in the right order. Everyone struggles with expressing themselves. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. OK. All you need really is two phrases.
Yeah. Two. Everything. It covers everything.
Two of these two phrases. OK. One is positive. Yeah.
One is negative. OK. And there's one that's neutral. Get to the point.
All you need are these three phases. Right. Here's the positive. Right.
Right. Right. Right. Right.
Right. Even couple of tries to say. Could say again. Right.
Here's a life hack. All you need is these three phrases to express everything you ever want to say in life. OK. Is that clear?
Is that clear to you, Paul? Yeah. First, the positive one. Great track.
And that sounds very specific to being in a nightclub. No. No. Great track.
Oh, document, you're turning yes. That was really good. Great track. Yeah.
No. All right. OK. Well, that's one.
It works with everything. Two. The neutral phrase. Try the fish.
Okay. Anything! And it just come up with any situation. How's that date you went on last night?
Tough crowd. Yeah, no fucking shit without a tough crowd. So that worked, didn't it? Yeah, I guess so.
Give me another situation. All right, no, get on to the next one. Tough crowd. Tom just says, can't sleep.
Drink two cans of strong lager, two cans of any drinks. Like a small vibrating device in your rectal area and play a 10 hour video of a woman screaming on your headphones. You won't sleep, but you'll stay long enough to just make it till tomorrow evening. Ooh, no, just like that one.
JD, LaChrome says, sleep instead of doing things that stress you out. I live by this one. That's an excellent one. That's not.
Sometimes anxiety works. You need sleep, Paul. You do. But sometimes I think that means avoiding the problem and it puts it off and makes it worse and therefore it's exciting.
Then you don't experience the anxiety whilst you sleep. It cures it. It doesn't cure it at all. It's a difficult sub-whore to have, but it remains true.
Sometimes you can feel bad by just tackling the problem head on. And then you have an app. Then I have an app. I just have an app.
I can't do anything for this shit. You know what? Oh, wow. Straight in there.
Ronan Ferris says, be Paul Ganon. There's a live app. Yeah. Not trying to finish.
Tough crowd. Yeah. You don't want people that said cock says at catnip corner. Don't want people to sit near you on the bus, tube, and invade your personal space.
Blow your nose loudly and pretend your disease ridden. Great track. So who was it? Was it like someone said this on TV?
I don't know who it was. If you want to sit next to you on a train. Get strong, I contact with the person who looks at your seat and just pat the seat like that. That's brilliant.
I'll take a seat. No, no, no, no. Yeah, but then if they do, it depends. If there's some huge insane looking motherfucker.
And then you do it and then they go, all right. Yeah. Gary McCowy says, putting a piece of bread in with your brown sugar to keep it from getting hard and lumping together. Is that an actual proper one?
Put it in with the bread. Because it would absorb the moisture that would otherwise go into the bread. You put gel packs in. You could put gel packs, but then if you've got children, you don't want to meet in a gel pack.
Apparently, right, in your pants, put the gel packs in. No. Make a pulse out of gel packs. Tape it up.
Really tight. Why? And it will dry your panties right out. That will dry your dick in.
I'll dry my dick in. So, imagine. No, it will tell you it's fucking facts. Imagine trying to have sex.
But all you do is hydrate and dehydrate your penis. That was the extent of the movement. Like it was space food. Yeah.
It's so bad. It's so bad. I've literally forgot what my proper life was going to be. Oh, no.
So, you know when you buy electronics nowadays, you get a little sashay that says like a gel. Yes, which is if you collect them and put them in a gel, what they say is if for instance you drop your phone into the sink, and it gets wet, you can stick it in the gel and it's much more fucking than rice to dry in the phone up. So, you can make use of those. No, just go keep them in the sashay as is.
Yeah, but you do have to collect quite a lot of them. Well, you probably would, but then don't drop your phone in the fucking sink. I don't have to drop my phone in the sink. I have to say.
Yeah. You might have to go to the car battery. Does that clap sound? Yeah.
Sounds dangerous though, as well, don't it. Don't wear your car on. Zappy zappy zap. All V-ra.