Right, recording. Don't wanna be, why don't you? You're not in the zone again. How's your headache?
It's better actually, thanks for the pain, can't you? Can't we ever just do a proper intro? Let's be nice today. Let's me and you be absolutely lovely to each other.
Let's always say that. All right, fuck you then. Fuck off. Fuck you, fuck off.
Right, did you always say that? Fuck you, fuck off. You're literally run out of anything to say. Your whole range of everything you say, basically, is those two things.
Let's be lovely to each other. Fuck off, that could be your whole contribution. Yeah, it's like, try me nice. You're never, you're never, you're never nice.
No, you're nice. I can't lie, you're my mate and you're nice. Crikey. You've done nice things for me.
Good, Paul. I know, I'll do the intro this time. You do it. I'm happy for you to do it.
I can't do it as well as you though. I do my best. Ladies and gentlemen, it's that time with the week again. Shut up, you can't.
Oh. Just doing what you do to me. That's what makes it funny, isn't it? That's what makes it funny, isn't it?
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another rip roaring edition of Cheap Show with you. I think we should just try to do this again. No, honestly, no, this is raw. This is not on the edge.
It's just bad. This is podcasting, living on the edge, mate. And if you don't buckle up. Just start again.
Start the intro again. I won't interrupt you. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time again, that time of the week for you to sit back with another edition of Cheap Show and get all cozy. I'm really tight chested.
Just use it. You're inhaler. No one wants to hear your filthy wheeze. No one wants to hear it, especially me.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another edition of Cheap Show, the economy podcast for you. Why not get comfy and cozy? Because me and Eli are going to delight you with our words and our humor and our... You've got nothing.
You've got nothing. You've got nothing. Paul, I thought... I thought we said we weren't going to do these late night records.
They don't work. It doesn't work as a time of day for us. It's not good. It doesn't work as a time of day for us.
Just say, welcome to Cheap Show. Welcome to Cheap Show. I hate you and your fucking mood repossi. People love me.
Right? There's a fact of Cheap Show. You're going to have fun. You said...
It's all over. Cheap Show. I'm not going, I'm not going. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show.
The economy, comedy podcast for you. I know what it's just... Mate. What?
You're way along. I'm going to take that to the intro. Just let me breathe. You can't.
You need to use your inhaler. Oh, yeah. I'll pick you in. I'm sick of hearing it, honestly.
I fucking use it. Don't be... I know how to do it. Alright, I've been sucking an inhaler for the best part of my life, mate.
And that's not the only thing you've been sucking. Men's cops. In case you were there, anyone was in any doubt. It's already turned into the podcast in ten years time, but we can't talk.
Right. Right. What's going on on this show? Oh, fucking yes.
Go on. What do you think? Cheap, please. Tell us what the shop floor usually happens.
No, not this week. You talk about something that you're nostalgic for, like some kind of shit magazine or something. There's another Gannon's Golden Games coming up. Ah-ha.
And we have off-brand brand off on the waves. We have them that. Oh, it's going to be a lot of fun. And then we're going to do part two of our big platter.
Platter. We've got a lot of platter, so we're going to do your Silverman's platter. Silverman's platter. There's lots to look forward to on this lovely edition of Cheap Show.
I can't wait to start. I can you. What time is it? Oh, it's past my bedtime.
Past my bedtime. Bedtime. Bedtime. Bedtime.
We should record this, mate. Oh, I've run out of steam. Would you like a cuddle? No.
Would you like a cuddle, though? A nice bit of positive. Absolutely fucking not. It's not because it's just about me feeling emotionally vulnerable.
Like, I need a hunky. I feel like shit. All right. I feel tired and sweaty.
I wish I didn't have to look at you. To be honest, but no one touching me. I wish you weren't even here. Wow.
I wish I was by myself. And you will be. Don't do that fucking thing. You'll be alone forever.
Well, okay. Now this is below the belt. You've grabbed the goolies. Mate, you open the door.
Or like, I'll just kick it off the end. I open the door. I open the door. My goolly door.
You're big balled door. I open the door and I'll kick the engine off. Good. Now, what have we got coming up on the show for?
Just fucking told you. Just, I'll find off. It's everything like you just go out in the big circle. I'm brand off.
Ooh, I'm brand off. Brand off. Brand off. We just started the fucking jingle now.
Brand off. Brand off. Brand off. Brand off.
Brand off. Brand off. Brand off. Brand off.
And then we've got Ganon's Golden Games. It's a special today. Absolute bargain. I can't believe it.
And I'm talking about games, Paul. Yeah. And we already mentioned that I saw the June game for a yes we have. We haven't.
It wa ot Have a good 4K, Paul. No, no, no, not do you, the game. I do stop at that. Jordan, did you SSF?
Do you not do Blair? Do, it's a good game. A good game. OK, Google.
June, born game. Don't doilly board game. Do you do big game, be capable? No.
Do ? Do you board? Do you board game and do it? Do you board game?
Do you board game? No, not. Do you board game? Do you board game and it's a pumpkin?
Do you board game? Do I board game? Do you board game? Do you board game.
Do you board game? picture. Everyone's got different plates and shit flipping heck. How much was that?
It doesn't seem that bad price now does it? No. June board game. Boardgamegeek.com I always go there from a board game fact.
Does it have a review? Sometimes it does sometimes it has like an audience thing. It's you know not particularly well-cut. Oh hang on this looks like a different thing.
Or maybe the one we saw been updated. It was more modern than the one I've seen. 7.6 this has been given overall by rating. Is that good?
Yeah I mean I think it's out of 10. Dice game but looking at this version of it this looks like the classic edition. Let's have a look at that. There you go.
So it's fundamentally the same but it was different. Yeah the one I saw. So I think the cover was blue. Interesting.
And blue. It wasn't like that sort of portrait. It's a weird portrait cover. Yeah.
My mum's landscape. So the image is just me just saw it. Probably from the modern version of that one. That we're looking at now.
And it looks like it's kind of a risk-type game. I've got to go back a few images now and go and look at the description. Have you read June? No.
Well it's about a political power struggle. That could basically turn into a game quite well. Isn't it? It's at thousands of years in the future.
June is a bit more game based on the Frank Herbert novels. Like Harry Planet novels. About Harry Planet. The human space and plays political blah blah blah.
Each player takes a lot of the faction attempting to control June. They have special powers. Each turns can take over the map. Deadly storms, sandworms can affect play, military fractions.
Blah blah blah. Yeah it looks like a strategic board game. Probably very good but I get frightened by those. They're too daunting again to play.
You know what I mean? It's a bit of an under-taste. Because of fucking phone book. Okay.
And so I don't know. We've got the opposite of that. I think we might have one of those simplistic games. And yeah kind of actually still within the mystery genre of it.
I'll just split it with the include that. Okay. Clued to SFX. What the SFX?
Someone going, iron risk a problem. It's got a special ball where it knows where you're going. It's got the voices of the various characters. It does.
It has voice work and it has like a little 3D manner. I'm looking forward to it. And you only get four characters but they have a special thing on when you go around the board it knows where you are. So the sound effects and in the swimming pool splosh and stuff.
So it's interesting. We'll get to that later. That's the set of the show today. Let's crack up.
Okay then. You know what it's time for. Ooooooohhh. He's off bread brand.
How did he go? You had to go do it. Right. Okay here we go.
Ba la la la la. Bomb. Off brand brand off. Brand off.
Brand off. Brand off. It's brought to you by Richard Brand off. Yes it's off brand brand off.
We've not done it in a while. He brought to you by Richard Brand off. Maybe he might turn up later. He's a busy man.
I know. I was talking to his agent. His agent. Leslie.
Leslie. Slippery Bill Wilson. He said you know he's silly. I can't look.
You can do that because it's really upsetting. So I'm going to close my eyes. He said that. Richard Brand off.
If they're a busy man, he might not be able to turn up. Even though he's presented. He doesn't mean he can do it again. I'm waiting.
If I'm not voicing my ear. It's like you're licking my ear. Now horrible. If you haven't heard this section before.
It is off brand brand off. This is the section of the show. And it is quite serious. It's an investigation into consumer ethics.
Yes. This is the section where I blindfolded. Must decide. If I can distinguish between the branded product and the off brand product hawked mercilessly in the budget supermarket of the land.
I couldn't have put it simply myself. What the commestable category of food product will I be blind testing tonight on off brand off? Ladies and gentlemen, we have a selection of biscuits. American cookies.
Which comes with the French for twice cooked. So why do they go? They're biscuits aren't twice cooked. They're fucking idiots.
Oh, sorry. It's just what the word came from. Anyway, I'm doing biscuits. Well, they're just what we call scones, isn't it?
They call biscuits. Cookies. No. You know what?
We don't have the biggest American audience. So that's not what they're doing. Oh, yeah. You're listening.
Oh, wow. I do. Have you been a fool? We're doing biscuits.
We're going to try the branded, recognised, solid, dependable biscuits against their basic or knockoff variety. These are all McVitties. They're brand yellow. Personally, I like it.
I like it, you know. I like it with a little bit nutella on. That's my little secret. I wouldn't put a spray on myself.
It's sweet enough for me. I feel the need to ask you. What is your whole general attitude towards biscuits? I like them.
I like my biscuits to be dunked. And this rich tea is a good dunker. It's in the name. It's in the name.
It's for all. It's a good dunking biscuit. It's a biscuit called morning coffee. It's a little square biscuit.
It's a glass of water on a hot day. It's one called night. They're made with water. They're made with water.
See this? If you go by that rule, these are biscuits made with tea. Where does the name come from? It's a rich biscuit made for dunking and tea.
If you have to put classic on your product. They've been coated. That's what's happening. Cheap, cheap, cheap classic.
Cheap, cheap classic. Anyway, biscuit. What kind of biscuit is it? It's a very dry, crunchy, sweet biscuit.
Yeah, sweet. Not overly sweet. Anyway, next is the McVitties. Digestives.
O.T. crumbly biscuits. They've got much more of a rough texture. Again, they were initially designed for digestion.
They thought they'd be eating the meat. It's all about old stuff. They used to be sort of like a medicine. But like Lucas Agnes was seen as medicinal.
I like a nice chocolate I guess. They bought for the sake of this. You can't pure. What's the last item I'll be playing against?
It's off brand competitor. Ginger nuts. That's the last bit I'll be tasting. McVitties, ginger not biscuit.
Ginger crunchy biscuit. Ginger snap is another thing that kind of biscuits they refer to. They're just a nice, hard, slightly chewy, ginger biscuit. I think a ginger snap might be American.
These in a cup of tea are the perfect. Yeah, you see it. Thing is poor. I don't really like biscuits.
Anyway, as a result, I also went in same threes and bought their basics, which tea. I feel confident I'll be able to tell the difference. I think something the difference. I just think it's going to be a quality issue.
Okay, same threes basics are pretty basic. It's got their little cheap brand. Yeah, knock off the taste. But you can.
You pay twenty for this. It's got rat. What do you want? But anyway, their little thing for these is simple favourite.
Great, for dunking. We put no money into this. Just dunk it to mark the taste. And then actually same threes own brand rich tea.
Okay, so that's a fair version of rich tea. No, rich tea. You've got two basic rich teas. Two different rich tea.
How many can compare the digestive against anything? No, I've got them as well. Two types of fake rich tea. You've got a lot of biscuits in that bag.
I've got some different digestive. So you can compare that to that. Simple classic. And then I've also got finch snaps.
See, they're called snaps here. So the generic term is a ginger snap. You've got a comparison for every real item. I think that time is come, Paul.
It's for me to put on my blindfold. Presented by Richard Brando. Oh, he's covered. I'll just go let him in.
Up, up, up, up, up, up, up. Hello, Paul. Hello, Richard. Thank you for coming.
I haven't even known you weren't invited. I'm very busy, man. Fuck off then. If you're busy.
I'm Richard Brando. You can't talk to Richard Brando for like that. Just it, though. Fuck off, Richard.
I'm asking him. He's not in charge of this show. I'm Richard Brando. You can't deal with a saturation like this.
A saturation? Is that like a situation you buy in a Chinese restaurant? It's a situation. Get it?
Anyway, I'm opening biscuits. Alright, here's the blindfold for you. I tell you what, I had to get my circuit through. I'm boning to get me this blindfold.
Sorry, it smells of spunk. I hate this character. I hate this character. Here we go, I'm going to present this.
It's a red vest. It's a red vest. It's a red vest. It's a red vest.
What a waste of time, ladies and gentlemen. I think you'll all agree. What a waste of time. Fuck off.
I'm going to put that in the end. I was just seeing Richard Brando off to the door, Paul. I wasn't just out of the door closing there. I was hoping you'd put that in the end.
I'm going to just fight you. I think we need sound effects support for Richard Brando. Talk about it. Off the show.
What a effort for that. He's shouting at his secretary. I'm back in picture. I'll tell you.
Why does spine comment? I feel embarrassed that you are so attacked to that character. Put your vest on. Put your vest on.
I think he's gone, Paul. It's 11 o'clock at night. I just want you to fucking put your vest on. The vest on?
Oh yeah. I'm ready for off. I'm not going to tell you which one I'm giving you. You have to bite and taste.
Do you have a pen and paper? I do. I have a pen and look. Ow.
Paper. I'll be writing down your notes. Okay. Just texting Richard Brando.
Say sorry for you. Don't bother. He's not coming back. I don't feel attacked to him.
You shouldn't. Are you ready for your first biscuit? I am ready. Give me the biscuit.
I want smell texture. All about here's your first biscuit now. Okay. I'm giving it a sniff.
Immediately it feels stale. Interesting. Texture. I can't.
I can't tell anything like that. The sniff is giving me. I'm not going to tell. Smell to it.
But it does smell a bit stale. I'll stop touching your mic. I'm eating it now. I can't see.
It's good. Tasty. Tasty. They're very tasty.
They're very tasty. No dry. That's what they're going to do. That's nice.
Okay. Apart from this, maybe this is going to be a very difficult challenge. I can take that as a baseline because I can't. So what do you think that is?
I'm going to have to push you and see what you think. To me, that is like the MacVit. I can't. I need to toast another bit to be able to.
Let me pour you some water there so you can cleanse your palate. It's going to be clean, love. It's going to have to be. What?
What? Glass? No, it might have anything in it. Yeah, maybe don't drink out of that.
No, just, if you cup got stuff in, just drink out your cup. Okay, the cup, that'll be fine. Your cup is, yeah, had coffee in it. Okay.
There's water in it now. No, there's nothing in it. Unless you're putting something in it now. Here we go, and pouring it in.
Put some coffee in. I mean, some water. Yeah. Yeah.
Here is biscuit number two. You ready? Okay, this is it? It's coming down hard core now.
Here you go. Next biscuit's in your hands. It's very roughly here. It's very roughly here.
It hasn't as well finished as that last one. So I'm thinking this is the knock off already. Interesting. Very knobbly.
Very knobbly. Yeah. You've got a lot of knobs to it. Less of a smell.
Okay. Less of a smell. Is that a good thing? Yeah, because it doesn't have the staleness.
Yeah, that doesn't really say all tang that's on biscuits sometimes. It doesn't have any of that. It's really got much less of a smell than the last one. Okay.
He's eating it. Oh. It's got more burn. More burn.
Slightly more burnt. This is fascinating stuff. I think you will all agree. I think you will still barely assume it'll text you.
Yeah. It just seems less refined. Interesting. Okay.
So I'm going to have to push you for that as well. What do you think? Oh, God. It's a biscuit.
Come on. It's only a biscuit. I know. Well, don't fucking rush me.
I'm going to have to. It means to make good decisions in a blink of an eye. I think that's one of the... I would say...
Yeah. I'll give you one last chance to change around. I've had all throughout. Yeah.
I think that is the sort of... Sainsbury's standard. Sainsbury's brand. Yeah.
Okay. Then here's the last one. And you go. Last biscuit.
It's the wobbly-ness indeed. Wobbly-ness. Exactly semi-distant between the last two biscuits. It's not the in-between.
Wobbly, knobbly. It's in-between the knobbly-ness. It's the finale. It's still the wobbly biscuit.
Yeah. I've been listening. Yeah. This is disgusting.
Again. Not much. Coming off it. But slight say on this.
What's the taste like Mr. Silverman? It's just not as nice. Okay.
Just try a less flavor. No amplitude of that rich teeth. It doesn't have the amplitude. The first one had.
So what do you want to say then? I don't know. I think this is the basic. I really do.
Okay, not very nice. I think I'm going to stick with those positions for. Okay, you want to stick with them? Fine, good.
Understandable, we're going to move on now to Digestives. I need to watch the old pallet. Wow, let's go on. I was really looking forward to the return of Richard Brandoff.
He ruined it by insulting him. Seriously, man. I'm just not impressed with the character. Really is that simple.
I don't know what you've seen him. I don't know what other people have seen him. Better than Jimmy Biscuits. Jimmy Biscuits is a fully-fledged character who sometimes takes over me.
Against my will. Okay, yeah. So you're a medium and he's what? A dead man.
Just give me the digestive, yeah? Hang on, I've got to get them up first. Then you're going to forget which is which. I haven't.
Don't worry about it. We've got just how many digestive, just one and one. Yeah, one and the knock off. Ready?
Okay. Here is your first digestive biscuit. Go. Is it Brandoff or Brandoff?
It has. It's not as knobbly as some of those which do, but you think of it as a more knobbly biscuit. So this is... And it has that toasty oat smell that you care so much about.
It has that toasty oat smell. It's going in for the bite. Tastes like it's a digestive. What do you want me to say?
It's flavour, it's amplitude, it's textiles. It's really hard to tell. And let's get a comparison. It tastes kind of toasty.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Biscuit.
Yeah. Bit bready. Bit bready. Yeah.
It takes nights, does it? Not that nice. I'm hoping this is the bad one. All right.
Well here's the best. Give me the other one. Give me the best. A little bit of broken off this.
So I apologise for a little bit broke off. Now this is slooper. Well, it just feels more uniform. Yeah.
You're happy with the texture more on that one? No smell. No smell. Very little smell compared to the last biscuit.
And I don't know what that makes me think, you know, whether I'm going plus mgritties or minus mgritties with this. I'm lost in a world of my own sensation. Well, I haven't written anything down yet for these. I'm going to try both of them before you make a decision.
This is your second biscuit. What are you thinking? It has more flavour. Yeah.
Got more of that digestive amplitude. I'd say so. Yeah. I'll tell you.
Oh, is there a twist in this tail? I'm going to put that in a sticky aftertaste. What are you going to do? Is it same for these or is it mgritties?
I want you to tell me what you think the first biscuit was and then the second. The first one was mgritties. The second was the year. I've not got it.
All right. And now we're going to go on to the final round. Are you ready for some ginger action? Boom!
Snap me up and ginger snap. These are my personal favourites. I've got to be in a mood for. Yeah.
Really? You would do a whole sleeve with it? Easy. Really?
Yeah. See, I never eat a whole sleeve of biscuits. In one sitting? Never.
I've been known to. Yeah. It's fine. It's so fucking up.
I think I've done a whole jammy dodges. But you don't get many. You don't get many. You don't get many.
No. You don't get to eat them. It's not like a whole sleeve. You've snapped up like that.
No. The biscuits were harmed in the making of this segment. I have to say, I haven't got a lot of creative experience with ginger snaps. I tend to eat half of one and then think, oh, what the fuck is the point?
No. What is the point? All right. Well, here we go.
Here is your first ginger snap. Here's your first ginger snap. I'm just finding a purchase here. Here you go, mate.
Have fun. It's a very uniform texture in the handies. The finger tips, those. Well, we're getting crumbs on the mic.