the following podcast is in memory of Keith. No. He is. He's dead.
He's not. He is. He was dead already. Yeah, but he's more dead now.
That we have to. Yeah, I want to dedicate this episode to Keith. I know you don't. You never like Keith.
No, but I still feel you vomited almost when you first saw him. Doesn't mean anything. Well, it doesn't mean something doesn't mean anything. Nothing means anything with you.
I'm just want to dedicate this episode to Keith in moving memory. No, you know, I'm not having it. Why? Because you're not part of Keith's scan.
Well, it was a traumatic experience last episode. The ramifications of which we'll feel later. It was a very well-acted episode. Like some small minded people.
Anyway, do you mean buy some small minded people? Well, by the way, standards of acting and just went, you're not bad, even though you're stayed drama school acting in Clankham. Now it's become my stayed drama school acting. Anyway, I want to dedicate this episode to Keith.
Stay. What does that even mean? Stayed. Like, like, like, Moribund.
Again, what do you, there's no two words means slightly different things. No, what do you think stayed means? Stayed means, I mean, it's tilted. Yeah.
You're acting still. No, fucking, I'm not. They're layering lines. I don't do the intro, fucking hell.
Here's Cheep Show. They're right. Hey, you and your fucking move are positive. People got moved.
What? The fact that Cheep Show, look at that. I'm fucking upset. I'm moving towards it.
Tell us what it is. You can't say hello. Oh, the Cheep Show. No, no, no, no, no.
Paul's a cunt. Hello, good to Cheep Show, everybody. It's the economy. Copy, copy, podcast.
Four of your ears. And yes, what a packed show we have for you tonight. Now, I do have to admit something. Eli's very good.
You're a cunt. You're a cunt. You're a cunt, I'm not. You're a cunt to me.
You're a sociopath. I'm not. I just don't care when you're ill. I come for the door, ladies and gentlemen, early today.
Paul, I'm Paul, are they? Oh, say something nice. No. Are you ill enough to do the podcast?
No, let's do it. Am I ill enough to do the podcast? And I said no. You said no.
So we crack on. That's a perfectly fine sense. I'm not ill enough to do the podcast. No, not to do the podcast.
Oh, fuck. What? So I'm not ill enough not to do the podcast, which I won't do, unless I'm ill enough to do it. It's your door.
You're a dick. You're just in a bad mood. You didn't get it. Oh, because I'm poorly.
I didn't get no love. I get to get to get enough of you. I get to get to get love on numerous occasions. Hey, hello.
I put a tube show, the economy comedy podcast for your ears. It's not for your ears. It is. What else are you going to take it in?
Orally? You're going to have phones in your mouth and listen to us that way. Stick a speaker up your bottom and have my dulcet tones vibrate your bottom in a very nice way. Oh, Bob.
Shit. What? Another shit spit from Paul. Wow.
I'm sorry. Right. I'm not fucking, you know? You're not fucking.
You're not fucking. You're not fucking. You won't be. Oh, well, you won't die.
Why? Because you can try my sex life. Yeah. Cause I'm prowling when you're out at night.
When I see a lady go to. Crowling. When you see a lady, yeah, this is good for you. I'm prowling, you get to Crowling.
It's a prolly, no. You see a lady look at you with romantic intentions. You get to a killer. You give him two away.
You said he says I got too. I said, don't go near him. He's bad news. That's abuse.
He's bad news. That's weird, and abusive and creepy. I keep the name. I'm cracking my hair.
Safe and what? From ladies. Ru and in your focus. The minute you get a little bit in love, it'll be all over, cheap show.
You'll be like, I'm off to Ragland. I'll use that expression. Yeah, I'm after Shagland. Come on, let's go over it.
Show Paul. Yeah. What have you got coming up on the show today? What do you eat?
No shrug. And a board game in Ganon's golden games. Okay. Yeah.
GPs. What else? Oh, and me casa suitcases. I'm looking forward to that.
Why? Because you've got something that's really good and you're going to look at my like shit. You know what? I've got you.
I'm telling you already. I'm telling you already. I've got to take me headphones out of headphones. I do not want to.
It's really hard to record a podcast. I've taken the monitor headphones off and I put my fingers in my ears. Don't know what to go with that. You could be saying anything right now.
But you're not. That glass sweet. That's what I've got. The glass sweet.
The glass sweet. That's all you get. That's all you fucking get. Yeah.
And you'll appreciate it. Yeah. You know what? I was talking to my son.
Oh, my partner is some contest. No, no. Yeah. You just said that.
No, I didn't know. And she listened to this. And she was looking forward to meeting you now. The dark side.
The side I want women about in nightclubs. It's come out. There you go. There's your real Eli silver lady.
And insidious little half-wit. So I'll give you a quick tell us from a shop floor. Okay. I'm going to do a quick one.
You can tell us from the dance floor. Okay. So I don't know what it is about charity shops. But every time they put vinyl in a store, they put it like really low down on the floor.
Yeah. It's heavy. It's heavy. It's very heavy.
So they don't want to be quite awkward to put on shelves if they're not designed for it specifically. It slips off very slippy. Which is fine. I'm giving you a reason.
Yeah. You asked a question. I'm giving you a reason. Okay.
I'm accepting that and agreeing with you. I get a moment. I'm moving on to the rest of this story. Yes.
Which is. I'm going to do a 12 inch. I'm going to do a 12 inch. Oh, fuck.
Anyway, this guy is at the other end of the shelving. Look, and it's CDs, which are higher up because they're lighter. I've been there so many times at dick level. Well, some fucking nasty, like speck wearing fucking weirdo.
Well, this story's going. He looked like a human Toby Jog. You know, he was stout and wild and he's getting closer and closer. He had a handle built into the back of his head.
Head? Head was hollow. Head was hollow. No.
Do you have stout? You can put anything you want. Yeah, they all stout. You said stout just because he was stout and you got a limited word for it.
Yeah, but I can use that word for beer as well as. Now he's placed his hand in anger, ladies and gentlemen. Shut up. So he's not coming towards me and I'm thinking he must see me because at this point he's getting far too close to give me a truffle nudge.
Well, what actually ended up happening was I'm on the floor right by the record and he brings his body right now and pushes me into the shelving. I literally can feel his jubli. Oh my. Yeah.
Excuse me. No, I did the British thing. I did the British thing and on the mike breath complained. I was just looking at my way.
And then he starts like just pushing his weight on me. I'm wondering, so I start moving and then as I move away, I'm here and go. Oh, like that? Really?
Yeah, he's gone. I'm going to get up the shop. Leave. Leave.
I've been to a few of these Harrow charity shops. Not press now. It's not Cambridge, mate. No, it's really scraping.
It's terrible. It's great stuff. I'm not being impressed. Nothing unusual, nothing exciting.
It's been a bit kind of, as you'd expect. So maybe I've got something I think you might enjoy. Yeah. And if you don't like it, there's a little booby me, Casa.
Oh, booby Casa. I like it. Yeah. Still, I've got to tell her something, shop floor, give her a seat dance.
Floor story. That was... Don't question everything. I didn't know.
I didn't want to do my own intro. I didn't want to do my own intro. I didn't want to do my own intro. It doesn't fucking work.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for our in-frequent section. No, Nas. Only in frequent because all the stories are the same. So I have to spread out these stories.
Yes. Yes. Anymore? No.
Yeah. Can I speak? Yeah. Yeah.
You're going to interrupt my intro. No promises. It's time for my in-frequent section. Okay, you're done.
Yeah. I just saw a bat. I see a bat. Whoa!
Oh, okay. I saw a bat. Did you see that? There's lots of bats out there.
Whoa! It's got me in. Fucking cool. Well, that's Oste's track.
How excellent is that, man? There's bats, ladies and gentlemen. They're flying at the window. The house of pickles.
Beautiful. They're going to die for me. This is when they come out at a dark pool to eat the buggy bugs. Oh.
There's a lot of bats around there. There's a lot of bats around there. I love bats. I just didn't think of Central London.
We're like two men in the park. Bats. Anyway, tell us in the dance floor. Which is my in-frequent section where I regale the listeners.
Yeah. With tales from the heady world of professional DJ Manship. DJ Manship. That sounds like a...
DJ Manship. Yeah. Anyway, what's this today's story? For the semen.
For the manship. It's for the semen pool. Arabsy. Cool.
You got me there. You got me there. Come on. Which I like to call.
No, the dance floor. Go on. Well, Paul. Yeah.
DJ the other day. It's slow, moving. It's slow. Just people weren't reacting.
It's early in the night. It's the first set of the night. It's about 9.20 plus 9. And I'm trying to raise the tempo.
Yeah. I feel like the tempo. Yeah. People start moving.
God. People start moving. Oh. I've got...
If I leave him. The saddest part of that is the section of the story. You'll never get to see what I just saw. It was moving.
Slightly erotic. Very erotic. Yeah. And the manager comes over to me.
He goes. Just one thing. Uh oh. Can you make people dance over there?
He goes to the dance floor. Just like one section of the building. He wants them to feel up the front of the stage. Right.
Because they're taking all the tables out. Right. Which they do. They decide when to take all the tables out.
And then that space becomes where the audience is watching the live act. So, yeah. And they weren't filling it up. Right.
So... Whatever reason. Not my fault. Not...
You can't help it. You know what I mean? I'm trying. But he seems to think I had some kind of very...
...specific power to DJ. Where I could select a record that would make people move to a certain part of the room. No, wait a minute. I've got Lulu Shabat.
That only works on the left-hand sides of rooms. It's funny that some songs that work on the right-hand side of the room. So, you know, you're Edwin Star with War. That works on the right side.
Definitely on the right-hand side. On the left-hand side you've got your Lulu, you've got your Beatles, you've got your kicks. But on the right side it's a bit more funky. The fanic line is on the right side.
And yeah, we've got it. It's quite... Center. Let's...
You can play that at its center of the room. That's quite nice. So you've come up with what? War by Edwin Star.
Lulu Shout and Led Zeppelin. Yeah. A whole lot of love. A whole lot of love.
Thank you. All the songs I know. But it is annoying. Yeah.
And it reminds me... Did you get them going? Eventually they did start to dance. But I just felt like I'm under pressure for something I can't...
I literally have no control. No, they might be all disabled in Carget or... They weren't all disabled. But although that reminds me...
Uh-oh. A couple of nights, weeks in a row, there was a huge party of death people right at the front. OK. They can all sense it though.
They can sense what? The beats, the bass, the... The bass, the... They can sense all that.
That's why they all enjoy it. They make their death, OK? They can sense vibration and beats and pulses. So why wouldn't they enjoy it?
Because they can't enjoy music. They can! But not in the same way as it was. A dull thud!
A dull thud! Yes! A thump! I just thought it was quite music.
What? You were laughing at death people? You've seen that in the DJ's... I was pointing a lot of it.
I was a bit bumbled. Now Paul, I was kind of laughing at the absurdity of me trying to get a bunch of deaf people to start dancing. Yeah. The music I was playing.
OK. Is there no absurdity in that? There's a little bit of a... The absurdity?
A absurdity? An absurdity. And it reminded me one as well when I was DJing at another place in Camden and a very aggressive manager. Very aggressive.
And then came over and he said, could you play something a bit more contemporary? I was like, no, no, no. You don't do contemporary. I was just hired, I do what I do.
Now music. Play now music. Now music. Anything off and now albums.
Me and Emma are going to go on just fine. So that's one of the tales from the dance world. And I have another more typical example of the genre. Here we go.
Something more familiar for the audience. A young lady comes up to me and she goes, did you take a quest? Right. Very squeaky voice.
Did you take requests? Yes. And I always say, yes. No, she said, can I make requests?
Can I make requests? And so it's like, yes, of course you can. You can do what you like. You can recite, you can keep playing to me.
She's being polite. What do you mean? You've gone through this before. She's being polite.
She's being shit. You've gone through this way. What do you like? You've known about that.
What do you like? Oh, fucking word. Oh, I have to do fucking words. What's the wrong word?
Never mind. If I put another word in front of you. The exact sentence they should say then. To get your attention.
To get on your good side. Hey, well, listen, you see you doing a mediocre mixing set. Can you play? Shut up.
I'm going to ignore you. They come up to you. Hello. What?
Do you have Tom Jones? It's not unusual. Fuck me. You can't make him anything.
I don't care. That's one of your reaction. Yes. Thank you.
Right. Anything else? I think of the past. Ron Jeremy himself has come out and said, oh, and said, yeah, I do not look like him.
I don't look like you are a silver man. He said that. Yes. Did you see the video?
It was received, filmed by Shana, Shana, Shana, Shana. Hey, you like silver man? It does not look like me. She got it.
She met him at a comic con or something and got him to put his mouth organ in and go, I don't think he would just add the mouth organ with him anyway. I see the thing is that another thing you share with him though. Well, I don't play anymore. No.
He always played the mouth organ and he could also play his organ with the mouth. I get to ruin it for me. Why'd you have to talk over me? I'm going to fucking ruin something new.
You ruined that. That was a really good segment. Shug. Joke.
Before we end the segment. I'm going to have a bit to do. You've ruined. You'll fuck you.
No. Fuck you for finishing that joke. I'm going to say the joke again so we get a clean version without your fucking cretin this chuckle underneath it. Right.
So he plays the mouth organ. He can also play his own organ pole with his mouth. Okay? Thank you.
And she's like, I'm going to make a request. And I'm like, yes, you can. In that sense. So if you can do whatever you like, it's a really country love.
Yeah. You should have just got one. And then she goes magic magic magic. What is the tune for magic?
There's no real magic, Mike Schoon. This may be songs from Sound Count. What does she mean then? She says, play something off the magic mic.
Oh, she meant she was that magic me? And she got another one of my bug pairs. She got a phone out. It's magic mic.
And then she said two things which are like a red rag to a bull for me. Oh, yeah. She said, it's my mate's birthday. And then she said several times it's Saturday night.
It's Saturday night. It's Saturday night. Yeah. Yeah.
That's my tells on the don't. Great stuff. It's not. You're fucking, I'm not going to listen to you anymore.
Yeah. Podcast really hard. Yeah. Because you already don't listen to anything I so.
I do have something for you to end this segment on. You know, we met up with a segment over. We met up with a segment over. This is separate.
This is now separate bit which is just pulled with something shit. It's not. It is something I saw in that American candy store in Camden. Because you didn't go inside.
I'll look around. Here's what I saw. Take a picture. Pringles the old pickle flavor.
Yeah. The Adam. No. It's as nice as no, but also these that got to be like eight ninety nine.
These I went around that American candy shop and you think, oh, how much can the packet of Skittles be from America for 99? We've got some skittles from America there. They're spicy ones. Yeah, they were nice.
I've got some left. I want some. And that's a segment. I saw Pringles pickle flavor.
That's got to do with. You might like it. That's it. I've seen someone sent me a photo of Chris.
Oh, Chito crunchy. Red heart. Ranch. Oh, ranch flavor.
We need it. We're going to have to get our hands on that. The end of my not and see if it was a reaction with the moisture there. I would pay to see that.
to see you balance. I get my not by now. I don't know. No you fucking don't.
I can't see. I can't see it. Pumped the basket on the end of my not. You had a five I be done.
You would really do that . I would look at this hot sauce. This is Dan's river Jamaican hot sauce. Not a fiery sauce boy.
I put it into my meters. Right there we go. What a lovely section. We've got to come here up on the show.
We're going to do the show now. Let's do it then. Can't believe he ruined that show. I didn't ruin it.
I didn't read it. I made it better by talking in recording. Yeah, right. He's got your stupid voice on.
You're annoying voice. Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like that. Weird.
Paul Paul. He needs a need to. Yeah. Just get whatever it is out and let's do the rest of the show here.
I'm here. I'm ready. He's he looks like he's having a very slow motion. Strike everybody.
Yeah. Get it. Get whatever it is out and let's play with it. Whatever the next thing is.
Is it me? What? He's striking and slapping. Floundering without me in the show.
Floundering. I just got it. I actually wanted to do it. I've got some noodles.
I'm not doing noodles. Well, he's just told me I could do what I like. We're not doing noodles then. We're doing it by the rule book.
What rule book? It's agreed we're doing this segment. Nikasa Su-Kasa. Nikasa Su-Kasa.
Well, do we have a theme chain for that? Yeah, but you think it's insensitive to American Indian people. I mean, you got to do it. Ha!
Damn it. You got me to do it. Right. So is it me to you, Kasa Su-Kasa?
Let's not with you because I'd like to end on my Kasa. Why? Because you think it's going to be so good. I'm just not.
I just think it'd be nice to end up. No, no, no, no. Keep showing before. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'll do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, ooh, ooh.
So, me, Kasa Su-Kasa, is where me and Eli decide to have a bit of a pipe of peace and we find an item from a charity shop or a pound land or anything cheap that we think they would appreciate. And let's see what we have today. Now, in the past, we've given each other books, vinyl and all sorts of lovely, lovely things. But let's see what Eli's gotten for me today.
I've got for my me, Kasa, to you, Kasa. Today, Paul is this. So, what you see, and here it is for you. Oh, it's a little Marvin Magic Man.
Well, that was from, basically, you know, you can get cheap magic sets. And one company called Marvin's Magic. Is that the one I didn't know? And that's Marvin's Magic.
What's what do you call it? Character. No, it was a special word, isn't it, for a character who represents a brand? mascot.
Yeah, mascot. Here's the mascot for the children's Marvin's Magic. There's plenty more adult versions. Well, kids will recognize the chicken.
He's a little magician. He's a little magician and he's got a top hat. He's got a cape and he's brandishing some cards. Yeah.
Pick a card, pick a card, any card he's saying. And he's also winking. I like him. He's cute.
And he's a magnet. Is he? Yeah. There's nothing I can attach it to.
There we go. There we go. I like him. He's lovely.
I'm going to call him Martin. What do you think he probably has an official name? What do you think it could have been from some kind of magic sets or some kind of game? It's got a magnet.
So maybe it's not for a fridge. Because he'd be hanging off the fridge at a weird angle. Yeah, it'd be stupid. I think it maybe make the magic trick work.
He made a magic trick work. OK, but you could just put him on the shelf and just be a magic guy. Hey, look at that. Me going, I have you learned any magic tricks?
It's an Irish company, isn't it? No, it's just this is Martin. Not Marvin's. It's Martin.
I've been learning him too. Hello, I'm Martin, all my magic tricks. And I go to magic tricks. What city sticks to that light?
Yeah, he does. He's all right. Oh, always drop this hot sauce. Hot sauce down.
I should mop it up with my meters. Have you really got to? Oh, it comes off. Maybe it's not meant to, but it came off the bottom.
Yeah, I don't know. I think it's more magic tricks. Anyway, that is my Casa for you on this Me Casa Su Casa Paul. How much did that cost?
I've interest three quid. No, it did. Yes, it did. See, I actually put some fucking actual investment in this show.
Yeah. Did you genuinely pay £3? I asked the guy how much it was. He said £3.
I think I'd say like £50. It's crap. I mean, it's it's popped up from the house. Well, just hold your tongue here.
All right. Why? All right. We've done.
Just thought I might have been cheaper than the food. So did I, but I'm not so kind of weird. Stinjo. Right.
Well, do you want to see what I got you? Yes. I'm going to take the price off now. I was going to leave it on to go.
But now I want to save it for the end. So I was a bit of a reveal. A bit of a reveal. So there is.
So hello there. I'm out in my dick and I cast £3. One to a tea. So he did.
Let's say this. Where did you get this? I got this. Oh, where did I get this?