Okay, so I've got this check list of this weird document that uh, Randolph gave me. It's uh, it's dated for today, so I've got any of this stuff. It says a spicy gherkin. Okay, I've got those.
No problem. What else is there? It says embryo of mole. Where am I going to get the mole embryo?
I'm just going to use it like a plastic. I'll do it. I'll use one of my plastic. I'll use a little plastic cat for that.
That's fine. I mean, you know, it's magic. It doesn't matter. I thought the counselor is.
Yeah, this is the one I did, a bottle of wood piss. I've got that. I own piss. And then we're good.
And then what does it say with the time? I have to do it with, recant the invocation at midnight. Alright, we've got to get going with this recording. Yeah, yeah.
Hang on. Alright. Michael, man. Yeah, I'm just putting my penis away, Paul.
Okay? Fuck's sake. This fucking podcast. Why can't I see your penis?
This fucking podcast involves every aspect of my life. It's trying to have my fucking nuts out. Right, I mean, I'll. So why are we doing this so late today?
You know I don't like late ones? Alright, because you came over two hours late. No, you said I'm not going to be three till nine. So me and I, that's where we're going to survive.
Because fuck you. I hate it. You're going to have to be shit as well. I just like, I get all the, I know, and you get all the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to talk like that. It's not even on lowest. We don't do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But honestly, Paul, I'm not really in the mood for Hell in Episode. I'll be honest this time. Sorry listeners.
We're not going to put any effort in this time. It's fucking eleven at nine. I know. I know.
Let's just get this going. Please do an intro. Make it look spooky for Halloween. You know, I guess.
Whoa. Mephisto. It's a ginger. And it's a spooky one for Halloween.
No, it's not. What did you say? What was that last move? Mephisto.
No, Mephisto. That's the way it said, Mephisto. I'll try again. Alright, go.
Oh, shimamitimus. He's a cheap show time. And we are here with the Halloween special. I'm Eli, incredibly creepy Silverman.
And here is Paul, the Gammon Chopper Gammon. Welcome to cheap show. Oh, Mephisto. Hey, you and your fucking mood are positive.
Oh, that move. The Fanta Cheap Show. Look at that fucking set. Moo.
It's cheap show. Yes, it's that time of year again. My favourite time of year. All Hallows E.
It's your title, Top Holiday. Sam Hain himself is visiting us. Who is Sam Hain? Isn't that how Halloween was originally called?
Yeah, they did. He called Sam Hain. Did he have a little Shada then? No.
He was a little Shada then. Ooh. Mate, you're really feeling the spirit. Well, when you said Sam Hain then, it went Moo.
Mate, I've got a little bit of Sam in me today. No, but he's not a person who's trying to fucking. No, I know it's the name of the festival, Sam Hain. Yeah, so it's just a Swedish word or something.
Oh, I mean, I'm a western person. We should do the research. Oh, I'm doing research. I'm not doing research.
I'm not an Halloween. That's a religious holiday for us. Halloween, we don't work on Halloween. What I like about Halloween, apart from the horror themeing, is you have to do anything?
No, not really. It's like you just have to buy presents. By presents, you have to see people. No, you don't have to dress up.
No. You have to do fuck all. That's so sweet. The best you can do is watch a horror film and get all a bit spooky.
If you like. If not, if not, don't. You can just tell kids to fuck off. Fuck off.
Fuck off from outside of my house. Think, Dom. Hello, Mr. Trick or Treat.
Now listen, you fuck off from outside of my house. Oh, you don't say that. Sir, you told me. I don't do Halloween.
No, good. It's weird though, because every time I get a bowl of sweets for Halloween, kids, um, for Trick or Treats. You get a bowl of them. You get a bowl of sweets.
You get a bowl ready. No one comes to the door. But when I don't bother, ding dong. What do you want?
It's a sub-colerary. What? Sub-cor-roll. A corollary.
What do they call it? I literally don't know. A corollary. It correlates.
All right, it's a sub-corollary. You sure that's a word, though? I'm pretty sure it isn't. I'm getting it to doubt it.
But it's a sub-roll. Let's say that. It's a sub-law. Oh, is it?
No. Murphy's law is anything bad can happen. If anything bad can happen, it will happen or something. No, that's a sub-law.
What's Murphy's law then? People rise to the level of their incompetence. Okay. Is that it?
No, that's Coleslaw. What's Murphy's law? Coleslaw. Coleslaw.
Yeah, that gag. Isn't that gag? I tried to. Yeah, well, fuck yeah.
Stop me in the hedge. I'm the king of gag-stoppers. You need it. You need it.
You're a gag-stoppers. There'll be no punch line here. Thank you. I'm not going to get in there.
Oh. No, I think Murphy's law and Sods are basically the same thing, different names for the same law. Okay, Google. Oh, fuck you.
What's Murphy's law? This is the definition of Murphy's law. A supposed law of nature expressed in various humorous popular sayings to the effect that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Okay.
And what is Sods law? Okay, Google. What is Sods law? Here's a summary from Wikipedia.
Sods law is the axiom that if something can go wrong, it will. It's just the same. It's just the same. Shut up, love.
Shut up. No, she was going to say something interesting then. It's borrowed from Phonagal's law. Phonagal's law.
It's the same thing. He used it. It was coined by John W. Campbell Jr., the influential editor of Astounding Science Fiction, who used it frequently in his editorials between the 1940s and 60s.
Think Phonagal's law of dynamic negatives, also known as Melody's law or Murphy's law. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong and at the worst possible moments. Like in a Fars, when the vicar is in the cupboard hiding with the wife and his belt elastic goes right at the same time. But twang.
I wasn't kind. I was just trying to get it to the vestibule. Oh, my travels have all gone fumpy. Yes.
Oh, flop-a-flop-flop-flop. What's this? I'm doing a sound effect. He's all these stuffs falling out.
Because it's twang-flop-flop-flop-flop-flop-flop-flop-flop-flop-flop. Anyway, it's Halloween special. Eli's drinking green tea. Yes.
That's a healthy, healthy man. Green for Halloween though. Ooh, it's spooky slime tea. Slam.
If you say it the different times. Can I just add something to this whole laws? Oh, yeah. If you really think about it, it basically relates to the second law of thermodynamics as well, which is entropy increases in a close system, which means things generally sort of slow down and get worse, very generally speaking.
They think sort of lose energy. energy, energy's dissipated out and you know, all sorts of kind of decays. I think you've lost the audience. I don't care if you've lost the teacher audience.
In the second law, a thermodynamics has been sort of happening in my mouth over the last 30 seconds. What are you talking about? Entropy pool! I don't know what's going on!
I'm just saying, perhaps the more science literate of our listeners will be able to see the connection I'm making between the Sods and Murphys and Finagels, various laws and the laws of thermodynamics. Hello, if you want something done at the worst possible time, getting touch with us at Sods, Murphys and Finagels, we are the firm for you. We will make sure that yes, your pants do fall down at the local village tea party. Need something to go wrong, not just wrong, really wrong at the wrong time.
I'm Eric Finagels and this is my brother Sods. Hello, why my Sods? You Sods? That's my surname.
You know what I also realised, the other day, when someone calls someone a Sods, they're being homophobic. What really? Sodomite. Oh.
I think of it as so many homophobic connotations to words that you just think of as a password. I know, we need to be more careful of our language and treat it like delicate porcelain. You only use on an average session day. I made the connection myself, but sounds pretty convincing, doesn't it?
Yeah, I was it. I think that's the derivation of Sod. Oh, well, you buggering sod. Thanks, Bull.
Someone we've got coming up on this very spooky. Oh, in our low-key Halloween special this year, we're going to do... It's a low-key Halloween special to God, but Thor's brother. We did that character ever, so we did that character ever.
Because then I said Thanos and you went ratatata, and then we interviewed... Sorry everyone, law or diminishing returns. God, stop it. No, I mean, jug-stopper.
Halt! This gag has been done. Yes, thank you. Do not proceed to punch a line.
Thank you, Mr. Gagstopper. There he goes. Oh, he's a superhero.
He's a superhero. That cheap show needs. He does. Actually, I like a lot of the characters that kind of bubble up.
The gagstopper is actually one who might have some utility here. He might save our lives. He might stop us from doing low-key puns. Oh, he's just doing a little loop.
He's doing a little loop. He's doing a little loop. He's always showing off. Oh, he's got his junk out.
He's got his big junk out. He's wobbling his massive goby junk around. Oh, it's very hip-tossing. It's raining pubes.
It's rumble. It's raining pubes. It's a loo. It's raining pubes.
It's a loo. It's a rain and pubes. All over me. I'm going to go.
I'm going to get myself. Absolutely hairy wets. It's raining pubes. Now my throat, it's raining pubes.
Dark, brown, short and curly. They're up with a curly whirly. That would help you to get them down, wouldn't it? It's raining pubes.
Curly whirly. There's a little establish. This will make them though. Yes, but I don't see them around a lot.
I don't see them around a lot these days. Maybe in a little walk. They're probably in the same small region of the North East that still have cheese moments. Maybe.
It's a belief I want to hold. Yeah. There is some small part of Britain that still has the triumph of snacks, which are scampy. Scampy fries.
Crispy flavors. What they call crispy bacon fries. Yeah. Cheese moments.
Well, if you're up there. Cheese flavoured moments. And you're listening actual name. Yeah.
Cheese moments is just whenever you fucking talk to your girlfriend. Oh! Wait! Stop!
There was no need for that puns, sir. I'm sorry, Mr. Gagstofer. There'll be no more puns upon that level in this episode.
You know what? This episode with the now instruction, this character could end up just ruining the flow. Because you know what? I was going to be pulling each other up on our shit.
I haven't done Gagstofer. No. Well, you can't. Well, tell him he's a Paul Ganon TM creation.
Tell him a little behind the scenes here. Yeah. Right. I know how to deal with this.
Just do Gagstofer's final speech of this episode now. Yeah. He has to go and beat the evil puns, yeah. Yeah.
Okay. But it's going to take a long time because it's in an extra dimension on the other side of the universe. And the continuity will be run. Sorry about that, Mr.
Gagstofer. I shouldn't have done that. You will think twice. Next time you try and pun.
God bless Britain. Well, I'm glad you're here, Mr. Gagstofer. Sir, Gagstofer, what I call you.
You can call me Stoppa. Stoppa? Because we've got to do lots of shit gags that we might have repeated before for the rest of the episode. We really could do with you having a round.
Well, I can't stand a round here all day stepping in and stopping your puns. I can't. No, fuck no. I've got to go to an extra time.
That's a change of tone. I've got your swearing now, aren't you? Punch. Punch.
What have you got to do then? Right. I've got to go to other dimensions. Wow, he's poking through into this dimension a bit.
I've just stopped it back. Bye. Bye. I'm going to go after him there.
Okay, and it means you'll be gone for how long? About the rest of the episode. Okay, good. Well, I'm glad that's been sorted.
Anyway, I'll be the Halloween special. Yes. Well, it's all Halloween special. Lightning crackle, lightning crackle thunder.
Have you got any special plans for Halloween this year? No. Are they releasing the reboot of Halloween? Yeah, that's the soon.
Now, is that reboot? Is it sequel? Is it prequel or is it a full remake? Apparently, it is a sequel to the first film and ignores part two through nine.
Partial reboot then, I would say. No, because of reboot. It's re-boosted in sequels. No, it's ignoring them completely.
It's skipping forward 40 years after. But what's there's any name for that? It's retcon. No, because it's not retconning.
Anything really? Well, it's saying all of this didn't happen. But Halloween H2O did that as well. Did it?
Yeah, the one that came out 20 years after that. That's a stupid name for a film. Halloween 20, H2O. That was the pun.
Right. It's in a different dimension. Yeah, I know. It's in a different dimension.
Yeah, I know. I know. You can't hear it. The thing is, is that two introduced her being the sister to Michael Myers, because in the first film they weren't related at all.
Yeah, and two continued right from the moment. I love that. I thought that was good. That was good.
But then, like, Charlie Curtis is in a bed for most of the second film. He doesn't really do much till the end. But it's not as good. But then at the end of the same kind of universe, tightly, isn't it?
But at the end of two, Loomis and Michael Myers blow up in a math explosion. Right? Yes. Three happens.
Three is the math film, which isn't. Happy, happy, happy, happy. What is the equivalent of what they were trying to do? It's the Halloween title, but lots of different stories as feature films.
Anything? The creeper show was a bit like that. The creeper show was already had separate stories within it. I guess, off the top of my head, I can't think of many examples of a film franchise that has like a name.
I mean, it's the cloverfield franchise kind of counts. There you go. I'm pretty sure there's got to be something before that. I'm sure there's people feverly writing already.
Well, I'd be interested to know. I would be too. Because it didn't work, obviously, for Halloween. No.
No. Because people hated. Well, it would have worked for the season of the witch they hated it. It was big flop because people thought they were getting into the Michael Myers film.
The problem is that too came about almost by accident because it was all very successful in the first film. So they were like, quick make too. And apparently the plan was to make two, three, do a separate story. Every Halloween, different story.
But then the sequel buggered that up because it made it a sequel to the first film. So then all of a sudden you're switching tack. So four comes along and four goes, don't worry about it. Everyone's alive.
So they actually read Boating in a way. Yeah. And then the four dots, the thorn trilogy. Is it four, five, six, or the thorn, right?
Yeah. Something like that. But all of a sudden, he's a walking corpse led by a cult to kill people in a bloodline family which gets stripped dropped over. And it's all like, just fucking milk it.
Donald's all turns up and goes, you don't understand. He's a mad man. No one believes him again because of all the odds. So this one is going to ignore all of that bullshit.
It's new one. It just goes straight to what would have happened 40 years later had Halloween finished on that Halloween, which is him walking off into the night. Well, you never see him. He's just a body's lying there on the grass.
And then it's not there. And then it's up there. Yeah. So he walked off the floor.
It's taken or something. So that's what the plot about this one is. I think it looks all right. The views have been good to mix, which is nice.
Some saying it's the best sequel to any of them. And it's overseen by Carpenter, is it? Oh, yes. Some kind of executive production.
Yeah. Don't say it on Halloween, Paul. Why not? The kids, all chimeed in.
And then you look talking on their phone and go, broing and playing Candy Crush. With the volume turned up and being some kind of fucking, I don't know, fully grown man in nasty greasy tracksuit bottoms playing Candy Crush. Like you don't care about anything in the world with the volume, Paul, you can't. You can't.
You are. What a lovely fantasy that turned into a massive horrible rant. Angry, rapping, angry rant. I hate it.
I get it. No one fucking cares. Let's decide if we've been taught to fight for ourselves and think of number one. There's no society anymore.
That's crumbling and wumblin'. You want a real theory on Halloween? It's the breakdown of society. That's what the purge series is trying to say.
Don't get me started. Or with that far away. Oh, politics. That's your real nightmare listeners.
Oh, it's not monsters in the night or creatures or ghouls. No, ever knows how it's going to be a politician. It's your politicians. It's your businessmen.
They're the ones who will cause a dystopian future. So you want to be afraid. You want to fight something. You want to be a hero.
Take a gun. Walk into a bag. Don't stop there. It's not a gun.
You should. Should I? Well, you're saying, take a gun. Walk into a bag.
Rob the bank. Yeah, that wouldn't work. Well, I'll have to die then. Don't be it.
I'm talking about it. To make an example of some of them. What? Get out of the floor desperate.
I need the money. Put in the bag now. Put in the bag now. Put in the bag now.
There you go. Thank you. This was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. It was a good scene, Paul.
Just leave it there. Honestly. What have we got coming up on the show? Trick or treat.
Trick or treat. I'm going to show you something that might be a bit of a trick. That's something that's a treat. What do I have to say?
Nothing. Just enjoy the products. I'm going to bring up the Halloween based. A trick or treat.
It's a toy. It could be a snack. It's what we did last year. You don't remember.
We don't trick and treat. I'll show you something to play with for Halloween. There's something to eat on Halloween. What would you like first?
Trick or treat. Maybe. What would you do? Trick or treat.
I would like. Trick. Hit me with a nasty. Give me a product of a nasty whole.
Here's your first trick. What do you see? I'm happy to leave the price on there. It's a novelty pencil.
It has silver skulls on the body of the pencil. It has a lovely eraser. It does. It has a skeleton.
Skelly bones. Skelly bones on the top of your pencil. It's your little present for you. Thanks mate.
I like that. The head is on a spring. That's a lovely touch. That's a nice novelty pencil.
It gets you in the mood for Halloween. It's only does. Spooky messages. I know what you're doing tonight and you post it through a door.
Or like I've eviscerated your cat. You can't. Get out of my par with my sittles tonight. I know.
In my belly bail. And then show a picture of like a stew. Ooh. Cat stew.
It is coming out. You do like a pie. Yeah, it is. Yeah.
I do. I kick up the paws off. Then I put on the side of the bowl. Like he's trying to climb up.
Nice. They have those things in cars which were like children's fingers. Do you remember this thing? They're hooked over.
Under the bonnet of the car. Funny. All my other favourite things. Dangle from a car.
Balls. You know, like they have big rubber balls you hang on the back of the truck. Yeah, that's funny. Shrocticles or something.
Anyway, so that's a lovely little Halloween pencil. There you go. And you can find photos of everything we just got in the episode. We have the episode.
Yeah. Listeners. Where can we find those? Thecheapshow.co.uk.
Look for the photos of everything. Look for the dedicated page to this episode. What number episode is this? 99.
Whoa. I don't know why that deserves a whoo. It's just 99. 100 round the corner.
Okay. So as a trick, what would you give that out of five? I'd say it's a nice three and a half. Three and a half.
Agreeable. Lovely thing. Off to a good start. We'll start here on this Halloween trickle treat segment of the show.
All right. Next one. Trickle treat, mister. Well, we've had a trick.
It was a scary skeleton. Whoa. So let's have a treat now. Okay, here we go.
Say what you see, mister Silvary. Well, we have some Choco Lollies. Oh. It's a selection of eight Choco Lollies.
Yeah. But there's only four designs. Oh, it's so weird. It's a design has been duplicated once.
Try to go across the illustration show. A dancing skeleton. Classic. But there's a little twist to this one.
Yeah. So what I'm going to do is a jack O'Lanton. That's very clever. I like that.
I don't know why, just because they couldn't be bothered to draw the hips. Maybe you saw a skeleton or vagina. Is that true? What they're trying to cover up.
It's weird. It's like it's a scally bones with a big pumpkin nappy on. I don't know. I mean, maybe he's...
He doesn't poo. Where's Pooh come from, Paul? I can see right through him. Yeah, there's no pooh pooh.
There's no genitals. There's nothing. There's no wee wee. He's just got the legs coming out the mouth as well.
Not even the bottom of it. So it's like he's half in half out. He's doing it. He's got his pubic bone up and down in there.
Scrapey scrape. I like the feel of the slightly fermented pumpkin flesh against my scrapey bone. Ooh. And he's got a lot of blood on.
He's got eyes. And they've got some in the blue sort of... Yeah, he's with his holes. And he's holding up.
I mean, it's unnerving. He's holding up a little picture of... Oh, he's not. He just is on top of the picture in fact.
I haven't even gone that far. But it's a picture of what we're going to get, which looks like. Chocolate bar with a stick on coming out the end. Yeah, what a stupid fucking concept.
Quickly the other illustrations. Then Jack O'Lanterns, which is four of them, all in a top of each other. A rutstache. A snack and the top one has a witch's hat on.
It's a good little look. I like that one. Classic monsters. And then we have the mummy.
The mummy. Now the mummy is holding the lolly. They've actually incorporated that in. And why has he got all yellow around the eyes?
I haven't dealt with the eyes very well. I think it's just maybe it's all decay. Maybe it's a little bit sandy. I don't know.
Maybe they just kind of keep it a kind of yellow palette. Do you find the mummy scary? Has anyone ever found the mummy scary? I don't know.
Not really. Not personally. The perfect person to play the mummy. Slice alone.
Why? No. No. I love it.
I love it. Do you know who would know? They should add lots of play. Go on.
Brucey. Oh, you're being a werewolf. How? I love this.
I love this. Yeah. Then we have Wicked Witch. She's got a big green schnoz on her carving and warts.
She's riding a broomstick. Yeah. And there you have it. Let's go and start tasting.
I'll hand you one of these. I'll have one. I've got one of these here. I'm not holding up a lot of them.
I'm not. I'm not. I think these are particularly good. They won't be good.
It was going to be. Oh. They printed onto the chocolate as well. What have you got on yours?
I've got Jack O'Lantern. I've got a scarecrow. Let me see. A little scarecrow.
Can you see? A little scarecrow. Yeah. Weird.
Yeah. But there's quite a lot of detail on those, isn't there? They've printed into the bar. They smell like...
No. It's that particular sweet chocolate. Slightly better than usual. It reminds me of the kind of chocolate.
It's actually not too bad. It still is subpar chocolate. But it's actually nowhere near as... Don't say bitter, but you know that tangy get from cheap chocolate when it's overly sweet.
It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. For a quid for what?
Eight of them? Not about. So you go. Alright.
Listen, what? Out of five then. I'll go just half way, two and a half. Two and a half.
I was going to agree with you there. Two and a half. Right. Next one.
Let's go to the alternate. There we go. What have we got here? We've got a spooky makeup set.