Ep118: Going on 40 (wrap up) - lessons learned and looking forward

**Special note to our listeners** Love the show? Help us keep the conversation going! Become a paid subscriber through our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Substack. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Your contributions help us continue to make content on issues related to the Asian-American, immigrant, modern parent experience. THANK YOU to our super awesome listeners who have already signed up! ------------------------------------------------ Now that we've all officially turned 40, we're wrapping up this series by reflecting on the lessons we've learned. Here's the TLDR of Part 1 (but of course, you'll have to listen to get the juicy bits :p ). Relationships (romantic relationships and friendships): - If someone doesn't treat you well in a relationship, the cause is roughly as likely to be their own baggage as it is yours. - Sometimes you're attracted to someone for the wrong reasons (you're projecting your issues on them, you want to "save" them) - Working on yourself and pursuing the things you want and love are probably the best path to finding a good partner. - At some point in a romantic relationship, you might want to get the Eight Dates book by Gottman and have those critical conversations before investing further. - It's ok if not everyone likes you. You can (and probably should) consider their perspectives but you don't have to be a slave to them. - Boundaries can be a form of care for yourself and others in that they keep relationships sustainable. They acknowledge that everyone has limits. - Sometimes, when you see people struggling, they may not want or need a "fix" at that time. They may need someone to just be with them, listen to them or give them space. Career and work outside of family: - Try to get more clarity early on in your real interests, goals and motivations. - A sizeable chunk of career decisions and issues (risk taking, financial considerations, building relationships with peers and senior people) may be traced back to your personal issues.