EP225 The ABCs of Grandparenting Without Shame

Send us Fan MailThis episode is technically about grandparenting. But it is really about something most of us deal with every day: how to correct someone you love without making them feel like something is wrong with them. That shows up in how you give feedback at work, how you argue with a partner, how you talk to yourself when you mess something up. And yes, how you talk to a kid when they are driving you absolutely crazy.Sami and Angela use grandparenting as the lens because it is where the stakes feel especially clear: you love these kids completely, you only get so many reps, and the patterns you absorbed from your own upbringing have a way of showing up without permission. Their conversation centers on the difference between guilt (I did something wrong) and shame (there is something wrong with me), a distinction borrowed from Brene Brown that is one of the most practically useful frameworks in the episode. Once you have it, you will start noticing it everywhere. In this episode, they dig into:Why shame shows up in grandparenting even when no one intends itHow telling a child to "be careful" all the time might be quietly building their anxietyThe difference between correcting a behavior and attacking an identityAngela's ABCs (and Sami's three Rs) for interacting with grandkids without shameWhy repair matters just as much as getting it right in the first placeSami and Angela get personal here. Angela talks about the very real capacity limits of grandparenting (and why "I love my grandkids but send them home" is not a character flaw). Sami talks about what it is like to watch a grandparent say something she also says, and realize the two are not that different. They walk through the backpack metaphor, the sleeping-grandchild test, and why knowing better is not the same as saying you did it wrong. If you grew up hearing "be careful" constantly and have spent your adult life with an anxiety you cannot fully explain, this one might give you a word for it.You do not need a grandchild, or even a child, to walk away from this one with something real.Press play. The kid who grew up being told to be careful might need to hear this one.MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODEBrene Brown's work on shame vs. guilt (brenebrown.com)The motivational triad (avoid pain, seek pleasure, be efficient) -- referenced in discussionYou've done the work. The retreats, the books, the coaching. And the pattern is still there. The Invisible Edge Foundation 1:1 Coaching is where that changes. Six sessions, one-on-one, body-based belief work that gets underneath what nothing else has touched. bfreakingawesome.com/invisible-edge-foundationSupport the showSign up at bfreakingawesome.com to get the latest news, insights, and episodes straight to your inbox.Follow Be Freaking Awesome on Facebook, LinkedIn, Youtube, and Instagram.Let us know what questions you want to be answered and discussed by emailing us at [email protected].