Ep46 Todd Sarner—How to Raise Resilient Kids When You're Already Doing Everything Right

Why do children who have every advantage in the world still struggle to handle a simple no? In this episode of Pressures of Privilege, host Diana Oehrli sits down with Todd Sarner, a licensed therapist who trained under attachment expert Dr. Gordon Newfeld and has spent 22 years working with more than 2,000 families, many of them among the most resourced in the country. Todd is the author of The Calm and Connected Parent, which hit number one in new parenting releases on Amazon, and he built his entire practice around one idea: behavior is the branches, and connection is the root. Together, they get into why kids raised with every material advantage often struggle the most with resilience, what happens in a child's brain the moment they resist a parent's request, and why a firm, loving no is one of the most protective things a parent can offer. Todd walks through the difference between punishment and consequence, why two parents with different instincts are usually both right, and how repair, not perfection, builds a secure, resilient child. If you've ever wondered why doing everything for your kids still doesn't seem to be enough, this episode was made for you. Chapters (00:00:00) - Todd Sarner on the Calm and Connected Parent(00:03:03) - How to Talk to Your Child About Behavior(00:08:01) - We All Acquire Emotions(00:15:09) - How to help a divorce partner with a child(00:18:36) - Understanding the emotional needs of children(00:23:23) - Todd and Elizabeth Kubbler-Ross:(00:27:07) - How to Get a Real Out of Your Tears(00:34:17) - What Happens If You Have a Narcissist Parent?(00:37:50) - How To Get Out Of Trauma(00:41:39) - Do You Need to Protect Your Child's Personality?(00:44:32) - Why Do Kids Resist and Defy?(00:50:13) - How to Raise a Strong Willed Child(00:55:45) - Have Immigrant Nannies Be Mean to Kids?(00:58:07) - Different Parenting Styles(01:04:46) - No More Criticizing My Partner(01:10:02) - How To Apologize To Someone(01:11:21) - The Common Connection: How to Raise Your Child