Episode 04. The Begging Loop

Hello hello, we are back with another one from the Unmuzzled Archives. And it’s juicy. I got off a call with a peer few weeks back. She is a mentor and founder, turned friend, with over a decade of experience and mastery in her field. She’s built the thing, led the rooms, done the work a hundred times over. And on that call, she said the thing she’d been thinking by herself. You know, the one thing you’ve not yet named out loud, but it’s the biggest elephant and energy drain/suck every time it’s circling your thoughts… It shows up at the most random times, in my case, while cleaning or doing the dishes, or other times, long after I’ve put my boys to bed and I’m lying awake with my mind racing a mile a minute. And then I told her mine. And she said, girl, me too. Something shifted inside of me when she said that. Pure sigh of relief, like WDYM I’m not the only one who feels this way?! Like, okay. I’m not going insane. There’s nothing for me to be ashamed of here. This happens. In business, in life, in leadership. And this is exactly why we don’t do this alone. This is why we are here in community. To witness each other and see ourselves in each other’s stories. To deeply connect and truly be a place where we can rip the proverbial unmuzzle off our throats and name the very things we’ve been carrying alone. So I want to bring that same conversation to you today. I’m having an open, candid conversation, because if founders with a decade-plus of experience are sitting with this stuff on their chest? Chances are, you’ve been sitting with it too. Okay? Drumroll please… Say hello to… The Begging Loop. I named this loop at the High Vibe Women conference in Burlington. My dear friend Anna Lozano was delivering her keynote (it was freaking incredible!) talking about abundance, frequency, audacity, really letting yourself be unreasonable in the best way. And out of nowhere, as she was speaking about money mindset and patterns we inherit growing up, I had an aha moment. A string of memories hitting me and the scent of them making me feel nostalgic, sad, and mind blown, all the freaking things. #storytime. When I was a kid, I was like a dog with a bone. Persistent, persuasive, and stubborn as ever. If I wanted something, I would not stop asking for it. I would obsessively, continuously ask. I would create entire case studies on my tiny blackboard. I would sit my parents down and make elaborate speeches about why I deserved to receive this thing—whatever it was—even when what I was asking for was completely reasonable, like a new book, or to go to the beach, or to spend time together, etc. It’s not like I was asking them to send me to the moon or bring home ten dogs (I mean, okay, we had a few dogs over the years (2 were our own, and the rest of them, I used to rescue stray puppies that were abandoned by their owners in Dubai, and I’d bring them home and my dad and I would nurse them to health and then re-home them to new families etc). Okay? Subconsciously, I internalized a rule: The way to receive anything in life is to make the person you’re asking feel like they’re doing you a massive, massive favour. Even if what you’re asking for was always yours to receive. Even if it’s reasonable. Even if it’s already been earned. So I would beg. And I would plead. And I would fold myself into the smallest possible square—picture folding a sheet of paper over and over and over again until it can’t get any smaller—so that the giver could feel big. Big enough to say yes. This continued as I grew older and became an insidious cycle with just my mom and I (eventually, after her and my dad split). It didn’t matter what it was—financial help, borrowing her car, or helping with the wedding, or eventually having her come look after my kids, or have her come and help me in some way… be it time, energy, or tangible finances, or a co-sign on loan I needed to borrow last year. It always felt like I had to beg, grovel, plead my case, and THEN the help would arrive no doubt, but never before it made me feel small, or dependent, or like I need to prove my worth/innocence/that I genuinely was deserving of her help. And it was something that was always held over me, or weaponized at the most apt time, no matter what. And sitting at HighVibe Conference, surrounded by powerful women, the Holy Spirit hit me with it: Holy guacamole. I’ve been doing this exact thing in my business. In my marriage. In my friendships. In my pricing. In how I talk about my work, how I present my work, how I show up in rooms I built. Every single way. An insidious, inherited pattern I never chose—running on repeat underneath everything. How the Begging Loop Showed Up in My Business. Let’s get to the nitty gritty details, so maybe you’ll see yourself in it. And if you do? I see you. You’re not alone. Okay? I couldn’t send my clients their invoices. You guys, for a long time, especially in my early entrepreneur years, I would have a lump in my throat every single time. It didn’t even matter that I did the work. That I delivered it. That I did it really well. That the client was happy about it. I still had an issue sending the invoice. To the point where my clients would chase me to send them one. Normally? It’s the other way around. Right? I would over explain my rates before anyone ever asked. IYKYK. Same girl, same. You’re not alone in that. I would preemptively discount my services. This one is a goodie… somedays I SMH when I think of how deeply this ran my business for a long time. Even when I knew I couldn’t afford to. I had margins to hit. I had team to pay. I had to pay myself. I still needed to bring revenue into the business. But I’d discount anyway. Or I’d toss in extra work, extra scope, extra everything, freaking overstuff my delivery and services, so the client would never feel like they were paying for something crazy. I would take on clients I knew weren’t a fit. Because the alternative was having no clients. And of course, as any normal business owner, we don’t want that. Right? And here’s what really got me. I never had a pricing problem. Ever. Even when I was first starting out. Nope. I had no issues dreaming up my rates. I could do the cost-benefit analysis. I could put pen to paper and map out exactly how much revenue I wanted to make, what I needed to achieve, and the good Lord would help me with that too. The spreadsheet was fine. The pricing was fine. I had a problem receiving. I had a kink in my belief. A kink in my voice, my throat, my God-given authority. I had no problem being blessed with money, opportunities, connections, you name it, it was there. All the way from when I was a child. However, I had a problem with receiving any and all of it. Receiving money. Receiving recognition. Receiving compliments. Receiving anything good that moved toward me. No sooner would I receive it than something inside me would scramble to sabotage it. Spend it. Deflect it. Overspill it. Undercut it. Assign it somewhere else before I had to actually sit with the fact that it was mine. And truthfully? This started long, long before I ever started a business. It started as a child. And only grew more roots as I grew older, and it went unchecked until I became an entrepreneur and a mama, and it forced me to excavate everything and step boldly and obediently into my God-given calling and voice. What’s It Actually Costing You? Because here’s what I need you to hear/read/remember. You can have the right pricing on your sales page. You can have gorgeous brand photos, beautiful graphics, strategically written copy that evokes emotion, shares your story powerfully and draws people in. Everything can be there. Everything should work on the surface. But you and I both know that something still feels off. And the reason is this: the begging loop is running underneath every single conversation. Every single interaction. Every piece of content you post. Every discovery call you take. It’s the silent program humming under the strategy. And sometimes the cost doesn’t come off your invoices or your pricing. Sometimes it costs you in your boundaries. In your standards. In your energy. In the scope creep you allow. In the rooms you shrink in. In the leadership you water down. The Shift. As soon as I named “the begging loop” that kept running my life on repeat… the immediate shift for me was when started to notice the loop and decided to actively step out of it instead of continuing to repeat the cycle. Every time I felt the urge to shrink instead of receive? I received. At High Vibe Conference, everyone kept complimenting my outfit. I said, Thank you. Not “this old thing… or ouuu, my friend thrifted and revived this old piece for me.” Just thank you. Deeply receiving it. At a church event, someone complimented my eyes. Thank you. Not looking away, or deflecting it. Someone told me I was radiating, glowing. Thanked me for praying over them. You’re so welcome. Thank you for sharing that with me. Not saying, “Oh, it’s nothing…” because who you let speak life into you, pray over you and with you matters. And I know the assignment God has me here on. A friend edified me before introducing me to a business connection. Thank you. And I received the introduction. Not pedestaling my friend or the connection, or hiding behind everything else. Just receiving it, and owning it. A founder asked for my rates. I gave them. She said she’d think about it. Thank you. I let my rate simply be my rate. No shrinking. No preemptively discounting my offer. No catastrophizing in case they come back saying no, or not right now. No elaborate blackboard presentation about why I deserve to be paid for my own work. So ask yourself this question: Where are you still begging for something that is rightfully yours? What is it costing you in your life? In your business? In your leadership? In your motherhood, if you’re a mother? Because I promise you—until you resolve this, until you actively work to shift it, you’re going to continue to repeat it. God has said to go and have dominion over things. God has said to go out and multiply—literally, but also multiply the blessings you receive. [Genesis, NIV] Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name [John 14:23, NIV]. Do that. Pray over it. Ask. Don’t just sit there replaying old patterns and old inherited thinking that was never yours to carry forward. Don’t replay behaviours that were never yours to begin with. It’s not worth it. Here’s What I’ll Leave You With. I’m not sharing this because I’ve solved it. I’m very much a work in progress. I’m naming it right now because doing so actually diminishes the power it holds over you. It completes the cycle. It breaks the bondage. The enemy wants you to stay hidden. The enemy wants you to repeat the begging loop. The enemy wants you to continue to self-sabotage your God-given calling, especially when you are SO close to a breakthrough. The enemy wants you to not move forward in your God-given assignment. Naming it, being aware of it, and praying over the stronghold and then breaking it by shifting it through your actions? That’s the first move. That’s the only shift that ever matters—your direction, your decision, and your firm foundation. If you’re in your own version of eliminating old habits this season—I love you so much. I am praying over you in the name of Jesus that all of these strongholds and bondages break. I rebuke everything not of God in your life, so that you may step more powerfully into the new season he is calling you into. And I want you to know: what’s on the other side of this reckoning is not more begging, pleading, convincing, or minimizing yourself. No more groveling. No more cheapening the pearls that God has given you. No more hustle for the sake of hustle. What’s on the other side is more clarity, alignment, peace, and conviction. More of the lifestyle, the impact, the business, and the brand you’ve actually built or are called to build. Continue the Conversation. THE FOUNDER’S ESSENCE | JUNE 12, 2026 | OAKVILLE, ONTARIO If this episode and read resonated, this room was built for you. An intimate, in-person experience for creatives to prosper in God’s name. For service providers, artists, and creatives who are here on mission. Let yourself get poured into, let yourself receive. General: $300 CAD plus HST | VIP: $3,500 (10 spaces) - Book your VIP Content Artistry Day in July or August, and attend the November 06, 2026 Founder’s Essence Event. UNMUZZLED PRIVATE INTENSIVE 1:1. Bespoke. For the founder who’s ready to refine her voice, reclaim her brand, and receive the creative direction her business has been starving for. Until next time, Tania Jane Get full access to UNMUZZLED by Tania Jane at taniajanemoraes.substack.com/subscribe