Episode 1: Resting Bike Face

Nation, they are tracking your REM sleep. In our inaugural broadcast, I sit down with 19th-century medical pioneer Dr. Silas P. Thistledown to expose the "biohacking" agenda for what it really is: a direct assault on the American soul. Dr. Thistledown warns us that just as the unnatural velocity of the 1890s bicycle caused irreversible "Bicycle Face," today’s Oura rings and smartwatches are literally boiling our humors. Do not let them optimize you. Stay vigilant.