Episode 11: The Psychology of Self-Esteem

Send us Fan MailSelf esteem is a way of describing how we think and feel about ourselves and our worthiness. While low self-esteem (or low self-confidence) is not a specific diagnosis or separate pathology, it is often a component of mental health diagnoses. In addition, low self-esteem is a common complaint that comes up in the course of psychotherapy.The Two-Factor theory of self-esteem says that our level of self-esteem is a product of what we do and what we say to ourselves about what we do. If we are engaged in behavior that is wrong in some way—i.e., it falls short of the standards we hold—it leads us to hold a negative view of ourselves.  When our behavior is objectively acceptable and not inherently or morally wrong, we might still have a low opinion of ourselves. We might be holding ourselves to an unreasonable standard that we have adopted from a source outside of ourselves, such as the opinion of an earlier authority figure in our lives. Often, the way in which we receive and process positive feedback and compliments is a primary way in which we are speaking to ourselves about the things we are doing. To build self-esteem, we must have the courage to reflect on the charges we are holding against ourselves and the commitment to examine where these standards come from. We must engage in a process of evaluating these standards and decide for ourselves whether or not they are reasonable standards. We must consider whether the metrics for our self-assessment are based on objective, measurable factors or simply based on how we are feeling. Finally, we can learn to take in positive feedback from a place of humble gratitude, which begins to retrain our mind to assess our own behavior in a way that is more reasonable, more compassionate, and more objective. By bringing our behavior into alignment with standards we believe in, we will naturally re-shape the things we say and feel about ourselves. This begins and sustains the process of building healthy self-esteem. Support the showThank you for listening!For more information, visit: www.drdanraker.comPlease subscribe and share with your friends.Just Published! Dr. Raker's new book, Disarm the Bomb! Defuse ANGER Before it Derails Your Life, along with the Workbook & Study Guide, are now available at www.drdanraker.com.Recorded on the Western Slope of the Rocky Mountains, Colorado, USA.CLICK HERE to support Peace, Love, & Psychology Podcast.