Episode #129: Adam Kahane on Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Like, Trust or Agree With

What do you do when the people you most need to work with are the ones you most fundamentally disagree with? In this episode of The Discomfort Practice, Betsy sits down with renowned facilitator and systems thinker Adam Kahane, whose work has brought together politicians, activists, CEOs, guerrilla fighters  and community leaders in some of the most polarized environments in the world. From South Africa's transition out of apartheid to complex global conflicts today, Adam has spent decades working in the uncomfortable middle: helping people collaborate across profound differences without pretending those differences don't exist. This conversation explores what it actually takes to move forward together when trust is low, stakes are high, and nobody is getting exactly what they want. In this episode, Betsy and Adam explore: Why collaboration doesn't require agreement The difference between controlling systems and participating in them How conflict can become a generative force instead of a dead end What it means to act when outcomes are uncertain Why real change often emerges from experimentation rather than certainty This is not a conversation about neat solutions. It's about learning how to work inside the mess, with curiosity, humility, and courage. About Adam Kahane Adam Kahane is a director of Reos Partners and a leading facilitator of complex change processes around the world. He has worked with leaders from business, government, and civil society to address some of the toughest systemic challenges - from democratic transitions to climate change and economic inequality. He is the author of several influential books including Everyday Habits for Transforming Systems: The Catalytic Power of Radical Engagement and Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust). Learn more about Adam's work: https://www.reospartners.com https://www.adamkahane.com If this episode landed for you: Follow and message Betsy on Instagram @thebetsyreed Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts and leave a five-star review (it truly helps) Join her on Substack at The Betsy Reed for (Voice) Notes from the Edge — some public, some subscriber-only: https://substack.com/thebetsyreed Work with Betsy: coaching, consulting, speaking, embodied leadership sessions, upcoming community circles, and People Like Us dinners across Europe: https://www.betsy-reed.com