Episode 135 Divorce Panel

Episode 135 Divorce Panel Marriage and divorce are both common experiences. According to the American Psychological Association, in Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. This is healthy and desirable both mentally and physically when the relationship is healthy. But 40-50% of marriages in the US end in divorce with the rates being even higher for subsequent marriages. But let’s be clear…none of us got married with the intention of getting divorced. Suffice it to say, we can all say, “I never thought I’d be here.” I see this comment a lot on online dating profiles in the online dating realm. Other comments I see often include “just trying to make it through,” “I love my family more than anything.” “my kids are my whole world,” and “I like to laugh, have fun, and I’m looking for someone with a sense of humor.” The first two quotes establish the rocky and difficult nature of the path divorce shoves us onto; a path we didn’t plan for, a path full of pain, and loss of life expectations, a path of destruction. The third and fourth quotes emphatically state loyalties and responsibility as we cling to the loves of our lives, our children, trying o keep them steady on the path adult decisions have forced upon them and keep our own hearts from hemorrhaging any further with loss of time, connection with blood of our blood and bone of our bone; our babies.  And the last quote speaks to a need to rebuild, to find hope, to laugh again and to laugh with someone.  This podcast episode will look more deeply at these three areas. Sometimes divorce is selfishness, messy betrayals, and a path through hell. Some divorces are more amicable, but it is still the destruction of a partnership that at one time held hope and dreams. Sometimes divorce is because we are too lazy to get unselfish and grow, but sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with strength. For any of you who know my story – you know that my divorces are the basis for the entire Love Your Story podcast. My story is told in 3 video segments on the Love Your Story website, but in a nutshell, my feelings of failure and the shame that accompanied that did not create a story I loved or was at peace with. I had to reframe my story of failure by focusing on the things I learned and the things those lessons prepared me for. I focused on my growth and the fact that I did the best I could at the time and so did the others involved. My new focus was on acceptance, and allowing, and moving forward with faith and hope in better things. Today I have a panel of five adults who have gone through a divorce. Three men and two women. I will be the mediator of the panel and will ask the questions. Each one of these people has had very different experiences, but today we are here to hear what they learned and what they would do over again and what they wouldn’t.  Let me introduce the panel members: Doug L. is from Colorado. He was married for 24 years and has been divorced for about a year and a half. He says he got divorced because his wife told him they were getting divorced – there’s also a little diverging religion and a roving eye on her part, but we’ll keep the details minimal. He says he likes walks on the beach, sunsets and kittens. Turn-offs are vegetarians and neighbors who let their dogs poop on his front lawn, and hairy backs (not sure if that is on men or women.) Jae B. was originally from Colorado, spent his first marriage years in Texas, and a few years ago moved to Utah to be close to his children. He has been married twice. He had 3 children with his first wife, who he was married to for 13 years. His second marriage was mix of 7 kids and lasted 2 years. Kathy S has been married and divorced twice. She has 3 children – 1 with her first husband and 2 with her second. She says her first marriage...