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All right, let's do this. How are you? What the fuckers? What the fuck buddies?
What the fuck nicks? What the fucking aliens? What's happening? I'm Mark Marin.
This is my podcast. Welcome to it. Couple of things. I've never brought to my attention about the last show when I did a sort of a ramble on the pride of being a childless cat lady man and sort of a rallying cry to all people that choose not to have kids and why that's okay and why it's not detriment to those individuals or to their patriotism necessarily.
And I just kind of like talked about that. Childless people who live with it and want it that way. But I got a couple of emails that kind of brought it to my attention that not everybody who doesn't have children didn't want them. And I hear you.
I have that in my family. My brother and his wife back in the day couldn't have their own kids. They chose to adopt. But I know that's another form of childlessness.
And I want to acknowledge that and I apologize leaving you out. But I do know that you get lumped in with these sort of aggressive attack by the right on childless people and your anger should be even deeper than those of us who choose not to have them for whatever reason we fucking want to. So shout out to you and my heart goes out to you. And I'm sure you take beautiful care of your animals and also have a lot of love for the kids and your family, extended family.
Another thing just in terms of people who listen to my show and how interesting they are, really, you know, because I ramble on here a bit. And I think a couple episodes ago I was yammering on. This is the great age of the yammering. This is the age of the yammering.
And I think I've called it that before. The age of impending fascism and nonstop yammering primarily by white guys with microphones on all levels. There's no end to it. See this scrolling business that I've got myself involved in.
Sometimes good, sometimes bad. But it does really kind of like punch through the fact that there's a lot of dudes with microphones talking about fucking nothing. If I see another group of two to five guys sitting around a table with microphones discussing things like, what was the last time you shit your pants? Or what's the worst situation you farted in?
Or did you sister ever date someone you hated? It's just sort of like an infinite loop of mediocre afternoon radio talk. But that's the world we live in. And then of course there's politics.
But my fans are my people, my listeners. Many are very thoughtful. Many are very sensitive. Many are angry.
Many are creative. It's a pretty broad spectrum of a lot of different types of sensitivities. I wouldn't put them all on the dramatic cluster of personality disorders. But you know, many are.
But some of them are functioning people. Most of you. I'm just making a joke. But the point being is I rambled on a bit about seagulls the other day kind of innocently because there's one that seems to be just outside of my window up here on the 17 floor of this building I'm in.
A couple of them I see quite often circling the Canadian flag on the building next door. And I can't even remember exactly what I was talking about. But I do remember singing back company seagull. But it was about a story about this seagull.
And then a seagull I saw with a chicken wing in his mouth back when I was actually tripping on mushrooms with my roommate Lance in college. And you know, it was really something it was just it was nothing really. It was just something that was happening in my periphery. And I needed to not to talk about something.
But I got an email about some guy, Liam, couple of he writes two quick points about goals. So this is how this landed with this guy. First, I'm reading it. The two goals you were reflecting on Vancouver, Boston might have been two entirely different species.
Maybe the former was a galauco's winged goal. Did have gray rather than black wingtips. Don't know Liam. While the latter was an American herring goal, black wingtips with white mirrors.
Don't know didn't notice any rear views. Folks call these and all sorts of other species quote unquote seagulls. But there's a lot of fascinating diversity out there. Keep an eye out for little details and you might be surprised.
Now, I maybe this will inspire me to be a little more kind of focused and in depth with my bird watching. But I don't think so. I'm okay with just looking at birds. I sit on my porch and I look at birds.
I enjoy birds. I enjoy diversity in the bird world so much. And I've got a book on my porch with a couple of birds. I've looked it up a couple of times.
I got the app for the bird songs, which works pretty well. But I mean, once you get the three or four that are around your house, you've kind of done it. Those are the ones. And I can't even tell you which ones are which.
And I'm not even sure, Liam, that I'm going to really, you know, I've got to get binoculars to do the seagull research. But I appreciate that somehow or me rambling about seagulls made you, you know, you took it upon yourself to teach me a little something and I'll take it. I'll take it because it was not a reaction that I thought I'd get about the birds. And I thank you for listening.
But then there was a second part to the email. You go second, I'm not surprised to hear you thought differently of the Boston bird scarfing and chicken wing. But my colleagues and I have done some research on the history of goal culling and conservation. And I'll offer this as a warning.
People seem to project their fears about humanity onto goals, especially but not limited to their own vices and anxieties about urban decay. Now, that's a big thought. It's a big idea. Anthropomorphism in general is something we all do.
All lovers of animals. We will create fairly big and in depth and personalities to our animals. But maybe you're right. Maybe you're right.
Maybe that bird was just eating garbage. I guess my point was there was something apocalyptic about leftover chicken wing and a bird's mouth. Sure. Sure.
Maybe I read into it. But again, Liam, thank you. Thank you for your email. I appreciate it.
And then I do. And I learned something and I'm thinking about things. But this was another email I got. Someone responding to my latest conversation with Moon Zappa and Beth Stelling.
And this person said, I also appreciate your recent shout outs to the social work profession and social work school. We were taught that one way to think about where people are is through a bio-psycho social model. Wow. Where bio is whatever brain chemistry is in your DNA psycho is how you were raised.
And social is the broader community how people treat your group racism, etc. Thought you might find that useful. I do, God damn it. I do find it useful.
All these things are just kind of percolating in my brain. I'm sorry about the phones in the other room. I'm not going to go turn off the ringer. Then today I'm talking to somebody who said they knew somebody with histrionic personality disorder.
And I'm like, what is that? What is that? Is this a new one? And then I learned something about the dramatic cluster of personality disorders, which I referenced earlier.
There's an A cluster, a B cluster and a C cluster. The A cluster, auto-excentric disorders, paranoid personality disorders, schizoityful personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder. There's cluster B, emotional or erratic disorders, anti-social personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, which is pervasive pattern of attention seeking behavior including excessive emotions, an impressionistic style of speech, inappropriate seduction, ex-visionism and ego-centrism. Then there's narcissistic personality disorder on that B cluster.
And then cluster C, you have avoid personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, obsessive compulsive personality disorder. And these kind of things just blow my mind that all this stuff is categorized, there are diagnoses, there are profiles. But when I look at almost all of these, I would say all of these are many people I've known in comedy, including myself on some level. But obviously everybody has traits of this or that.
But whether you are pathological, that's up to a doctor to decide. But so like my brain full of a lot of stuff, a lot of interesting stuff, know a little bit more about goals, know a little bit more about social work. And now I'm going to be mildly down the rabbit hole of the cluster of emotional disorders. Because we all want answers.
We all want answers folks. The dramatic cluster of personality disorders. Today on the show I talk to Blair Socky. She's very funny.
She's a comedian with a brand new comedy special that just came out. Blair Socky live at the Big Dog. I don't know. She's one of these people that I kind of saw around and then I saw some clips of her.
And it's a rare thing to see a truly unique comedian with a very specific point of view, specific voice, specific delivery. It doesn't happen that often. They're out there. But they are, I would say, underappreciated.
Because when you're sort of dealing in a world where the major streaming services put most of their effort and money behind mildly charismatic, efficiently talented, mediocre people and hacks, it becomes a problem. Because, and it's always been this way. Look, I'm not going to sit here and complain like some old man about the state of comedy or the state of the art or what I think about other comics. I'm pretty vocal about that and I've talked shit about other comics before.
And I guess because I don't know, I got this weird DM from some guys. How does it feel to have better jokes and almost any other comedian but not be successful because you come across as arrogant and condescending. Yeah, I guess that might be because I'm better. But thank you for the note.
And I'm glad to find a compliment in the middle of that trolling garbage. But it is sort of an interesting idea that when somebody truly unique kind of really surfaces and becomes very popular, it's kind of an amazing thing because they're straddling something. I had this weird tartan thought today about the success of the sort of pseudo-edge lord, anti-woke, I might get canceled, hat culture of comedy. And just the sort of gratuitous shock-driven filth comedy, which I've done in my life.
I'm not judging that part of it, but the first part maybe, is that ultimately on some level, certainly since DICE became huge, this has always been a strong kind of tribe of comedy. And it's always been popular at certain people. And other comedies popular with other people. But there is a strata.
There is a line of truly gifted comics and truly talented people. And they run the gamut of points of view and everything else. I think that what's happening now just by virtue of technology and the ability to build massive audiences based on relatively little talent is that it's all much bigger. And I just believe that when you lower the bar without any real balance, it's challenged in a deep way.
And genius gets marginalized. And I always think it's been that way. High bar work in a low bar world is always relatively underappreciated unless it's the Olympics. But that's just the way it is.
But there is this culture of judging people's success by the number of followers, the number of hits, and certainly by money, which, you know, oddly, has never really been, those have never been any of my goals. You certainly want to find an audience. But if I really wanted to make money in terms of what I do creatively, I would have picked a fucking different profession. But it picked me.
It picked me. Someone hit me to the fact that St. Vincent was playing here night before last in Vancouver. And I went because I had interviewed her and I've seen her around a bit and I had her email address and I wrote to her, Annie, are you playing?
Does this still your email? Can I come? And she put me on the list and it was spectacular. What a great fucking performer.
And she's another one. That takes a lot of risks, takes changes up her sound, explores, does interesting shit with music and is a fucking awesome performer. If you have an opportunity to go see St. Vincent on this tour, do it.
Even if you're not sure about her or don't know about her or only know one record, just go. It's a fucking great show. I say for the whole show, you know me. How often do I stay for the whole show?
So Blair Socky, I love this comedian. She's very funny. She's her unique thing, her unique style, a unique delivery, a unique way of joke writing, a unique way of talking. She's a unique person and I will always celebrate the unique people versus the sort of the never ending parade of mildly charismatic, efficiently talented mediocre acts.
Yeah, maybe that's it. Maybe they speak to most of the country and maybe that's why I have my audience and they have theirs in minds just the right size for me, just the right size. So Blair's new special is called Live From The Big Dog. It's available now at Veeps.com and this is me talking to Blair for really the first time.
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Um, I can't say I'm super versed. Okay. Yeah. It's not trick question.
It's not a game changer. It's not a deal breaker. Oh no, I have a commitment to 100% candor. Oh yeah?
Is this a new commitment or something? No. But it's a conscious choice. Yes.
So you're just going to be honest no matter what. I mean, not no. Well, I guess I would be like, I can't answer that or I don't know the answer. That's good.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've never heard of that.
Right. So instead of going like, uh huh. Or I just say like, I don't know. Yeah, because I'm like, oh, that's real connection.
You know? Yeah. I'm also really, I'm also painfully literal. Yeah.
Because I say what I mean, that I assume everyone else is doing that. Right. And my therapist is always like, no, that's not. That's not how people interact.
Yeah. They kind of politely say what they need to say to get through that immediate moment. Yeah. And then they walk away and judge.
Yeah. But not honesty. Like, you know, those other people that will say like it would be harsh or a- yeah. Yeah.
And they're like, I'm just being honest. That's- I don't do that either. I'm going to lesson about that. I think a lot of comedians are like that.
Yeah. Because we assume that we can all take it. We're like, I'm a sensitive idiot in the world. And we pretend like we can take it.
And then it just festers. And you walk away going, fuck that guy. Yeah. Yeah, totally.
Because absolutely. Because you're like, oh, I'm being honest with concerns for how you will take it. Yeah. Not like I'm going to drop a freaking bazooka on you.
Right. That's what some guy told me years ago in the rooms. Yes. He was like, because I was so proud of myself.
I was like sober a minute. And I just told, I was like, I think I was married at the time. I just told that woman some horrible truth. Sure.
Because I thought like this is what you do when you're sober. And it was not what to do. Right. You can't use honesty as a weapon.
Sure. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Now I'm going to remember that for the rest of my life. Yeah.
Well, I think sometimes you have to swing that way to get to the middle. Yeah, always. Yeah. So like I think I've been pronouncing your name wrong.
Oh, that's fine. You know, nothing offends me less. I rarely even correct people. I'm like, it's interpretive.
Whatever you want. But you say it's sake? Sake sure. My grandpa decided that.
Oh, really? Yeah. But was it sochy? Yes.
But he said sake. Yeah. Italian guy? Yes.
And also, apparently the rumor is that there was Italian racism, which is a little bit more than which is hard to believe. But you know, if there's a race, there's racism. Yeah. Well, I like when he come or like my great grandfather, actually like my dad told Sides from back east, he's 100 Italian.
Yeah. And like my great grandfather had fruit stands in the Bronx and like actually got his throat slashed because he like refused to pay like the time he lived, which is even crazier. With the scar? Yeah.
They like made him it was called the black hand. Right. Before it was even the model. Yes.
So Italy for two. Like Godfather two. I know. I know.
Yeah. And he could have been at the fruit stand where the Godfather was shot. Yeah. Yeah.
So that was a wild thing. So he changed his name. Like I think he worked for like Xerox or something like that. Yeah.
And he changed his name to Dan Stewart from so what? Okay. Wait. So he goes back to Italy after they.
Oh, no, this isn't him. This is a different. Oh, this you're talking about your great grandfather. Yeah.
The one with the fruit stand. Yeah. He goes back to Italy. Yeah.
Never to return. Oh, no, they returned. Yeah. Got his throat cut by the black hand because he wouldn't give them shake down money.
Yeah. And got sent back to where the black hand comes from. Yeah. That's crazy.
I know. And then he came back. Came back. Tough, tough guy.
Yeah. After you get your throat cut and then have to go home. Yeah. I think I'd be like, I'm good here.
Oh, yeah. Oh, the pasta is good here. No need. Good enough.
Yeah. But why do you think you got one back to New York? No, they made him go back to Italy. The black hand?
Yeah. That was his punishment. Yeah. They made they forced exile.
The way that I know about this is one hand written account for my great aunt who just died at 99 years old. That's pretty good. We don't have that much info. But that's a pretty good story.
It doesn't seem like one of those ones that you'd make up, especially they sent him home part. Right. Because you never hear that part. Yeah.
He was only there for two years. In Italy? Yeah. Like the exile.
Yeah. That was his punishment to go. Yeah. I wonder what he did over there.
You have no idea. I know. I have like barely information. And then your mom was in from the Bronx?
No, no. This is my dad's side. Yeah. He lost the Sochi.
Yeah. So like apparently just like from that era, like, you know, I guess if you were Italian, you sounded uneducated or something. So he changed his name to like an American name, which is so hard to believe now. Stewart.
Yeah. Well, I guess it was I must have been a time when that first wave of immigrants came in, like with all of them, you know, Irish had a rough go at it. The Italians, but they got tough and the Jews just figured out a way to work the system. Yeah.
Totally. There were some tough Jews. Yeah. There were Jewish boxers, Jewish mobsters, all that stuff.
I would argue you're all tough. I'm getting through all that. I would argue you're a resilient people. Seems like it.
Yeah. Yeah. It was a little leny Bruce bit about I don't know how it goes, but you know, the fair, I was like, bringing the Jew. He's charming.
Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I guess it was rough for everybody. But so how does your, how does your dad get from there to here?
Your grandfather was in Xerox in New York. Um, I don't know. Like, and I don't honestly, I don't even know if it was Xerox. It was like one of those companies.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was your old. Yeah. But I'm not sure.
And he got transferred my dad's senior year of high school to Justin. And so they all moved out. Where's that? Yeah.
I'm in Jersey. I'm in Orange County. Jersey. Oh, yeah.
They were in Jersey. Yeah. I'm Jersey. Where in Jersey?
I was born in Jersey. Oh, really? My people were from Jersey. I like to say I'm genetically Jersey.
Yeah. Yeah. Where? Pomp and lakes, Bergen County.
Where were your people? I don't really know. You don't have any people in Jersey anymore? No.
My dad grew up in Maple, what I believe. Yeah. I have no idea where that is. Yeah.
I don't know anything about it. So he comes out here to touch them. Where's that? Orange County.
Oh, my dad. I don't know. Sorry. I was always talking.
When did they re-own? Oh, he was always talking. Just like my dad used to have an visit. My grandpa used to have an visit.
The family didn't adopt. And he was doing a legal change. No, no, no. Did you know these Italian grandparents?
Oh yeah, I knew my grandparents. I didn't know any of my grandparents. Oh yeah. It does.
Let's pictures. Yeah. That's them. Wow, look at that jacket.
That stuff. But is there a real Italian shoot? My dad, well my mom is, because you know I don't look at Italian at all. My dad has dark skin and full Italian and.
I think you might look a little Italian. Yeah, I think so and your mom's just getting an 80 and 100 percent. Yeah, California. Yeah, sweetish.
Yeah, California California how they get like sweet how they get here. I don't know Yeah, agriculture farming big business. No Yeah, they're like I think they were just like in a furniture business. All right.
Yeah, I store yeah Oh furniture store. Yeah, did you go to it? No, you know about it. No, you know your grandparents on that side I did but like not in their business already done Yeah, yeah Just stories of what it was like yeah when they had the couches, uh-huh, so like Orange County now I don't get a sense of what that means.
So what did your dad do out there? Oh my dad does real estate. Oh, yeah Marge County like big time Commercial yeah, like he's a he develops things. No, he doesn't develop.
No, just like yeah sells it. Yeah Yeah, sells the the strip malls office spaces. I think we're like commercial or like industrial or industrial. Yeah, place to park the trucks.
I Yeah, I got a great place for you to park the trucks Kind of warehouse on it. Yeah, but like my dad came out here like he didn't grow up with money and like just He's like an ass kicker just like started from nothing. He's like bad as a tongue guy. Totally.
Yeah, yeah I was a tough guy, but like he's a determined person, you know, yeah, like I think we all got our like work ethic Yeah from there. How many in the family? I have two other brothers and then me. Oh my god.
Yeah, so that's that's that's how you got tough I guess like I don't feel tough in any I think I'm like a really really gentle soul soft soul. Yeah, but like I guess like be my whole life was like about being an athlete So I guess that part was like kind of tough. Were you brothers athletes? Yes, my whole is like my very all sports focus family really Yeah, oh my god.
What sport? Well, my brothers and dad were all basketball and then like I played a bunch of sports But then kind of ended up focusing like hardcore and volleyball my whole life your volleyball. Chuck Was that shocking to you? No, I mean, I don't think so like I don't like I'm not even sure how I got hip to you really we've met before We met once just recently in Austin Rosebud.
I remember that. Rose was my best friend. Yeah, she's great Yeah, and but that was the only time yeah, but then like I don't know what you just appeared somehow like I don't know like it was recently Yeah, because I'm like old. I don't know what you kids are up to right now.
I'm not sure where I saw you but I was like oh my god Yeah, what is this person? She's fucking funny. Oh, that's so nice. Thank you so much.
I mean that is just like thrilling Well, I was it. Oh, that's good. Yeah, well, I just want to keep you know somehow in the loop Yeah, because I got stuck in like I was talking my producer because I don't even know what generation you would be of Rosebud's I'll just vaguely say I'm in my 30s. Okay, Rosebud and I started together.
I've been doing it about 11 years So you're like, you know, you're refined. You've got shops You know what you're doing. Yeah, but uh, but like I get kind of out of the loop And then I realized like when I started this podcast it was 2009 So long time ago, so I was talking to people of that generation who weren't older than you really right now that I'm an old guy now So like what are you doing? I mean, I think that's just how it goes with comedy because if you say it a long time like, you know I'm seeing people like that.
I never heard of come up, you know, so many Yeah, and I think that it just goes on like that forever But now it seems like they're like they're almost vibrally reproducing sure yes I know it's extremely saturated and it's like well it's saturated on social media Yeah, I don't know what's going on out there in the world But I know that I don't know people and I'm okay with that. Yeah, I mean I um Really don't like social media and didn't put any effort into it and only recently like this year started posting clips Yeah, um because like I was always like, you know, I'm gonna be true to myself and do what a craft Yeah, and I was like I'm so I'm so organic. Yeah, I'm so true to the forum I'm not getting mixed up in this clip game Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was like and if I just do what feels right to me Then the right people are gonna find yes and to some extent that was true But then again when it comes time to me selling tickets I need to have a following yeah, so you're just jocting it up as a volleyball player. Yeah.
Oh my gosh Oh, are you like a stud were you good? Yes, like winning prizes? Yeah, like every prize really yeah, and it was like I just came out in that high school Yeah, okay, and college and I did like the you like I trained with the Us that the like us national team pipeline like where you'd have to like try out and then like I'd go to Colorado Springs training center for the summer You were in all in yeah, you're going to the Olympics like I want it I mean I was like in their training program. I never clearly made it to the national team I wasn't really small.
But was that your was that the goal? Yeah, like whatever I'm doing I really am into it and I was like, oh, yeah I want to be a professional athlete even though I sniffed five sticks on a good day I mean I did about as much as I could with my height in that sport. So all right. So like is there a position?
Oh, yeah, like I was an outside hitter. Yeah, this is real inside volleyball Maybe that's the one that I'll lock into like I'm not a sports person but like man after I talk to Blair I can't get enough of these volleyball. How come there's not more on TV? Yeah, you took a volleyball that would be such a turn I would love just me talking volleyball at the opening of every podcast I mean I haven't played volleyball literally since I quit but um heartbreak no the opposite Just never thought about it again.
But this is funny. Like my brother was kind of a pro tennis player Like he was going for it. Yeah, you know his whole life and he just did not have Whatever the genetic, you know talent right that is necessary to get over the hump Yeah, and he had it like you know kind of sucked that up and sure but you know that he taught and he did it But him you know half a week could beat almost anybody sure because he's so good Like if you're like if you're on the beach and someone's like you want to play with volleyball Would you just fucking devastate everybody? I mean maybe but I haven't done it in years So who knows if my like I used to be able to I had like a crazy vertical and like I did all sorts of insane like plyometrics training Yeah It's um I think I'm gonna change my life.
It's like jumping in um quickness training. Oh, okay explosive Muscle is training like you just crouching and then you're like Holy shit This conversation Having with you is so funny to me But yeah, like I haven't played in years and like I don't really have an interest in it or anything Yeah, it was like a lot of athletes that I knew in all the sports Because I played at UCLA and like people quit and everything like they had these huge identity crises But I didn't at all so you got to college you played volleyball. Yeah, and then when does it crap out? When did you sort of like fuck it?
I got a knee surgery Like I lost my spot and I like never like sat the bench and you couldn't do the explosive jumps anymore Your plan metrics game was so fun Yeah, I couldn't do it and I was like, uh, you know like we out there with your brace with it was it wrapped No, it was like I could have easily come back. I recovered beautifully, you know, I was just done And it just felt great and like it was so funny because I mean it had been so hardcore my life since I was like 10 years old And it was like surfing tennis. I mean just everything you can surf. Yeah, I served.
Um, I did contests for a while when I was like a kid Um, you can do you can get into the tunnel? No, not now. I kid do shit. I don't know Yeah, now everyone's like do you still serve because it was like a big part of my growing up and my brothers are big surfers and like Our family trips we would drive down the coast of baja and do like surf trips.
I was like our Family was that where the big waves are? I mean there were waves. Yeah, talk like a surf person I don't think so because I was always a big reader But then also wherever I am people always go. Where's your accent from and I'm like, I don't I didn't know I had an accent I know I think you have a way of talking.
Oh, I don't think you have an accent But like when I come from the land of yellow. Do I where do they talk like this? Oh, I know well, you know, I'm a maniac on stage It's good. But you're but you're different kind of maniac.
You're like, it's I think it's um, it's like the the it's like the Volleyball jumping. It's like you're not like manic. Yeah, but you're you know calculatingly explosive. Oh, wow.
Thank you Yes, yeah, um You got good build Was it like where did that character come from and I'm like, it's not a character. It's like my id you know It's just slightly amplified me. It's like the crazy part of me Yeah, you know, which feels good because uh like I can be pretty introverted and like I feel like a pretty gentle person So like I think it started like my leg shook on stage for the first eight months that I did comedy And so I think that's sort of like where it came from from your leg shaking. You're like myids and my legs Like no, like I think I thought like Naturally that I had to be like forceful or something because I was afraid or like yeah, you're yelling at the fear Maybe yeah, yeah, well, that's what happens if you do it, right?
You figure out who you are up there Yeah, or else you just kind of blow through it. Yeah, I also think like I felt like I could be what I wish I could sometimes be in my real life More powerful like a fucking person. Yeah. I wish I was more fuck you ish No, I'm not yeah, because I'm just not like that at all and so it feels kind of nice That's interesting that you're aware of that that like you know, it's organically you but you know It's sort of like having a black belt like I can't use this in real life Because I would have no friends and it would be difficult at coffee shops, but I'd be memorable But maybe not allowed back in Yeah, I don't have that desire to like operate from that place in my regular life, but it just feels fun on stage That's the right place for it.
Yeah, yeah, because I think it speaks to everybody's aid on some level, right? Yeah, that's sort of what you're activating Yeah, but all right. So you're UCLA you fucked up your knee. You can't jump anymore.
The volleyball dream The volleyball dream is dead and you're just there and you're like, what do I do with all these shorts? I fucking hated those shorts to this day. I can't even I'm stunned I'm like what perv decided that this was the uniform for girls volleyball like a no other sports Have those like what everyone else just gets regular shorts Yeah, and you guys are like they're one of these skin tight skin tight like when I was in college The ones we had to wear had a half inch inseam. Oh What is that?
I'm getting people in the stands, but besides that I just found it humiliating always Yeah, like I'm trying to think what does a half-inch inseam mean? It means it's like that much like oh past Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I can't picture it. I gotta get into this Yeah, you should check it out Going all the games There's that guy again sometimes like comic dude comics. I'm like hey, we should go to a UCLA volleyball game Really? I'm like are you really in a volleyball?
No, but for you that'd be like triggering Your legs are shaking again your knee would hurt my legs are shaking volleyball. They only shook on stage So what did you end up like studying at UCLA? I did English. Oh, really?
I was always like a huge book nerd growing up So English how did that work there because I did English too and how did it work there? Did you have to like have a focus? Um, no, I didn't I didn't have to do that. I mean I had amazing Professors that were like one of my professors was Mona Simpson Incredible author like he was my creative writing.
I mean a little bit like I always wanted to be a writer But I don't know if I had that much confidence. You know, did you write some poetry? I've done that definitely, you know, I have a real just sensitive soul idea looked at that lately I think you should bring some of your phones on stage and just read them as your is you know what I've always done though I have journaled since I was a little kid And so I have journals from like every year of my life. It's interesting how you write in a journal, right?
Yeah, because it's so direct because you're not trying to do anything other than you know get it down Yeah, I didn't journal my whole life, but I journaled I started journaling after my second divorce when I was really shattered. Yeah, and I just every day I did it and I have them and no one can ever see them I talk about this all the time. I've told my friends like if anything happens to me you break in there and burn The millions of journals I have yeah because there's there like because you want to at least be honest with yourself Yes, so you put it out there so you get it out of you. Yeah, and there it is.
Yeah one time dude and I eventually I Wasn't that period where I was like heartbroken I was writing all this shit It was like you know journaling about like, you know, I'm just like I'm gonna fuck her out of my heart, you know You know, just like this that's poetic You know like that kind of and just like all the details of stuff and one time I was working up in um Palo Alto at roosters. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm going there this summer.
Yeah, and I was working with a couple of comics Doesn't matter. It was it was jake of seer off And his then wife and their kids, right? And you know I went over to the hotel and hung out like after a show or before show and I left my fucking journal there That I was writing and my heart is like I know into this day like I ran when I realized I'm like, oh no Comics have it And I'm just like I ran back. I'm gonna leave this book there and they gave it to me.
I'm like, oh no They read the stuff and to this day. I don't know, but it's okay I wonder you know what I there's nothing bad in there other than my vulnerability Oh, I think like mine is so humiliating like I I write prayers in there I mean just like I would not want anyone to see anything the first page of every journal that I have and I showed it to my Parents before yeah, it says um do not read if you read this like a hex will be put on your entire bloodline Yeah, um in perpetuity and you still do that if every journal if lost my phone number Yeah, it starts with a threat. No, I don't lose it because I like I rarely bring it out of my Yeah, I tried to read some of that stuff and it was just so painful and weird Yeah, and like uh, I don't know what to do with it. Yeah, I was I was on tour with jeselnye called last year and I'd always be writing in my journal and like I would be like put my arm around it and he'd like I'm not reading your stupid diary He's like I don't care about your dumb diary.
You can quit acting like you're hiding it from me He's actually turns out to be a pretty sweet guy. He's so sweet I love him and like you know like if you read it he'd probably give you some white hearted jabs But he wouldn't yeah, but yeah, it's so funny because like I he's person is so intimidating I was like so scared of it for no reason. He's only for just seeing him on stage But he's like so nice and he's so also supportive of female comedy But like in a low-key way where he never mentions it Well, he uses you guys. Yeah, I mean yeah, I you know and he's like uh, I think like he's one of those guys I got successful and got sweeter.
Oh really? Yeah, yeah, because I remember when I first interviewed him He was like pretty fuck youish not to me. He likes you a lot. He's told me that many of us.
Yeah Yeah, yeah, we now we get our haircut at the same time Yes, we've talked about that Because I'm like I need to change it up. I got some money. I want to get a really good haircut Who would possibly be the person to talk to him like jesling? Yeah, yeah, but uh, but yeah I mean like early on before he was big, you know, he had a little more of a anger thing But now he's like this like he's just a decent guy.
So we got yeah, I mean, I never I never knew him then so we wasn't a bad guy But like the like it was harder to get past the character totally, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's nice. He went out with him, but yeah the journal thing. I don't do it anymore.
Oh really? No, I don't well, I'm just like I have all this I need to empty it out. I'm like who am I gonna? I'm not gonna dump this on anyone, you know, yeah, it's such a habit to me.
I do it every day What are the prayers? I pray to god. Yeah, whatever god is. I'm not sure.
Yeah, but you do it divide loving intelligence. Yeah, yeah I pray. I like to pray yeah, I've done it before to the big nothing I like to throw my fears into the big hole. Yeah, I think I've good gotta put him somewhere, right?
Yeah, someone told me that like you know whether you believe or not people have been praying since the beginning of time So somehow it's it's etched into the kind of universal neural pathway Yeah, so whether you believe or not the act of doing it is still proactive. Yeah in reverent and it's sort of humble Too humble. Yeah, because you're you're getting outside of yourself, right? You know, yeah, yeah, so you get the English degree And so you're all set You know like my family has like is a really like immigrant mentality like everything about even though they're not immigrants Yeah, but like just like work ethic is everything, you know all this stuff and like I had always been like You know, I want to be like an artist and my dad would be like well.
Yeah, everyone wants that But I'd like to be a painter get a job, you know, and so there was definitely not any encouragement like you can be any go for go for your insane dream Yeah, but I had always wanted to be in my mind a writer like I had never thought I think when I was like a little kid I wanted to be an actor as like the youngest child Like me and I would try out for plays at school and like get the part but I wouldn't be able to do it because my sports schedule was too insane So I never got to do even at like 10 years old. I was like had shit every fucking day So they like that part of the work ethic. Oh, yeah, they loved it Yeah, they're like this is gonna give her a good sense of Also, I mean like I did have like just what you were talking about like freaky just like genetic talent. Yeah, like sports one Yeah, just I like out the gate like yeah, but also you know how to lose, right?
I will say what it has helped me so much as an athlete like Growing up like in comedy where it's like sometimes my friends are like comedians like well I'll be like fuck that guy he got this and I didn't right and I that never crosses my mind I'm like oh, I wasn't good enough really. Yeah, I'm not sure that's better But I know it's not you know it's I have to work harder totally. Yeah, I guess that's good But it that way or like I Still have one of the things I do like about myself is that like I have an ability to be genuinely happy for it Like I I'm really good at being happy for people I can still be sad for myself at the same time, but like that comes naturally to me. Thank God.
That's good So you're insecurity is not malignant I would say that I like internalize it instead of externalize it right. You don't yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah I don't know anything about that, but I appreciate it. I mean look I still have the self the pressure I put on myself is Right, but you keep it in and then you explode on stage.
You know, you know, you don't be like fuck that guy You're like why did they get that yeah or also? I've never understood that because I'm like they didn't book themselves someone chose them It's not their fault and also like that like who's choosing anything anymore like it's like show business is contracting To the point where if you don't carve your own way Then you know, there's no one giving away shots anymore Yeah, I mean it just seems to be just in total free fall where they're just exchanging every second and I even with like this clip culture that we're talking about It's like on one hand I'm really happy for those people who are just these comedians that are just like excellent at marketing You know what I think because I'm like good for them like Carving out a career for themselves that five ten years ago would have not been possible for their level So these two talent, you know what I'm saying. So I see how you do it You know you present a logical and seemingly objective argument for why shitty comics get successful, but you're happy for them No, no, no, I would only say half of them or shitty so half of them are incredible comics. We'll also have the The depths of energy inside that you're saying it's like, you know If you believe in in the process or the craft or you're in it for you know personally creative reasons and not just to you know, you know Pull a crowd for crowd work, you know, it's different You know, like if you believe in sort of like you know Going through the paces of finding yourself as a comic that still has to mean something Yeah, totally and but I mean like also like I cannot fault anyone who found a way to build their own I know because it's impossible.
Yeah, I'm like that to me. I'm like that's amazing I will give them their flowers god bless sure sure. I mean you'd rather not have like You know sometimes because clubs or clubs and they just want to sell tickets, you know You'll get people in there that aren't really even doing comedy. Yeah, 100% but they brought the crowds in so whatever Yeah, but uh, yeah, I mean I understand that and I think and I try to tell people that all the time You know these fucking people that you know think it's easy for anybody especially around this nephobe Baby thing.
It's like dude 99% of people come from regular backgrounds Nobody no family wants their kid to do this not at all and it's like, you know It just comes from this weird singular focus. Yeah, and personal persistence that anybody breaks it all even for a minute totally So did you do the writing you're gonna be a writer? Oh, yeah, I uh, I did business for a couple years just because I I mean after college. Yeah, well you did business.
I did business. I I did real estate and wow incentive, Barbara No in Orange County. Oh wait, where's Santa Barbara? Santa Barbara's about an hour and a half north of LA or two hours or something.
It's north. Yeah. What's down the other way? Oh, San Clemente Santa Barbara's up there and then Orange County's closer to here.
San Clemente is Orange County. Okay. That's like basically right where I go Okay. Oh, yeah, right.
That's right. So Santa Barbara's the other way. Yeah, San Clemente. Yeah, it's towards San Diego Yeah, basically like where I grew up is equal distance like halfway point between LA and San Diego.
What a fucking dumb drive that is Jesus Christ Everybody's like, you know, like you can get down there an hour and a half in what world There's never there's no way to get to San Diego under four hours unless you walk or take the train I don't know you that well, but I feel like I know you and I can just I feel like in my soul that you like hate San Diego Once I'm down there. I'm all right. But usually it takes me a day to just come down from the aggravation of not understanding How it could take so long to get there? Yeah, and I was gonna take the train last night and then the train got fucked up because the The mud's why I just took the goddamn tracks out.
My god. Damn it. When do I even leave to get there and not be aggravated Right. Yeah, but I don't mind San Diego I played at a really weird place there and I did well.
I was the last time I was there I had a broken foot and I didn't know it was broken. Oh, you know that that North Park Observatory theater I don't think so. It's a weird place. It almost looks like a circus somehow But I played there I went down there.
I hurt my foot at the gym and I'm like, oh, it's probably just a sprain And then I'm like I went down there did two shows on a broken foot. Oh my gosh, but uh, yeah, man I'm cobbling around my heel I'm just like dumb like I was doing step-ups and I came down and my foot you know went under me Because of like because hocus sneakers are like wearing fucking high heels like moon foot I mean, yeah, you can run in them. You can't lift weights. I'm so stupid when you realize like these are like three-inch heels Yeah, they are like they are like moon boot like launching pads.
Yeah comfortable though They're comfortable but not flat shoes from here and out how to ride out that broken foot hobbling around with that fucking boot for three months But but anyway, so that's where you grew up there and you're selling real estate Oh, yeah, and like I had to be in the office at six. I was like the only female um broker And I'd be in the office at six a.m. Every day And it was like really that culture of like whoever's in the office for as many hours as possible, you know And all I was doing was like cold calling and I was just like look I was like I'm gonna die under these fluorescent lights There has to be more yeah, and I was like I'm gonna wait till I get like a good check and see if that changes anything Yeah, I got the first one. I was like, nope, I feel nothing um And then I was like what would I do if I could do anything like and I was like oh I want to be a novelist because like that's really all I cared about was like looks besides Yeah, you know and then I applied to some grad like MFA programs And I applied to the four easiest ones I could find and then one no way school in New York Yeah, that no prayer and then I got rejected from the four easy schools and I got into the The new school in New York.
Yeah, so then I moved there and that's how I got to New York Holy shit. So that's where that's where it all happened. I know the new school. Yeah, like I was Wanted to be a novelist.
That's a good school Yeah, I mean it was incredible like we got the the authors that they brought in and like people that were in my tiny classes are like now really Yeah, real writers. Yeah, like it's all it's it was like it was really great And then of course I started comedy like in the middle of that just out of nowhere Like I didn't see my first comedy show till it's 25. That's wild Yeah, like I didn't grow up seeing any comedy and watch comedy like I had no reference for crazy I know here's what I learned at the new school like I decided like in my 30s I'm like, you know, I could probably understand philosophy now. So I took a philosophy class got the new school And uh, I didn't understand any of it.
It was all based on logic and it was just like it was not I thought we were gonna talk about stuff right and it was just like math and it was like bummed out and I was being a Smartass and cracking jokes like I was in high school and then uh one one day that teacher was in the elevator with me And he says why'd you take my class? You know and uh and I said because I wanted to uh, you know expand my mind and learn about philosophy because he says well You can expand your mind two ways either you can put new stuff in there or you can heat up what's already in there So it expands I'm like yeah, that's that's more my speed But you're like we're still doing riddles even in the elevator It's so funny that you say that about philosophy because when I was in college I was like oh, I'm in a major in philosophy. Um, my job like, you know, what the hell um, but I took like the first Course and I was like oh, this is debate with no answer my personal hell I was like this is I was like this is that not at all what I thought it was gonna be. Yeah, so But did you did you did you did debate?
No, um debate? I just it gets for me eventually, you know, even if I knew how to debate I would get to the point where I'd be like go fuck yourself I just hate like probably because I'm such I'm so like sensitive. I just hate arguing for the sake of arguing like it just feels stressful Um, because debate to me is not like in my mind. Anyways What debate is it's like not having a casual conversation.
It's like it's like someone really wanting to change your point of view on Through argument. Yes. Yeah, I don't find that I get into those kind of arguments anymore But when I do I'm surprised that I do have some core beliefs So every once in a while an argument is sort of like, yeah, I have a few beliefs Now we can put them on it for something. Yeah, yeah, I have a point of view on that right But so you're at the new school and how why do you go to a comedy show?
How does that happen? Well, I had been dating a guy who had just started comedy from my hometown before I moved to New York and he showed me comedy Um, so you went with him or you didn't know I got into grad school. Of course I never thought I'd be moving to New York who there and then like, you know, he showed you like comic Yeah, he introduced me to comedy actually one of the first shows he took me to was yours with um, eddy pepitone in Who I'm obsessed with eddy pepitone. Yeah, like he makes me laugh so hard and then hurry a bamford Oh, wow.
Yeah, it was the three of us. It was the three of you guys at the ice house. Wow. Yeah, like I don't know probably 12 years ago or something.
That's crazy Yeah, and I was like and I was just like I was like this is incredible So I like quickly became such a fan but like it never ever ever crossed my mind. I was like, I'm a writer You know, I would never want like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and so but that's that's a pretty powerful trio It was I was like mystified totally like that is totally like off the grid of three comics perfect lineup Yeah, it was so different but also like all three like not like not standard Comics. Yeah, was it like I'm trying to think what that show would it be was I had lining? I think so because like I probably was able to put my show together.
Yeah, and I had them on there Yeah, and then I just struggled. No, you didn't know Um, I funny you even say that because my boyfriend at the time got mad at me for laughing too much Yeah The new comic yeah, and I was like and I was like, hmm I think if you like don't like your loved one's greatest expression of joy, there could be a problem There's a then he said fuck that guy. Fuck them. No, he loved you guys.
He just like probably didn't like me I I love I love those two that I mean those two are the they're the outliers. They're the best Maria's the best. Oh, yeah, I mean like he just shot a special I think I know and like I saw his last one like I made sure I blocked out and I went live like his special that was shot at dynasty Yeah, yeah, and I was like that was one of the hardest signs I've ever left because you know when you're like a round comedy For so long. Yeah, like even when you're watching it.
You're like, oh, that's a good joke Laughing yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was just like because he's just so wild. Yeah, I love it And he's but he's also like he's sort of like you in that you know offstage. He's like he's like so sweet and so sweet and kind of self um You know, uh not deprecating like he's self-aware, but he's just so sweet, but he gets up there and then all the sudden we're here Yeah, you know like I've actually since I have gone past at the store like probably a year ago But like I'll see you there all the time But like I would never say hello to you because I'm too shy And any any is a one person ever in my life that I ever asked for a picture with Yeah, and then I have I'm like that's the one person I've ever asked for a picture with Yeah, I'll just yeah, because like I'm too shy to like do it. Not now.
Yeah, you're gonna be like a mark Yeah, now I'm gonna be thrilled. I saw you there last or I didn't see you there last night But I saw your name on the marquee we were there at the same time Oh, yeah, I just ducked into the main room and got out. I guess I didn't hang yeah, yeah, that was pretty good last night Yeah, were you playing there? Yeah, where oh, I originally yeah, it was great.
Yeah, that's good Yeah, so you go so what do you go to New York? How who drags either show? You just went by yourself? Oh, so I started writing for split cider interviewing comedians because like what's that guy's name Dylan?