Episode 187: Anger at the Business

What is holding you back?  Anger towards the Industry. When you have felt like: Well, maybe this isn't for me It seems to be a club that I can't get into. Or it feels like everybody who has any power hates me. And how can I want something so badly but not be accepted into that club? What is wrong with me? Am I defective? Am I not good enough? And all of that can sometimes lead to a tremendous amount of anger. And there's nothing wrong with anger. Anger is just an emotion. I'll let you in on a secret: It doesn't kill you. It's survivable. Anger, confrontation, all of it is survivable. From the book Courage to Change. "It seems to me that many of us deal with our anger in inappropriate ways, denying it, we stuff it, or we go off in a fury directing the feelings outward. I, for one, opt for avoidance of any conflict, and then I turn into a doormat."  Learning how to deal with anger. Learning how to set a boundary. Write down your feelings. It's taking the heat out of the emotion when you do that journaling. Then look over it and then say, "this is how I feel, and this is what I need." Now you can do this directed at the industry as a whole. How do you feel? What are your angry feelings towards the industry, and what do you need from the industry? So the exercise is writing a letter, note, or email, if you'd like to, the industry as a whole. "It says denying it meaning, denying anger or denying our feelings. We stuff it, or we go off into a fury." So it's again, it's that pendulum. We're either doing nothing, or we're going way off, you know, way off our rocker. And the other thing that it says is "opt for avoidance or conflict or turn into a doormat." Neither one of these are helpful. What is helpful is transcending our feelings. There's that wonderful quote from Richard Bock. "The best way out is always through." "The 12-step programs encourage us to acknowledge our feelings and to be responsible for how we express them. The problem is not that I get angry, but I do not know how to direct my anger appropriately." And again, feelings aren't facts, but it is important that we feel them. That tool of journaling and writing out the answers to these two questions how do I feel and what do I need?  We are responsible for how we react or respond to our feelings. "A response is a reaction with a pause and a thought behind it." Ask: What is an appropriate way for me to express this either to the industry as a whole or to another human being? I want to work with an actor who is excited about the industry. "Lately, when I feel like hitting somebody, I take my pillow and beat the daylights out of my bed. When I want to wipe someone out, I attack a dirty oven. I try to release my anger as soon as I can so that I won't build resentments that will be harder to get rid of later." When you have anger, I can do a couple of things. One, you take a pillow if you have workout gloves, that's great because again, you want to love yourself through the process of getting the anger out and you attack your mattress with your pillow.  Two, when you do that have your pen and journal right there so that you can then even get out the mental emotion. Writing how you feel and what you need. And then again, taking that step back and looking at it and saying, okay, how can I say this in a healthy way?  He says, "I'm learning to communicate my anger to I may not do it gracefully, and my words may not be well received."  Progress, not perfection. "It means facing the awful discomfort called conflict. But I can't run away anymore." We don't want to go through that discomfort of our anger at the industry because it's something that we so want to be a part of. But I do think what is so important is that we deal with that anger, that we transcend that anger, that we walk through that anger. Feelings are learning how to be with you. It's important to learn about your anger as well and look at your anger in terms of what you want so desperately: to be a working actor and be in the industry. So looking at that and your resentment is such an incredible gift to the artist and performer you are.