Episode 196: The Victim Trap

Monologue Class with Andrew Time Management Class  The victim trap. Being a victim is just a way for me not to take responsibility for my life and when I am, quite frankly, scared. The Language of Letting Go "The victim trap. The belief that life has to be hard and difficult is the belief that makes us a martyr. We can change our negative beliefs about life and whether we have the power to stop our pain and take care of ourselves." Assignment: Ask yourself Do I believe that life has to be hard and difficult? And then, if I believe life has to be hard and difficult, how do I operate out of that? What are the things, what are the thoughts that I think, what are the actions that I do that indicate that? Because what we're trying to do here is to spot where we are a victim. So I'm immediately in this podcast episode just slamming you right into homework, giving you assignments on how to change so you can get out of this harmful thinking and belief pattern. "We aren't helpless. That is the Truth. With a capital T, we can solve our problems." I try and think of my problems as challenges. They're challenges for me to face. And every time I meet a challenge, I become more successful. Why? Because I gain more self-esteem. Assignment: Make a list of challenges in your life and start putting them into categories. A category of what is mine to solve and a category of what is not mine to solve. And then those that are not yours to solve, what you want to do is you want to put them aside. And you want to focus on that list of challenges and problems that are your responsibility. Taking responsibility for ourselves pays enormous dividends. Using each problem that comes our way to prove that life is hard and we are helpless. Well, this is something called codependency, and it is the victim trap. "Life does not have to be difficult. In fact, it can be smooth. Life is actually good. We don't have to "awfulize" it to ourselves or to anyone else. We don't have to live in the underside of life. And I just want to add that we can be on top. Now, that doesn't mean that we're not going to have challenges that sometimes feel insurmountable." We do have power. More power than we know, even in the difficult times. And the difficult times don't prove life is bad. They are just part of the ups and downs of life, and often they work out for the best. We can change our attitude. We can change ourselves. And sometimes we can even change our circumstances. Life is challenging. Sometimes there's more pain than we asked for. And sometimes there's more joy than we ever imagined. But it's all part of the package. And the package is good. We are not victims of life. We can learn to remove ourselves as victims of life. By letting go of our belief that life has to be hard and difficult, we can make our life so much easier." Whatever challenge I'm going through, it is survivable. And not only is it survivable, but by surviving, I gain that thing that can only be earned and not be bought no matter how much money you have. And that is self-esteem. And for an actor, self-esteem and confidence are the two magical ingredients that core work gives you.