I think that was the best one so far. Thanks, Charity. No, that's good. So we come back to the scene the party has gathered inside of Barnabas, Barnabas cabin.
Three of them are partaking in his stroast, Stu-roast, and he was explaining to you how he had not seen anyone in quite some time enacting extremely cagey about the whole thing. Yeah, go ahead and take it away. Well, here's the thing. Vernon's thinking to herself, I'm a halfling.
He's a halfling. She's not really talked to me about my family or how we might know each other or be related, which is a serious halfling thing to do, at least from her perspective. So she's suspicious, completely at this point. She, yeah, I'm just going to say she's suspicious.
She might need to do something in a minute, but she'll wait right now. She's not going to eat like she was. Yeah, she's had a big bite. She's like, I'm going to pretend to eat, but...
Oh, so will you not be staying the night? That is an excellent question, Barnabas. Is there room for all of us to stay here? Or there's no reason I can't move aside this table and get everything ready for you all?
We don't want to cause any... Oh, it would be no trouble, no trouble at all. Barnabas, I'm sorry. You keep mentioning how you haven't seen anyone for so long.
It's been a long time. You're a very good looking halfling and you're very well-being. I mean, why don't you have more visitors? Being living this far from the city, I don't tend to get very many people that travel this far out.
There's the question of owl bears and goblins that make their homes in these woods. I'm not prone to visitors out this far. Now, how did you stop the goblins attacking? You pay a goblin a few coin here there that I make in town and they'll leave you alone and so long as they get their cut.
How far is town from here? There's a few days travel from a lot. Is the nearest city? What does safety from a goblin cost?
Oh, friend your tone. The last time you were asked to pay. We're just super interested in yet. Cause like, halfling by himself in the forest, that's pretty amazing.
You've done a wonderful thing being safe on your own and we'd like the same security. We're just interested in ya. What is a bribe cost? Ah, but a but a gold piece and they'll take their leave.
Those goblins had no gold. You're right. And the wild beasts degree. The wild, the corgis out here are quite restless.
One of us, I think it's time that we are honest with you. Oh. We're looking for someone. Who would you be looking for this far out in the middle of nowhere?
A troublemaker. Robin? Well, what I'd actually kind of like to know right now is, are there any encampments or small villages in the woods here? Well, it's me in these woods.
We don't want to make you nervous by asking all these questions. No. You're taking good care of us. But, yes, of course there are those that choose to live outside the rule of law that don't- You're hiding something.
No! No! Listen, I have been to many of the house of a stranger halfling and we always talk to each other. And yet this man hasn't asked me, my family, my story.
What my favorite type of root is? He is. Remind us all. I mean, obviously it's the onion.
You got one choice? Wonderful choice. Anyway. I don't eat them, but I like the shape.
No, I just try. I don't get many visitors, so I was just trying to do- to pay it forward as they say. Well, this tea's been lovely and this roast is quite delicious. We just feel that we've imposed quite a bit on you.
No, there's no imposition here. That's up. There's something not right. We're not.
We're not. We're gonna roll a persuasion for me. And roll at advantage. What's my advantage then?
You just rolled two D20s. Well, I got an 18 and a 12. Okay. And a persuasion you said?
Yep. And that's plus three, so 21. Oh, she? He looks around for a second and then he runs over to his little window and he draws the shades shut.
He runs over to another window and draws the shades shut. He goes to the door and you can see the door has several locks on the inside and he slams each one of them shut. Okay. You have to...
There's damn corgis. Storms brewing me, thanks. It's the forest corgis. They're the worst.
The wild corgis of the woods. Worse than the Alber. You said it. No, get caught by one.
Just by the way, it's not okay. I feel like I can trust you. That your lot are here to do good. Absolutely.
There was a man that came through here, not but three weeks ago. He didn't tell me his name. I didn't ask for it. He paid, kept to himself and asked for privacy.
He respected his request. What did he look like? He was a tall man, dark in complexion. He was bald.
He had tattoos that ran above his brow down to his ears. Tattoos of eyeballs was very strange. Again, I didn't ask for his name. The man thought he was here to rob me.
But he was quite... he kept to himself. He said he was traveling through and he needed a place to stay. I was worried that you all were bounty hunters and...
Listen, I didn't do anything while I was here. And how was I to know that he was involved in something terrible? The information you provided us has been very helpful. I knew by your stew that you were a good person.
Stroast. Stroast. What did the... the nameless man think of his stroast?
You know, now that I think about it, he didn't eat while he was here. My heart breaks for you. My heart breaks for the stroast because it was real good. Well, he...
he just stayed the night. He left and headed out west. He said he was headed towards the border near the Barons. I warned him that it was dangerous up there, but he seemed like the type that...
well, most things be scared of him and he be scared of anything else. Did he travel on foot? He did. And he traveled alone.
He was. He was alone. I had no pack with him to speak of, just himself and his cloak. And he made the same stroast?
Because this is good. I feel like it'd be weird. No. Well, yes, it was the same, but he didn't partake in any of it.
That's weird. Within his possession. Were there any strange item? No, he...
I must confess. I was quite off-put by his mannerisms and his strangeness. I tried to keep to myself. I didn't see that he had anything else on him, but his cloak and perhaps he had some small personal effects about him.
I don't know. Friends, I think that Barnabas has provided us enough information, at least for the night. I agree, yeah. But you're asking about a town?
I'm just curious if there are any around. There's a small village. Two days, two days walk from here called a Barrow. A small community keeps to itself strange people, but nice.
Don't intrude on my hunting lands. They let me hunt game as I need to. Yeah, that's about the closest. I don't know of any other folks that live out here.
What direction is Barrow? You know? North. Towards the border.
Are you sure you questioned yourself? No, this man went the same way. I hope those people are okay. Why wouldn't they be?
He just seemed like a very serious man. I was a serious man doing, well, quite frankly, I didn't feel right when he was in my presence. There was a... Did you feel a chill?
I did. Were you confused? Yeah. It's neither here nor there.
I hope this has helped. Oh, it's done wonders. Thank you so much for your assistance, Barnabas. Yes, we appreciate your friendliness and your stroast.
I did not care for it. You didn't even have any. If you took a taste, you loved it. It looked lumpy.
You don't want to go by a cover. It's delicious. Just say goodbye. As we were saying, just say goodbye.
Thank you for your hospitality. Would it be all right if we stayed? Of course it is. I'll fetch.
I have some bedrooms tucked away somewhere that I can lay out for you. The evening will be approaching here before too long, so make yourselves at home. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Would you like to play a game of hearts? I would love to. I know a way to preserve this, Droast. I'm going to do that for you and thank you.
I'm going to wrap it up. Tell me. Are you a high hill? But who's asking?
My name is Verna Lowground. Never mind. Why do you ask? She just looks like a girl that I knew.
Verna, how many bars did you use to go to? Maybe ten. My father would take me into town. I think that this seems to be a fairly fast conversation about an extremely extended family.
Unless there's other questions that the party specifically has for Barnabas, I think we can float into the next section. Are we going to have any more interaction with him in the morning? Yeah. So the evening comes.
It's slow. Evening rolls in. I don't know. Do you guys post watches at night?
What do you guys do at night? How does that look? We haven't. Yeah, I was going to say for the most part we have not.
Okay. We're also pretty locked in here. Yeah. I mean it's drawn.
Yeah. I'm just, it's no reason. I mean your face is, you're the reason. No.
I'm sure Diam would never use that information. I tightened the door. Verna just has a giant spear and she'll stab anyone. No.
No, you're fine. The evening passes. The night passes. It's dawn of the next day.
Barnabas is up. I think each of you wake up to the sound of crackling Owl Bear Bacon. Just cooking on his little cook stove and a cast iron, a little halfling sized cast iron skillet. That smells wonderful.
Oh, you're awake. Smells delicious. Quite delightful. Oh my god.
This fresh Owl Bear Bacon. What? What? Verna, my dear.
Yes. Here, I've got a cup of warmed brew for you. Oh, that sounds so nice right now. Thank you.
Oh, you too, or now I just suppose there's some for you too. Thank you. I'll stick to my rations. Oh, very well.
So, will you all be off this morning? Indeed, we will. We'll take our things and head out. Yes, of course.
Are you headed to Berro then? I can give you the directions. Yes. That would be delightful, yes.
So, game terms, he takes a small piece of parchment and rips a bit off. He writes down some instructions to say head north for... It's been half a day heading north at the... about noon hour you're going to make a slightly head slightly northwest.
He uses directions to get to Berro. Point. These are lovely. Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome. We appreciate it. And let me tell you something. If you put just a little bit of rosemary in that's drossed recipe, it's going to make it so much better.
Oh, thank you, Verna. I'll take that under advisement. I would kind of like to know... what would be the cost for your ass?
What? Your ass out in the yard. How much would it cost to buy your ass? Yes.
I was thinking some of us could ride your ass on the way to Berro to have a moment of rest. Do we have enough resources to provide for an ass? It's an awfully large ass. I'm just going to say I love a good ass.
But it's a rather clean ass. It appears that it can take care of yourself. Very good care of your ass. Yes.
You've trained your ass well. Thank you. Thank you. Yes.
My ass is Sir Thomas. He's 90. It's very rare. It's more of a joke between me and Thomas.
Oh, I have a cat named Admiral Nelson. It's adorable. Oh, don't. But yes.
Typically Sir Thomas fetches me. I use him to cart my goods into a lough. He's quite expensive. But if you have the money, I would accept him for 25 gold pieces.
It should be enough to let me go into town and purchase another ass. That's a pretty reasonable price for an ass. Especially an ass of that size. Yes.
Trust me. My family and I know about asses. Mm-hmm. The high hills are really much for ass.
Or a best man. Or a best man. Or a best man. Or a best man.
Just love them. Like a birdie ass. We love a birdie. Yes, of course.
I wouldn't be speaking about anything else. Right. So I'll have to... Well, if we thought this ass, we could walk a breast of the ass all the way there.
I think it's a brilliant idea. Do we need the ass? I am proficient with land vehicles. You're the one that brought the ass up.
It seems like you're really into the ass. I can ride this ass all day. Well, maybe we don't need it. I just thought we'd talk about your ass for a little while.
It is a nice ass. Perhaps your right. I don't think you're going to find another ass like that in a lull. Ass like that.
I do want to make sure... You wouldn't want to make sure... I do want to make sure you are aware. You still fall within the kingdom's guidelines of taxation.
Alright. So make sure... We'll just say if we find that you've lied to us or wronged us, I will alert the treasurer and he will definitely come out here and text that ass. And we will alert the guild.
We kind of don't care about taxes. And I will fuck your ass. Alright, we're off. Hur back!
Gotta go back. Okay, go back. I'm going to give it a snack on the way out though. Don't smack that ass.
I'm just going for the rest of the game. Every non-player character is going to have a new wall so that the ass jokes will just be... That's just part of the game now. It's just...
Ass states. This is so hairy. I know you're such a fan of a good ass. Let me tell you about the Sambridge family.
We've had quite a few good asses in our day. We are known for our excellent asses. I was going to say, Ornela, I believe I once heard you were known for your ass. It's unfortunate that it's been injured in some way.
Looking right at the side of it, there's like a crack in his ass. I don't even think you may think. That looks like a pretty... SORELASS!
How disgusting ass! Will you all please leave? No, we have a few things to say about your ass. Do you have a few more ass jokes to make?
Oh, give us a minute! You know, it's quite common that they enjoy sleeping in a pit. You could dig a hole for this. You could have a nice asshole.
Ah, yes, my cousin had an asshole. Your ass seems to have a limp. I think there's a pain in your ass. I'm out.
Oh my gosh. That was a bad joke. I'm sorry. That could be an extra that we just throw out there for people.
It's... No, it's staying in, Aaron. I certainly hope that you intend to overfeed as you go into winter so that all winter long you'll have a nice fat ass. Or a real wicked ass.
Why didn't you mention when you first met us that you were an ass man? I think you're with the three biggest ass fans. All dogs are ass men. I mean, all high health can appreciate a pretty good ass.
And with that... We must away. Please leave now. Thank you.
Just go. Goodbye and the Dorchester Slams shut behind you. Well... That was lovely.
That's gross. Something else. I'm gonna make it. Smells divine.
But with the rosemary and it's gonna be on me. That sounds wonderful. According to these instructions we should head north. North we go.
Okay, so I need someone to roll a D100 for me. Me? I'm a real tiny one. Ooh.
Again, for the listeners she just needs to show her dice off to everyone. They're that cute. Winnie, my dog, appreciates a good pair. 40 and two.
40 dice. 42. Yeah, I know Winnie, the ass jokes are stopping. They're done Winnie.
I'm sad too. They were so good. We all have to move on. It's like five minutes of them.
It was so good. We're gonna tax that ad. Oh my god. You can say we really stretched that ass out.
We really wore that. The asshole part? That was really... We rode those ass jokes out.
We rode those asses. We rode those ass puns. We were very tricky with the ass puns. Oh, shut up!
Okay, so 42. I had just reamed in your ear. I clapped really loud earlier and I felt bad. So stupid, I love it.
You travel for the rest of the day. Evening comes about. We're all healed up to risk. Yep, you all should be at 100%.
Evening comes about again. Unless you have anything in particular that you want to do, we'll go into the evening. I'll see if anything happens. Should we set a watch?
Now I think that we should set a watch. Yes. Not it. Not it.
Well, we'll just take turns. Got it. That's fine. Alright.
Do you like me to play you a soft lullaby? No. Okay. I mean, I said not it, so I'm not gonna be the watch tonight.
Play the lullaby, please. We could all use a little relaxation. Rowan plays a lovely soothing tune on the lyre and the party drifts off to dreamland. The ass is asleep.
Alright, Harbak. I think I feel like that. He talked into sleep. That's amazing.
It's just if we could take a moment and zoom in, we see Harbak lying comfortably on his bedroll. A thought bubble appears above his head and it's just asses. So many. And then the wind goes back and it just sounds like an exhausted silic.
We've heard it. Don approaches and the night passes. You all awake, unmolested. And it's one of the best ways to wake up.
That's the best start of my day when I'm unmolested. Yeah. And you begin your journey again, according to the directions given to you by Barnabas. Everyone roll a perception for me and tell me if you get above a 16.
Yep. Nope. 15. Yep, 17.
Okay, so you two find a... There's a small clearing to the left of the game trail that you're following. There's a one? A small clearing?
Okay. Inside the clearing, you can see that there is a carcass of something. I think the first thing that hits you is the smell of rot into K. Oh.
And you see that in this clearing, there is a mutilated thing that's lying covered in flies and the smell is horrific. Harbak. It wasn't me. What is it?
Death. Are there a lot more flies in front of us? I think there's something up there. Oh.
Oh no. I found it. So you, Ornella, you see lying in front of you in the clearing is a deer carcass that has been gutted and most of the meat has been taken off. Most of the skin has been taken off and what's left is a pile of bones and the deer's head.
Its eyes sit open with a milky white film developing over the top and flies buzzing all around the open eyelid to the deer. So based off of the perception, we all see it though. Yeah, yeah. I just wanted to see who saw it first.
Oh god. Oh. This was not nature taking its course. Check to see if the back straps are still there.
I'll let you handle that. Okay. Ornella, you see an arrow that is sticking out of the rib cage to the creature. It looks to have been broken off inside of it and it's, there's no flatching.
It's just a broken arrow shaft and you can actually see inside of the rib cage the arrow head is stuck in between two ribs. Is there anything of note about the arrow head? No, just. You're just like any specific race or type of.
No, it doesn't look like a like or like Orkoid or goblin arrows look distinct. This looks to be a standard crafted arrow by any Joe Schmo would have. Well, I'll say a prayer, but we should move on. Alright, I think most hunters maybe would have buried it.
I'm not. You guys already went on an adventure for me, but. We're moving on. We're not.
No, yeah. I'm going to scrape out the fat behind the eye because that's still good for chewing. Otherwise, I think we should go ahead and just move on. And I don't think the hunters, we don't even know what happened.
It's got to be picked clean by all sorts of scavenger birds and animals just coming to feast upon the carrion. Fair enough, but just drew a picture of themselves in front of it. Perhaps. So they could show everyone.
Look, here's me. And perhaps added to their repertoire for dating so that folks know what they're into. Yes, that sounds very reasonable. Yes, I mean, I don't particularly feel like I'd be the type into that.
I mean, I feel like I'd more like somebody like if they were holding their alabair. Well, Nathan was a fisher. You're ex Nathan. Oh, I remember Nathan.
Yeah, but he didn't put the fish like if you were to put in some sort of pain, he wouldn't have the fish. Is this a conversation we can have? Let's just go. I could take the bow.
The arrow, excuse me, the arrow out of the body for my, I mean, I'm down one arrow, so it would be pretty nice. It doesn't have any flatching. It seems like a useless. It's just an arrow.
The chef's broken in the house. I don't know what flatching is. The flatching is like the feathers that help keep the arrow. Just dealing with the broken arrow here.
So, I'll take the arrow. But you spend a few seconds looking at the arrow deciding whether or not you want to take it. You notice that the arrow itself looks to be homemade. Like it's not something that you...
It's not custom to someone. Yeah, and more specifically, so like you all come from the city where goods are produced and masked for the most part. So, things don't tend to... Items and objects tend to be fabricated to not have any personality or quality to it.
So perhaps someone living out in the woods by themselves who is proficient in tracking? My passion is arrow. You guys, this arrow genuinely seems to be from somebody specific to these woods. It's not just a random hunter.
I would guess Barnabas. I mean, it was a good, stroast. I didn't try it. Well...
We're aware that you didn't try the goddamn... It was out of principle. Fine. That's good enough for me.
I have started walking away from this conversation. Perfect. So, the game trail ends. You still have at least the rest of the day before you're expected to arrive at Barrow wherever this is.
So, the game trail ends and now it is literally just like the doe woods. It's just a bunch of trees and if you proceed further, I'm going to ask that you make survival rolls to make sure that you keep your direction. So, same as last time I need to know who's going to be your Pathfinder. So, someone who's going to be rolling skill checks for the party.
Probably someone who has a good survival skill would be a good person to be pathfinding at this point. I have a three. Shurank, Verda. I have a plus one.
I have a zero. It's just whatever it is. Go for it, Robin. It's a wisdom.
My wisdom is a twelve. Never mind that it's my turn. No, it's fine. Just whatever the modifier is.
You roll a d20 and roll survival for me. Okay. Eight. Nice.
Okay. So, you're walking along the woods. You get the sense that you've walked past the same tree several times. I know this tree.
Oh Lord. You appear to be lost. We are lost. Harbick, if you would have given me the map that would help.
Well, I would gladly give it to you. It's just that I lost it. I'm sorry. Why wouldn't you have told us this?
The thing earlier and I was busy. Oh God, it's when he stopped to pee. I had to wipe. Oh.
I remember something about it at noon on the second day. Turning right. Yes. A slow left curve.
Ah, yes. So, we've got to be pretty close to that. We need to be heading northwest a bit at this point. Alright.
At the start. So, you have a couple options. You can, it's getting close to the end of the traveling day. We're nearing the end of the second day.
You should have arrived by now. It's getting dark soon. Do you strike camp? Do you continue heading on or what do you do?
I went to climate tree. Okay. Easy enough. I need you to make acrobatics or athletics.
But everyone is better for you. I would like to make a athletics check. Okay. Go ahead and make that roll for me.
I threw it at Berna. It was a six in this case, but not the real. Fourteen. Fourteen.
Okay. So, the tree is really wide. And there aren't very many limbs that are, I mean again, we're talking like California redness. And I am a dwarf.
Right. So, you get up to the base of one and realize you have no real way to climb it. Ah, it's a big sumbitch. Ah, I have some rope.
Oh, maybe you should climb. Yeah, I remember when I said I had rope. I also have rope. I lie.
You're not special for rope. No. You do have your axe, which you could use as a tool to create hand. You want to use my rope.
And my axe. I'll climb the tree. And your axe. It's a good Lord of the Rings.
That was my, you get, that was my actor earlier. You get an episode. I have your job. Yeah, you get inspiration for that.
Damn. I'm going to give it out for completely just random reasons. Just because I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
We went through 45 minutes of ass jokes and got no inspiration. Yeah. Think about that. Think about why.
I turned that way. I realized I don't even remember what I got. I got it. I got it.
You did fun cool. Yeah. It was probably the ass jokes. It's always the ass joke.
What do you guys do? I'm climbing the tree. Okay. Roll athletics for me.
You're a bit more sized to where you could perceivably climb it. A dwarf just doesn't have the handspan to really climb a tree. 16. 16.
Okay. So you get up several branches. You're at least 35 to 40 feet up. I mean, the limbs don't start until at least that high.
You get up that high and you can see that about two hours walk, you imagine you could get there right around nightfall. You can see that there are a couple fires, a couple, excuse me, a couple plumes of smoke coming in the distance that stretch out over the canopy. Which way? To the northwest.
What? To the northwest. We can't hear you. I'll climb down.
Okay. She's wanting to climb down. He heard that part, but not anyway. So you climb down and you proceed to head to the the north-western direction?
Yes. Peachy. Let me get this pulled up here. So just to be clear, we all decided to take this effort of climbing a tree rather than just looking at where the sun was.
Look, man. Okay. It also gave us the advantage of being able to see are there other things happening in these woods? Are there anything we should be aware of in that area towards that direction?
Well, she didn't mention anything. That means there probably wasn't anything noticeable. There were some fires. Oh, so you come to a small town.
The name Barrow. There's several small houses with thatch, straw thatch roofs. A few of them have, when we walk into town, is there a guy standing next to a sign that adds four more to the population? You're right.
I hope so. I've known a few Barrowmen. There's a little. They're very attractive and great at singing.
The town has several large plots of cultivated land that have tall stocks of wheat. The looking, you can see that these wheat fields stretch for at least a few acres out into this clearing. You are standing on a bluff that is overlooking the village. You can see the wheat field.
You can see the small town of seven buildings that sit in a ring around a well in the center. There are smoke plumes coming from a couple of the buildings. You do not see that there's anyone walking about in town. It looks through the outside.
It looks deserted. Well, let's sit on into town. All right. I mean, there could be a very valid reason there's no one out.
Like is it church or? I don't know. Let's just keep coming. As you enter into town from one of the buildings, you can hear singing.
Oh. Okay, it's church. It's church. Additionally, you see in front of one of the homes a post has been driven into the ground and hanging from the post is a dried desiccated corpse that has its hands manacled together and a chain that runs to the top of the post.
Of what? Human. And hanging around his neck is a sign that says liar in common. It's written in common.
It just says liar. That's what you play. Like my instrument or... You lose 200 experience.
No. And yeah, you hear this. You hear this. You hear the singing coming from the largest building in the row and you see this desiccated corpse.
I wonder if there was being a god in there. Friends. As we learned the last two weeks prior, the big oleur or the big oleur. The big oleur.
It's working about place. I've heard about place. He is known as the liar. Right.
I feel as if we walked into a den of... Lies. Lies. And flies.
I feel as if we should wait until everyone is out and hide or maybe we just we ransack the place while they're all in one building. Exactly. What if we just lit that building on fire? I do remember these cultists being very dumb.
And very flammable. They do seem to want us to be honest though. I am getting that information from looking around. They don't want us to love.