Episode 20: The Wheel of Consent - How to Get Clear on What You Want

Most of us think consent is pretty straightforward: someone asks, you say yes or no. But in real life—especially in relationships—it’s much more layered and nuanced than we’ve been taught to think about it.In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy (couples and sex therapist) and Dr. Alex DiGrado (pelvic floor physical therapist) unpack the Wheel of Consent, a framework developed by Dr. Betty Martin that reframes how we think about giving, receiving, and asking.From oral sex to gift-giving to everyday relationship dynamics (because consent shows up everywhere), this conversation highlights how unclear consent can lead to pressure, resentment, and disconnection - and how getting more honest and specific can actually deepen trust and intimacy.If you’ve ever said yes when you weren’t sure, struggled to ask for what you want, or felt responsible for someone else’s experience, this episode will help you understand why, and what to do differently.What You’ll Learn:The difference between giving, receiving, and allowing, and why most of us have a comfort zone (and blind spots) within thatHow unclear or unspoken expectations can lead to pressure, resentment, and performative responses (like faking enjoyment), even when both people have good intentionsWhy it can be surprisingly hard to know what you want (and how conditioning and past experiences shape that)How getting more honest and specific about consent can build trust and make things feel easier and more connectedTune in if you’ve ever thought:“Why is it so hard to just ask for what I want?”“Am I doing this because I want to—or because I feel like I should?”“How do I trust that my partner’s ‘yes’ is actually a yes?”“How did we get into this pattern—and how do we change it without making things weird?”Helpful ResourcesThe Wheel of Consent Website by Dr. Betty MartinThe Art of Giving & Receiving: The Wheel of Consent by Dr. Betty Martin Find a pelvic floor PT near you: pelvicrehab.com or Pelvic Global DirectoryParents in Love: A Guide to Great Sex After Kids by Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy Connect with us:Dr. Rebecca Howard EudyWebsite: rebeccaeudy.comInstagram: @rebeccahowardeudyNewsletter: Parents in Love SubstackDr. Alexandra DiGradoWebsite: bostonpelvicpt.comInstagram: @bostonpelvicptNewsletter: Under the HoodUnder the Hood PodcastInstagram: @underthehooddocsWebsite: underthehoodpod.com