EPISODE 209 - Spork Use, Number 167

I need a new pair of shoes! Yes, once every five years or so when the stars align just right, or the padding on my current pair has worn down so much so that the plastic stiffener along the back is exposed and the insole has been pulverized by my pedestrial-parading, it's time to pick up a new pair. This has nothing to do with today's actual episode, but it is an explanation as to why the write up below is brief and less winded than usual. I'm not a fan of the mall, and I want to get in and get out, sooner rather than later. So I'll be heading there promptly when this is over.Here's what's up... Mike is back in town, but absent from the show since his flight was landing just as we were going on-air. In fact, he calls us during the show. We surmise he needed a ride from the airport and poke a little fun at him. Warming up for his return I suppose. Jabari is still MIA, a few more weeks and he should hopefully be back. Sitting in is another friend of Charlie's. Her name is Dee.There are a ton of uses for a spork. You'll hear the 167th during the new releases segment courtesy of Dee. It involves that boring-ass show CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM.Then it's onto news that Arsenio Hall will likely be returning to late-night TV in the near future. Nothing official yet, but he's in negotiations with CBS to do another syndicated talk show. We're wondering if you'll be tuning in to watch? Vote on the We Ask You Poll and tell us.And then there's some gay comic news. I'm not using the word in a derogatory fashion... it's literally gay news. Marvel has a gay wedding coming up in a June issue of one of their X-Men comics and DC announced just in the past week that Alan Scott, the original Green Lantern from the 1940s will be outed this month in the "new 52" series of comics DC hopes will reinvigorate interest in their older heroes. Of course, the conservative Christian stick-in-the-muds are complaining that comics are no place to promote gay lifestyles. Publishers are just trying to reflect current times and say a gay comic character is not going to turn a reader homosexual so these bitches should just stop bitching.We also bring you another installment of It's The Law. It's been awhile, we're down to less than ten states. Georgia is this week's pick. They've got so many dumb laws, just like Texas, we're breaking it up into two parts; maybe three. After all, we only made it to cities that start with 'C'.And we grade a story out of Phoenix, Arizona where an elementary school teacher enraged a mother after giving her daughter a "Catastrophe Award" for the most excuses as to why her homework was never done. The mother wants disciplinary action taken against the third grade teacher. Clearly the mom should stop spending time arguing with her kid's teacher and more time making sure her 8 year-old is doing her damned homework!There you go... I'm off to the mall to buy my Vans. I'll be steering clear of the food court, unless I find an ingenious use for a spork on the way.