Episode 28: Compliance, Regulation, and the Cost of Looking “Fine”

Matt and Erin are joined this week by longtime colleague and friend of the show, Maisie Soetantyo—an openly autistic, multiply neurodivergent advocate with decades inside the autism service system. This episode is a slow, honest unpacking of what it means to start inside ABA, believe you’re helping, and then realize the system itself is doing harm.We talk about visible “progress,” invisible trauma, and the moment when following the protocol stops making sense—especially when you’re autistic yourself and keep asking why. This one ends on a cliffhanger, because it has to.Highlights from this episode:Maisie’s early work in ABA at UCLA, why it looked effective at first, and what those “successes” missed What happens when compliance replaces connection—and why masking is demanded from both autistic kids and therapists The long-term impact of training kids to be invisible, including burnout, shutdowns, and after-school collapse Moral injury, burnout, and why so many well-intentioned providers eventually walk away Parenting autistic kids after leaving ABA, including sensory-specific eating, regulation, and respecting a real “no” We stop here on purpose.Part two is about what comes after—what actually supports autistic people across a lifespan, and how unlearning the system is sometimes the most important work.