Episode 28 - Parents

And welcome back to Talking Moncents. I'm your host Kyle and I'm here with Christopher. And Diane. No.

What? Today we have with us a special guest, our cousin. Diane. Yeah, thank you.

Now you can introduce yourself. Jumping the gun there. Someone's a little excited. Don't worry, not many people listen to this.

What am I going to say? No, that's it. Well, so now just tell us a little bit about yourself. Like who you are and like what you do.

I am Christopher. Does he go by Christopher or Chris on your? I don't work. Mainly Chris.

Okay, I'm Chris's and... I usually introduce you. It is Christopher. I'm a bisexual name.

Yeah, I know. But do you listen to our episodes? So anyway, I am their favorite older cousin. Oh, one of ours.

Older. Older. I said older. I am a nurse who has three children ages six, almost eight and ten.

Six, eight and ten? Almost eight. Your god-daughter, dude. Oh yeah, February ten.

I know her birthday. Jeez. I do that too. So I guess they're going to ask some questions now.

How's that? Heart gets the question. Yeah, yeah. First question was how many kids you have.

Oh, yep, three. Two girls and a boy. Did you plan it like that? I knew I wanted to be done having kids before I hit 30.

So I knew I wanted to start in my mid-20s. So I had... My two daughters were definitely planned. My son was not.

Because apparently I was pregnant at your sister's wedding. And if I had known I was pregnant, I don't think I would have been partying as much. So yeah, he wasn't planned. But of course, you know, every baby's a blessing.

So I'm happy I got my son. So did you only want two kids then? Like what was your plan? Like when you were a kid or what?

If I had a boy and a girl, I would have been done. Done, okay. But you had two girls. So the thought of having another one was always there.

But of course, you know, my husband has to be on board too. And then he was thinking about it. And apparently, our little Andrew just happened to make it. That's sweet.

Yeah. Would you have been okay with just two daughters? Like something in there? Or would you kind of discuss?

I think because I also grew up in a family of three siblings and my husband did two. I think the number three was something we both agreed on because it's what we grew up in. So three was your max? Oh yeah.

Yeah, kids are freaking expensive. Yeah, because they're max. And I didn't want to have any kids after 30. All of you know, did you want to say age?

We could believe it if you don't want people to know. I'm 35. Actually, what was the point of asking you if we're going to believe it? We're not going to believe it.

It's okay. Okay. Whatever. You're 35.

Yes. I'm almost 36. Are you ready for you? Yes.

30 was freaking hard. Was it? Oh my God. Yeah.

Oh, it was hard. It's not about age, but. Yeah. No, because everybody thinks, oh, I'm in my 20s.

It's like, legally, yeah, me too. But then when I was 29 and then heading towards 30, it really hit me hard. Like I had to talk to my doctor. I was like, oh my gosh, it would be 30.

And it just wasn't a good subject to talk about. And then it happened. And then it was just like any other birthday. So when did you have your first kid?

25. And then I was 25. I was 25. And then 27.

Yeah, I'm 25. You better pick up the pace. No, I'm good. For guys, it doesn't matter.

I mean, you don't have a big view when you're 80. Yeah. That's what I said we talked about literally in the last episode. We have an uncle, right?

Our grand uncle. Yeah, isn't he like? That's just crazy to think about. I mean, his great grandson is a same age as his son.

Yeah, that's weird. Well, hello, my half sister is a same age as, I mean, only a year older than my daughter. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's crazy to think about.

So you had your first child when you were 25. Now did you plan it like that? Oh, you wanted it. Oh, yeah.

Sorry, you wanted her not yet. Well, yeah, I wanted it to be a mom. I was like, all right, let's go. I'm ready.

Hey, how did you know you were ready? Well, I work in labor and delivery. Oh, well, okay. And so I did.

She's talking babies out left and right. After three years of helping other women bring babies into this world, I knew that. And I know all the risk factors that come along with, you know, when you wait until your mid to late 30s, I said, well, then I need to start having them now. And so I have a career set.

I don't know. I mean, I just figured I was ready. Oh, yeah. Sure.

So all your kids are two years apart then, right? Mm-hmm. So you had, well, let's say 25 and then- And he said 27 and Andrew at 29. Okay, but he wasn't planned.

No. So I was thinking I was going to have my third by 30. Oh, okay. I was like, I'm going to be done at 30.

And you're just, you know, when we found out we were pregnant, that's actually when we were thinking about starting to get pregnant. Okay. Yeah. So you, you did want a third child then.

Yes. Because you wanted to boy. I wanted to try for a boy, but you can't guarantee. But regardless, my husband said, even if we had another girl, we were done.

Okay. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I mean, guess you want, Chris?

None. Zero. Ah, well, you know what? No, that's good.

If you know that. Yeah. I mean, I, I, I feel like it's a hard no for now, but you know, yeah. It's just like they, whenever it kind of comes out, they're always like, when you see us having kids Probably.

You guys have to remember too, you guys are men. So, when I was having babies, my husband was 35 when he started. And so you're what? 25, right?

Yes. So technically, if you start having babies at 10 years or not, but you gotta marry someone young, you know, like he did. Yeah. Yeah.

His age range for dating is pretty good too. So he has like, he wants to date. He's okay with dating like 10 years older than him, or like, how many years younger than you? Uh, as long as they're legal.

Oh, right. At least 21. From like, probably 35, they'd have to be at least 21. Wow, you would be at least 10 years older than you?

Yeah, sure, why not? That's what I said. Are you serious? What?

It's not weird, it's just shocking for most like, I don't know. Oh, he pulled up. So you're 35, you're willing to date somebody. 45.

Yeah. I think at that point though, I might be going like in the 20 year range. Well, that's what I was gonna say. I was gonna say like at that, like at 35 to 45.

You get off the 10 year older. No, I don't see that as a big of a difference from like 25 to 35. I don't know why, but for me, I still like 35. Yeah.

Yeah, 35 to 45. I feel like mindset wise, they're kind of in the same level. Whereas like if you were to date a 35 year old at 25, you know, it's like, whoa, you're dating a 35 year old. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get along with the, I have better conversations with like people older than I am for whatever reason. Well, I've always liked older guys. Yeah. And so like, I guess, I feel like girls in our kind of generation too are very, this might be a blanketed statement, but I'm gonna say anyway, I feel like a lot of them are very like, at least, indecisive or like they think that they know what they want, but they really don't.

And, and problems just seem really logical at times and it's just, I. I think girls in your guys age group are all, are more focused on, it's all about me, me, me, me, me, me. And it's all about, I gotta look good, I'm gonna get it, which is all good. But then, I don't know, I could see the difference in our generations where they're very vain.

Yeah, the vanity is really bad. It's because I mean, the time that girls spend putting on that makeup and the different contours, none of us did that, then that's just, I mean, to each their own, but I don't, I don't think girls should be putting that much stuff on their face. I want two kids if no one was gonna ask me. Oh, you do want kids?

Yeah, I want kids. I for sure want kids. Okay. Why do you say like you were surprised that I wasn't gonna ask kids?

You know I want kids. Why? Would you go for a trifecta? Huh?

A trifecta? Three kids? Three's my max. I want one of each gender.

I want a boy and a girl. What if you had all three of the same? I'm done. If my wife wants to be other gender, I'll be like, you gotta try on your own.

I'm like, okay. Three's my max. I want one of each gender for sure. But three's my max.

So if we get like two girls into getting in a boy like you, that's fine. Or forget two boys. Then the girl like you get. Okay.

Why three? I think same reason as you. Yeah. I grew up with two older siblings.

So and plus like our whole family like we're kind of all in threes. Well, so our cousins are, they have twos. Do you know that? Yeah.

Yeah. But I mean like I guess growing up wise we were kind of always paired in the three's. Yeah. It was you my sister and you're older sister.

Me, Chris and Jess. Uh huh. My brother are the cousin Mark and you're younger sister. Yeah.

So it's like we always grew up in threes. So I feel like three is like. Three is a good number. Yeah.

Although some people may not agree because you know you have the oldest as the oldest like the first child. Then you have the baby is like, oh that's the baby and the middle child's always just kind of like, the middle child. I feel like that's that whole like middle child thing. Like I feel like because everyone perceives it so much they kind of like impose it on to other families.

If they have a family or if they're starting a family, look I impose that mindset on to that like that middle child. At least subconsciously anyway. I can be wrong that but I think because I am a middle child. Oh yeah.

You want to know. I see a lot of my middle child mirroring me when I was growing up. It's almost like you want to. You're middle child now.

You're my middle child. So my second daughter. I feel like she tries harder because she has to impress you and impress me because of course the older one is always doing everything first. So when she achieves something, I feel like the second one tries harder to be noticed and then of course my son, who's my baby, is my baby.

And the girls know it too. I mean it's so bad but I tell them I don't have favorites but because my kids don't listen to them. The way my dad. The way my dad explains it to us because I always made fun of my brother because he's the middle child and like my sister was the first.

So I tell my brother like oh dad loves you know older sister more because like he was the first girl. Right. First and then of course I'm the baby so dad doesn't love you because you're the middle child. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. No but then my dad's like no Kyle it's like this your daughter or your daughter your sister. My daughter was the first girl but then your brother was my first boy so I love him in that sense because he was the first boy and then you yeah you're just the baby. So like he gives all of us love that way.

Like he doesn't see it as like oh he's the middle child sure whatever. He sees eight like my older brother as like he's my first son so I love him a lot. Very diplomatic answer. Well my dad's very diplomatic.

You guys know this? Yes. See but I can't say that because I had girl and then girl. Well do you still say that right?

Your middle child's basically you. Like she's literally your clone. I know. It's scary.

Yeah she's exactly like you. Exactly. I know. Oh okay I thought I heard knocking.

I'm just kidding. So do you like being a parent? Yes. Honestly.

Yes. I know like I love it. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Why? It's pretty awesome to know that I made these three little people and you halfway made them. Oh my gosh. Well I baked them for so long and then I don't know if you want to bleed this out but I nursed all of them for at least a year and they grew just on that and I don't know it's pretty amazing and then they're all so different.

You get to keep from the same place the same mom same dad but they all have their own little personalities and it's so amazing to see them grow and just when they learn something new and they're excited about it it's pretty awesome. Yeah. Do you learn some of it or did you like was it like oh man. I knew I was like I want to be a mom and I think what happened was you know my older sister.

So when she had her daughter I spent a lot of time with her as a baby and I took her out with me and people said I was at her daughter and I'm like no it's my niece but I loved taking her out with me and showing her new things and taking her new things and I think that's kind of when I was like okay I'm ready to have my own. Right. I do that too like they love their nieces and nephews like as if they're kind of their own child but they know deep down like I've never wanted child. Yes there are some people like that they're like oh my god I'm glad I could get this one back.

Yeah. So you weren't like that you're just like I want to have I want to do this and not have to drop her off somewhere. I want to take her home. You know what I mean?

No. Well you already said you don't want kids right. Yeah so you would never see yourself like wanting to become a parent at least. That's not for me to answer because the reason why I don't want kids is based around a very philosophical idea that I have so I mean it's not necessarily like a biological condition or anything like that but it's more of like just the way I see things now and like growing up and like knowing the things I know it's just a lot of negativity that's a lot of a major part of why I don't want kids.

Okay we'll talk about that later because I have a few questions that come to deal with that but I mean yeah I already said I want kids so I think I would like being a parent too. I like because when I hang out with my god daughter if you're a daughter or whatever like I love it too like I love taking care of her I love bringing her own stuff plus she's like you know super cute so all the girls are like oh my god is that your daughter you know oh my god she's so cute I'm just like no but we can make one. Oh my god. I'm kidding.

I like it too it's really fun but at the same time I also do like that I get to drop her off like she doesn't have to come back. I think it's just because my mindset and my age I'm just not ready but I know eventually I want kids and I want to be a parent I'm just not ready yet. That's a good proper mindset for a gentleman to have I feel like. Yeah I'm like definitely not ready.

I mean freaking Luigi is already hard enough to take care of him he's just a dog. Granted he's a great dog but he's still hard. So I mean like since you mentioned like the difficulty of raising a dog like what would you say that's compared to kids to dogs but what's the easiest or hardest part about being a dog? Yeah.

The fact that they're all so different so like my first one she was very well behaved well-mannered like a perfect kid that any parent would want she learned things well she was probably trained really early and then I have my second one thinking oh it's gonna be a breeze because I did say well yeah oh my god no it was a nightmare she still is my nightmare. Your second one. My second one. And my husband tells me she's a nightmare because she's exactly like me.

But I think that's a difficult part about being a parent you know like learning how to discipline and teach them in the way that works for them. So you're having to learn like the three different techniques on how to discipline or what. Three different personalities basically. Yeah and then another thing that's difficult about being a parent honestly is seeing them grow because you got to just let them go a little bit more each time you know like every year you got to give them a little bit more independence and it scares me.

It really does especially nowadays you know all the school shootings and things like that it's terrifying every time I drop my kids off to school it's terrifying. You don't think though like I mean not to say that you know. I've known something. Well like not to like put school shooting down because it's not you know anything or not to make it sound like it's a good thing or whatever but like don't you think like because the town that you're in though like don't you feel like it's pretty safe.

Of course but dude I'm sure all those parents thought it was for them too. So is that really okay. Yeah just like sometimes when you drop them off school. Yeah or like or okay not even that maybe not even to that extreme.

How about okay so there was this little kid that I used to follow on Facebook and he was playing a little kid on Facebook. Oh my god that sounds so bad. Yeah. You might want to.

Yeah. Re-fizzant. I followed his story. So there was this little boy who was dropped off to preschool he was playing the playground and a tree branch broke off in the wind or because of the wind and it lands on his head and he became pretty much a vegetable.

He went from talking and laughing and playing with his parents to being in a wheelchair with a tube beating and all that stuff and I cried every time I read the post and that boy did end up passing away. But things like that I mean those parents when they dropped him off to that preschool did not think they were going to be getting a phone call that their son's being flown to a hospital because a tree fell on his head. That's crazy. That's intense yeah.

Yeah so just think every time you let them go even just a little bit. I don't know it's really scary. So I'm kind of that no but because I asked my supervisor earlier today like what we were talking about and she kind of she mentioned a lot of her friends are now or at least her friends I have kids that are starting to homeschool their children because of the fear of school shootings or their children being you know unsafe environment. Has that ever crossed your mind or anything like that or would you ever consider those preventive measures?

No because I also believe my dad always told me this if it's your time it's your time. So I'm not going to keep my kids in a bubble. Right. I think that the social skills that children learn from being at school and having different friends from different backgrounds and things like that it will build them to be better off because in the real world when they start working in their careers they're going to have to learn how to work with people from different you know with different backgrounds and different genders and all that stuff and when they're young and they're exposed to it it's it'll make it a little bit easier for them to grow up and be able to travel the world and I don't know just I don't know what I'm saying like you know what I mean I think I'll just I get what you're saying yeah and that's a very good answer I like that you're considering you know their social development or at least their interactions between like other cultures and yeah it's important because if someone is just used to what they're exposed to at home I mean that's not how it is when you go out there in the real world right and then also having different teachers because I think because you know my sister homeschools her daughter and it does look like a lot of work and I mean I'm willing to do that because even with my kids being in school when they come home it is a lot of work I sit at the table all of a sit down we do homework together so being a parent period is a lot of work but I think that little kids need to be exposed to other children their age so they can learn those very important social skills for later on.

Have your parents ever considered homeschooling you Chris? I don't think they did. I think they're like public education. I think that like them growing up like there was no care in the world they're just like let the kids go.

They were like ready to just like let us go. It's like out of the frying pan and into the fire. Yeah at least that's how I felt like with my parents. Like our parents hustled you know what I mean like both mom and dad had to work to put food on the table and I just mean like because how he said like a lot of parents nowadays because they're so scared of like public school or whatever like they want homeschool whereas like our parents were like there was not as much you know school shootings that go whatever but at the same time too I feel like they were kind of like go you know I mean like they weren't as worried as a lot of parents today are.

Right. That's all. I think to that point though there's a lot more data on what can happen to a child now. Yeah so I'm saying too it's just a lot more knowledge now.

Which is like good and bad at the same time. Yeah because I'm sure school shootings or whatever they've been happening for a while it's just there wasn't like social media and it wasn't the internet and you know what I mean so things probably stayed within those communities and it wasn't you know broadcast it to the whole world like it is now. So kind of going back a little bit because you already said the hardest part like now as they're older but like what was like the hardest part when they were like just babies. Fucking potty training.

Oh my god I hated that part. Do you give them a treat when they do it right? Yeah how'd you go about because honestly you know like that's what I'm a little worried about too when I become a parent is trying to potty train my child. Oh my god okay you want to know what I did I let my kids run around half naked and if I saw anything look like they're starting to squat they're making faces.

So like a dog. I don't know what I'm going to do. Well no because like yeah when you see your dog start like walking around sniffing like in your house that's when you automatically know. You got to go out.

Okay so yeah and then I pick them up and run to twin sit down. What if they didn't want to go? Yeah that was my second child and my third child they were my most difficult. So what did you do?

Cry. No I didn't cry I'm not going to lie. Did you go through the five stages of it? It was almost like I would scream.

I'm not going to lie I would scream why why can't you do it. Oh yeah like oh my god I have to clean this up and then and then you know my husband would come home and I'm like you know how many times I have to wipe pee off the floor it was just bad and then he said when they're ready they're ready and he was right when they were ready the next you know they're sitting on the toilet and they're like mom I'm like what and I like to do is just let him do it on their own. So I had my first one was potty trained by two my second was three and then my last one he was three and a half he was my most difficult. I feel like guys are easy to.

Oh I don't know. No. No I did the Cheerios and I did the Cheerios and I'm sorry what what is it. He's not a Cheerios it's a Cheerios and the toilet bowl.

Why would you waste Cheerios like that. You buy it you don't buy honey. You buy the plane and then you go hey baby go look aim you got to shoot it you got to shoot it and then that's really a technique like my coworkers who had boys told me to try it and he was just trolling you there like no no no no he actually thought it was cool because can you make it can you aim for the center of this. That's actually kind of smart.

Yeah why is there already a product like well I guess you never mind. No we should make a product like that like the potty trained boys. Yeah but then be biodegradable so you can flush. The trademark nobody was listening to take that idea that's our idea that's trademark talking on since that you heard it here first from power Chris yeah.

Or yeah the piece sure yeah the piece sure I don't know. Yeah why isn't there already I feel like there is there has to be. You never like when you're trying to potty train him you weren't like trying to Google like technically. No I know I asked my mommy friends mommy friends are important for all moms.

Yeah no that's a true. Yeah yeah yeah. You have a lot of mommy friends. I have a lot of mommy friends yes I do.

Okay so what about because you know as it's depicted in films or like TV shows and just word of mouth they always say when you have your first child or just like first baby in general sleeping is a bitch like you go. Oh yeah it's a common motif. Okay so as what I do for living I help moms or you know women become new moms and whatever. So when I have a patient who is a new mom I always tell her remember all those times you have to wake up in the middle of the night to go pee.

That was your body training you to be prepared to wake up in the middle of the night to be your baby. Wait I'm sorry but when you tell them that you mean like when they're pregnant they have to wake up. Like when they're like just in general because I've never had a. Okay not you.

Yeah I was like when someone. Oh my god. Well that too. If you guys are waking up in the middle of the night to go pee you might want to check your blood sugar but anyways.

Yeah no I'm good. But anyways yeah so like actually I had a patient on Wednesday and she was a first time mom and while she was in labor I was I brought that up because she said oh I have to go pee again and I said okay so remember at night when you were pregnant you kept waking up like every couple hours of pee. That's your body preparing you to wake up every couple hours when you go home with your baby to breastfeed or you know to feed your baby. Or treat your baby right.

Yeah. Okay so was it like that for you were you like waking up like every hour. Very very lucky that my husband is very hands on so and I had all these sections so it was very hard to go from laying down to sitting up laying down sitting up so many times in the middle of the night so actually a lot of the times when the babies would cry he would get up and get them for me. And he would breastfeed them too.

Yeah he'd breastfeed. He'd do one side and I'd do the other side. He'd give the baby to me and then I would nurse and then when I was done I'd put the baby back in the crib. Okay so it wasn't too bad then.

No but that wasn't hard for you. Oh okay so check this. When we had our first one we were living in the apartment still and I was trying to what do they call it now. Sleep train or whatever the heck you try to do to teach your kids how to sleep on their own.

So I was reading books and because that's what all moms think they should do and they're going to get the answer from a book which is not realistic. So I was reading books on how to train your baby. Well I mean those people those authors are making money off of you. But anyways so I let her sleep in her crib and she cried cry cry and so the book would say let them cry come in and check on them and then let them cry for a little bit longer blah blah blah.

So I did that one night never again because the next day the neighbor from upstairs came down and knocked on my door and said I don't know if you knew this but your baby was screaming and we couldn't get our sleep and I'm thinking the bitch I didn't get my sleep either. So I know you guys so I was like okay we can't do this in an apartment. So at that point ain't gonna lie she stayed sometimes I coast left don't do that moms. What's coast left?

You're not supposed to coast leave. So the nurse and me is telling all you moms out there who are listening to not coast sleep with your baby it's not safe. But anyway I did so. I mean like sleep would have the baby.

Because there are cases where moms and or dads have rolled over their babies and suffocated them. Oh yeah for real. For real. Yeah so it's not good to coast leave.

I was desperate then so there were times where I would be rocking her holding her and I would sit in bed and next you know I wake up and it's two hours later and I wasn't sleeping in bed with her. Anyways so we eventually bought our first house and then I let her cry at night and then she finally figured it out. She's gonna have to sleep on her own. But the Filipino way if you ask your parents they let us all sleep in their beds.

Oh yeah yeah. Which was bad. We're all looking to be alive. True.

That is very true. So what's the easiest part then? Of what? Be a parent.

Easy? Easy. No. You said your first kid was a cakewalk.

But it's gotta be something that they're gonna be like something. Meaning she wasn't she didn't have a temper. She was well-mannered. She listened.

If I said don't do that she didn't do it. So you just got lucky. Yes. No.

No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. I mean she's...

She's a brat. No. No. She's a very strong personality.

Before. Oh no. That's like God is a love ring. That's my daughter.

Um. You know she's cute. She's funny. She's sweet.

But when she's mad she's mad. Oh yeah. She doesn't want to do something she ain't gonna do it. Uh-huh.

You know. So it's very, very challenging with her. So very, very challenging with her. Very strong personality.

But then apparently my dad went to see her with her little attitude. He'd go just like her mom. I'm like no. That was good.

But I don't know. I'm glad you brought that up but it's just... Maybe I was bad. Okay, no just like how were your parents with you then how did they rate like you remember any of it Do you like at one age just in general like how they raise you?

How are they as parents? Do you feel like some of that reflects into how you're parenting your kids? Okay, so growing up it was always like we were terrified of dad. So mom would do the whole you wait till I get home I don't believe in that because I don't got time for that So if I'm gonna say no my kids know what's up I don't have to threaten them with your dad's gonna come and you know what I mean?

It's kind of like what did you say to me and they saw you know what I mean? So it's different in the sense where like in our house mommy and daddy are both equally as terrified. Yeah Yeah, I Don't know if you guys remember you guys because you guys are so much younger than I am thanks You guys are younger Okay, let me see if you remember this my parents When they were when they bought their house in Tracy and they were commuting to the Bay Area for work Did you guys know that my sister and I lived with your mom and your mom's the one that took us to school and all that? Did everyone lived with my family?

No, but so meaning I didn't see my parents until the weekend for like a full year Maybe two. Yeah, so it's different because I can't see myself Not seeing my kids until the weekend. That's crazy to me Yeah, like you know when we went away for our nap a trip and you and Jessica watch the kids that weekend Like I was missing them like crazy. It was what like a night or two tonight.

Yeah, so I don't know I mean and you know my mom got sick fairly young so when she got sick dad was all about her, right? So grow my childhood is different. Yeah, well so like I guess when You so you brought up the example of how like when your kids come home from school and they have homework You all set them you sit them all down stuff like that. Oh, you kind of yeah Well, how was it with you then like did your parents ever try to involve themselves with like your schoolwork or anything like that dad?

No, no, no, no, um mom was very hands-on when it came to projects like she always made them pretty took us to the store To buy the supplies we needed but all the other subjects know kind of a man You see your parents weren't as involved. Oh, no Oh, really? No, so who helps you? Nobody.

Okay, so I'm kidding So like I think that's partly why I kind of don't want kids like the whole negativity thing because I learned a lot of things through like I guess On my own in a sense. Okay, so like I love history like that's probably my favorite subject in school And so when it never came to like US history obviously there's like period where it wasn't great and And like blowing in everything like that it was just like I never did it to anyone at least consciously anyway, and so When we would study all that I would perform my own ideas about and and seeing how it is now with all the I guess how like I guess controversy. It's just like I wouldn't know how to explain that to a child Like how to be better than what happened before so Because so your parents being not so involved with you let me just or my own ideas about society people everything like that So you kind of like raise yourself is that you're trying to say in a sense? Yeah, so like going back to what you said about social skills I'm very like anti-social one pretty much in it like I'm an introvert to the court and so When I don't know what you're going with this Help me like understand that like certain kids were bad or like or certain other kids were good It was just I had to figure out all that so they didn't actually sit down with you and say hey This is the real world.

This is what it can be like and this is how you should walk into situations and things like that like really No, never had that conversation so boat so wasn't it came to like Did your parents have to you back up? When I came to homework and like all that stuff was like there was the book get it done Okay, yeah, there's a time thing. I feel like your dad would have yeah well because I think for me I kind of remember because the way I I was raised both my parents were very strict when it came to like school work They're also like here's the book you have homework get it done Yeah, but they were also like your parents were they worked like non-stop they like work night shift So we would only literally see them in the morning and then we'd come home or whatever Yeah, or no like they would pick us up and they have to go back to work Mm-hmm because they would come home make breakfast take a school sleep all day while we're in school We get home and they go to work so you kind of did it on your own too sort of yeah But like on the weekends when they were off, you know, they would that was like a time where they would spend Family time with us and like take us out and do all that or whatever But they I don't know how they did they still found ways to like teach us Yeah, just like lessons and like look like with my dad the way he did it for us And I always tell like people this is kind of I want to do it to my kids It's just like he told us like you're living under my roof my rules if you fuck up That's on you and you're out like he wasn't gonna throw us any lifeboat none of that shit So whatever we did like anything bad whatever it was like that's it it's on you and you're out So like that really scared us really all fuck that like I'm not gonna be kicked out So we kind of just had that in the back of our heads and we're just like okay, we got good We have to be good like they never they never really told us like this is how you treat people I mean they kind of did but like like I said they were always gone So it's like we just had that scary time like my head so I think naturally we're just like we gotta be good So I've done that with my kids. Um your god daughter my favorite.

So one day she was throwing a tantrum wouldn't listen I told her she needs to go to a room. It was really bad. So finally I said, you know what? I'm done.

I don't have time for this. You see the front door go to leave I said you can you can go because if you don't want to listen to our rules in this house you can leave I don't have time for this. I got two other kids. I got a race your god daughter per shoes on walked outside She unlocked the door walked outside and I had a camera through my you know my doorbell And so I'm watching it and she's standing by the door sobbing but keeping herself quiet So she thinks I think she walked away And then I'm gonna let her cry out there for a couple minutes and then she started knocking on the door And she came back and I said are you ready to listen to me?

And she said yeah, I said are you ready to listen to me? You know follow the rules and she said yeah And I said go to him and finish your crying and then come down when you're ready, you know to finish your homework So I do let my husband and I let the kids know that you're gonna live under our roof You gotta buy by the rules at the same time I use real life situations and even like tv shows and stuff to teach my kids lessons So for example when we went to universal studios on their last break We drove through I forget what they call it, but there were a bunch of homeless people And so the kids you know they were in shock like oh my god There's so many people living on the streets mom. This is so scary It's so sad and so I was saying and sometimes people end up in those situations because they took the wrong path And your dad and I are trying to guide you onto the right path But it's it eventually is your decisions and your life we are only here to guide you We're not here to live your life So the decisions you make will determine which path you take and where you end up later on in your life like in the future And so we let them know you know you can come from a house like ours and still end up on the streets Depending on the decisions you make and it's up to you to make them So I do a lot of that with my kids on a daily basis So then what about when it comes to like manners and like treating people? So I I pulled a whole you know treat others the way you want to be treated or let's say um one of my kids doesn't say Please or thank you.

I would say I'm sorry. What do you say and then they'll remember oh please or Let's say they didn't mean to but they like laugh at someone who got teased So that's kind of encouraging bullying if you're the one laughing and so of course they're kids It's gonna happen. So I would take my kids in the car and be like so do you think that was very nice of you to laugh Well, I didn't say it and I'd say okay, but what if that was you someone made fun of and your friend over there was laughing How would you feel and then of course my kids get all like And so I'm like, okay, well then don't do that again. So, you know, they do a lot of I do a lot of that But at the same time you guys, I'm very fortunate because I don't work every day So I can't even imagine you're very hands-on with your kids.

Yeah, very hands-on So it takes work and if both parents are working, I could see how it could be challenging I could see how some kids can you know, not know certain things but because it takes time to teach them They know nothing these kids, you know Because like I mean same thing with me too with my parents They always taught me to like respect elders whenever they would ask me a question and have to answer them or Say yes mom or yes dad. Yeah, like even if I just say yes, I'd be like yeah, my mom even to this day So what'd you say? Yes mom? Oh my god, I do that with my kids.

Yeah, and that's why I want to do to my kids too I want them to like say yes uncle or yes mom Yes dad or whatever because like they even do that when I'm talking to like Nancy Knuckles Like if I say if they ask me a question, yeah, if they ask me a question, I'm like, yes My mom if she's there she's like uh that's your uncle. You want to you know say something different? I'm like yes uncle Uh you do yeah, you are good with that. Yeah, so that's how they raised me And that's how I want to raise my kids too So like in their older siblings, you know because as Filipinos or you know our culture We called the elder or older cousins and brothers kuya or ate kuya for a guy and then not there for a girl Yes, but for you because we're me and him only one year apart And he's still it's very respectful and I appreciate it because he still calls him kuya, but I don't know why for me It's weird.

Yeah, like I just want him to call me kyle, but he always calls him kuya My sister and I are only a year and two weeks apart Yeah, but like I don't know I find I think for me It's weird because I don't have anyone who's only a year older than me. So I don't call anyone It was like your older me big difference. Yeah, yeah kuya or ate only call the ones that are like real like, you know My god, I need shit. Oh, yeah I don't know.

I just find it weird when he calls me Like I can't go in Kyle Kyle Jess straight across me Kyle. She's not yeah, she never She's half white. Yeah, no, I think that's true. She what she calls you out there though Because I'm old I'm really old.

Yes, you know me. That's okay. No offense, but you're not that old You're only 35. It's okay.

It's not that old. It's not it's really not that old Okay, it's not supposed to report you that it is 30 Yep, that's true. You really want to call you Kyle? Yeah, I'll try to call me Kyle.

It's not calling me quick. That's weird. Yeah, I could see you calling Kyle because you guys are pretty much the same That's what I'm saying. We're like only if I call you call you call you call you call I would be like whoo He's just respected.

I would not think that at all Yeah, but if my son ever called his sister Denise because they're not even two years apart technically So if you ever called her Denise, I think what did you call her? Oh, he knows. Yeah, mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah I think that's because like I was obviously you know, I was raised called my older like yeah, so I'm so your parents didn't raise you that's it That's yeah, okay, you know respect thing.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's just it can't force habit and like Growing up I and whenever I saw you I was like, oh, that's my kooie Kyle like that was just yeah, yeah, that was it Yeah, true So then so I guess discipline wise What did your parents do to like kind of shape you into who you are other than like because you already said you kind of had Formal your own ideas, but like respectfulness and stuff like did they teach you that? What do you mean by respectfulness? Like just being respectful and like having manners did they teach you those no like that I kind of developed on my own really they didn't discipline you well They did when I did something bad and then like it was just kind of the cause and effecting like obviously I did something wrong I analyzed it and how would you know you did something wrong because my dad would yell at me or and I Would tell you yeah, yeah Again, I'm getting up and I'm gonna get you up and a little pussy.

Okay, you know, but like I came to respect the other people like so Like I grew up in like Las Vegas pretty much How old were you when you guys moved out there? I was pretty young, I mean nine or ten. I was a kid growing up and like I was a kid's game. Yeah, I was like bullied and shit like Invites That's not fun at all.

I'm gonna be a part of that. Yeah, so like and then I learned like okay If I just you know avoid them if I avoid what they said or like kind of talk them like they did like they wouldn't they would leave me alone And then you're supplementary like dare programs or whatever that's cool. Yeah, and so I was like, okay So if I'm pretty much not an asshole to anyone like no one's gonna like did your parents ever beat you? Not really I got spanked by my dad.

Yeah, I was really bad But you too, oh my god, I was like a teenager where it got really bad between me and my dad. Oh, wait what it got worse When you got older? Well, that's because I I saw certain things in my dad that I didn't know how to like really process Okay, like so like my dad kind of has a gambling problem He likes a game and when I was like around 15 or 16 It was just like like why are you always gambling like it was like a vice and like it and then obviously being raised in the Catholic church It was like down links to sin and so I was like I had very angsty feelings It was just an age angst that I didn't know how to process and because I had my dad's temper I would get angry and then you get angry because I was getting angry Wow, and it was just a vicious cycle and so like and you know, it's like I had an anger problem growing up You still kind of do I still kind of do yeah, oh my god. I'm so glad I don't see it Yeah, and that's because I identified that early on like I should be this angry Like I should never really ever get this upset But good for you that you freaking know it because there are people out there who are like I'm fine It's normal to punch holes in the walls.

Yeah, no, it's not It's so good for you. I was like I don't want to be this angry. I want to be like this like It's just explosive or whatever whenever something doesn't go my way and so yeah Period Yeah, okay. Yeah, thanks for sharing Chris No worries.

Well, you said you gotta be or slaps sorry My dad doesn't listen to this right now. No, no one literally listens to this one. He did the slipper Yeah, he did the belt. So when we'd when would you guys experience that though?

I'm not gonna give you numbers. I don't know ages, but I felt like once I hit puberty There were no more hands on it was more of like yelling like rounding or the I don't know. I mean I feel like a spanking and stuff was when I was so like pre-teen. I don't know I don't know.

Maybe we can remember. Oh, you do know you were like spanked. Yeah, you did something bad. Yes Yes Is spanking like are you against it?

Oh, I have spank my kids But I think there are articles that have come out that were like like I said people were reading shit. Yeah, okay Anyway, but my kids like Yeah, don't read according to Diane don't read No, like when my kids were like old enough to know what mommy says No, it means no, but then they kept doing it and then it would be over the morning and then if not, you know, it'd be a written warning It would be the countdown and then if not then yeah, it's been come. I'm not gonna lie. Um Yeah, so anyways, so I would I would think them and then when they got old enough to listen to me explain Why they should be doing what they did or you know, anyone you could reason with them in a way?

I guess yeah, then yeah, it just was like let them cry and then we'll talk about it But I don't know I think I mean I could be just saying this because they're my people but I feel like I think my kids are pretty good Oh, yeah, yeah, they're good. Yeah, sure. They're not I mean I have my moments when Denise. They're not wall Kids what does that mean?

I don't know what that means? Oh, so whenever that Walmart obviously families would come in okay? And these kids would be just loud noxious. No, I can't like that No, I can't do the type of kids who see those kids at the source and go oh my god.

Yeah They are so bad and I'm like don't look don't look Whenever really they were around like oh that's definitely a Walmart kid for sure. Yeah But like I said they knew okay, maybe it's because before they got spanked I had that mommy look like What did I say or you know you better get down? When we get home about to be the shit out of you They knew that look but of course there are little people at that time So they're still learning it. They don't know how serious you are and then when you know that smack comes then they're like oh shit She was for real so now I just look at them.

I'm like keep doing it keep doing it And then they stop or like you better wait, you know wait till we get in the car or whatever and they know like okay I better stop so now it's to the point where sometimes I don't even have to say anything I'll just look at them and that's it. They're done. Yeah That's how it was for me to if no one was gonna ask me No, okay, it's no it's not It is but the what is Leo? Oh, yeah, no, no just saying like my parents I remember getting like whipped by the belt from my dad would you do that I would need to get whipped?

Yeah, I don't know it was bad though. Oh, apparently like you should like block that. I remember. No, not that I blocked out I literally just can't remember but I do remember getting with like often no it wasn't often yeah No, but like you know my dad.

Well, you both know my dad like well. He's mad too like he's He's mad. Oh, he's fucking scary dude. Yeah, no, and like what's funny?

Okay, I'll say what I don't care no cuz I was having a fight with a friend and girlfriend just a friend And I got mad at them or whatever and they like hurt like I was verbally yelling at them and getting really angry and then they're like You're like scary when you're mad. I was like, yeah, I get that from my dad because like he might when my dad gets mad He's scary. Yeah, so which is funny. How you said earlier like when you were a kid you spent most your time at my house Because you know your parents were so I know you're not scary.

Yeah, a lot And I said to a lot of our cousins spent time at my house like our cousin Mark he went to high school in our area When he was living like 20 minutes away, so he's laborless during the week Yeah, so whenever we had like a cousin say under our roof my parents always like treated them as their child Yeah, I sort of raised them like us as well So like they told mark or you know or the cousin Janessa she said it was too like hey You're living under our house. So if you have a you know when came to chores or dishes whatever you have to do all that shit We're not doing any of that for you So like that's how I was raised and then just the whole like getting whipped and stuff I think like I said I can't remember what I did but I just know that when I did get whipped I never did whatever I did ever again because I was like, oh, I can't do that shit it hurt Yeah, it was bad. It was really bad So like are you do you feel like you're more strict than how our parents were to your kids or less strict? Are you trying to find balance or or are you trying to be the same or what?

I'm trying to find a balance I feel that you take what you feel worked for you growing up and you can change it to what you think would work Okay, so I guess like I said my parents both worked a lot They weren't really home to sit down and say hey This is why we expect this of you or these are the consequences So yes, we are strict as in these are the rules You better follow them if you want to live under this roof But at the same time I tell my children that they have they have the right to speak and ask questions and you know I mean like we're not always gonna agree on everything But I want my kids to know that their feelings and their opinions matter But at the same time they better listen to the reasoning of mommy and daddy So if they say why did this because of this then I because we are the adults right so we can sit there Yeah, but this is why you should not do that and then they're able to look at it differently versus no Because I don't think that ever worked for me because honestly I think that's kind of why I was like a wild child when I got older because I felt like screw you like I'm out here In college on my own I'm gonna do what I want with you know, whoever I want whenever I want whatever but I want the kids like my kids now I'm like, oh my god I better explain why it's you shouldn't do this because these are the consequences not just because I said so because that doesn't work You know, I mean, I don't think it works. Mm-hmm because yeah, you want to like you want your kids to kind of fear you But at the same time I don't want them to feel me where they feel like they can't come to me if they really have a Concern or a question that can really impact their life like if you don't even know why you're I feel like I don't want my kids To be afraid because what if especially when the girls are older and they're like, oh my god I don't wanna ask mom because she might get mad. I don't want that I want them to know that they can come to me and I will sit down with an open mind and listen to them and then share my Peace, but I feel like our parents didn't really take the time to do that It was just hey, don't do that. Why cuz I said so or you know, I mean I'm trying to remember if my parents were like that Because they were very strict.

I'm pretty sure they had reasons why they were strict. I think sometimes my parents had reasons Because I would say why like why can't I do that? So then they would give an answer but for the most part it was just a don't do that and that was it right cuz you didn't want to question Your parents that's the sign of like disrespect, but I we let our kids, you know ask why how you feel about like those parents who Sort of like raise their child as kind of like they want to be their friend rather than their I don't like it all time. I can hear to be your friend.

You got friends at school I'm here to be your mother I'm a parent I'm here to guide you and teach you and hopefully you pick up and learn some things because I'm not gonna be here forever and I know that you know me personally because I lost my mom really young So it's true when your parents say I'm not gonna be here forever I mean you take that shit and remember it cuz they're just here to give you the advice that they think will help you build the best future for you So fuck would you ask me again? No, it's like how you feel about parents who try? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, so yeah, I mean I have friends They're like oh my god like we're best friends. I'm like that's nice.

Yeah, like especially women and their daughters. Yeah, that's nice That's okay when they're older when they're sentient. I think I told the girls like I'm not here to be your friend like I don't care if you don't like me right now Because if you don't like me then that means you're learning something right so I tell them all the time I'm not here to be a friend I'm your mother but when we're older and you are maybe a mother yourself or your girl and your Oh, okay. No, because I was gonna lead into it.

He said just like when do you think it's okay to be their friend then? When they when I know that they are able to take care of themselves without needing me Because now they're a grown-ass woman and they get to care of themselves like I tell my kids I want you guys to finish college and get a career so you don't have to ever depend on anyone because let's face it I mean especially now like a lot of people don't get married to older And you know like there are some people who believe that oh a mom should be a stay-home mom young double shit a woman should be able to take care of her ass and her children on her own without relying on a man because You know like divorce rates are higher now and things like that so I Feel like when I could see my daughter is able to be like my mom She can afford her own place. You know what I mean? She has her career going then we can be friends we can get our man needs and put these together I mean I already do that now with my kids But it's because I believe they also need that one on one time with mom So we could feel that relationship now, but they still know what's up.

I'm not their friend and their mom You're like the foundation for that relationship. Yes, so is it more so like when they're done with college? Then you're like oh we could be best friends now or is it like no? Okay, no because people can say a lot of college on the fuck you don't have your degree You don't have your career I'm saying so after college that's when you're like we could be best friends when they are able to take care of themselves without me Yes, okay, because you know how I am with my parents.

They're like my best friends too I make fun of their asses all the time like now like I treat them as like a best friend rather than knowing that they're my Parents, I mean, yeah, I still respect them. Yeah, but like yeah I'm not saying just because I'm gonna say I'm not your friend. We can't have fun It's just I don't want to because for me like if you are a friend you are like a colleague So you technically both respect each other the same way. I want them to know I am the mother I am if I'm gonna tell you something you better freaking listen right like a friend if your friend told you something you could take it You know, yeah, leave it or what if they're your best friend though Yeah, okay, no I'm just kidding.

Yeah, it's okay. What about because getting your kids have like cell phones right now No, no, so what age do you think is appropriate for a cell phone? Maybe when they're out doing activities where they might need to be picked up or something because back of the days or pay phones everywhere So when we needed a fucking paper is So shut up. Yeah, I'm eating myself.

I don't care. Is that we put the words? Or you know collect call but anyways, so I think like if my kids start getting involved with like sports or activities Whether to be out somewhere then yeah, maybe they can have some but if I'm their taxi What do they need? I'm only asking cuz I was listening to this podcast where this guy he was talking about that the whole cell phone thing and his kid I think right now is like about to be a freshman in high school And he's still not giving him a cell phone like he doesn't he doesn't believe in giving the kid a cell phone until he could pay for it For himself And I just I found that kind of like okay like it kind of makes sense But same time too.

It's like well, wouldn't you want your child to be able to call you? So that's why I even told their dad I said when we give them cell phones when it's like bedtime Yeah, their cell phones are going in our room because the reality is they're gonna get hooked to it Everybody gets hooked to their cell phones. Yeah, I don't I mean I remember growing up I mean I would sneak the house phone into half you're listening dad I would sneak the house. I like the same too.

Yeah into my room and I'd stay on the phone till like 2 a.m And then wake up for school and that was stupid But so the kid has a cell phone of course they're gonna do that other guy be on social media blah blah blah blah So I already said if they get cell phones that shit's going in our room at night nice. Okay, so that's where you are Yeah, folks are on the scene. I didn't get my first cell phone so I can pay for it. Yeah, really?

No, you have a cell phone in high school we had pagers full. Oh, right. So you have a pager I got my cell phone I was in 6th grade bullshit. No, you did not Yes, I had a cell phone in 7th grade.

Yeah, you did. No, you did not. I did. Yeah, how do you then?

What's that? Well, yeah, but you know yes, no I was 15 when I started 9th grade so 13 13 I was 13 when I got my first cell phone Then yes, that's because I was 23 or 22. So yeah, that's when everybody was getting those no Kia's and stuff Yeah, mine was a flip phone. It was cool.

Yeah Yeah, you didn't have a phone. Yeah, yeah, I had a phone and I remember one time in class because no I wasn't texting But like when you get to the flip phone right? You know the volume buttons on the side of the phone But when you push one of the volume buttons to because I you know how on iPhones when you want put on silent They have a little switch they have a little switch phones back then didn't have you had like push the button to like make it silent or Back on yeah, so my phone was on silent because it was in my pocket pushing against the button It turned on to loud and when it turns on to loud it makes a little noise So I was literally in class, you know doing my work whatever next you know you hear Am I just like all right who is that and I knew I'm mad because me I was trying to play it off I was like damn guys whose whose phone is that and then like everyone like my friend fucking called me out He's like brother's yours. Oh like baby.

I was like I did you look at me like Kyle like little finger Oh my god, I was so embarrassed like fuck Wow, I had to give myself a vote for the remainder of the class. Yeah. Wow. That was great.

I remember that Okay. Yeah, no, I'm getting to college. Oh Dang you get dressed up. Hey, sir.

Yeah, it's a lot of sixteen. So I was I use a house phone But my parents didn't care about me using the house phone So just you know, it's just hard though when you try to like talk to a girl. Yeah Buddy sorry, so because I did the same thing today so sneak the house on because I think at that time Oh my god, I would never think you guys were doing that. Yeah, no I did and sorry to bring this up But it's because it was one you introducing to your friend from Vegas.

I was calling her from the oh, yeah Yeah in Vegas, right so like that shit, you know cost money. Oh my god. Yeah, I don't know any better. I don't know So I'll like oh yeah, I'll go there.

I'll grab our house phone. It was wireless. You know, so of course I could bring into my room I'll grab my house phone like late at night or whatever call the girl talk to her like, you know Do all that shit and then hang up put the phone back be like Talk to girl. No one knows the next thing you know No, yeah, my dad like sees where it's being called to and then he knows no one else is in the house besides me And he knows my brother's not doing it because he has his own phone or whatever so he goes because of me He's like cah my cat.

He's like are you using the house phone? I'm like Sometimes why he's like why are you talking for almost an hour on the house phone? I was like what I mean? How do you know?

He's like it's on our bill. I was like, oh shit So yeah, I got in trouble and get whipped though, but I think I'm trouble. He's like you can't use the house phone no more So I drink no my mom put started taking the house phone into her room at night really when you when she found out You're doing it. Mm-hmm.

How'd they find out because when I would laugh I don't think I held back Yeah, like who else is laughing at 1 a.m. Yeah, I must be on the phone Hopefully Yeah real quick, can we just end on the Well, we're kind of already over an hour. Yeah, why did you have more we always do part two? But anyways What is it?

I Alright, well, we'll see if our listeners want you come back. Oh my god. You want me? We'll see anyways Because we talked about potty training your son.