Thank you for joining me for another edition of Tell him to told you I appreciate you tuning in I look forward to building with you this week on the topic of intersectionality So some things that are happening in pop culture aligned with some memories that have come up for me and some experiences That I've had this week have really made me stop to Be more consciously aware of what it means to be a black woman into today's society. So Let's just get started. So first Many of us are seeing the advertisements in the press conferences between Floyd Mayweather and his contender Conor McGregor and For boxing purists and for myself as someone who just doesn't care that much about the sport I was not moved by a me to witness this what I thought would be just a fiasco of about between these two men I Must say what has become more problematic than the fight itself is how they are building up the fight by using racial play and politics now it started off as McGregor saying some just very nasty very racially motivated things about Mayweather rubbing his head and calling him boy and telling him to dance Some of those things and then moving Towards now including black women in this taunting by saying that he's black from the belly button down and pelvic thrusting while he says This is for all black women. It's disgusting It's disgusting the level of racial play that is being allowed and I would say scripted and performed by these men in order to make some money And I think it demonstrates that in today's society a woman is still used for financial gain And Gratification by men it's disgusting and it's ridiculous and as a black woman in particular the ownership and the image of this white man The image of ownership that this white man put forth by saying what he said while he's thrusting his pelvis and taunting this black man It was just it's become a bit too much for me And I don't understand how as a community we've not spoken out in mass about how we refuse For this kind of racial rhetoric to be deemed as appropriate by anyone I think we need to be shutting it down.
We need to just And though I'm not a Mayweather fan because I think he himself is a misogynist I hope he kicks this man's natural white ass I just really really hope that that's the outcome and I'm disgusted by the promoters who think that this is cool I'm disgusted that that's where we are in society today And I'm so disgusted I'm gonna move on from that because I don't have too much more to say about that tune into Midlife musings which will be a new podcast featuring me and one of my very best friends We'll talk about that a little bit more because he has a boxing fan And I think he has more insight into the sport and into this phenomenon than I do I'm just as a black woman completely disgusted at the way McGregor is taunting a black man by using black female body Anyway moving on so this week I have been away at a women's leadership executive leadership training and it has been a beautiful experience a beautiful experience to be in the presence of Some women who have done some really incredible things in the business world who are continuing to do incredible things in the world of academia and Those of us who are trying to follow in their footsteps. It was just a really good experience for me I learned a lot I learned a lot and I want to share some reflections on some of the lessons with you Some of you may know the story and on a podcast I'll tell more of the story but long story short I was a dropout I dropped out of fam you I part my way out of fam you the first time around and When I left fam I went to work for first it was sprint local telephone division And then I ended up working for Bell South mobility and then when they merged with SBC I was with singular before it became what we know now as AT&T And so I spent a little time in a corporate setting as an entry slash mid-level manager I was the Southeast Region Market Support Manager for singular wireless and As a result of the things discussed this week I became reflective on what I experienced when I was with singular that I had not ever been able to put a finger on and now I realized what was happening was I was in this male-dominated world Trying to maneuver in the ways that I know the maneuver the world and that's the way of a black woman or something black woman at that You know I moved through the world as a southern black woman my context my worldview my outlooks All of those things shaped the decisions I make how I Interact with people how I interacted with my team Those kinds of things the language I choose to use how I present myself What professionalism is defined as those kinds of things are shaped by my identity as a southern black woman And I was never able to put my finger on the fact that part of the reason I felt such discomfort in that space was that it was So masculine and even the women that I was interacting with on a regular consistent basis often had to resort to acting like men In order to be what they thought would be to lead to what they thought would be success And I never felt comfortable in that space and I am thankful for that space because I think it was the discomfort that drove me back to finish my degree So this week has really helped me reflect on those times and how if I had known then the things that I learned this week And some of the things that I've learned since then just because I was young I could have been a lot more successful in that setting now I do think I'm not saying that I regret leaving because I do think everything happens absolutely the way it's supposed to I think I'm living more aligned with my calling now than I was then I hate I don't had that kind of money anymore but As an all things I think it's important that we sometimes reflect on where we've been as we figure out where we're going and how those tools and skills and experiences might be used to help us shape our best future So I'm really grateful for this week. I learned a lot I know I said that a couple times but I want to emphasize before I start on the next part of what I want to say really Being grateful for the experience this week. I learned a lot in terms of length how I present myself in language how I'm branding myself Sometimes subconsciously by the words I use how I want to be more deliberate and how I interact with people It's kind of those kind of things I think are important to think about and they are pretty much universal now as a result of this week I did understand I began to really see how different the world is for black women so we can thank Alice Walker for really helping to give voice to this difference between white women's plight in the world and the black woman's plight in the world they're different and although we are both women and we have Shared gender roles.
That's a question. I don't know if that's true That supposedly we have these shared experiences and I think for generally we do have shared experiences women make less than men But we also know that there's a nuance that the black women make less much less than what then white women do their men so I Think it's important that we pay attention to the nuance differences That's one of the things I think this week was a little lost that when we're talking for example when we're talking about communication styles And how to speak with more power and authority. I think it was missed that depending on the cultural context that sometimes what sounds like power language in a white setting is Arrogant language in a black setting so that there has to be Very conscious codes switching that occurs even when you're trying to maintain a language of power and authority that you're not overstepping and becoming something that is arrogant and Just ballsy and so as I was thinking through the cultural nuances because that's kind of what I do, right? I'm a literacy person I pay attention to the word just because who I am ideologically I pay attention to the word and I'm understanding all these Sophisticities that are being presented as universal so there aren't always applicable based on the cultural context and the audience to whom you are speaking and And some other things that came out this week when we were talking about for example networking and these white presenting women Could enter a space that for them is non-business so you're in the country club and you make connections with connections with people that then benefit you in your business world yes That's real networking and that's important But then I thought about how many black women I know belong to country clubs and how many of us are moving in spaces where where the power people are moving And unfortunately, I don't think we have the same kinds of opportunities Now that doesn't mean that we can't create some of these opportunities or that we can't participate in the white-dom That structure I'm not saying that but what I am saying is that the game we play is different It's just different and I think there while I benefited a lot I want to emphasize that again benefited a lot from this week's experiences and lessons and workshops I do think there needs to be more conversation around Black women in the business world because we play a slightly different game It can't be the same game because we've got this racial component on top of the gendered component And I think sisters needed to do more of coming together in non-competitive spaces to socialize to network to build alliances and bridges We know those of us who've ever been in the business world and those of us who are in academia We know that there's always a meeting before the meeting where the allies are identified You guys come up with a game plan for what you're gonna say and who's gonna vote how and all this kind of stuff happens all the time But I think in black gendered spaces they happen differently And I think we need to start being more deliberate about one how we teach each other to do those kinds of things Do sisters always know that you got to have an ally when you go into a meeting one thing that came out this week was One of my favorite sessions this week was about negotiating negotiating for one's worth and I was having one of our brilliant sisters Yaba Blake had a discussion going on on social media about why black people don't discuss their salaries and how that puts us at a Disadvantage when it's time to negotiate and things like that and she and I had an inbox conversation about how I feel like My advisors didn't necessarily train me well to negotiate and because of that I'm at a salary deficit I shouldn't be because of what I do and the quality of my work and not to sound bragadocious But who the hell I am I should be compensated a little bit better than I'm presently being compensated and part of that is because I didn't negotiate well Because unfortunately I don't think in our communities we spend enough time talking about negotiations now on top of that I think black women in particular are conditioned to accept what we are offered that somehow and a lot of this plays into our own self-esteem issues That sometimes we don't recognize our own earth worth And even if we do we're afraid to demand it and I'm not even talking about all the time in a business situation I think in general black women have not taken enough time I don't that sounds like it's our fault.
It's partially our fault. I think black women have been conditioned Let me say that way. I think black women have been conditioned against taking time to know their own value and worth I also think that we as a black Community need to start thinking about our price value so that when we are entering into the workplace that we can negotiate from a place of Knowingness, I know my worth. I know what you would pay some some man I know what you would pay some white woman and really using that to leverage Some of our own personal powers around where we are and where we end up and I think the conversations about black economics and investing in the community And all of that should spill out of those kinds of conversations, but I just wanted to really Say that intersectionality was just has just been at the floor this week for me in terms of What it means to be a woman and what it means to be a black woman and all of that kind of stuff And then there are the recent articles that have come out now for those of us who are black girls once upon a time that we know That what the research the new research is demonstrating has always been true that black girls are seeing As less innocent than other children that we had they're referred They have disciplinary referrals more than many other groups And then just in general they are disregarded and I think we carry a lot of that from girlhood into womanhood and we I Want us I want and I'm speaking to myself.
So I don't want this to sound like I'm telling you what I'm talking to myself right now So I'm gonna say I I need to spend more time understanding who I am in terms of being a valuable Contributing member of society. I need to spend more time Understanding that what I bring to the table is unique and necessary I need to spend more time understanding that what somebody else thinks about my value is they bullshit and it has nothing to do with the value I place on myself and when I come to a table with anybody for any reason I need to come completely armed in that knowledge of truth that I am worth it I am worth effort. I am worth a good salary. I am worth attention I am worth protection all of that all of that we and I think that while that is a very personal kind of work I think sisters need that kind of work.
I was having a conversation with some sister girls a couple weeks ago I said I want to start a nonprofit called the porch because I know a lot of when I was younger Self-doubt really didn't hit me the way it does now and part of that was because I was showing peas on the porch with older black women I remember sitting on the porch with a cool glass of water my grandmother and watching people walk down the street on cherry I remember things like that and on that porch Why watching and witnessing her performance of black woman hood shaped my confidence It was I was my confidence wasn't shaking until I got off that porch So I think black women need spaces where we are in community with other black women and we affirm one another safe sacred spaces Right, that's why I wanted to talk about how to establish spaces in our home But we also have to talk about what it means to establish safe spaces in a community setting where women can come together and have conversation real transparent conversations about who we are and what our worth is and how To I think we need to be in concert with elders about how we demonstrate that worth to the world I'm gonna be blogging Wednesday about war paint right watching my maternal grandmother carry a different kind of power How she has started a power is different from how I would think about power today But when I'm reflecting again, this week has been very reflective for me when I reflect upon how she presented herself outside of her house I understood that she was performing power as she understood it and so I think black women we just need these spaces I'm calling all hands on deck. We need to establish some spaces We're into generational black women can come together and talk through what it means to be black and to be woman and to be sacred and divine Right. I just I really I'm full. I'm really full but I traveled to The the training this week with a group of sisters who I know but had not spent time with before and just on the drive there And on the drive back in the in the meals that we shared I got to know them differently and I feel a true genuine I hope they feel this too a true genuine sense of sisterhood with them and I got their back now in a way that I may not have had before And I understand now the value of sharing food the value of sharing time And that's I just want our sisters to be deliberate and establishing those kind of spaces not where we sit I'm not talking about sitting in man bashing I'm not talking about gossiping I'm talking about where we talk about how best to present ourselves to the world I'm talking about where we talk about strategies for health and wellness because we were talking about detoxing and how we can change our Taste buds those kind of just health and wellness issues Do you work do you work out before work?
Do you know you do walk around the building that lunch? That kind of how we become our best self sharing strategies for coming our best selves We got to have space for this and I really I really anybody who's interested in trying to figure out how we can start the porch You let me know hit my inbox up at www. Sorry. That's the website.
You can hit my inbox up at vhbcuprof At gmail.com or dr. Tip at tell him tip told you calm and let's think about how we can get these things rolling now As a side note some people based upon last week's discussion have asked me about crystals So I posted on the blog this past week five crystals I think every black women should have in their arsenal So make sure you visit www.tillum tip told you calm to check out that blog post about the five crystals And if you're interested I have ordered some bulk of raw crystals or from that list And so if you're interested in getting started with crystal work make sure you hit me up I've got some packages available if you want to you know buy a set of the five and Get some more information on how to care for them and how to use them in your daily practice Please let me know again Hit me up at dr. Tip at tell him to told you calm visit the website I'll be posting on the crystal packages for sale shortly probably later this week by Wednesday You'll be able to purchase those and again if you have anything you want to discuss Hit me up at dot a tip at tell him to told you calm. I look forward to hearing from you this week I want you to have a wonderful wonderful day.
Don't forget to celebrate yourselves tell them to told you to take care