Episode 306 – Cloverfield (2008)

Ok, ok, hang on, hold that still . . . so, in honor of this week’s entry in our “Give Me One More Chance” series, the found-footage, shaky-cam opus “Cloverfield,” I’m creating my very own handheld video masterpiece “Thistlemeadow,” complete with terrifying monsters and human drama, so let’s get, wha’ . . . DAMN, I dropped the video camera . . . hang on . . . crap, it’s under the couch. I can’t reach it! Oh no, it’s recording . . . and the rental runs out in a couple of hours! Ok, ok, I can work with this . . . gimme that broom handle . . . “Oh no! Jerian! Look out! It’s a colossal . . . dust bunny . . . eldritch horror from beyond space and time! Aaahhhhh!” “Grrarrrr! Grrarr!” “Eeeek, so scary!” “Quick, let’s hide behind these ruins that look suspiciously like loose change and a couple of stale Cheerios!” “Aaaaiiiieeee! So scary!” “We have to get to the Safety Zone over by those chipped Lego pieces and that, oh, hey, there’s the stereo remote! I mean, there’s the . . . Escape Space Barge! Oh, if only we can make it . . .” Wait, damn, the recording light went off! Did I forget to charge the battery? Man, this found footage crap is harder than I thought. You win, J.J. Abrams . . . this time. But how does Mr. Abrams little project hold up on the second viewing? Give a listen to our shrieks of terror and be glad that if we jiggle the camera a lot, you’ll never know! Poll question: what is scarier in the movies, giant monsters that destroy cities, or small monsters that can hide under the bed or in your chest cavity? Leave us a comment or record your screams of terror on our hotline at 617-398-7266.