Episode 32: With Ben Sherman (Growing Up in Arlington, Dealing With Loss at Young Age, Surviving High School, Coin-Flip College Decisions, Philosophy. Non-Profit Work and Polyamory)

Welcome back to Jonah Asks!Ben Sherman was a high school friend who I also worked and lived with for a couple years in 2002-03. It was great to reconnect with him after a decade or so. Ben has taught philosophy and now works in the non-profit world helping people in workforce development. Ben is thoughtful, compassionate and at times, quite funny. 0:05 Arlington, Massachusetts"The theater crowd at Arlington High School was just...deeply strange. They had their own pagan icon: the sacred oar. Every year, after the final performance, there would be a sacrifice to the sacred oar. My freshman year, they had bought a full-size dead squid from a butcher shop...and it got weirder after that."0:13 The Coin-Flip: Oberlin vs BrandeisBen had to decide between going Oberlin and Brandeis. His dad had left it up to him entirely. 0:17 Experiencing Different Sides of Arlington - Surviving High School: bullying and Social Life, Finding Real Friends, Embracing Weirdness and the Rocker Aesthetic"In the mid-90s, Arlington was right on the edge of gentrification. You said there were different Arlingtons. People who ran the school board would talk about an out-an-out clash between old Arlington and new Arlington and we were right in the middle of it. We were not a ritzy town, we were not a working class town, we were both things at once. That caused some weird splits and polarization."Ben: "In my experience, the portion of the school community that prioritized toughness and toxic masculinity...in a lot of cases, representing the young side of a working class that was being elbowed out of where their families had lived for years, was this hostile force. For me, it was having people randomly gay-bash you. Having people threaten violence."0:24 Identity: Weirdness and Agency0:29 Employment - Ben Works in Workforce DevelopmentThe fight for progress. Employment numbers, opportunities and low wages.0:40 Family and GrievingBen's mom died of cancer when he was 8. He was the oldest of two boys. His dad remarried a few years later. Reflecting back on that time, Ben remembers when he was an early teen, thinking about how few memories he had from the year or two after his mom died. "It was a memory hole even at a time when it was surprising for it to be a memory hole."0:50 Meeting Step-Mom0:54 Mortality, Trust and PsychologyHow we cope with childhood and how memory works.1:00 Polyamory: Ethical Non-monogamyBen explains his definition of polyamory and his experience in relationships.1:35 Waltham, MA, Communal Living in 2002Ben and Jared Make a Vague Plan"Let's find collective housing so we're paying a lot less per room right out of college."Internet cables split ten ways. "You had people who were individually not really competent to run their own lives, but you put them together, you had a pretty good overlapping skill-set."1:45 Bugaboo Creek Steak House"It never could decide if it wanted to be Chuck E. Cheese or a dive-bar. The attempt to be both at once was pretty weird. (While serving steak)."1:48Student Debt, College and Connections1:52Existential QuestionsThe future of higher education, the future of the planet and jobs.