Can you stop being so disturbing? Thanks. Down in D.P.C. Does he know all the words to disturbs down with the sickness?
Yep. Policing all of them right now with the podcast recording? The answer? No.
No. No. No. No.
No. It'll do it. Wow. Look at those peeks.
Peeks. I want to do... We need to make a YouTube video of the uwahaha but cat barf. When they do that in and out sneezing.
Dude I had a pug for 12 years. I know all about that. Is my pug dying or is it just breathing hard? It's just breathing.
Just breathing. No other words than that. No other words than that. What?
I don't even know what to call it. Katie do you know it? Just breathe. Just breathe.
Yeah I could probably know it if I heard it. I'd probably know it if I heard it. Hey, Tim. Oh she does.
Winnie I keep thinking that I'm playing FTSE with Tim. Well that's neither here nor there. Oh, Tink. Cool.
I think one of my favorite pictures ever is Tinkling in the box with all the D&D shit around her and she's like, I'm here. I'm a cat. I'm a kitty cat. You want to rainbows?
Nice. We pick back up the night of the ball. It has been a week later and Harbeck and Ornela arrive on carriage back. There's like an interesting that takes place.
There's like a long procession of carriages and carts that are dropping off very fancy looking nobles to the palace proper where the queen and the prince live. What do you guys look like? Because yeah, Daveery and his retinue of fired workmen are like they help you down from the carriage and escort you to the quote red carpet. What do your characters look like?
I would just like to point out that Daveery and his plan are wearing like they like tried to dress up so they're wearing like tuxedo t-shirts. Because they had to leave all their shit when they got canned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they really showed up and they really are making us proud.
They look good. They look as good as they can. Yes. And I'm just completely unaware of all of it.
I think that they actually are fancy. I think I look really fancy. I look ridiculous. I like step out the carriage and I don't even let them give me help.
I just land on my feet and like a button pops off the bottom. Ow. But my shirt. Oh, sorry.
These clothes are a little tight. But you look nice but understated. Humble. Clothing brought to you by Master Swift the Taylor.
Ornela looks like a badass. I think she's wearing the Ornela original. You see the dress. We see the dress.
I have decided to wear like my boots instead of fancy shoes. But other than that, it's very clean and noble looking. I'm not herded. I got some paint on my face.
Nice. So we see this procession walk into the palace itself. The palace has been very ostentatiously decorated. There's men standing in fine clothes holding serving trays of various food and beverages.
As you walk into the grand ballroom that you were finally being received into, the ceiling is at least two stories tall. There's enormous chandeliers hanging from it. It's really fancy looking. Where do you two find yourselves amongst?
I imagine you probably feel someone out of your element. People are walking past and bumping into me. They're not even looking down to see me. They're filing in.
Most of the people here are human. You're probably one of the few. There's only a handful of non-humans at this place. I walk in and one of the servants just hands me a tray and tells me to go walk around.
How do you respond to the servant that tells you that? Sure. I take the tray and start eating everything on the tray. It's just a very good party.
The queen throws a mighty fine beggar. Perhaps we should begin collecting information. Are you all right? Yeah.
You seem distracted. It's just a lot. But you're right. It can be hard to come home.
But you look beautiful. Thank you. That's party. Right on.
So we cut over to a bird's eye view of all of these people gathered. There's the grand staircase that's at the opposite end of the door that everyone enters into. And a trumpet blast from a few moments go by. Everyone are getting settled in.
Everyone has drinks in their hands. And a trumpet blast comes across the room. And the, what do they call it? Not a crier.
I don't know what they would call it. Now pronouncing you, man and wife. Yes. So one of those, a man comes and screams.
Everyone goes quiet. Yes, the town screamer. The town screamer calls out to the room and he says, now presenting. Queen Victoria and Prince Ransan.
And everyone immediately begins clapping and cheering. You look around the room and you see that everyone is just like, woo, really planned into this. And you see a woman who is in her middle, late middle age is dressed in the finest gown you've ever seen. It's covered in reflective jewels.
And behind her is a 16 year old boy in a clothing that it's definitely like fine clothes. But it has like a military styling to it. So he's got the lapels. Now what are they called?
Oh, like the shoulder pads. Yeah, but the little hooky things. Yeah. He's got like the little hooky things on top of his shoulders.
With like gold. Yes. Yeah. With the tasseli stuff.
Some like stars on his breast. Well, it's not like he has military medals, but his outfit is meant to convey like some sort of like military idea. Military vibes. Yes, totes, mid-spibes.
Cool. And with you. The queen addresses the crowded hall. Everyone falls silent at once.
Ladies and gentlemen of the nobility, I, your queen, Victoria, welcome you to my palace. Please eat, enjoy each other's company, and celebrate for tonight is about you. And the celebration of all that you have given this kingdom in your money, in your time, and everything else that you have provided to us. So please enjoy yourselves.
And I will see you in the feasting hall later. And everyone like stands and claps again really loud. And the room goes back to kind of the dull, loud talking of a hundred people in a room talking at the same time. I grab Harbeck and take him to a quieter corner of the room.
Harbeck, let's just go over our information one more time. Good idea. So... Yes, I was really hoping that you were going to...
I thought you were writing it up. Okay. Okay, so my father received a letter and said after the announcement of the queen that he should leave. Yes, he should find the larder and go out the back door and leave it open.
Yes. So I assume that whoever the uninvited guest in could come in through that door. Correct. That's...
I'm following. Yes. And I think that's all we know. Okay.
I mean, we assume that perhaps the queen and the prince are in danger. This is their party. But now seeing the gatternobility here, they're all targets. Right.
No one is safe. Yes. Well... Should we warn them?
Or perhaps not that might... Yeah, I don't want to stir up anything unnecessarily. True. Perhaps we should...
Wait at the back door. I can do that. You should mingle here at the party and see if you can suss out perhaps what the plot is. You're right.
I'll go find the larder. Hard at wait. No offense, but you don't look like you're supposed to be here. Won't someone who looks like they're not supposed to be here waiting in a place where they're definitely not supposed to be a bit more suspicious?
Perhaps I should wait at the back door. I thought of that. I think my cover could be that time here as part of the help. Perhaps dwarf was needed for the larder.
Some sort of secret knowledge that only a dwarf would know about lard. You do seem to know an extensive amount about lard. I am familiar with it in its ways. All right.
Perhaps though, while you mingle, it would be best to do some reconnaissance. Perhaps we should find out where the queen and prince intend to be so that we could intercept them and perhaps their attackers before it becomes an issue. All right. Find out where the queen and prince are going and I will open the back door.
All right. Let's meet in the feasting hall. Oh, good idea. Yes.
Wait for the third course. Sure. Great. Good luck, Cornelia.
Remember that you are a hero of the guild more than your family quest. Thank you. Good luck to you as well. All right.
I want to use my stone cunning on the building to try and figure out a layout to see if I can figure out where the larder would be. Yeah. What's a larder? Larder is where they would store food.
Okay. It's like old fancy saying for like a pantry. Cool. Gotcha.
But it's much bigger. Yes. Like what a castle would use. Yes.
Yep. So you roll for that? 16 from my stonework history. Stonework history.
So, and this is for you to discern maybe like the general layout of the place. So the stonework gives you the impression that this is a classic human construction. They're not nearly as creative as your people when it comes to the fashioning and creating of stoneware. So you have a pretty good sense of where you would expect like certain rooms to be just because humans like build in a very stereotypical way.
Sure. So I mean I would give you reasonably good knowledge if you say I want to find like this place. I would say you probably have a good idea of where that is. So I want to look for probably the back service staircase that would lead to a kitchen.
Mm-hmm. Perfect. So then, yeah. Let me consult something really quick.
So you're looking for the back stairway. You find like outside of this like grand ballroom. There's a couple other rooms on either side. There's like the feasting hall and then there's the kitchen where all the food is being prepped.
There's a door next to inside of the kitchen that has access to multiple levels of this part of the palace. Cool. So following that path then I want to try and find the spot that was in the letter and see if I can't find that door. Perfect.
So you make your way into the kitchen and the larders in the kitchen. Excuse me. You see there's a door. There's half dozen men and women of varying races working within the kitchen.
There's this fairly racist time and off races were seen as lesser. So you see a lot of like half elves and well, it would probably all be half elves because they would be the ones that would be seen. I imagine they would use like the other people in like non more less obtrusive capacities. So yeah, you see there's a bunch of six half elves that are working inside of the kitchen and you walk in.
You see the door to the larder on the other side of the room and someone holding a plate of a roasted goose pose of plate and says, you of what are you doing here? Oh, sorry. I'll take that. And she says it goes out to the serving table chair 15.
On my way. And I just walk a big circle and we've heard a leave and then walk back to where we were and I'm eating the goose. So she's seeing me. Yeah, let's see if she does.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, she totally does. Rolled a 17. Sorry.
Where's that table again? And you're starting to eat it at this point. You have like probably part of the leg in your mouth. Yeah.
My God. You stay right there. I'm going to fetch the master's servant here and she spins around and gives you a look and then like saunters over to a woman that's standing with a few other half elves pointing and giving instructions and you can see she's having a very heated conversation with this half elf. Okay, cool.
While they're talking, I'm going to grab the goose off the plate, drop a plate and head through head for the larder door. Okay. Are you trying to go unnoticed or are you just? I don't care if they see me.
Okay. I kind of hope that maybe they'll follow me. Perfect. So yeah, you head over to the larder then.
Yeah. And it's open. So there's a wall to wall. It's just like various like drying meats.
There's breads. I don't really know what's supposed to be in a larder. But there's like stuff that you would food stuff. Cool.
And then is there a back door there? Yes. There's a small door that leads out to a like a staircase that descends on the outside of the the. So there's like the outside interior of the castle itself.
So this doesn't lead out into like the streets. This would just be like an interior part of the castle, but it is outside. Okay. Courtyardy.
Yeah. Courtyardy type. Okay. So I open that door and I leave it open and I just start wandering about outside eating the goose.
Okay. Okay. You just you're screaming from inside. Where did that son of a bitch go?
I rolled it to trying to their perception truck trying to find you. So they you just hear like screaming and cursing coming from inside. I'm blending in. I'm blending in.
I'm. And what? How long do you wait outside? So I'm sort of creating a.
I'm creating a focus of attention near the spot where I suspect the the entrant will be. So hopefully they'll be de-tiered or at least there will be other people there if they try to show up. Sure. Sure.
You make a perception check. Yeah, me please. No, no, no. I can't read.
It's twenty seventeen plus three. Okay. So courtyard appears to be abandoned. I mean, not abandoned, but there doesn't appear to be any activity in the courtyard.
It's empty. Quiet. Most of the commotion is coming from inside. So we do a cross fade over to or Nella.
Pick back up with Harbeck and a little bit or Nella. So you so Harbeck wanders off towards the kitchen. And where do you go? Into the thick of it.
Going into the thick of it. Okay. Yep. Who or so you're you're like kind of mingling, I guess.
I'm trying to mingle. Yeah. I think I'm trying to get. No, I know.
I'm trying to get to the queen. Okay. Very cool. So, so sure.
What kind of role would that be. So, that sounds like your head. It's, you should ask Katie like how super natural is it. Yeah.
I don't. Is it really? Yeah. I probably like absorbed it.
Non intentionally just playing. It's worked into the intro's really well. They're cold opens are great. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Your character she's super difficult. Um. They'll be peace when you are done.
They'll be rehab to rest. Don't you cry. No. No.
No. Make a charisma save for me. Nope. So you're going to roll a D20.
And. Under. Yeah. Well, I guess we'll first.
Ten. What was it? The same throw. The charisma saving throw.
Plus two. Plus two. It's 12. Indeed.
So you get stopped on your way over. So maybe through the crowd you see the queen and she's talking to a few people. Her bodyguards are standing all around her. No.
Sorry. Thank you Tim. Bodyguards are standing all around her. And a.
Let's see. Roll a D10 for me. Let's just see who this person is that cuts you off. See.
Cool. One. You rolled a one. And then you've got to give me.
You. That's never about about. I said get got here for the first time. Hey.
Great. So that's not you. Can I get that. No.
I. I. I don't know. I don't know.
I know. I'm going to go through that here, right? No. I did.
I did. I did. I said you would. I did.
I did. I did. I did. Let's go through the.
of strange color of orange, like he's put way too much makeup on, and he's got these big fat jowls. Oh, a member of the Sambridge family, please make your acquaintance. Holy tree falls the name. I am the count of the city of Wen, one of the once great cities of the Empire.
It's a pleasure to make Master Sambridge's daughter's acquaintance, arguably the most beautiful one. Charmed. What brings you to the gathering this evening? We were worried that your father and his family would not show.
Well, we are part of the nobility, and we believe that a member of our family should be present whenever all is gathered, so I drew the short straw. Oh, oh, gee, it's a short drill. I mean, that was what I was going for, but what can I do for you? Oh, I was just simply introducing myself, my dear.
I haven't spoken. I haven't. I don't think I've gained his eyes upon you since you were a little girl. You've really blossomed into quite the woman.
Thank you. Hobie, was it? Yes. Yes.
Thank you. You are quite a delight. I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous. Oh, please don't be nervous at all.
We tree falls are kind people, the best people. Good. I'm glad to hear that. What are you doing here?
Yes, well, when the Queen beckons for all the nobility to come to the palace and engage in drink and revelry, why? You would be a fool not to go. Of course. So that's all this party is about, just a celebration of the Kingdom of Alal?
Oh, yes, no doubt to win back some of the favor of the nobility. You see, the Queen has, I shouldn't say it's not to link me to gossip. No, I am enjoying our conversation, please. I don't want to call it short.
Real persuasion for me, Ornella. That's a d20. Yep. You're catching up.
You are. I need you to do it. 17 plus four. Nice.
Well, of course, one such as myself, a member of the nobility, which is nothing but the best for the Queen and her kid. She is the rightful ruler of the Kingdom after all. But some of her decrees and the taxation on the merchant classes put quite a damper on many of us within the aristocracy. I myself find my city on the border of the war against the orcs, and I've seen Nary but a battalion of her troops to support my walls.
You see, I'm hoping that maybe I could squeeze my way into a favor if you know what, if you catch my drift, hopefully see a few more strong and capable men behind my city gates so that the orcs will not run me out of town. You see the city of Wen, while it is not the most glamorous or pretty city within the empire, holds a very important part within the empire to keep out the riffraff from the south. Of course, of course, the city of Wen is a very important part. Oh, it's so good of you to see that.
It brings hope into my heart to know that my people's needs are acknowledged this far north. Listen, Arnella, is there a tripe? Yes. Arnella, I have a carriage and a friend of mine, Robert Bush is him and I are going way back and we'd love to entertain you drive through the night drive through the city in this eventful carriage with Mr.
Bush and I. Oh, well, Hobie, darling, I just arrived at this party. I couldn't leave just now. Oh, well, very well.
Yes. Right. How foolish of me to think someone so beautiful such as yourself. Oh, no, don't be embarrassed.
I just have a few other folks to say hello to and then I'll be yours for the evening. Oh, yes. Well, right. Mine for the evening.
Yes, well, I will be here. I will save you a spot at the feasting hall. I myself have come alone, come stag as it were. My wife, if you can call her as that, has decided to stay home for the party.
Melanie, she's quite terrible. Not a big fan of her, but I would enjoy the company of a beautiful woman this evening to speak to. Of course. I said a few other folks to speak to this evening and then I will find you and we will finish this face together.
Oh, yes, then. Very good. So good to meet you, Arnold, Arnald, as Mar-Nalda. Or-Nalda.
Yep. Yes, yes, that is what I... Okay. And he looks to his manservant that half elf stands at least like a couple of times taller than him, turns to him, and says, I should get some more champagne if you will excuse me, my dear.
And I think we fade to black and we come back up on Harback, who's standing in the courtyard, who's now finished most of the roasted goose that he had taken from the kitchen. Yep. Yeah, I'm just like holding the breastbone of the chicken, the goose, and just picking up a lot of bits of it and reasoning to myself out there. Well, they could either come in this way or they could try to escape from this way.
I suppose I should wait. I've been fed now and I don't really like parties. I suppose this is where I should be. So at the word be, seemingly out of nowhere, a dwarf woman in modest servant clothes comes running from the other side of the courtyard.
She's carrying several fancy goblets, not carrying. She has in a tray, she's running several fancy goblets standing on it, and she's running right towards you. I say, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait there. I am supposed to check these.
Oh, yes. Here, and she holds them in front of you. Mm-hmm, and I take one and I drink it and I drink the whole thing. It's a wine.
It's like a very, and a very nice, fancy wine. It's a good wine. Yep. Oh, perfect.
Yes, this will do great. Can I help you with anything else? So the whole time that you've been drinking and examining the cub, she's just like kind of... Sorry, I haven't seen...
Sorry, who are you? Well, I should introduce myself. I am Harbeck Thunderfist of the Guild. I am here in service of the Queen.
Thunderfist? You said your last name was? Yes, and perhaps I could get your name. Malia.
Malia, do you have a family name? Malia, Stoneshare. Stoneshare. What does Stoneshare mean to me?
They're like a... They're a very small... Like, I imagine... Well, our door families are given notoriety by what?
What makes a door family known or not known? So like my family with the Thunderfist, we've like served public service a lot. And so we've like made a name for ourselves by fighting people, by doing great, honorable acts. I think that other dwarven families, they each kind of have like a skill or a profession or a craft that they perfect in their line.
And so perhaps with the... What's her name? Stoneshare. Stoneshare.
Maybe she's lived near the palace for a while and so her dwarven lines become more urbanized. Yeah, yeah. And sort of like a servant trait. Sure.
So yeah, so you know, I mean, as much as you just said, probably no more. I would imagine that dwarves that do that sort of thing that kind of intermingle with humanity are probably frowned upon to a larger part of the dwarven people. But anyway, she says, I've heard of you and your... Well, I've heard of your family.
Yes, it's all true. All of it is. It's all true. I'm quite a hero of the line myself.
But you have heard of my deeds and the sewers of Alal. She takes the tray and like sets it down. She says, I have. Ah, yes, yes.
It was a scary night. I tell you that. It was... We were outnumbered and the cults were swarming us.
There was hair and I mowed everywhere. It was utterly disgusting. That sounds really dangerous. Yes, would you mind if I have another drink?
Pardon. Oh, yes. Really it was the goblets I was supposed to bring back. We've run out inside.
Ah. I take two and start drinking them. Nice. Roll out constitution safe for me.
17. Okay, so you're not. You're drinking but you're feeling good. You're feeling good.
You're not going to do war. I'm actually supposed to be watching this door. Oh, really? Why?
For what? Well, it's very important for the security of the party. I can't tell you all the details. But just so you know, it's very dangerous.
Oh my. Well, thankfully someone strong and heroic is here watching the store. Yes, yes, yes. And I'm smiling year to year and just like so proud of myself and loving the attention.
You're getting the impression that she is speaking to her. She seems sort of plain. And as if when you first met her, she seemed like nondescript, plain ordinary. As you've spoken to her and over the last few minutes, she's become more and more beautiful and enchanting to you.
Well, yeah. So I'm quite taken with her and I love that she's heard of me. Yeah. Well, she does that thing where she like takes her finger in like books even the chest and she says, well, it's good to know that the palace will be safe with someone.
So strong and capable outback, keeping this courtyard safe. I have to go inside and help serve, but. Well, maybe I could go with you. I'm sure things will be fine here.
Yes. I mean, you wouldn't want to do anything. You wouldn't want to have anything to do with a lowly, low-born stone-share woman. Don't push yourself down.
I, you know, I'm not great in social situations. But it would be nice to attend the party with someone. I'm working, but. Oh, me too.
Me too. Right. Right. We both are.
So maybe we could work together? Yes. Yes. That would be nice.
Inside. Yes. We're like over there behind the wagon. Madam, I hit.
Are you okay? I don't think it's a wine. I'm going to drink some more wine. Oh, wine here.
Yes. Listen, I'm going to go inside. Just think about it. Okay.
She gives you a peck on the cheek and like picks up the tray and hurries inside before you can think too long on it. And I'm just like stunned, shocked, and still holding the goose bones. Like wine-stained teeth. Yeah.
What happened? Just jaw-drot. It's goose pieces like in your beard. Yeah, really unattractive.
It's like the general vibe. The nice green, frilly shirt stained already, greased and wine. Button popped up. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, shit. Wonderful. So we cross-fade back over to Ornela.
So the analog for Donald Trump walks away. That's right. It's my show. And if I want to make the disgusting perverted, vaguely rapey, halfling Donald Trump, then I will.
Please do. So he turns and leaves and you're left standing alone amongst this sea of nobles. Sure. I'm going to head towards where the drinks are coming from.
I think it's about time. I get a drink in my hand. Get some bibin' going on. Yeah.
Bibin' then, never mind. Bibin' and vibin'. Yep. Yep.
That's those are words that you said. So you cross the banquet hall. And you hear the tone of a dum dum dum dum dum dum dum. Signaling that the feast is going to be starting soon for everyone to make their way to the feasting hall.
Okay. What do you do? You grab a drink. You find a man's servant standing with a tray of drinks in front of you?
See. And I grab one and I make my way to the feasting hall. Perfect. On your way to the feasting hall, it's a ton of crowded people.
So describe your outfit, I guess. Do you have, like, is it just your dress? Do you have, like, your class of your family's sigil? Yeah.
What is that all? Okay. I'm wearing the dress and I have, it's like a big necklace. And then the necklace has my family crust at the, as, like, the pendant or whatever.
I also picked that up from my mother. Nice. And wearing that, yeah, I've got my boots on, my shick-ickers. Awesome.
Yeah. So we see from maybe a bird's-like perspective again, like all of these people flowing into this expansive room with a comically long table, hundreds of chairs seated at it. And you get run into by this servant, like, runs straight into you, trips over you, falls down. You see, like, about to spill wine all over your dress.
And he, like, turns and rolls and catches your necklace and your necklace falls to the ground. Okay. And there's a ton of people. Roll perception for me really quick.
You're good. Nope. It's a two. Where's the thing?
That's okay. That's okay. It's should be under- Oh, two plus two, so four. So four.
Okay. So yeah, and it's, the sheer volume of people causes you to, like, lose your balance. The necklace gets caught on one of his, like, frills and it rips the necklace falls to the ground and, like, kind of, like, breaks apart. Not like, shatters, but, like, several of the links come apart and just bits of the necklace.
And we see, or Nella on the ground, like, picking up pieces. Now a crowd has made, like, a small circle of people are like, oh, my God. And the servant, his face is beet-red. The halfling boy couldn't be more than 70 to 80 years old.
Half elves live much longer than he was. Sure. So he's, like, by his race, like, a late teen. And he looks at you and he says, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. And one of the noble women goes up to him and smacks him across the face, like, hard. It gives everyone, like, pause. You brute, you broke her necklace.
Oh, what? Fetch your master servant, this instant to apologize. No, it's fine. Everything's fine.
No need to go get your master. Sorry, it's fine. Really. I gather all the pieces.
I can fix it. Just a little bit of wire. I'm so sorry. It's all right.
Really. These things happen. Listen, ladies, Sambridge, if you give these people an inch, they'll take a mile. Thank you.
But really, it's okay. See? Everything's fine. No one's hurt.
Just... Several of the precious stones are missing. And the, like, it's just, I mean, it's all over the floor. And, like, several of the precious stones are missing.
The family crest is missing. Well, if you could just take a look around you where you're standing around your feet, if there's any pieces on the floor. Everyone looks around. A couple people come up with, like, maybe a stone or two, but some of it just, like, got lost into the ether of a crowded banquet hall.
And then you hear a doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. And everyone could make their way to the feasting hall. The dinner shall begin. And then people immediately start, like, just as a herd, start moving into the feasting hall.
The half-elf comes up to you and he says, sorry, lady, I apologize. I was not paying attention and I ran into you. Listen. I don't care what your job is now.
Your job is, who you work for now, but now you work for me. And you're going to scour this floor for all of those gems and for my family crust. Do I make myself clear? Yes.
Do not take orders from anyone else until you find the pieces. You know, it's this type of disagreement. And I think you hear ahem. And turning you see the Count Tully waving at you with an empty seat next to him.
Count Tully. Tully. I think that was his name, right? It's Hobi.
Man, I can't even get my empty seat names, right? Hobi. What a dumb name. Hobi treefall, that's right.
Well, Tully treefall. Yeah, that would be way stronger than Hobi. Yeah. You see Hobi treefall waving at you.
The seat he's sitting in much too big for him, but he's got a booster and waving at you. Ah, yes. My date. I make my way over there.