Episode 406: Boundaries And Illness

Can setting boundaries be life-saving? I’m Annette Leonard of https://www.annetteleonard.com find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theannetteleonard You know that I'm a big fan of Dr Gabor Mate. His book, "When the Body Says, 'No'" is a big part of why I'm still ALIVE today. That's a big claim and I really mean it. His work has transformed my life. If you've had cancer or an autoimmune disease, get this book. He talks about how our personalities, our family structures, our emotional tendencies, and our background have likely contributed to our illnesses. While this is not about blame, it is about getting to root causes and, therefore, solutions. When we are back in the drivers seat, we can make different decisions. The job of our emotional system is to help us self-regulate and to allow in all that is nurturing, generative, healthy, and loving. It is also designed to keep out all that is harmful, toxic, and poisonous. He draws a parallel between our emotional system and our immune system which fundamentally does the same job to keep in all that is nurishing, nurturing, feeds growth, and to keep out all that is toxic, harmful, poisonous, and leads to cell damage/demise. For those of us with chronic illnesses learning to set boundaries is a necessity. Self-care means learning to prioritize our self and in doing so, we have to set boundaries. In Gabor Mate's new book "The Myth of Normal," he has an activity about what keeps us from setting the boundaries we need to set/want to set in our life. The more often we examine, work our way through this activity, the greater potential for change we are given. It is four questions for us to respond to: 1) Where in your life are you not setting a boundary? 2) What is your belief behind not saying "no?" 3) Where did I learn this belief? 4) Who would I be without this belief? The illusions we hold about why we stay stuck have an opportunity to fall away. Boundary work is self-care. We'll keep talking a bit more about boundaries and chronic illness. Here's my challenge: brag on yourself! How are you setting boundaries? What did you learn from this activity? When did you say "no?" or any other aspect of boundary setting? Because when we are sick and have any bit of the disease to please, setting boundaries for our own self-care is really challenging. So tell us all about it!