Episode 407: Boundaries 2.0

Can setting boundaries be life-saving? I’m Annette Leonard of https://www.annetteleonard.com find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theannetteleonard $49 Boundary Course (through April 2024) https://jennywalters.thinkific.com/courses/boundary-uprising A few more words about boundaries. With chronic illness boundaries are critical for our health. I recently read Dr. Pooja Laskhmin's best-selling book book "Real Self-Care." She examines the difference between what capitalism has told us "self-care" is and what is authentic self care. True self-care is 1) an inside job, 2) is values driven, 3) is a journey not a destination. Like so many things it is a practice. In her book, she examines four ways we claim the sacred territory of self-care and boundaries is one of those avenues. Women, in particular, tend to be poor at setting boundaries. From our conditioning to put others first, to people-pleasing tendencies, to examples of martyrdom, boundaries are not something that comes easily for most of us. However, when we are sick and our time and energy are so limited, boundaries are essential. One of my dear friends who is very healthy and active, is down from a recent surgery. I checked in with her this weekend. She's having a hard time slowing down. That isn't surprising. However, because she now has a month off, people are laying claim to her time. People are coming over in droves. She's feeling wiped out from the visits. She told me she's so depleted. I suggested that she needs to say "no," or set limits on how long people stay. She's having such a difficult time. I think that's so understandable. When we are unaccustomed to setting limits with people in our lives, it's very difficult to start. The first reason is likely guilt, the second is something like not wanting to offend or inconvenience others. When I was starting a new friendship years ago, my new friend told me: "Annette, I want to be closer to you, but I see you saying 'yes' to everyone and everything in your life." And I thought "yeah, because I'm a good friend!" and then she said: "until I see you saying 'no,' I can't trust your 'yes.'" That was a revelation to me! We need to be able to trust one another's "yeses" by knowing that they will say "no" when they need to. That will give me permission to do the same. But when we accommodate, people-please, and guilt-trip, that isn't always what we were socialized to do. But, as Anne Lamott says "'No.' Is a complete sentence." and so is "I've changed my mind." As the spring kicks off, maybe you can grow a new habit around boundaries. Please sign up for Jenny's class if you need a tune up in this area. Also, please use the comments to share your tips, tricks, and brags with the community about the ways you've set or improved your boundaries recently. This is the Chronic Wellness Podcast. I'm Annette Leonard, speaker, coach, and sick person who believes that my illnesses do not define me. If health is the absence of disease and wellness is the presence of wholeness, then no matter what your disease status, we can work toward your wellness, your wholeness. Whether or not you are ever "healthy" on paper, you can be well. Join me and others on the path back to wholeness at AnnetteLeonard.com. Whether you are a person experiencing chronic illness or are someone who loves or serves people with chronic illness I have great resources here on this channel or on my website for you.