Episode 48 - Toxicity

You both know him. Look at him. He's holding a camera right now. You're not freaking me into it though.

Okay. I'm just saying your side. Oh, it's been a minute. Speaking of toxic.

Speaking of toxicity. Welcome back to Talking Nonsense. I'm your host Kyle. I'm here with Christopher.

Oh, she's maybe on the toxic. Yeah, you are anyways. It's been a minute. I feel like I always say every episode now.

I'm saying that. Just stop saying it. Just stop saying it. It's always been a minute though.

I'm saying it's what it has. And why? Because you're toxic. Well, I was going to say we've been busy.

Yes, we've been busy dealing with toxic people. We said toxic like six times before this whole episode started. So if you haven't figured it out by now, topic of this episode, well actually I don't know why we say what the topic is because they see the title. Yeah.

So today's topic is global warming. Yeah. I'll throw it off. That was a little good.

So toxic people, huh? Yeah. This is something that Chris has been wanting to talk about for a while. That's not true.

I just feel like he has something to get off his chest. So why don't you start that, Chris? You know, book all you haters. Oh, I'm an intro.

Yeah, and 2020 with Mary. No, I just thought about the topic and I just thought it'd be good. I mean, because I feel like I don't really have any toxic people in my life. But I don't know if that's because I subconsciously just learned to ignore it or like I don't surround myself with people who are.

Maybe ever considered that maybe you're the one that's toxic then? Super muth fucken clay. And clay. I don't know.

I don't know. Cause when you when you came with me to the or when you came with me with this topic, I was thinking like, oh yeah, that's a pretty good. Yeah. You know, I think that we can talk about toxic people, you know, toxic friendships, relationships, whatever.

And I was trying to think like, did I have any toxic friendships? And the more I thought about it, I was like, I don't think I did either. But then I also started to think was I the one that was toxic then? Wow.

I think everyone else. And I think everyone should say they've been toxic a little bit in their life. Have you ever had any? You guys haven't noticed either?

We have a special guest on this episode. Yeah, you guys. We skipped me in the intro. We did.

I'm sorry. Who are you again? I'm Rebecca. You might want to have to speak louder than that.

I'm Rebecca. Rebecca. Whatever. Anyways, yes, we have Rebecca on with us today for this episode.

So I feel like she's done with a lot of toxicity. Have you? Yeah, she's got some stories for you. Yeah.

I feel like a lot. I feel like, you know, kind of when we get the worst of like toxic. That's sexist. Women?

Yeah. They experience more toxicity than because I feel like as guys, someone's being an asshole. They're being an asshole, whatever. So what are you trying to say about women?

That we kind of deal with it. Like we're just like passive about it. No, which is your. No, I think you guys don't notice it.

You're more likely to be the toxic one. No. You're more likely to see that behavior and call someone out on it, I guess. Yeah.

Because I feel like women are more emotionally mature. So I'm thinking this is a sexist thing. No, I'm just trying to think. Yeah.

No, I'm just trying to think. Don't you look like bad guys when you're trying to do that? No, you really said that guys. Yeah, I feel like guys are not in tune with that kind of thing because it's just.

Because you said when we noticed people are being assholes, we're just like, oh, they're assholes. So we avoid it. So when you said that, it made me think like, so are you trying to say women don't avoid it? No, I feel like women like in general, like if they see toxic behavior, they're more likely to call it a person out.

And not in a like catty way, just be like, yo, what you're saying is how rude or it's being. So then the other one. When they're more confrontational about being. Oh, I wouldn't say confrontational.

It's just like they don't. Oh, okay. I guess confrontational. But it's it's done tactfully.

Yeah. It's not just like, oh, you're being a dick. Like fuck off. Yeah.

It's more like, oh, what you said was the nicest because of the context of why it's not nice. You know, I'm still confused, but that's okay. I won't. I'll stop being toxic.

What's that? What's that? I'm confused about? Well, just the way you phrased everything.

I don't know. I'm slow today. Sorry. Sorry.

Yeah. Okay. See now that's toxic. She always picks on me.

What do you always pick on me? It's a love hate relationship. I don't think that's the same being toxic. It's just, no, yeah.

So what I love you. I hate that I love you. What's like toxic behavior? Like with actually toxic behavior.

Those type of people that like only reach out to you and use you, like for certain things. You know what I mean? Like I feel like sometimes there's friendships where they only hit you up when they want something. Yeah.

I literally had this friend, right? And we were going through falling out because like some just miscommunication, which usually happens. And she said she was like, I wish our friendship could be like yours and another friend that we literally only talk to each other, see each other at parties or like get togethers. But like me and that friend never came to a mutual agreement.

Like this is like this is our friendship. This is our standards and stuff for each other. It just happened to be that life because we would always hang out and then life just kind of just took us our own different ways. But we never were like, how dare you not hang out with me anymore?

Like why aren't you with me? But my other friend when we were having a falling out, she was like, why can't we be like you and you know, yeah. Like I want that friendship where we can see each other and it's okay. Like you don't like you don't need a text me all the time and like all these things.

And I was just like, first of all, me and my other friend never had an agreement that you know these were the outlines of our relationship. Like I'm not going to talk to you for a while. Yeah. She was like literally, she said she was like, just invite me to important things that go on in your life.

Like, what? That's weird. Like. I mean, yeah, no, that sounds like a whole lot of miscommunication.

Yeah, but, and when she said that I was like, I don't need like fake friendships that like care only to be like taking pictures with each other and posting them and things like that. Like I don't care for those relationships. Like those superficial relationships. Like if you want to be my friend, like be my friend.

Don't be like fucking pick and choose and when you want to be in my life. Yeah, I was like, yeah, but you didn't end well. What about you, Chris? Do you have any toxic friends or had?

Sorry. Sorry. Maybe still have. I don't think so.

I mean, what's some toxic relationships you've been in and like now you think back and you're like, oh my God, like why did I deal with that? Uh, I think we'll continue. Well, where's some toxic situations that maybe she did anywhere just like, oh, that's it? It wasn't necessarily toxic.

It was just really like weird. Yeah. And it's just at the time it was it wasn't a good situation being. I know.

I know it is. Can I say it? Let him speak. No, no, go ahead.

I mean, it wasn't toxic. The fact that she wanted to be like, fire, stepchildren, her stepchildren. Why do you call them your stepchildren? Your children.

Yes. I thought that was just like a weird spot for me to be in. She's using you? No, like we should never really have that conversation.

And like the timing of it just, I don't know if she was like maybe joking when she said it, but it like it was just something when you hear it. Yeah, it was like fuck. Like it came in the year. Like I heard something completely different and I just interpreted it wrong.

Maybe. But I wouldn't say that was toxic. But I will say that like one of my other relationships was kind of toxic. It was just essentially my last one.

I was very toxic. Just because there was always, I'm the type of like partner to like, I like talking about like whatever relationship I'm in. You know, like, oh, I like this about this like that about this about right. You know, I like hearing feedback about it just because, you know, like it's it's about it's validating.

Right. Yeah. But like, and she would always say like should I be like, yeah, but there was always a blood situation and like that kind of like, actually, damn, like you're you're not. So give us give us an example.

Like what was one thing that you would tell her like, Oh, I love this about us. And then she went, yeah, but. It's like, uh, that's good. Too deep into like detail because I don't want to like out her specifically or more than already happened.

I'd be like, I'd do like how well we like communicate and like kind of, you know, tell each other like kind of what's going on. And she'd be like, yeah, you know, like, but like sometimes you can be a little close off. And like at that time, which she was referring to was I was kind of upset. Forgot about what my I just respectfully asked her as a K like, can you just leave me alone for a little bit?

Like, I just want to like kind of do my own thing for like a day or two, right? How am I going to say sort of ever? And like that was kind of that was really toxic to me because it's not like I was telling her to like, Oh, like I want to talk to you about my problems ever again. Yeah, it's just that one day.

And I feel like even you say Matt at the moment though, because you told her like, I like how communicated we are, you communicated that you didn't want to talk to her that day. Yeah. And that's totally fine. Yeah.

And for her to be like, Yeah, but you're closed off. It's like, no, he's not he literally told you. Yeah, I just don't want to talk today. And it was one of those things where we like, I mean, to be fair, I told you that I'd been like, excuse you.

Absolutely not. No, not like I don't want to talk to you today. More so like I'm not having a good day. Yeah, I'll talk about it later.

Okay, but you wanted to break. No, no, he just, no, no, so I was upset or ever and like about her or about something totally not. I can't remember at the time. But like when I'm upset, sometimes I know I can be a little testy.

I can be a little like snappy. So I was just kind of like, like I kind of let her know as a cake kind of upset today. I just need a little bit of space to like cool off or whatever. I don't want to like exacerbate like my situation or like me being upset.

I don't want to get snappy with her because like I know, I know her personality and like I just would have like cycled into like another argument or whatever. I'm like, I didn't want that. So I was like, Hey, kind of just need a little bit of like space to sort of like the day or something just to like kind of like just chill out for a little bit. And she hit me with her like that's what like we talked about.

And then when I said the whole like, you know, like how communicative we can be things like that. She brought that particularly. Yeah, she was like that was her. I like that too.

But you can be closed off. But that's what that's what situation was that. I think that was him being closed off. He told her specific he's communicating like I just don't want.

Yeah, you could have just ignored her. Yeah, that would have been toxic. And that would have been her saying yeah, but you're close off. That would have made sense.

Yeah. And I mean, again, like knowing her personality and stuff like like I get she has well like heard it. She means well or at least her intentions were well. But it's one of those like just because you have good intentions doesn't mean like your behavior is like has that same kind of value or has that same kind of reaction.

But you know, so your friend though, like would you have been more upset if like, sorry, I'm trying to phrase this right so I don't sound stupid because it sounded like she just wanted. Does she want like space for me in terms of like your guys's friendship or was it just like. Yeah, it's a weird thing to say like, Oh, only hit me up for like important things. Yeah, so we just had a falling out like it had to do with like.

It was like her birthday and then her boyfriend invited me some like to go have dinner like out and then he then he then he text he kept texting me like, well, are you sure you can come because you were. You sure you can like he kept texting me like things like reasons why not to go like my own reasons that I didn't even have not to go and I was just like I took afternoon off work like I can make it and she he was just like well, I'm only asking because you know, I kind of just wanted to be me and her now and I was just like. Instead of guilt tripping me in the first place and like instead of saying like, Oh, well, you need to get ready. Well, aren't you still at work?

Well, aren't you like he kept pointing things out that would hold me up to not make the dinner. Instead of like he shouldn't have told me all that stuff he could just be like, Hey, I ended up just wanting it to be me and hers. Okay. Everybody else isn't going to make it or whatever.

Is that okay? Like, no, but he was like telling me things and then like I snapped at him like, you know, I was just like dude, like, I've already taken the day off like I've been the afternoon off like I can make it like why are you telling me not to like why are you telling me all these things. And then that's when he said like he was like, well, I just wanted to be me and her now and I was just like, well, you could have just said that you didn't eat like I'm understanding. I'm not like, like how dare you like, you know, I'm like, yeah, sure, like I'll end up just working but like, you know, it wasn't that way.

So, and then I had text her and I was like, Hey, I don't like how the situation was handled. Like, I think it was super disrespectful that the way he went about it. Like, he could have just he could have went just told me that you just wanted you to be you and him like, and then she was just like it was just like, well, I just want to let you know that you haven't been a good friend to me lately. Like, yeah, and she was like, so that's why I told him to un-invite you.

And it was all it she like she was one of those friends that never told you like that she didn't like something. So she was bringing up your like, past resentments from like years ago. Yeah, that's a huge reply. Yeah, and then and then that's when she came up with like, just invite me to think she goes.

I just don't want to like, I don't want to like hang out all the time. Cause yeah, we would go to Target. We would go like to random restaurants together, you know, like we would just do girl things. And so now she was just like, only invite me to like big things like your wedding or like your baby shower.

Like things like that. I'm just like, how am I supposed to just bring like you're supposed to show up to these like milestone things? My husband probably won't even know you. Like, that's weird.

Like every friend that Kyle knows, it's like we show up to their barbecues or like whatever they have. And it's like, I don't know, that's weird. It's like, oh yeah, this is my friend from Bala. Like, I don't want a friend like that.

I don't want a friend. Yeah. So anyways, what was your question about that? Like, would I have been okay if she?

Well, no, cause from you explaining it, I just thought like maybe if she had just asked, cause it sounded to me like she just needed some space. Oh yeah, no, she was just being weird. And then, yeah, it just seems like she's not toxicity. Yeah, I was just like that.

I was like, that's weird to me. Like, I've never had a friend like, I just only want you to invite me to your milestone things. Like what? Like, I never had a friend like, well, I mean, yeah, granted, yeah, she's being vocal about what she wants.

But then I'm being vocal and saying like, I don't need friends like that. Yeah. But yeah, that's how I ended. So, but yeah, I mean, I wish her the best.

I mean, like, yeah, but I'm, yeah. Yeah. But yeah. So what about you?

What toxic relationships have you had Kyle? Um, let's see. How do you go? Yeah.

Yeah. My last one, my last relationship was pretty toxic in a sense that- You had a girlfriend before me? Yeah, it's level. She's trying to slap me with her little chandelier over here.

Slipper for those of you that don't know what that word means. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

What'd you call it? Yeah, my last relationship was pretty toxic in a sense that I kind of let it be. Just because- So we were both kind of toxic to each other, but I feel like she was more so just because, you know, this was someone that I was talking to for a while, and it had been a while prior to that relationship, like, for my last one. So I was like, oh, finally, not like, oh, finally a girl.

I was talking to me. I was like, finally I have someone that talks to you guys now. Yeah. You know, so I was like, cool.

And then it was just, sometimes she was a little, she'd be a bitch. Why? Just because she's so, she speaks her mind. She doesn't really care.

Give us a scenario. Give us a scenario. She'll just be straight up talking shit about someone. Or I would be telling her a story about maybe a family member or a friend, and then she'd immediately give her a pain.

Like, oh, that's fucking stupid. I think they're really strong willed. Yeah. She'll just speak her mind.

So I'm just like, okay. And then to a point where I was like, it got so bad where I just let her do it. I was just like, yeah, whatever. At first I'd be like, well, that's kind of fucked up.

You don't even know that. I was just like, well, I don't need to know that. I told people, I was like, okay. And then it just got to the point where I was just like, yeah, probably.

You know, I just let her do it. Yeah. It's like, this is not good. I think like, you portrayed that person in a certain light.

So she's only going off of the light that you're giving her. I know, I would try to tell her that I'd be like, well, you know, they've done this. She's like, yeah, but no, that's not enough for me to. Yeah.

She's like, she was very bitchy. I also think it's one of those, like, I think like that behavior of just automatically, like if you're with whoever, and you're venting right about family member, friend, or whoever. And they are, like, their first thing is just to talk shit about that person without really kind of like, not trying to get to know them, but trying to understand the situation or their personality a little bit more. I feel like that's like, that's toxic behaviors.

Yeah. And it's not like she was doing it to like, you know, stick up for me or whatever. She was really just speaking her much. Like, yeah, that's just fucking, let me, you can speak your mind, whatever.

But it was like, so point where it was just so bad. I was just like, okay, I can't. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, yeah, like, that's the reason. Like, you can comment on it. Like, well, I don't like this or that. But you don't have to like talk shit about like, and we constantly thought.

So it just wasn't good. Like, I told her specifically, like certain things that I didn't like, and she knew that, but she would do those things anyways. And I'm like, like, what? So I would tell her like, sometimes when we did fight about certain things, or you know how, when anyone really, when you ask them, like, are you okay?

Like, do something bad or something bad happens in your relationship? And you try to figure out like, are you okay? Like, are we good? But they're like, yeah, fine.

But then they hold it over you. You know, like leverage. Yeah. Or not necessarily, but they just keep bringing it up.

When we already talked about it. I'm like, you said, you're fine. And she's like, well, clearly, I'm not fine. And she's bringing up again.

I'm like, and I told her like, I don't like that. I totally, you know, it's better if you just tell me up front if you're mad or upset or hurt. Or if you don't want to tell me and you are so mad and you don't want to talk about it, then let me know that too. Yeah.

You know what I mean? She was just holding over me time after time. And then like, it got to a point where I was always, I felt like I was always apologize. I'm like, okay, yeah, you're right.

Okay, I'm sorry. You're right. Like, she never really apologized for anything that she did. She would, but they don't just be like, okay, I'm sorry.

Yeah. And that's it. It was just a show where I'm shitting. I was like, you know, I'm talking about like, so this is girl I'm currently with right now.

I'm getting stopped with a chunk of that. For those of you that don't know what chunk is. She's definitely toxic for sure. Yeah.

So I was just like, so I broke it off. Actually, she just kidding. She, she just totally goes. Yeah.

Now that you look back at it, one was a point where you were like, you had a piffany. You were like, I need it now. Like, I need it now. I'm sitting here.

Just kidding. Um, there has been over series? No, like a year and a half. Yeah.

Um, I can't tell. Probably like a month or two out in the relationship before it ended before it ended. How long were you guys together? You taught for almost a year.

Oh my gosh, that long. Usually, usually in a relationship. Well, you know, I'm not a little bit of a kid. I'm not a kid.

I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid.

I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid.

I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid. I'm not a kid.

I'm not a kid. I'm like, so like your a couple of weeks in or a couple months in, and like in the Like you're a couple weeks in or a couple months in you're like I need it out Yeah, like I thought of that but at the same time I was at a point in my life where I was like, you know what? It's probably as best as I'm gonna get but I wasn't thinking you're like, she's the one I'm gonna marry this I was gonna either. Yeah, I was just settled.

I was like, yeah, what? She's giving me what I want right now. Yeah, I'm just like stick through it Are you upset that she goes to you or were you just like kind of like thank God like oh Little at first I was kind of like what's fucked up like you didn't even give me a reason like yeah You know her bitchiness wasn't a reason enough. Well, no, I just felt like I it was you know Yeah, like what the fuck did I do you know anything?

It would have been at least nice to be like, you know, I just don't talk to you know more cool, you know I like to be in front of things here. Hey when people leave it at that I'm just like okay. Well, what the fuck so I was upset. I was like, well, this is this is sad Yeah, and then after like two days like fuck never mind cool because that relationship was good.

Yeah for sure Yeah, I had this relationship and we were together for a couple weeks and I remember he was saying like before I met his Parents he was like I don't want you to meet my parents soon Like I just wonder like it just enjoyed our relationship and I was like that's perfectly fine with me like Great and then when I met his parents he was like, oh come over like we'll have Pete's level hang out when I come over It was like his parents his three stepsisters the neighbor the neighbors likes kids It would be hard it would be just all needed to know me like they just all wanted to interrogate me and it was like an Interrogation like what was it like friendlier was it just like straight out at first? It was friendly, but then like I saw toxic traits in them because like when one sister would leave the room They would all talk shit about her and they would be like, oh, no Do you know that she's sleeping with this in person like and like she come in and go hey? Oh my gosh, you know like hell of fake and I was like, oh, no, no, no like no, that's that's a red flag for me But anyway they continue I was like, okay, maybe like this is you know They're just I don't know in a fun today, but then another sister would leave they talked shit about her and it was just like a vicious cycle and then I remember He was a professional fisher so he'd like go out he like it has spawned He's like sponsored by Fisher like fishing brand or whatever so he was a fisherman. Yeah, he's a fisherman Okay, so he was like a pro he did it like as a sport.

Okay, so then he was sponsored and I remember he went out And he he went out on a like a fishing whatever exit. I don't know what you Yeah, something like that and he came back and he was like well you pick me up in and out and I was like absolutely I'll pick you up something or whatever because his stepmom didn't cook like anything like ever And so he was just like I know there's not gonna be any food we pick me up in and out usually I don't know how bare her to age before I cook you freaking homemade meals, bro better than in and out Yeah And so I get there with the in and out and he's like eating and then his his stepmom walks in he goes You don't even Ask me if I want anything now. Yeah, and I was just like oh, I'm so sorry like he did it say you were gonna be home Like I just I'm sorry I didn't even think to ask like if you are in your way home I'm like I apologize up sorry and then like she just storms off the sec the his dad comes and he was just like I can't believe he didn't bring So and so in and out why you didn't think to ask and I was just like I Am so sorry. Yeah, and he was just nothing not it you still it Yeah, I'm just like I'm so sorry like I apologize like you know So some some people oh my god and so then like some some we had posted like a picture Whatever and I was just like hashtag couples who fixed together stay together, you know trying to be cheesy or whatever Because we had went out fishing you posted that yeah Exactly, so you know what his sisters did when we broke out we when we broke it off or whatever I broke it off because it was it just got too like too much for me Like I had went the day before I broke things off I had went over and his dad opened the door and he goes oh Saint Teresa's here everybody we need to behave and I was just like what the fuck only because they asked me if my parents were Religious and I said yeah, my parents go to church every Sunday like they're very like religious like you come over There's like statues of the Virgin Mary, but I feel like that's normal in any Hispanic household, you know, yeah And they were white and Hispanic yeah, and so then he like when he did that was like and hit the sun You know he didn't define me so I was just like oh my god What a slap to my face like what the hell and so anyways we broke things off like that day the next day Oh the next day we broke things off and his sisters go on Facebook and they go I'm so glad so and so broke off with so and so and so so so art together anymore I guess couples who fish together don't stay together And yeah, and they tagged everybody in the family that met me and like I was just like oh Yeah, that's that's a really bad.

I was when I saw that on Facebook I was bawling my alleys out not because like I missed him or like any of that. It was just a disrespect. Yeah, that's what attack on your character Yeah, I was just like oh my god Like I was just crying because I was like how humiliating like this breaks my heart because I never did anything to a sister I remember like the sisters P. J.

J. J. got cut off I have a friend who works at P. J.

J. That was able to arrange something for them like so they could get their P. J. You know, I'm like I was I'm a giving person like or I'm like resourceful and like I don't like when people suffer And so when like they did that to me I was I was like damn What about if I went on there and when like bitch you don't even have enough money to pay a $50 P.

J. Nee-boo. Why the fuck are you coming at me like that? I was not like that but I could have But like they when they did all that do the post-caught like I don't know how many lives I was like oh my god This is so embarrassing Yeah, yeah, you saw them on Facebook?

No, I wanted to see the other handle. I know and then one girl ended up get they were so ratchet I remember this girl was a celebration one of the sisters was bragging about how you know She got a DUI about how she met someone there and that was destined to be I was like yeah That's how you're gonna meet someone but Yeah, I was they were super ghetto and then I remember one of my one of my successes older sister And he wanted them and I told her about that she goes oh my gosh I can't believe they said that they know me they're disgusting I was just like they are and I was telling her everything that they did to me and she goes oh I can't if I ever see them I swear I'm gonna block I'm like it's not going out. I don't do that So did you know at any point in your relationship Chris that you were in a toxic relationship? Yeah No, yeah, I would say yes, well, you know, it's okay to say after the fact that you noticed it No, yeah, like I definitely noticed after the fact, but it's like also in that moment You know cuz you have a list of classes on you know like you don't like you don't you don't want you don't see no bad Yeah, or if you do it's always justified.

Yeah, oh, they're just like oh I did something like I like you know But in Sorry No just like with her specifically like just because like our relationship was toxic I don't think she's a toxic person inherently because like there's just some heavy stuff that she told me that like I know like really affects her personality and so like I You know in that sense that kind of understand why she was the way she was sometimes. Yeah, but I'm sorry to cut you off I hate when people use like their bad Childhood or bad trauma as a way to reflect on others like this is why I'm treating you like trash because I was trash It's like if you know better like if you know how you're being why not be better. Yeah, no, she's a boy No, and like I agree to that To an extent, you know like cuz I'm always the I'm the type person who will always give the person more or less the benefit of the doubt Like it would take me a lot For me to really like cut someone out of my life like that. I'm a grant.

I don't talk to her anymore But like if tomorrow like she like like hurt like she like needed something and she called me or whatever Like I would genuinely like sit down be like alright like how can I help? but There are very few times where it's just like I've got this point. It's like like you're super toxic I don't want to fucking be around you like oh I don't know if it's because like I just navigate people or easily or if I avoid that But I don't I really don't remember if I actually if I've ever actually had to do that to really just be like Like this is completely like toxic like where it's honestly just better if we don't talk or whatever You know, how do you deal with toxic family members like especially since you can't think you're related to them? So it's kind of like avoid him but how Hold on before we get into that kind of like go back because so her point before though was like saying like she doesn't like it when people use Their past yeah, whatever as sort of a crutch.

Yeah crutch to cheat others or to justify how they're treating others now Right and you say yeah to an extent like what you mean to extend like I mean Because I kind of do agree with it I like I also don't like when people use that so you know like I'm not you know I'm not gonna or I'd shoot you this way because look you gotta understand like I was abused like I get it You're abused but like at the same time she had a point if you were abused and yeah Why don't you want to be better and treat others better? Yeah, you know and so like so man Not to like out her specifically again, but so one of her things was like she has like a really horrible relationship with her mom So point where I guess like oh, I don't know how true it is. It sounds really like Over dramatic to me, but I I'd like to thank people don't like lie about like how bad their trauma is because they are I think that's just like psychotic and Incredibly toxic, but so if she had a really bad relationship with her mother and like part of that include I guess her mom tried to like Basically like sell her off What ethnicity is she? Asian that sounds right I watched a lot of trafficking like documentaries and like I feel like that's almost a culture over there I mean, yeah, I don't think it's like a cultural thing or if it's just like a historical thing.

Yeah, but I mean I can survive you draw like inclusion, but yeah, so she was agent like yeah I don't know how she was different mom like actually try to like sell her off or some shit like that but like it's like to that extent it's just like One of our issues or one of the issues I had with her was always like I never felt like I satisfied her emotional needs Okay, you know it always felt like kind of like what you said like I felt like I was always having to come to the table and apologize into really like me the more or less We're sure one quote-unquote. Okay, and so So what Rebecca said about like how you know, she doesn't like how people use her past drama like with her ice like I feel like she never did it intentionally I feel like because she's gone through like such horrible shit with her mom and like there's some horrible shit through her dad's side of family too like she just kind of Like turn like her personally turned into the way it did and so it was just like Me I felt like I should just be more understanding in that sense and not see it as her like leaning on a crunch But yeah, I guess or you can also probably say maybe it depends on the severity of whatever happened Yeah, you know like if it was just like, you know, mommy dad like mommy dad yelled at me. She's like yeah So that's why I'm this way then it's like you could like be a little bit better like I said But yeah, like I guess like her severity of just being mistreated in her like previous relationships and stuff too like it was really like a like factor in a lot of things and so like I mean again, that's like completely out of her personal details But at the time she like she does see like she was seeing a therapist or whatever and so and you know Like on that point like I it's I probably should have been more like mindful of like her situation but That's a topic for another time. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna think a little bit about that could probably be a whole different episode So toxic family members avoid them No, so what do you see like what's what's toxic about this member? Can you think of like a specific example or are you talking about specific? No, I wasn't speaking about anybody's I'm just saying like can you give I'm not saying give us specific who's talking?

I'm just saying like an example of like what you think it's toxic. Yeah, it's like someone who just demeans your goals or like like Down or you know, sometimes people are very passive and their toxicity like I guess it's like oh, that's how they've always been So let's just be very passive about the way they act and then you kind of just like okay Yeah, I guess they can treat me like shit then because they're my family and yeah, like you know, I Yeah, it's hard for sure. Um, and I think specifically at least in Filipino culture There's a lot of toxicity especially when it comes to like oh, yeah Like your parents or whoever like anyone older than you is always gonna try to tell you what to do And then you know, of course you're like, yeah, okay You'll listen or whatever but then as soon as you start to do kind of like your own thing and you're successful at it They'll talk shit or you do your own thing. You're not successful at it.

They'll talk shit like they'll talk shit either way Yeah, and it's just like it's definitely like a culture thing. I think for us at least yeah, no for sure Yeah, I think that's one of the things I hate the most is the whole Like passively downplaying someones like dreams or goals. Yeah, for sure It's like especially the whole like backhanded like questions where it's like, but are you gonna be stable or are you gonna be making enough money? Yeah, I fucking hate that shit too.

It's like yo like off of that. Like first of all, what if I'm not in for the money? Yeah, but yeah, you know, not like I I feel like there's such a I don't know I'm being kind of like when I say this but I feel like a lot of those like Filipino like families Success by like material wealth And it's just like maybe it's because like, you know, you know, like our parents like grew up, you know, like not having hellish And I get that like, you know, like To them, maybe that's how they were taught or that's what like their measurement is. Yeah, that's why having hellish it, but it's like I don't know it it like when did not you're having good health having like everybody in your life being healthy like not Oversead material things like why can't you measure success of people being healthy?

Not being on medicine and not being Dependent on something it's like yeah, like my mom like You know, she was ragged on by her nieces about not owning a house and it was just like And like my mom down and I'm like mom like you need to think about it like we you know, we're all healthy We're all you know striving to get everybody at get you a house get me a house like we're all striving to do better I was like they the only reason why they have a house is because their mom passed away and left them Life insurance all just like you can't you can't met you can't how are they like? Demeaning you when they didn't work for that. It just happened to all on their lap Yeah, and she's like oh I never thought about it that way although you need to Like you need to step back and look at the bigger picture like They didn't work for anything. It just happened to be that the cards fell Yeah, and they're yeah, so anyways, but yeah, you say avoid that.

I mean, how can you though? Should say oh No, like I guess it depends on the toxicity like if there are toxicists like if their behavior is actually like affecting someone's health like To the point where it's like noticeable or it's like it's causing concern I think the healthy thing the healthy thing would be like Like we need to like talk about your game on their shit. Yeah, do it tactfully just don't like blast them over face with like You know, yeah, this any other yeah, well, it's just like because you know no no one likes to be drafted the month publicly, you know Around others. Yeah, I hate when people talk about something around others.

I'm like we could have done this Another room. Yeah, privately. Yeah, like why do you know want to bring in five million other opinions? Yeah, because I feel like whoever's being like target or like whoever's being talked about that's just gonna push them into their own like Circle and they're just gonna like either like they're just not gonna like move on from it.

How in a healthy way Yeah, they're just gonna like kind of like retreating into themselves. They're just like, you know, like fuck y'all you're talking shit like Yeah, you know, yeah, so I mean Yeah, I don't like I say avoid them As much as possible. Yeah, I'm still talking to people though. So like to yeah for me I just don't leave people like off my social media platform.

Yeah, honestly people need to do that more on like so like Not with like toxic family members, but just with like if they see something online, they don't like twitter Facebook Whatever you use there's that have block functions. Yeah, you know, use them right You don't really have to engage especially if you know they're like, you know what sometimes that's what it fuels them So that they could just have more of like more of an excuse to talk shit about that person, you know, I mean That makes them toxic. Yeah, I was gonna say that's just makes them toxic. It's just like you're you're pouring you know, like you're feeling the blame.

Yeah You know, what about you? What do you do with toxic family? Well, yeah, for the most part not necessarily avoid them, but kind of just Kyle's quiet. You want to know what happens when Kyle is around things.

He doesn't want to hear he just lets me hear it Yeah, because I just ignore it, you know, I let it go in one ear and out the other and I'm just like, yeah, okay, whatever Because if you're gonna be that way and you know, that's I know that's how you are then that's how you are. I'm not gonna fucking deal with it. Yeah, yeah, I agree You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm worried.

Yeah, that's avoiding it. Okay, but that's one thing that like I told Kyle like you need to be more vocal like because We'll be sitting somewhere and then we'll be talking and someone will say something to us And then Kyle will just be on his phone not respond, but they're directly speaking to us So Kyle it's easy for him to act that way that toxic way and not respond not say anything and it's like No, Kyle and then he'll and then he'll leave it to me like and I'm just sitting there like yeah, of course, uh-huh Yeah, and then Kyle often his own land making me deal with his battlefield. Okay, okay You done? Yes, okay, I'm just saying it's toxic.

What she's talking about though It's not anything like if the family member is talking to us saying about something that I don't care about It's never anything that's gonna like it's not something where it's like they're saying like oh you guys should do this instead of that I'm not trying to ignore that or whatever if they said that I'd speak up and be like yeah Well, that's not what we want to do is we're not gonna do it if it's something like oh, what are you guys going today? Or what are you guys doing today? You have any plans today? And I just don't want to answer I won't answer So of course you'll answer that's what she means well when it comes specifically a specific fan member when they were talking to us about Well, why don't you guys get this instead of that because this would be better for you?

I step in and be like well, we know we know that's not what we want. So you're not gonna do that Like what's the point? That's when I step in yeah, so she's got backwards It's never what something talks to us and I ignore it or whatever or if she's there if they're being like toxic to me specifically And she's not there. Yeah, I'd like be like, uh-huh, okay whatever like you know, but it's easy for Kyle to do that It's I feel like it's harder for me because I'm not So then yeah, the next question is how do you deal with toxic in-laws or you know No Go ahead.

No, I don't. Because I feel like, at least for me, every time, well, I can't say I've ever really met, like, you're significant other family members. Yeah, I realize. What about friends?

Friends I avoid too. Advice everyone is just go date. Don't mingle. Don't do anything.

Honestly, going to, you know, talk to me and hoping I know about myself. I don't like people. And that's great. No, look, if you have toxic friends, I feel like, again, depending on.

No, like, your significant other's toxic friends. Oh, oh, my significant other's toxic friends? Or family members. Yeah.

Oh, okay. I'm just going to be following me. I guess, you know, for me, I would probably talk to my symphony and I would really work about it. Oh, really?

I think so. No, in the way, like, oh, I don't like your aunt Julie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'd be like, oh, aunt Julie kind of says some shit that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah. And you're like, oh, fuck it'd be around that. So then what's your advice to the significant other? How should they handle that?

Because that's their family. Can you guess there? You can't. On the grass.

We need to go in. Yeah. Hey, I'm just going to say home. You know what I mean?

Because this is, because this has happened to us. Really? What do you mean? What would you do?

I stuck up for her. Oh, yeah. When something was uncomfortable, I let them know. Or not let them know that was uncomfortable to them.

But I told them, shut up, like, look, we're all adults here. If you have a problem with whoever, talk to them. Don't talk to me. He did birdie me.

He did birdie me. He did birdie the cinché. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I got a cinché. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

But that was the last sentence I said. But everything before that was defending what we had, what our choices were against whatever they were saying. Yeah. Then I said, if you have a problem, though, like, with whoever, you guys are all adults, tell them shut up.

Don't come in around the corner and tell them, me, because I'm not going to, what do you want me to do? You want me to go to her and be like, they don't like you? Flap me on the hand. Yeah, like, hey, don't do that, Rebecca.

Yeah. Like, I'm not going to fucking do that. You know? But it's tough, though, because I think it also depends on the situation.

Like, let's say, for example, Rebecca didn't like something that, like, let's just say, like, blanket, like, very blanket, say, but like, Rebecca doesn't like them in other place video games. What am I'm going to do? Tell me about this. Because Rebecca doesn't like it.

Which I don't care. Just like her. Yeah, no, that's just an example. Or what am I going to tell Rebecca, hey, deal with it, because he likes video games.

What do I do at that point? Yeah. I mean, like, I think it depends on the toxic behaviors. Yeah.

I also think, too, like, on your personality, obviously, I'm not good with confrontation. Like, yeah, you definitely not. You're definitely not. If everyone's situation's born with a girl, and then she's like, oh, and you can talk to shit, sweet.

Yeah, you talk to shit. You better stop listening. Hey, here's some earplants. But you know, depending on who your personality is, if you're OK with confrontation, if you can do it tactfully, you need to have that adult conversation.

But if you're not so well with confrontation, I think it's OK to especially if you have an issue with your second-of-year-old friend or family member, I think it's OK to sit them down. Obviously, maybe not the moment happens. Like, oh, yeah, I want Julie to look ugly. I don't want to be here anymore.

Like, I think there's a separate time and place for all that where you can just be like, yeah, well, Julie makes me feel ugly. I don't want to be around her. I don't want to be around her, whatever. I remember one time this talks like a family member.

Now I just openly just speak about it to my parents. And I'm just like, they make me feel like shit. They don't mean me. But I remember one time.

My Spanish, I'm going to say, OK, I can carry a full conversation with someone. I don't forget words. But I do like, sometimes I stutter in Spanish because I'm wrapped up in like, it's weird. I'm wrapped up in translating in my brain.

Like, oh, OK, that's what they said. And then I'm speaking to myself in English, but I'm speaking it Spanish. Yeah. Sorry, I stutter in general.

I don't know. I'm speaking in English, and it's trying to speak English. I remember I was speaking to this aunt, and I said, and I was kind of stuttering, talking to her, right? I was like, oh, I don't know.

I was stuttering. And she was just like, you don't know Spanish. You're an African, a bull child. You don't even know.

Like, what? A bull child? A bull child is like, she's like an American, like a Mexican. White washed.

White washed. Yeah. White washed Mexican. And like, she was just belittling me, saying all these things of why I'm stuttering.

And then I just felt so bad. I was like, here I am, bitch, because you don't fucking know English. I'm trying to speak to you in Spanish. I was like, how about you speak to me in English?

Like, see if you don't stutter. You know, but I wasn't mean. I was not mean. So I was just like, I just, you know, I stayed quiet.

And I was just like, whatever. I walked away. What did you do? And I talked and I went to night.

Parents, I told my parents what happened. Oh, they were just like, we're never inviting her again. So they avoid it. No, but they thought that was disrespectful.

They're like, you could, my parents said that. They were like, you could have been just as mean and said, why don't you speak to me in English and if you can't understand my Spanish. And let's see who understands who. And so my parents are just like, no, that's fucked up.

Like, her kids don't speak that great as Spanish. Like, why is she demeaning you like that? You know? So yeah, that would, that would, now we just avoid her.

But you know. Like, I think there's certain things you don't have to tolerate. And that would be considered like avoiding something. Yeah.

You know, like, it's like that whole situation. Like, just don't tolerate it. Yeah. Because you can also kind of gauge up a person.

Like, if you talk to somebody about their behavior, I feel like you can engage if they're going to really like listen and be like, OK, yeah, maybe I was being this, that and the other, I'll change or maybe I can change this about my behavior or something. Or they're going to be like, no, fucking just talk shit. I will say like, just a disclaimer, like I'm not saying like I'm the perfect person of not being toxic. Like I've been, I found myself being toxic too.

Just want to hold myself accountable. How, like, how were you toxic? So like, I remember me and Sessie were having like a falling hour or whatever. No.

No. Yeah. Yeah. Me and Sessie were having one of my guys.

They can't see. But now they can hear. And I guess they're marmal men. And I was just like ignoring her instead of just like being like, hey, I'm like, OK, like you weren't being fucked up.

Like, I just need to break or whatever, like from whatever situation it was. And like I found myself like just like, advertively ignoring her. But yeah, like still posting on social media and like post, like, you know what I'm saying? Like I could have, I've had time to talk to her or talk it out.

And like, to me that's toxic because I was just like, I could have, there was a different way of going about that, like about that situation that happened. So kind of speaking on that demo and like trying to avoid the toxic person. Are we with that? No.

Are you like, just speaking on like how you said like, oh, they're toxic, just avoid them, right? So like, willing to avoid them essentially also make you kind of toxic in a sense because you're just not dealing with it or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, no, don't really.

No, but you see, I had a situation going on. Adele, did you have a situation going on where you were just like, that's just the way people. Oh. It's just the way people do, though.

Like, what are you like, well, because I'm just trying to think in my own sense, because like right now, right, there's a situation going on that we don't have to get into detail about. And OK, currently we're just avoiding that person because we just don't want to deal with it. Yeah. We're at the point where we're like, you know what, fucking world, right?

I'm not sure. They may be over it, but it's probably in the back of the mind. It's like it's for us as well. Yeah.

But you know, when we see that and we say hi, and then it's just not as it was before because it's just right. Because I'm not. It's an incident. Yeah, I'm not dealing with it.

I'm just wondering it like, fuck it. Like, isn't that in sense making me kind of toxic to? I mean, maybe maybe to other person. Like, what should I feel bad?

That's what I'm saying. I think if you and your heart of hearts believe you really are over it and you're willing to like let that person if you're willing to be bygones if they ever like come out and really, you know, I'm sorry, whatever, if you're willing to let it like be buried at that point, like I don't think that's being like toxic on your end. But I mean, if they did or if they never did and you still like years down the road, like brought it up for whatever like reason, like, yeah, like that's how toxic it's like one. I was like, years ago, just get over it.

Yeah. And I mean, I don't like it's just one of those things in your heart of hearts. You have to answer it for yourself. Yeah.

I feel like so. Wait, sorry to kind of go back to your story. What situation were you with? Maybe I was a financial story.

I don't know when when you were being when you said you were being toxic, because you said I was in a situation because she was like, my friend, like with my friend, I was like, we were in a situation like we were just having like a tip over something. Oh, and I kind of didn't she responded to how what I said. And then I just kind of ignored her. I was just like, oh, whatever.

And like, and like, and more avoiding her is just because something happened. You guys just like, no, I ignored her. So she responded. No, right.

Right. And I ignored her. And then she kept, she kept reaching out and I just kept ignoring her when I could have just, I had time to already like respond. Like I just was being a B.I.T.C.

And just like ignoring her. But like, I mean, I guess like ignoring sometimes is like a toxic shame mind. Like I just ignore a situation when really I should probably just be like, let's let's hash this out before it becomes just way to like, to the point where where we see each other can't even be cordial. It's just like, yeah, yeah.

Do you feel like he talks like the other? Yeah. Yeah, I had a situation kind of like that too. Well, it wasn't anything that anyone person did.

It was more so I knew that we were growing apart. So I let it happen. You know, I mean, where I could have reached out as well, I mean, like, yo, like let's kick it. Let's hang out or whatever.