Episode 5 - First date

The first date is one of the important moments in your relationship because this is the point you choose. So, choose wisely. I remember the news from a few years ago that a man asked for money for the coffee that he bought after his tinder date refused to date him again. We are talking about £3.50. From the article sounded that the guy was tight with money. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/11990835/Man-asks-for-coffee-money-back-after-being-rejected-for-a-second-date.html Have you ever wondered why you get stuck in the same spot in every relationship no matter how many partners you change? I did. And the answer is I always choose the same guy- I am following a pattern It is painful to recognise it, but it is true. For those like me, please do not trust your gut feelings. You will feel immediately in your guts, but you feel agitated by someone it is not a good sign. Sounds contra Intuitive but keep in mind that the gut feelings made you choose before. The answer is to take it slowly and not get infatuated with the first person you date and try to give a second chance to people that are nice but a don’t give you butterflies. Try to be curious on other types on people A note from the attachment point of view especially for the anxious people, it is very important to choose a person that will meet your specific needs: closeness, togetherness and warmth as normally we would go for avoidant partners that will give us the opposite. Anxious people- those who want closeness, how would move with their partner after 2 months or maybe 2 weeks, those who think of a perfect weekend 48 hours or 72 cuddlings the whole time, or gazing in each other eyes you have to say communicate it - don’t put yourself into misery. If the answer is “wow that sounds intense.... I would never spend that much time with one person” or “Friday I always go out with my team; Saturday is gym day and Sunday I have dinner with my mum” then you should walk away. I am not saying that people should not have priorities I am saying you should be their priority. If you are treated less than royalty, then it is not your thing. There are no wrong people only wrong combinations and different needs. The link for the book that inspires us: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Attached-Anxious-Avoidant-science-attachment/dp/1529032172/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2WPTSLG5KRD5X&dchild=1&keywords=attached+amir+levine&qid=1594213088&sprefix=attached+%2Caps%2C149&sr=8-1 Take care A&M