So welcome back to Des Moines and Dragons. Thank you for waiting around with us and clicking on the next episode on the SoundCloud link. This episode is brought to you by Lids. Lids.
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Thank you, Lids. So we come back to Ornela peering over the lip of the pit and seeing the carnage that is the main anti-chamber, the neutral zone of the more sank prison. The camera pivots, and we can see that Harbeck and Orzak come running out of the crag and onto the ledge. And you guys lock eyes.
What do you do? What do you say? What's the house? I think you need to go first.
Start clearing a path. Well, I am lubed up because I'm literally covered in just gross stuff. And maybe it's like kind of steaming still? Yeah, like it's probably pretty cool.
I mean, that's probably a huge thing. It's cool to say. Just a little house. That's right.
So I kind of, so I know the terrain better. Now, this is probably, oh, we really just turned it up, didn't we? Stay behind me. Keep quick.
Push them off. Just ignore it. We're going to move. We're going to move.
We're going to move. All right, yeah. You got them. You got the weeds?
Yes. Let's do this. So you clamber over the lip of the pit and get onto the main floor of the anti-chamber and begin sprinting towards where you know Avon Rinsdale to be. I am stuffing these weeds into my overall front pocket.
As you're running through. OK. And you're leading the pack through this. Yeah, so the first thing as soon as we get up, the first thing I do is the smallest goblin that's running by getting stabby.
I just literally cleave him and do. And then I run. It's just like, you got to make a statement. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I got to make a statement. There's so much fighting happening simultaneously. It looks like one of those pitch battles from Lord of the Rings where there's just weapons and screams and people falling down. Yes.
So the way we're not going to go in an initiative order. I think what I'll do is have the leader make saves. And if you fail, an attack happens. And then I'll determine who attacks.
So since you're sort of doing the leading and keeping people off the group, you make those saves. It will take you six moves to get to the exit. So how long of a duration do we anticipate that to be? Just based on turns.
I'm just trying to decide. I'm going to rage again. Because I will get advantage on strength checks. And if people are coming into us, I'm going to use that advantage to just kind of just bully away through.
So I'm going to rage out again. And that'll be my last for the day. Six moves would be you can do a normal character can take two moves and a turn. So about three turns.
OK. And that's what people what is that equal in time duration. Six seconds. Oh, wow.
OK. We're OK. I rage for a minute. So I might actually still technically be raging.
I'm still raging. What does it say? I'm going to rage again. It will hopefully get us to where we want to go.
Yes. So I will rage out. I cut that fucker in half because that's what you do when you rage. And I just start just forcing a shove in a tunnel.
Make it a path. Make it a path. So on your left ding ding, I'm a bicyclist. Go into the high trestle trail.
No, you're a. Those guys are raging. You're a 1960s era Cadillac driving on the bike trail. Getting by success.
Steering like this. The whole thing. Yeah, right. Just boat driving.
OK. Make your first athletic safe for me for your first move, which is. Totally athletics, huh? Yep.
That's a different story. Well, there. All right. That's a 20.
OK. Not a net 20. So an ogre comes with a pickaxe raised above his head, coming right towards you. Ankle.
Just keep going. Falls. Legs get cut out from under him and he rolls into the dust. And as you can see his eyes are just filled with rage.
The orcs have a ability where much like barbarians, where they can go into a blood frenzy. And you can see the telltale signs of all these orcs, which is amped up on the bid. Stay close. This is not good.
So that's your first. We'll call that your move. You still have an action to either move or attack. Do you keep moving?
Yes, I'm going to push. Great. So you have two moves down, four moves left to get to the Avon-Brensdale. Make another.
Make a Constitution safe this time. Oh, OK. So a big, big. This might actually be one of the orcs' chieftains.
You're not sure which one because they all kind of look the same. But one of them comes trudging through, sees you or Zok, and takes a hammer and is going to try to hit you with this thing. This big. Would I need to stop?
Woodhammer. He hits. Yeah, that's a hit. You're going to get made into doo-doo powder.
Seven plus five. No, excuse me. Three, five is hit. So 10 damage.
So you take five. OK. All right. I don't like that.
So much. So yeah. Again, we're not going in an initiative order. He may continue attacking or he may just turn and start killing something else.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad of a hit if it would have been something to like, whoa. I'm going to go focused. Four years in the waiting. Time to get out of here.
Nice. Push forward. OK. So we're going to run.
Make an athletic safe for me. Oh, I like that. That's a 22. So you see his attack doesn't do much damage to you, and he turns and looks at Harback.
And sees that Harback looks pretty banged up and gets his big toothy smile and lifts his arms over his head and is going to strike. Do whatever you want to do to him. You succeeded. So I'm giving you the option to decide how you prevent this attack from happening.
Those are some pretty juicy armpits. That's a pretty open spot. So I just take my axe and I just as hard as I can swing it right into that spot. Nice.
What do I see here? Just make sure it's straight. Yeah, I'm reckless. At this point.
Yeah. Do it. Yeah, that's going to be a 21. OK.
So damage. That's good. 8, 10, 12. Yeah, so you lob this axe in its armpit, and the orc screams and twists away.
Like he's about to bring the hammer down on Harback. But the axe hits stops him, and the hammer misses and hits the ground. And he turns around and gets confused and locks eyes with someone else over there, and screams and runs at them. So that's three moves down.
I just can't help but picture the fight in Anchorman. Yeah. I mean, all the fight. You killed a man with a trident.
You probably need that much like a lot. Chaos and how ridiculous that looks is very much what is happening here. It's just like this chaotic, none of it makes any sense. There are no battle lines.
It's pandemonium. Nothing on your fourth move. Two moves left. Fifth move comes up.
Make a dexterity safe one. Oh my goodness. Oh, danger sense. Advantage on dexterity safe throws cannot be blinded, defenter, incapacitated.
Wow. That almost never gets used. Sweet. I'm glad it did because I rolled a 17.
So that would have been, yeah, a 19. You see a minotaur come with its head barreled. It's just charging down the lane and all those. Everybody get down.
And so just flying out of its way. I kind of just I grab whoever's behind me, probably you. Maybe actually buy whatever I can. Maybe your hair.
Get out of the way. And we kind of go to one side. And you all hit the dirt and those things horns. We see in slow motion, the horns just go and buzz inches above your head.
And we can see like in the blurry background, like Orcs flying in the air, tumbling, legs spinning with blood, spurting out in this, making these spinning arcs of fluid. And that happens in slow-mo. And then the speed comes back and it comes back to normal time speed. And you continue running.
Last turn before you reach the cavern is in sight where Avon should be. And there you see Gorg standing with his retinue in this fancy, looks like plates that is made from various ramshackle mine carts. And he carries a flail that has this ridiculous size of chain. And on the end of the chain is a mine cart.
And he's just dragging it behind him. And he's coming out of his cavern. And he locks eyes with you, Orzak. Orzak, my boy.
Where are you off to? So soon, the party's just begun. I lock eyes with him and I grab a necklace on my chest that's been carved in the head of a bear and I go, finally, one of us dies. Sweet.
Okay. And I'm holding my two hander in one hand right now. It's like I'm as pumped as I can get. Looking pretty ripped.
Yeah. Pex just rippling. Just a lot of sweat popping off. It's getting even a whole lot.
Rolling down the toned muscle. It's gloosh. I got daddy issues real bad. I can't believe I'm not going to any in this prison.
So trust me, if he and I both die, you're getting all that you don't want. Yeah. Everyone, you'll become the new tunnel. Bye.
Bye. This was right on the mushroom. Oh, good. All right.
Everyone roll initiative for me. I'm scared. So I'm going to roll my tiny die. Oh my goodness.
He could almost look like he could eat it. Slide of hand. Oh, no. That's an eight.
I got a four. Tiny die, done me wrong. Yeah. Tiny die, tiny number.
Kind of like a Tony Dansa or a tiny dancer or what? I want to be close to it. I do like to be always breaking the song. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. What were we saying last night? We're a fan of group singing. Yeah.
Oh, another car. Yeah. Group singing. Yeah.
It gives it a dance. It just makes me fart a lot. It gives me the fjord. It really gives me the fjord.
That's what they say all night. When you fart in a fjord. Or fjords. Yeah.
Yeah. That makes you fart. You're right. You're right.
Oh, damn. Let's go ham on this guy. All right. We're now initiative.
What'd you roll? Eight. Meets. Harder.
Four. Orzak. Twelve. Well.
Why do I have four? No. Yeah. Five.
D20. I have like one of every other die. So it goes. The 20 is the coolest.
Gorg's first attack. Then Orzak. Then Gorg's second attack. Then Gorg's.
Or Ella. Gorg's second attack. Now I like the against two attacks. He's a boss.
I took one drink of that. The many boss was the basilisk. He's the boss. He's a mega man.
He starts swinging this minecart above his head. I mean, it's huge. He takes it and he's coming right for you. Orsak, like this.
What? Theres something that we're saving throws to not get hit. Or is he going for a-ceke because I feel like the area is that that area kind of thing? So it's definitely more of an area attack than it is a roll hits per se.
He's going to hit D4, so he hits two of you. Harback and Orzak, make a strength save. Or, yes, a strength save. Nice.
Next 20. Nine. Nine? Okay.
Have you healed yourself? Well, I got healed in the cave, but I don't know what I was healed for. Yeah, how should I shit? Heal him.
So really quick pause, we'll just do that real quick. What do you do with? Roll two D8 for me. It's just a greater healing potion.
Seven. Seven plus your Constitution modifier. Brings it to nine. Nice.
And if you wanted to cast any spells of healing, yeah, I would like to do that. I'll give you not to DM-hack, but I will give you one free spell to do right now because you would have done that out of the cave. Yeah, I'll whisper a healing word to myself. Okay.
And now I have to remember what that does. I'll get pulled up here. Healing word. Healing word.
Healing word. One D4. A creature of choice that you can see. He'll save points equal one D4 plus your spellcasting ability modifier.
At higher levels, when you cast a spell, using a second or higher, the healing increases by one D4 for each slot above first. I can do a second level then. Yeah, so two D4 plus your spellcasting modifier. Another one.
Really going terribly. That was a poopy. Two plus my spellcasting modifier. Which is wisdom, which is three, so five.
Okay, so you get an extra five. Oh, Keto, kini. That was on 11 if you needed that number. No, I didn't.
Because they're going to have to make, well, you've failed, you succeeded. I critically succeeded. Oh, man. Critically.
That's 20, baby. Bro. Do you want to use, so here's what you can do with that crit. I'm trying to get hit for sure.
He failed. If you want to use your crit and take his hits for him, I would let you do that. Ooh. Not to put you on the spot to be charitable, but I'm just saying that's something that I would, but you can also negotiate with me with that crit.
So, since this is an unusual time. I don't know that I would do that. This is, you know, I don't know. So you might have focused on maybe killing this dude?
Yeah, a little bit of that. I'm in a rage. There's a few things working on Sarbeck in that sense. I don't know him that well.
I've already saved him once. I'm in a rage and I really kind of want to kill this guy. And it's a big attack, right? It's like there's a lot of things happening.
So, I don't know that I can take that yet, or I would. But what I will do is he swings that thing. It's coming for me and I put my axe up and it diverts the chain. So, maybe not as much full damage.
It's like, I kind of move it up and it swings by and I see it maybe hit him, but it then goes up into the actual top part. So you'll just get stumped from this. Cool. My man.
Thank you. You're welcome. Oh, that was more. Sorry.
That stinks. Oh my goodness. One plus five is you take six damage. And half is three.
Oh, yes. Thank you. Give me a round to hopefully Sparkle does yourself. Sparkle does yourself.
Yeah, again. Now it is Orzak's turn. So, diverted this thing and it kind of hits up and kind of gets up there up in the top of the thing. And I just run right in and I just tell him, I say, spin a long time coming.
That's it. You can't think of anything better. I did it. So, yeah, I will attack.
I am going to go Reklais. Good idea. I needed that because that's going to be a turn 12. 14.
Does that hit? No, it does not. All right. Oh, that's right.
Holy shnikes. A full plate is 18. Crude plate is not that much. Maybe there's something there.
Or no, it's your turn. You're a fighter. Do it. Do that.
How big is this guy? He's like 15 feet. He's a big ol' son bitch. Full of grown works.
I'm going to, again, I am super out of my element and horribly uncomfortable in this pit and I want out more than anything. I'm just, while these two fuckers are stuck in each other's dicks, I'm just going to try to run. Two Avon? Two Avon.
It should have been the attack I did. Dick's sucking? I'm in the office. He's like, I'm going to swing this all my way.
Who are you doing? Oh, two left. Full on sprint. Yeah.
Okay. So, yeah, we were one turn away so you make it. The two turns get you into like the cavern and then into the crevasse where Avon is. Cool.
So, you go sprinting in and you see Avon has like a pack that she is stuffing like papers and different books in and she's cinching it up. Oh, are things going well out there? Absolutely. Yeah.
Do you have the? Uh-huh. Let me see it. And I hand her one.
This isn't the right stuff. What? Just kidding. Oh my God.
I hate. Run it. Cool. That's a tagline for the entire stuff.
I hate prison. That'll be the episode title because I hate prison. Um, oh, it was only a joke. And she puts it in like a side pocket to the backpack.
She turns to the ogre and says, uh, Philip, would you mind watching the place while I'm gone? I'll be back shortly. Oh, no problem. We'll be here.
And he just is like pushing coals around in the fire. Poor gentleman though. He totally gets. Let's make like a fetus and get the fuck out of here.
Excellent, excellent play. Yeah, this is the plan I can get behind. Uh, now it is Gorg's second turn. Oh boy.
He is going to charge you, which is an attack. Roll two of those. Alright, he hit. Well, I'm rolling against if he crits.
No. Okay. Uh, so he buries his head, like he lowers his head and just comes running at you. Uh, he's got like a crude helmet on that has like spikes and shit on it.
So he's attacking their other dodges and parries and whatnots and how's that? Not in fifth. Okay. Uh, so he hits, so he does damage.
Do that damage. Do that damage. Do that damage. Do the damn.
What you doing? Paul is riding on a card. It appears to be numbers. Uh, you take the damage.
No, no, no, bro. Alright, so now I am bloodied. Okay. Uh, now it is hardback, thunder, fifth turn.
I'm going to try and get the two or no with the move in action. You do. And then I catch up and I go, are we ready to go? Yep, yep, absolutely.
Just like putting the back on, like, let's uh, make like a fetus and get the fuck out of here. And leave. Straighten my clothes and following at a brisk pace, right, pace. Pace.
She walks out of her crevasse and says, we'll have to get through that somehow. Working on it. Oh my, and she sees Gorg and Orzok fighting in hand-to-hand combat. This giant flail with a mine card on the end is lands and dust and rock explode as it hits the ground.
Orzok tumbles and rolls out of the way. Oh my, that appears to be a problem. Please, uh, would you mind taking care of that before we leave? I hate to leave matters and attend it too while I'm going.
You want us to take care of what? Help. Orzok killed Gorg really quick. Really quick.
I can take much. You seem capable. I'll be here. Alright, well back to it, I guess.
And now it is, uh, Gorg's turn. He's gonna use his flail again, so make a, uh, athletic save for me. That would be 11. Okay, there's a fail.
That's a do-do, bro. You take... I should be... I should be able to...
I should be able to... I should be 10 damage. Ooh. Alright, definitely am sad now.
Now it is your turn, Orzok. Yeah, so you take this mine park full of... It just slams me against the thing and I kind of pull myself out of this... Orzok shaped...
Impression! I'm gonna come out and I'm looking and I'm like, there's actually an impression right here of like the part of where, like, where a wheel hit me and I'm like... I'm like, kind of shake my, like, dust comes out of my hair and I'm like taking stock and I'm like... And I see these guys and they're standing with...
Avon, and they're kind of looking like they're ready to leave and I'm like... And I'm getting angry and super sane. Yeah, I start charging. Like, I charge him with my axe up but I'm running past him.
Okay. I'm running past the... So... Freedom.
I deals. Freedom. More important than anything. Totally.
I get that. I kind of knocked a little sense into me that wall. Sure. But I'm charging.
So, you can use a movement action to move outside of range and then take a disengage action to not suffer an opportunity attack. That's what I'm doing. Okay. So, you regroup with these people as you like...
Maybe he takes a big overhand swing and you tumble roll, like, underneath his legs and run out behind him. And meet up with this gaggle. And there's like, I am covered in green blood. There's parts of basilis still on the axe.
I have like, dirt in my hair. A slight tear in the loincloth. Slight. You're not leaving without me.
What a dream of it. Finish him. Let's go. Yes.
Orzak. We can't leave with him here. We should take care of this. Oh, why?
Just want to be right. Why? All right, let's leave. We don't get what's right.
We're snot rest. I haven't seen him. I turn it. I turn it and I go, stop this.
I just kind of yell it. Yeah, over the cacophony and the screaming and the sounds of battle, we hear snot rest. And out from a crevice, this shadow of a wall, a goblin head poke sound says, oh, hey, orzak. Just kind of wave this direction.
He looks mad. And you see Orzak is just taking his flail and just bashing gorg. Excuse me, gorg is taking his flail and just leveling swaths of orcs. Like by like three, four at a time is just leveling them with this flail.
It's either all of us. It's either all of us on this or we're getting out of here now. Can we get out of here? Yes, yes we can.
Voting for out. Out. Out. Yeah, out, of course.
Right. Follow me. And she is very careful and walks along the periphery of the battle where this kind of takes place in this churning, moving like a mosh bit at a metal concert in the middle of this. Raining blood from slayers.
That's just nonstop playing right now. Yeah. And it fades in and out between Mr. Blue's guy by, oh my god, I can't believe I forgot their name.
Mr. Blue's guy, please tell us why. We had to wait for some long, so long. So is it's going to go around the perimeter while Slayer and this, what are they called?
Right. Mr. Blue's guy. They also play sultans of swing.
Oh, that's a dire straits. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Apologies.
I'm really hard to listen to. No, it's electric light orchestra. Oh, it is? Yeah.
I thought that was... Oh, fuck. Mr. Blue's guy.
I love you. I love you. Oh, yeah. So, being assorted around this battle, in fact, a...
I love her. For all of the listeners at home, my dog Pepper is staring at the Christmas tree. Most likely waiting for mom to come home. It's like from Poltergeist, when the kids are sitting in front of TV, like, they're here.
So, an orcs lieutenant comes running. He's got leather armor. He's covered in blood. He's got a crude spear made and is about to stab Avon.
She raises her hand and a shard of ice forms and launches at a supersonic speed and slams right into the head of this orcs and it crumples to the ground and falls dead. Yes, quickly, quickly, quickly, and moves quicker around the perimeter, eventually making it to this elevator. Snuckgrass, did you get the equipment in question here? Oh, boy.
I sure did. He's got a seat and he pushes a button on the elevator and the elevator opens and you can see there's...there are five carts with ore piled in them. But it looks to be like loose ore. It's not like rocks the size of your fist.
It's more like pea gravel, or smaller. Something we can get in. Yeah. Got it.
Great. Thanks so much Snuckgrass. You've been a tremendous help. Here, let me help you.
She goes to help him into a cart. You can see her slip a knife out from her back pocket and jab it into Snuckgrass's neck and push it forward and just blood spurts out and she pushes him into the gravel. We may need a distraction, so. Wait, that doesn't make sense.
That wasn't part of the plan. You will be fine. I just needed some assurances and he is not going to be any help on the other side. How do we know that you're not going to do that to all of us now?
Well, I'm going to take the first dose and I'm going to be long dead before any of you are. And she takes a little vial of the plant in her hand. I knock it out in her hand. I'll go first.
You bitch. I'll go first. I don't trust you. She hands you the vial.
And I pull one out of my pouch. I'm going to eat it. Great. Can I have mine now?
Then she hands the vial full over to you. There's like one dose left for you. And then you have some doses for Hardek or Nella. Thank you.
Okay, well, say we wait. Oh no, this should be... Instant. It should be happening relatively quickly, especially given our heart rates are slightly elevated.
Dig ourselves in. And we suggest we dig ourselves in. Quick onto the elevator, please hurry. I'm getting lightheaded.
Yep. And as everyone gets into this basically giant service elevator, she pulls a lever down. You can feel the whole thing start to move and slowly raise up. She climbs into one of the carts and starts wiggling her way under the ore and ash.
I see you on the other side, Ben. Very well. That's a forkly, I hope. Me too.
She disappears under the foot and ore in her cart. Same. Same. Yep.
So, let's see. There's something. Okay. So, fade to black on the party.
The camera zooms back and does this bird's eye view top down of this mass of battle, blood, and dirt and rock and screams tumble and the carnage becomes more and more difficult to make out and differ amongst all the other various signs of brutality as the camera focuses over on this cart that's slowly rising and comes into the foreground of the shot. And then that slowly fades to black. Let's see. Who would be the first one to wake up?
Everyone make a constitution save for me and give me whoever rolls the highest. And you should have advantage on Constitution saves. Art Beck, since you are a dwarf. So, do I do this one or this one?
That one. That rolled 18. 18? No, I'm a 21.
I rolled an 18. Oh, so 21? 13. Okay, so 21.
So, you wake up first or zock. So, you come to and like, I'll let you. So, like, mom, what are you going to hit this metal like two things, two carts made a metal just hitting each other. One was empty.
It's just like, it's like reverberates in my head so much that I kind of start kind of pushing up this p-grabble away and I kind of sit up and I look and I see this line of carts where the one in front of me is empty but mine is not and there's this thing that kind of swings down to pick up my cart and it starts picking it up and I roll out of it and it grabs it and it dumps it to the side and then drops the cart down and it starts to do the same to the next and I don't remember who's next but I will say it's you. I kind of fish around and I feel a part and I just yank them out as the parts of me and take it up and it's and I have a person and I kind of drop on and it's already grabbing the next one. Yeah, I make it a dex save for me. Or no, I guess it'd be like an athletics check, it wouldn't be a save.
I rolled an 18, 22. So you're able to do it. So the next person I kind of fish in there and I grab whoever it is. I think it starts to lift up as you grab it.
I kind of pull them over. You feel the heavy dense weight of a dwarf that you grab. Oh my god! And flops out of the cart in the ground.
It's like flop by fart. Just like black so it pops out of your butt. Yeah, nice. It's not noisy, it's just gross.
Yeah, next cart's already being grabbed. I don't know if I can get it. Try again or? Yeah, make an athletics save for me.
19? Okay, there's nothing in the cart. You fish around in this. Like grabs me and I gotta fall off of it.
And you all wake up at this point. Like hitting the ground brings you to consciousness. Yeah, it throws me around. Where's Hainan?
Who cares? I don't know. She's not there, it's just you three. She arranged the ride.
We look around. You see there are blackfoot, so where the carts stop to be picked up, you can see that there are blackfoot prints that lead out to, there's a sort of an elevated platform with a railing and there's a ladder and the footprints head over to this ladder. Well, let's look at these. That's the only way out.
Yes, right. Well, this is like a raised platform. Okay. And this is probably where someone would be stationed to like if they needed to watch these or whatever, stand here.
Well, down the ladder, let's go. Yeah. I just kind of like, I'm out. You know, you see that look on my face like I'm actually kind of squinting.
Right. Yeah, what time, what time does this all happen? I'm like, what do you guys, what would look coolest? Dusk.
Dusk. Yeah, so it's on the western side you see this orange amber color coming over. So it's like the shapes of like, I would envision like Arizona, like the shapes of weather down and worn down kind of stone and stuff in the distance, but it's still bright for me. Yeah, I'm sure.