What? And welcome back to Top 9 Sense, I'm your host Kyle, I'm here with Christopher. And we have again? Rebecca.
Sorry to become her show. No, actually there was great reviews for that last episode with you in it, so. Which one? The Truth or Drink?
Oh God, Jesus. We're never playing my game again. We're not. Yeah, why not?
I woke up so hungry. So welcome to part two. No, that's not what we're talking about. Chris, why don't you tell us what we're talking about today?
Insecurities. No, I'm supposed to say the wrong thing. I don't forget it. Yeah, so insecurities are here.
Your drinks are here, okay? Yeah, I know, okay. I'm just saying. I know, but.
Go ahead. Yeah, I'm very insecure, guys. Are you? No.
Dave, that's so cool. I thought I did it. What? What is that?
Oh wait, Google. Oh, look. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah, congrats.
Fucking ears. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Looks one.
Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, watch it. That's sad. But then you weren't American.
Yeah, there you go. That's right. We're rambling on too long. So insecurities.
You guys have any? Oh, many. I'm not sure about this. I don't know.
Just don't mean to ask you to ask me. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, that's common. Like, you know, like, those are some common ones.
Like, when you look, how you come off of, like, come off as, you know, definitely like, say any social situation really, there's just anxiety and insecurity just, you're welling up, you know. Are you having some right now? No, not with you guys, because we've hung out multiple times. Like, I think at this point, it's like, we're, you hang out with like, new people, right?
It's like, what do you talk about? Yeah. Are they going to like what, like, things I like? Yeah.
Or like, is it, like, are people going to be okay with like a low of the conversation? Or is it going to be like awkwardly silent? Oh, what? Like, if it's like silent in the conversation, what do you say before that?
A low in the conversation? Why are you trying to use big words on us, Chris? It's not really. Are you talking about a low?
A low? L-U-L-L? Oh, okay. Yeah, what?
What's that? Just like if there's like a pause in the conversation. Oh, I literally thought he was just saying low, like, L-O-L. Oh, why are you making speaking texts to me?
Like, what? No, but if you're wring out with people and it gets quiet, is it like, okay, where everyone's like, oh, yeah, whatever, you know, like, or is it like, who's going to be the one to speak? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. That's always awkward. I'm going to get to hear about that too. Okay, so like, what about relationship-wise?
Like, have you, obviously all of us here have probably doubled our own security and relationships. So why don't you give us some example then? Oh, maybe we can get a security relationship? Yeah.
Oh, shit. We got the tequila. We got the tequila. We got the tequila.
We got the tequila. We got the tequila. We got the tequila. We got the tequila.
I don't know, man, I just know like I'm always insecure though. Like, it takes me a lot for me to feel comfortable even when I'm in a relationship. Like, it's always like in the back of my head, it's like, does she want to be here? Does she have a good time?
Right. Like, do you want to be here? No, why do you feel that way though? I mean, I think logically and psychologically, dancing would be like, oh, maybe like confidence and stuff.
But like, I think the other part of it would probably be like, I just. I think I know what I like and what I don't like and sometimes I can see to doing things that I don't like and it's just more like well fuck now I'm committed to whatever this activity is and it's just you know yeah I'm just kind of like just kind of there so do you feel like your insecurities and your past relationships have they had anything to do with not to be me but like a downfall of them oh yeah I'm sure yeah I'm sure like you contribute contributed to it I think more so the later ones that were versus me like kind of realizing like like this isn't for me sorry but it's not me it's you I mean at some point you have to like call how you see it right yeah like at some point you just have to be like this is this is not working out for like either of us really like to continue on which is waste everyone's time really what are you about? What are you security? Yeah security relationship wise oh my god there goes my dogs are you insecure about that?
what? like about like Luigi walking and like carrying it in the background like is it I'm not insecure about it I'm just annoying by it oh yeah it's just you know well the insecurities I have I guess would have to be like meeting the family in friends like I guess I'm just like insecure of like how you'll see me and I'm just like oh am I being perfect right now am I gonna say the wrong thing like when I met your first cousin that I met who did I meet you first? No it was handy but okay the second cousin Jess no gosh yum it what wine tasting oh yeah and it was just like ants after ants after ants there and I was just like and I think I remember she said like why do I love the most about you or like what do I see? you were like well how many months in only?
it was like even like a month and she was just like what do you like about it what do you like about it what do you like about it what do you like about it she didn't say that she was really nice but you know at the moment I was kind of drunk already so I was like oh she asked me and now I remember like why I was I single for such a short time and then started dating you and I was just like yeah that's like a yeah like oh yeah it was an interview question that's super greatest weakness yeah and then I just remember being like drunk already and I was just like I mean like you know when you break up with someone you kind of already have been done with the relationship like for a while like you've already been thinking like I'm gonna end things and end things I just don't know when was a perfect time so you've been done with the relationship but you kind of just stayed around and I'll think that's how I kind of was until finally it was like then they only coffee and I was like now this is my exit door where I leave and so I just said I was like I was super toxic and it was just not my environment but I've never been one to like I've been in a better relationship you like this is the end to love I hate love you know don't ever want to be with anybody else again I've never been like that so it was easy for me to just move on like it was easy for me to be like all right what else there's not that I'm afraid to be alone but it was just like I don't know yeah yeah no I mean like it's common on that note you know it's like you said like once you know you're done with the relationship like I think at that point it's just like yeah I'm over this yeah I'm over this yeah I've already spent time like grieving I don't know cravings right like throughout the relationship like sitting there I'm like I've already been like heartbroken about the situation yeah but yeah so my basic that and then like my physical appearance like when they see me like it are they gonna be like whoa she's large and in charge you had those like insta-teriors before you know yes like your relationships yeah relationships just meeting people because like usually people I mean you're like way thinner than me or like you know not have boobs and so it's like it's intimidating like going into it and like obviously that's the thing I hate the most is when people point things out about my my physique like whoa what thighs are you it's like do people come out right in just yeah they do yeah that's working strange like I mean like her breast size though yeah yeah yeah that's okay that's a strange to like come out and say oh no yeah they'll ask they'll just think amongst what other women they'll ask me just yeah amongst women I think amongst women I don't think for them it's not strange yeah I think they just fly out ask each other for guys they'll be like hey man what's your size like that's just strange yeah I mean like that's big you know so I don't know it's just weird it's just I have that insecurity about myself but what about you do you have any insecurity thank you Chris thank you for asking yeah of course I've had insecurities and dows no I said doubt no of course I have I've had those insecurities where I felt like am I am I being too too needy or too you know too quick to respond no honestly yeah you know I for me whenever I'm talking to somebody especially through text I'm like a quick responder or at least I was not so much now just because I kind of growing out of insecurity I'm like why do I or I had to insecurity like on your respond because then if I don't respond you know they're not gonna say any better they're gonna think I'm taking too long like I had that insecurity and I had to insecurity where I realized like I was responding to but I was like fucking my responding too quickly I had both and then finally now I've kind of grown out of both I'm just like I don't care well yeah because you're with me so it's like yeah well anybody else now like whoever texts me I don't care when I respond but yeah before I know I even asked someone at the time to I was talking to him like hey am I like responding too quick they're like no you're fine it wasn't fine but I hate that yeah and then I've also had like I have had to deal with insecurities about just other people coming into like the situation where I had my ex was working at the time and we were taught like we're together and she's telling me she's like hey this guy not work at my work that like he's talking to me like what do you think you like me first of all why you ask that yes right yeah and second of all oh yeah like and I told you that and I don't care about it I don't know why we were together for a while already I'm just like I'm not feeling scared about this but I was you know I mean it's like another dude coming into the whole situation and you're sure to ask him like you think he likes me like why do you want to know clearly he does if he's talking to you like that yeah that's the point where I was asking like you'll find her job though like no it's like that's such a power move like just like yeah you should have that yeah I'm the manager no I had to get reassurance from other people like dude like what like do you think this dude likes her do you think she likes him or whatever and they're like no man like she's probably just asking just ask like oh that dude yeah nothing to worry about literally go now but whatever I have a better one anyway yeah sometimes I'm insecure about that I'm just kidding I know I mean of course I've had my security yes um how have you guys like dealt with it I mean I kind of explained how I did but like I guess I'm just passive I'm just like oh uh-huh or like I don't know I'm just like I mean depending on what the situation is you know I think I for me I just avoid it just like everything else I got it now you and you're fucking avoiding it no I don't honestly though like if you didn't avoid the last couple situation no because I've been trying to do like I've been really trying to stick to like I guess exposure therapy like or at least trying to like confront things as they happen like even though it's like uncomfortable like I think you can learn to like assess the situation and respond appropriately whereas like I know if I were to do this before or for like whatever situation where I was willing and secure like I would definitely like spiral like oh shit they called me out like I need to do something to like just avoid the situation yeah but now I at least I try it I try to have in mind that like okay even though they call me out like it's not necessarily like a bad thing and like we're just responding responding to that so I mean you know it takes a lot though it takes a lot of courage I feel like to respond yeah yeah like when how I combat it or you know when someone asks me something that I'm insecure about I'm just like very blunt and like sometimes like like why like yeah why you want to get your tits done when I look at on you like I'm super like cuz I'm just like this is not a question you need to ask like they're big yeah I don't know what else to tell you they won't look good on you you size too but then as far as like meeting family and stuff I just kind of just throw myself in and I'm just like I think I think yeah because that was kind of like how it was when you know I showed up to Jess's baby shower and I was like 15 million Filipino it was in a little freaking living room but it was just like all in like I guess like you did good I thought about proud of you yeah or like in past situations I just like when I meet family it's just like well I guess like I'll ask like the basic questions like what do you do for work like that's a big one I can go on a like oh did you study that how long did you stuff like I don't know I'll just go into how did you meet your spouse I think there's kind of like a universal like universal understanding that goes to that right yeah at some point everyone's like had to meet like your significant other's family have you right here yeah how was that I mean like for the most part was I mean sorry I mean I don't know what you were talking about doesn't that mean yeah I mean so yeah like I think my longest girl I mean her family was pretty cool though just because like her mom and I got a long pretty well and so like that was cool you know but yeah there's kind of that universal understanding right like you everyone's kind of been that's why where they meet that significant other family just like what do I say I think as long as you show like genuine like you're genuinely trying yeah everyone's like I it's alright you can I get a secure sometimes meaning like my family members significant other you know really your family significant other yeah like for example like I remember one time you when you wanted to bring one of yours over you're telling me like oh yeah like I really like want you to meet her blah blah blah yeah I started getting scared I'm like do I building me up on such a big pistol like I'm not you know you're making me sound like you're like telling like oh yeah I totally like you like my big brother I'm like dude like well don't do that don't do that you know me and like sometimes like sometimes I think Venus has done it before too like she said I think to me or whatever Jess has never verbally said it but whenever like I would try to meet one hers I kind of get insecure too just because I don't know I just didn't want to come off as like well one I wanted to like I did come on to my office like being like a protective one if you fuck up yeah but then I'm not like that I don't like that I mean I'm all talk to all yeah yeah I'll talk to a walk so I guess okay I'm not gonna approach this and like when they come I just throw on the like when they like oh how this is my boyfriend I like so you do you know yeah yeah I mean like I put up that wall I'm like not gonna talk to me I'm not gonna talk to someone significant other I won't because yeah you really won't at all yeah I put it like I told all you cousins in the past like I'm not gonna care about it until I know it's real yeah so how do you overcome your insecurities you don't want it um well talked about well like the texting one I think it's just out of the fact that you asked what like you the texting when you just ask like in my texting to pass is that kind of and then the part where like oh the first insecurity with the texting really I felt like I wasn't texting enough or wait which part I can't remember what I said yeah yeah I would just ask and then when I find something like no you're fine okay and then eventually yeah I just kind of go out of it was like you know why I'm even caring yeah what other insecurities do you have do you have in securities at work oh yeah for sure do you really yeah all the time all the I always feel like like whenever a problem occurs at work I just feel like oh fuck it's like my fault oh how am I gonna avoid this yeah I start to feel it's caring like okay if I said this then they're gonna say that okay but then I don't know if that's gonna work you guys have to feel like that like when they ask for suggestions I always think I'm always like in the meetings thing I'm like no don't do that we should do this and then we're like what should we do like oh no yeah I get to I guess it's not really insecure it's just like nerves yeah I don't know like I would say to you because like being in those meetings they're not very like they're not conducive in the sense of like you feel welcomed to say something yeah it's very like so does anyone have anything to say it everyone's dead hands island yeah it's just like shit I don't know for me I think it also just stems from like past like situations like with school like public speaking and all that stuff we're being afraid of bad being insecure of you know if I said this will people laugh at me for a good reason or for a bad reason or if I say this would be like that stupid and then just knock them down and that's why I'm just like you know what I'm just not saying anything yeah I mean there are times where I will speak up and say like what I think is on my mind and when I do do that and then I get the reinsurance like oh yeah maybe we should try that like oh yeah it's not relief you know I'm just like oh I was I so insecure about that yeah and then when it gets the next meeting and asking question I'm like no I haven't quite fully gone over that yet but I'm growing I guess you could say to kind of comment on the whole text anything I think my insecurity with that is I think I'm too concise sometimes or like or that I'm like too specific sometimes like when someone asked me a question I'm like oh do you mean it this way or do you mean it that way and then they say something else entirely like oh well then I don't know like can you like can you give me like a specific example um I guess this is a horrible example but like earlier when you talk to me like bring like to get like Coke right yeah not the drug the drink see that's that's why I was serious when I first read I was like oh wait does he I wasn't like doesn't he the drugs no I'm it like does he want regular coke does he want coke zero what kind of coke does he want like I think you just overthink yeah and like it's what the issue is yeah it's already just making me feel like oh shit I didn't ask him like you know like it started like piling itself whatever but like but that situation is very mild but it's like I've been in other situations like that where someone asked me something and then I answered and then I started overthinking and then it just looks other questions it's like oh well shit now what do I do like that it happens a lot with work yeah like like so oh yeah so with work one example is like when it's like all days like let us go early right because like no one's really doing anything and so sometimes you know like our supervisor will say like oh okay you can log off early for the day I always want to ask like do you want me to like say that while you're off you want me to like long off like without saying anything like is that for sweeps is that for like day team like does that include me like well these questions like call off I can't ask it cuz they're like knowing the team they have everyone can be like oh look at this guy yeah you know fucking shit I just got to see here so I go ask somebody else okay does she know stupid I literally ask other people yeah that's funny yeah what about you like have you had any work or any other experience non-relationship life like just to cover work like work once like I'm just insecure of like mistakes like if I don't do something right and it's like fuck like I should have known that's it I'm fired yeah or like oh now she's not and I'm sure that now she probably seems to be in a different light she only thinks I'm not dependable oh my gosh now I like a whole bunch of nerves start piling up about how it is and then like literally five seconds later it's like okay let's redo it try it again give back to me and it's like oh yeah bless your soul yeah but or sometimes I'm just insecure about just not being enough for people yeah yeah like falling short in areas that it's like oh I could have done that differently I could have been there more or I shouldn't have been there more I don't know I just get insecure about showing up how do you get over that I just try I mean not really because it's like situational there's just for the work thing I'd make a lot of notes like I have notes all over my people cool not a lot but you know I have I do have like notes in my people cool that's like how to properly like no take something because we have a lot of legal documents so it's like how to properly no take this how to probably do this and it's like it's just remind because I just like what I need is just reminders and refreshers like oh that's it because it's like I've already probably learned like 20 other things it's like but I need to remember the first 10 things and it's so I just need a lot of reminders of things but if that's where I get insecure it's like I should have known those 10 things by now been there for a year and a half that's like you know but how do I get over things and the situation all sometimes I am like I screw it sorry then sometimes it just lingers in my back my head like oh my god I'm incompetent she probably doesn't think I deserve a ray so like just a million things pop in my head yeah kind of going off with what you said like having a whole bunch of notes I would do the same thing for work too like if we were having a problem and we were trying to troubleshoot it and before I like would speak my answer like I would think it out in my own head right like okay we'll do this with that or whatever and then before I actually like say I'd be like okay well I mean make sure that what I'm saying makes sense and is correct so I'll do a bunch of like searching the background like if I did this with this work and I read up on it okay it's cool and then we call what do you think I don't know I'm gonna pass yeah but like I would like I'd be saying just take a bunch of notes do a lot of research or whatever yeah you have any insecurity is like amongst friends Chris yeah so I've won that like I noticed a lot more recently like I hate being the last one to say something like in a text or like in a group chat especially if it's like a joke it's like shit like no one's gonna like laugh at it or like yeah I thought it was funny but I know what kind of humor is very like dadish and stuff for everybody so like that makes me a little insecure just cuz it's like it's just like the way it feels it's like it just feels like as if you're like standing up in front of the room and you said something oh shit yeah and then it's just like just crickets yeah you know sure has there any like what are some insecurities that maybe are instilled in you by like other people and like to the state or like fuck I don't know how to get over this well that's a good one instilled by other people yeah like people have like your past relationship gave you this one in security oh yeah my parents yeah like any like all my physical insecurities I feel like I've been brought to my attention from like other people like my height was one like I'm a little rotund I need to step up like a man I need to read more books read you know readings get I just know like chloroplasma mitochondria yeah I don't even know someone pointed out was a little more returned and I was just like and this is back in like high school yeah and I was like I was like I got a great question now you though like I said that in high school bro you were a twig in high school offense yeah and then like they're like yeah but you know like that we get you so far and I was like damn I was like you straight up just called me you know based in like you're right we're done no it wasn't even my girlfriend I know it was like my girlfriend's friend and I was like and then like I was like well fuck do you like I thought as I was like well at least I'm nice like at least you know I'm polite and so but like that just wasn't yeah so like that really kind of stuck with me throughout years yeah like any physical appearance I would say or any physical insecurity I have is definitely like something someone else has said or yeah right for me my mom has just like like scold me so bad I'm like being like modest so it's like anything not modest and she like even to this day like if I'm trying to leave the house and like anything like super just like her be like yeah she's like oh men are gonna stare at you and it's like I just become so like oh like parent like she's right we got an attractive her days a day someone's gonna test me today's the day someone's gonna make a remark to me and then like to put an ill in the coffin to is like I worked at a private country club and it's like a whole bunch of old rich white ladies and I remember I wore this like hopping shirt and it was super cute I thought and like one of the ladies was like whoa that's way too much for you in your body and I was just like oh my god it's not my mom saying it some random old lady like and everybody was giving me compliments on and then it was like an old lady who was just obviously conservative and it was just like wow you know and I was like and then I just felt like super ashamed like and so yeah that's what I grew up with but my mom's very religious and like very like where's a veil to church and like nothing is over the knee and like she's very conservative and so it's like when I then there's me and then she was like oh you need to watch what you wear there's nasty man I'm like ah your husband's a nasty is I don't know what you're talking about you have any like physical inscurities or anything like that anything that we're like like pushed on to you by other people the one thing yeah physical inscurities for sure just because of like the way our family is you know oh yeah like they will like they will joke to joke on you know about anything like no matter what you're trying to do like you're trying to lose weight and make a joke out of it yeah you know you're eating too much they'll make a joke out of it it's like that you're eating too little yeah you know like one time when I was trying to lose weight or whatever I was a family party and I wasn't eating it and they're like oh what are you eating you're on a diet it's like actually yes I am you know I mean it's just like or like we were at another family party we had just eaten and then we were gonna go out and get like while we cover something else that we want it and like you're going out to eat again there's food here like always going out eating too much just like fuck yeah you know what we need you know and another one to like one that kind of just this won't really go me down because it was like kind of fucked up to a sense that it still sometimes comes up when I'm actually trying to do something this has specifically more to do with like my career whatever it was I was in college and I think it was like my second or third my second year of college and I had to go to the financial aid office because I was given like some grants and I was trying to get them or whatever right and they had called me into the back to like speak with one of the financial advisors and the girl like I get into the office and she sits me down and she goes okay so here like here's a deal like you can't get this because of this reason or a lot of those dumb reasons like apparently right yeah like super reasons I'm like well fuck like I kind of needed that to pay for stuff you know I mean she's like okay well here's what you do have ever thought about going to community college like my second year in a fucking state school and you're telling me like go to community college I'm like I'm already here yeah like what do you mean she's like well what's your major and I was like Phil and she's like oh honey have you really thought about this I'm like damn just you say that yeah she was like whoa bitch like do you do you really think you're gonna like you know like whatever out of that I'm like I want to do it yeah she's like have you considered anything else I'm like no or whatever like just I'm like you fuck you if you're gonna tell me I'm not gonna get I'll find some other way yeah and like that just that like sometimes that like makes me like when I'm doing stuff that's not towards my degree that I said again I think about that I'm like fuck me she's right or whatever and I get down and other times when I'm like writing scripts or whatever I think about that I'd be like fuck you bitch wait until I finish the script you know I mean like that's all I like that's always been like yeah like I felt insecure about like yeah that is like for real like I can see how that would affect you for sure yeah she like she said and I remember she like took a dump on your dream and I told I told my roommate at the time who's also studying film like bro that's what she fucking said he like what the fuck like fuck that I'm like I'll make a movie and specifically put at the end of the film dedicated to that fucking financial advisor I made it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but yeah so there's that crazy just a little appearance one yeah for me like I remember I've always been a little bit big and like my both my siblings like had to be put on like uh like wagging pills because they were like so skinny and like I remember once my my mom got CPS called on her because my sister was just so thin and they're like oh she's probably not beating her and my mom was just like it's just genetics like we're all like that then they see me and I'm like yeah and like they were like when they when their parents were younger they were both like super thin and so it's like it's only natural other what's that mean but you know I'm like they're too like they were super thin and like they're like oh okay and then like I remember growing up and it was just like a constant bully of that like so I grew up like super like body image issues like on too big or you know and so it was hard especially when they see my sister and she has like bright blue eyes almost blonde hair thin and it's like then there's being beautiful sexy but like you know back then it was just like I'm never gonna live up to that oh my gosh I was super insecure about being her sister so it was weird or like when I would eat and it was like they would just pick on me like oh that's why we're skinny and you're not because we're not eating like you and I'm like oh I'm like yeah I was like fucking dude it really was I remember like they would blow me so much about that yeah like I will say like I feel bad for one of our eases who yeah like because they gave her that nickname oh and it's just like my god daughter's little sister oh really well because she she can eat yeah yeah yeah like they kind of gave her a nickname in like the gallo in like fat yeah what is it well they call me something else but it also yeah it also means like big yeah kind of like which one yeah it's so like they called it out all the time yeah yeah yeah they did it like a you know oh you know little miss and whatever and she's like he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's like why are you calling her that I'm Mexican do that all the time like your nickname will be portable forever like your nickname will be Nick like what in that which means you know brown it's like you you're Mexican's like nickname you what you are it's like your biggest like one of that but yeah it's kind of common and I just fuck up do you it is like you're like that's probably something we should break like that yeah yeah yeah yeah we definitely should break that yeah but what are some insecurities that you're that you have when it comes to being active or something huh like active like you know physically active like you know oh oh no no no I mean like there's I think you're not active yeah like I mean there's no point like hiding it yeah yeah you know like but you tell people like I'm doing pulling on hikes I feel like everybody said that on fucking bumble like when I was on there it's like I'm an Abbot hiker I'm like not bad I'm not going on fucking high bumble is always oh like I like hiking you know what someone to take me to Disneyland bumble or some shit yeah or like I like tacos it's like fucking doesn't I used to play like basketball as a kid yeah and I thought I was really good okay but you know obviously as I got older I think like practice day and night or whatever I would just play for fun and then now like when I don't know like let's say I'm friends like oh it's going to park with sushi poops or shoots and hoops or gonna be over here or Kyle so let's go play basketball like okay and I'll just be like can we just play chorus yeah it's here about like how I shoot yeah I know I'm self-conscious about it now and I know that like you know do the whole like jump yeah throw it it's not gonna work it's like you know there's like an actual form to how to do it but I never learned that yeah yeah always just you throw it yeah you go Hail Mary that shit time to work we were it was like a slow day and one of our managers had just bought a Nerf ball and he's like oh let's go outside let's throw it around yeah I was like cool I'm fine with like catching it but throwing it back is where I get secure about because you know I can't again I'm not fucking yeah guys I don't throw right so like I remember he threw it over it says I caught it right like throw back I was okay and I remember just like cautiously like scooting a little bit closer so that I'm not that don't so far you just takes steps slowly slowly like oh come on hold on I know and then I threw it right I remember just trying like college you just gotta fucking do it it's a friend of your boss just fucking do it just oh yeah I remember fucking just shucking that thing okay it went kind of far but not really it was a little short I was oh damn sorry it's been a while I didn't know like ah like my heart yeah I did that shit once I remember I was a TA in my in like a football player he was a coach and he was like I was TAing for him and he I was sitting at his desk and he was up in the front of the classroom he's like regal passing my water and so then or he's like throw it to me and so I grabbed it and I remember going like this so I go all the way up the toilet and we were in the trailer trailer he was like this he was like and that's why we don't like girls play on football team guys and like there was hell of football players in that class and I was like but I was so embarrassed oh my god I was like I think you know I'm already white so I turned so red I was like and then he hit it in like a whole classroom was cracking up and I was like oh my god shoot me and then he walked in there just walking over and grabbing the water bottle yeah it's working for me that was so horrible and now now and then after that I was like I'm never gonna throw anything to anybody yeah I'm not gonna lie you are pretty bad I'm actually gonna go inside some stuff I'm like right here I'm right here I should just stop it oh oh yeah so like I so this is kind of relevant to like what we did recently when I helped you guys go pick up the like was it the washer so you guys don't know what reason we just bought a house oh yeah and so my boss like one of her in-laws was getting rid of her her water her dryer and so yeah for free she's like do you want to pick it up like I'll leave it outside and I was like okay so so real story is that's not true they robbed somebody and so we asked Adele if you would help us out I mean Chris sorry we asked Chris if you would help us out because I mean I'm a girl I mean I can probably left more than they can but probably but I was just like you know help whatever and just get friggin Chris out of the house or like come with us so well first of all we're not gonna do it but just well we probably could have just been with it all but she was like thinking of getting like one of those cheap ass ones like that's used for lifting lifting cardboard box like no I know of a better technique there's these straps you can buy that help you lift furniture so I had bought the straps and then it was like Chris's first time like seeing these like wait or it was like it was like this first time using these before we used it before so how do you feel what happened no so what I'm insecure about is like I don't I don't like look weights like I feel like I can't generate over body strength yeah you lift with legs yeah like I also know like like I just do things like energy there like so when I wrote something like that's like I'm just like just doing it all where you just you literally just live from the bottom yeah you live from the bottom and you fucking sacrifice your body like when you know like worry it won't like oh you teach all these like lifting things you watch as you fucking do that just like it you just hope you do it so that first situation is like I don't know how I'm gonna do this I'm gonna have to like just do it and like that's what my insecurity is like I'm just awkward I don't know how to like if I'm in season we've done or I've been doing something I like I'm just gonna I don't know that's what it's supposed to remind like in order for me to be like efficient at something any like practice using it any like see it from like different kinds of perspectives like I just overthink it so that person I was like I don't know what my hands would be yeah I was on with those of you that don't know what straps I'm talking about they're like these two orange bands that you're supposed to place under a piece of furniture either in an ex formation or just you know parallels to each other and then you put your arms through like different variations of the holes or like you know straps yeah and then you're supposed to place your palms flat on whatever you're about to lift and then both of you push together like you know opposite directions or whatever and then that's supposed to lift it up yeah so I told Chris you okay put your hands to the holes of the shafts he's like okay which one's like the second ones and he's like okay okay and then what he's like he has you guys can see this but he has his hands out like yeah okay what I do like you know put your hands on the dryer and he just grabs it like what the fucking crab like normally your hands are like yeah I I'm like no flat and he put this thumbs up like to make it flat like no all the fucking dryer like in front of you he's like I read like this is why I rather do things like that by myself the thing is like I'd rather go through all the struggle like to sweat even breaking my back just to avoid man I'm insecure about like when it comes to like manual labor and stuff like doing things with my dad because he's just like like your dad is like the American working man like he goes his shit and knows what he's doing and like fucking gets down to it and when you bring in a person like myself to the finger and he puts you to work you stand down to my fiancee do it so we have a fireplace thing it was made out the fireplace structure was tiled and so my dad was helping us take it out because I don't want a daky fireplace and so he was just like okay you can probably use the shovel and like scoop the rest out so I'm like you know shoveling hard trying to get the rest of the thing out and then I remember leaving in my dad's like if you haven't scared away Kyle like by that shoveling then you got a good one because that was brutal like I think you showed him up and I was like oh yeah I wasn't there when she was shoveling so like after a while because he only just broken off a couple of pieces right yeah and then I was doing something I think I was still rolling up carpet that he had cut and then I come back and then she put the shovel down and then he still brings more pieces and then I think she touched like oh shovels and that stuff and put it thing I'm like okay here I am being all gentle with shit with it because you know you could just fucking like fucking shove that shit right so I'm like I'm like that's enough. I can tell my dad's like ready to take the shovel because he's like this like serious faces like and then I do it again right and I realize I know in my head I'm like what the fuck are you doing? So I do what she did like fucking go at it still only thinking about what it is and then her dad goes hey hey don't bring my shovel I'm like fuck I'm doing it wrong or something but my dad's just joking around like he's just digging around and then I take the shovel and I just start ganking at it and then my dad like oh like oh god man yeah I was worried about Walmart we're like clearing out like some of my cash registers but in like self checkouts or whatever and like so we're working overnight and like it's kind of the whole like like like generating strength they like I was so insecure about it right so we were taking out like these registers and I forgot like we were throwing away something and it was like it was like kind of heavy and I was like and the dumpster it was like industrial sized like dumpsters and so it's like yeah it's totally me I was like I don't know how to get out there right so like all right I got you sonnets right like so like I'm like swinging at a 45 degree I was like all right let me just get like a swing going and like I'll toss it like you who are well like I toss it at the height of my swing over your head you live over your head and so like I guess I swing it like too hard and like to I I missed the dumpster like a mile and it's balls like over the like over the edge or something or like it was like joking around like yeah like we want to say it was like yeah oh man that's hilarious you know we're also been insecure where I feel like the advertised so hard that you shouldn't be insecure here at the gym oh yeah always like oh or like they don't have time to you know they just tell you like it should be some place where you shouldn't feel insecure you're working out you're doing due diligence but like I was insecure you know like especially when it comes to like lifting I don't know what time I was at the gym and I was doing like the bicep machine right and I remember I'm like looking around and I see people like lifting like hella heavy ass shit right I'm like I can do that but the thing that like hella high right I literally don't like it but then it fucking doesn't lift raw yeah sounds like looking around like somebody saw that I thought I saw that and I'm like oh yeah this is one time right I used to be a really big cross-fitter like yes mom thank you thank you okay so okay so it's gonna be like a really big cross-fitter right and so so CrossFit is just like intense like lifting and repetitions and you're always trying to max out it's like your body goes into a different kind of shock but like I guess I just used to it but I have been out of the game like what you're bad Luigi so ever since I went back to school I just dropped out of CrossFit just because it's so expensive man and it just did it align with my work and in like doing homework and everything so when we and Kyle were trying to get fit I was like oh I know a good jam so it would give us like a strict routine and so I told Kyle like let's do it okay first day we show up right I haven't been in like a year or so and so we show up and poor Kyle because the warm-up is specifically that it's to warm up your body to like make sure your your joints are like stretched out your they are blood flowing through them and like you're warm up you're kind of already sweating already breaking this way guys like gasping first of all okay I've worked out over months yeah alright and she goes oh let's go to the gym I can tell her like can we just go to like regular gym where we do our own things and she's like no like let's try this gym because they give you specific workouts and like you know you don't have to worry about anyone because we're all doing the same thing yeah she's like over here tell me like do kids go to it oh you know like seven years old they do go to it all right we fucking show up and there's like five to seven bodybuilders there okay everybody's wearing like spanks and a bra I'm like yeah just work out in shorts and like we're never drama yeah alright so already I'm feeling insecure I'm like hey like all these people are like like they do this for a fucking living yeah okay and she's like tell me again like building it up like it's great for beginners yeah no it's not so then we finish the the lifting part of the program and then we move on to the actual way they call a wad so it's like workout of the day and so Kyle's already like gasping for air he comes over to me like I can't do this I'm not this one out I'll just watch you guys I just want to see how it's going like he's giving me like 20 million excuse because first of all like he's shaking he's like look at my hands look at him I'm like he was over and I was like it's okay they're gonna cuz like they were talking like heavy weights you know it's like 95 pounds you have to wrap it like a hundred times between like three people let me walk you through exactly what hell I went through okay we show up alright and again you know the guy the instructors are like alright guys let's let's get it going like we're gonna do this or whatever like people are already doing it and like we literally just showed up and like babe what do we do she's like oh whatever's on the board I'm like okay what am I looking at right actually just that first section right there and it's like 45 seconds on the bike non-stop and then like 10 push-ups non-stop 45 seconds on the bike again 10 push-ups non-stop five times alright I'm like okay cool whatever but then also like some like bars whatever that you have to do like all on a rotation okay yeah like circuit to one yeah like literally five times yeah alright we go through all that shit and yeah I was out of breath because again I haven't worked out for months right and she said this is good for beginners no it's not okay so I'm like yeah I'm like shaking like my arms like you like you're just like the price you're wrong he's freaking out because he has because they put they put us in groups and they told him to go with the guy who I like when the dude's like when we do all that warm up right yeah the instructor gets like all right guys this time again so the real workout and I'm like I'm sorry real workout was that not real enough to do it real workout and just explaining like this is what we're gonna do we're gonna grab bar put as much weight to the count on one side I was gonna go in teams of three you guys have to do a hundred reps together right first guy goes does 15 dropping next guy goes does 15 oh what can I do this in 20 minutes I'm like what I can barely you a hundred in a fucking hour you know I'm like I can't fucking do this shit so I'm like hell yeah let's fucking do this like no no I'm fucking shaky yeah I'm telling her I'm like babe you know what I was gonna start out cool actually we talking about you be fine I'm like I literally get fucking stop shaking like look at my hands she's like any scene other guy so she has it no I don't know they're trying to be like hey listen she doesn't listen listen my boyfriend's a little scrotty you don't care can't I just give them like you know some my pounds or whatever they fucking just give me the bar okay no it's just over the bottom which is the heavy that's over there but you know what Chris I fucking I took I bit the bullet I manned up and I was like did it yeah I was dead I remember going over and totally kind of like hey yo I should I forgot his name I was like I got Tyler like Tyler listening but he's new you need a modifier like he's already kind of like you know beaten up from like the other part of the the program and then he's like oh okay then I remember he was upset but like I was upset yeah I wasn't really upset yeah yeah but like I mean I guess he was just like but you're not scaling it kind of thing but I was just like he was different you know I feel bad too because again we had to do this in groups right yeah so together we had to make a hundred within 20 minutes all right yeah and again I was in a group of fucking bodybuilders they're like pushing it bro I felt so bad because like after they did their reps right they're like boom done next guy goes boom done it's me I'm like sorry guys to right I'm sorry yeah you know I felt so bad like also sorry guys I didn't more than two right yeah I pushed through it and like what was actually really nice about that gym was like they were super cool with it you know like at the end of it the one of the dudes in my team was like hey man super proud of you I'm like thanks you know everybody's super motivating everybody chairs on everyone also it's here though yeah and that's something I love about the cross the community it's like everybody's doing the same shit it's like everybody's dying there just pushed through it you're not any different from anyone else so that's why I was like I was like giving Kyle hard time like no you're gonna do it because we're all doing it so I don't know what else yeah yeah we're not getting secured because since we're all doing it and then you see other groups going so fast not breaking a sweat loving it and you're trying like you fucking know I feel like everyone's staring at me thinking like look at this fucking user why even here we end up finishing up a month yeah and then and then covid hey and we had a way to get the gym day I fell bad honestly honestly like I probably don't you guys like bro you will like it's lucky I'll try give it a try for a day yeah it's intense yeah like you literally the next day can't even sit on the toilet right like you're just like I'm gonna fall down and if I hit the toilet hit the toilet yeah I mean so kind of on that story slash note I don't think I ever told you this but like after high school uh or no during high school actually attended like kind of like uh I almost signed up for like the Marines or whatever yeah and so like I knew I was out of shape and it's I told her crew that I was like honestly like I just fucking play video games all day yeah you know like I need a like amount of shape he's like yeah like come come here after school like we do like a it's like kind of like not basic training but it's like just to like get you in shape more basic training yeah and so like I went and like fucking what you're back right here yes no what where oh no it's not it looks like a robot no I see I know like you when I see one no it's honestly not no so anyway I go right and like I forget like what the workout is but I just remember like fucking dying multiple times during that so like I know at first like we did the whole like jumping jacks whatever I was like you know whatever yeah and then we get to the pull up arm like oh like I'm struggling so I came to one like I can't and then go like like yeah and we go on a long ass run in like the Vegas heat and it's like fucking hot as shit and it's like just it's like nearing it's close to summer or ever and then like I remember being I remember like everyone's like don't drink a lot of water you're gonna get like water heavy yeah and I was like fuck that I need water like I'm gonna die out here and so we get to like we get some fucking park that's like like on other site other side of Nevada it feels like and fucking we have to like go up this hill but like with like wheelbarrows like wheelbarrows also some holding your legs and you have to like crawl up and then when you get you were the one that was you had to do it by way you had to crawl down and then switch with your partner oh yeah and the fucking my fucking partner was a dude already in the Marines oh he's like yeah he's like hella heavy too and as soon as he starts going up the hill I fucking puke all over his legs and I pass out yeah I fucking pass all the fuck out you I wake up in like the fucking like car dude like in my friend's car or whatever and like like I like I snap away I was like well like oh yeah you pass out and I was like damn and then after that I never went back yeah day that's crazy so like hats off the Marines man you guys are fucking they're savages man I know a girl and she's like four foot ten and like a Marine then she's like a four foot like built squared off savage she's just like so muscular and she's just and then she's like she'll post pictures and she'll have like a big old fucking guy and I'm like dude that's that's crazy like I should have not a joke like that's off to that for sure yeah and it's weird talking to her because she like every other word is like vulgar she's just super nasty and I'm just like oh my gosh you're like a four foot little girl looks so innocent and then you start talking and I'm like oh god you're raised by pirates so like you guys have any advice to people who like doing security like how like how to do it with them or whatever or what you should do about it I guess my biggest advice is just talk about it and see how I bet you feel the same way feel the same way about the same exact issues and like and it's just finding a common like like oh I guess it's not a big deal and like reassurance does also help like when people reassure you that's not that big of the old it's just amazing um that's sure that's a good advice yeah talk about it yeah yeah I would say like for me what helped a lot was like just like getting it out into the ether so like kind of like just talking a lot right so like whatever whatever it is it's like well I would do is like the whole like being the last person to say something in the text or chat I would kind of turn into a joke like oh no no I thought it was funny yeah and like kind of just downplaying it it's like oh it's not that big of a deal yeah you know so something like that just getting it out into the ether and just kind of being learning to be okay with it I think he's like a big part of it too so what about you I just don't care that's okay well yeah I think it's kind of go hand in hand with both your guys' advice if I talk to about it and then also just putting it out there like just actually just doing it like just you know if you if you feel insecure about you know a job or whatever like whatever you're kind of do do it and then if if you mess up you mess up yeah you learn from it or if you do it and you're great at it then you learn something there you're great at it or tell them like hey you know I don't really feel secure about doing that thing and then they probably tell you like don't worry about it and do it or well look if you do it like this I'll teach you how to do it you know just so a little bit about it yeah and then also not caring yeah she's not avoided yeah there you go dude seriously let me see you went out already I think this guy isn't secure about being inside this locker yeah show them up no okay because we're pretty much wrapped here but yeah all right so that's talking nonsense I'm calm I'm Christopher and Rebecca and she will not be a frequent mess on the show wow I'm just kidding follow us on Instagram talking nonsense underscore you guys have any other last words be yourself yeah don't give into social pressures if you feel like it's not right go with your gut well I definitely had a strong feeling that I wanted to go with my gut sometimes I know I know the better interest for you that don't don't listen whatever it's right Chris yeah shit I don't know man 2021 yeah all right cool all right guys say saffi what's the answer to the fucking side offs we'll talk to you guys next time peace out