Choose Joy: Releasing Guilt and Shame After Divorce (w/ Ashley Stancil)

Send us Fan Mail “God can meet you in the ashes just as powerfully as He meets you in the altar.” In this week’s conversation, I sat down with Ashley Stancil, licensed counselor and author, to explore the quiet courage required to choose joy after divorce, to release guilt with compassion, and to trust that God can meet us in the ruins as well as the redemption. Together we unpack why perfectionism makes divorce feel like failure, how our Christian beliefs influence the decision to stay or leave, and why forgiveness must begin with ourselves before we can extend it to anyone else. If you are rebuilding, questioning, or rediscovering who you are beyond marriage, I hope this conversation reminds you that grace is not a reward you earn. Grace is what makes the rebuilding possible. Song of the week: I Choose by India.Arie feat. Bonnie Raitt Topics Covered: 00:00:00 – Episode Snippet 00:03:22 – Gendered guilt: why women carry more 00:06:43 – The myth of “staying for the kids” 00:08:51 – Forgiveness beginning with self 00:11:40 – Shattering the perfectionism 00:15:07 – Turning disappointment into deposits 00:18:10 – What role did faith play in staying? 00:21:26 – When God didn’t authorize the marriage 00:25:01 – The promise vs. the process 00:28:54 – Remarriage, faith, and uncertainty 00:31:24 – Working with couples after divorce 00:37:18 – Healing is a “dirty work” 00:43:26 – Grace 00:44:17 – How has the R&R Collective been for you? 00:45:23 – About the book: Mended Pieces 00:46:31 – Connect with Ashley Key Takeaways: “The blessing in being a woman is that we believe in community… connections and community of other women that help fill that void of wanting to feel a sense of connection.” “God still works miracles. He’s still a God of restoration even though my marriage was not restored.” About Our Guest Ashley J. Stancil is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified School Counselor based in Austin, Texas. She specializes in helping adolescents and adults build resilience through life’s challenges, drawing from her experience in addiction, trauma, marital counseling, and supporting families with special needs children. Ashley believes in the power of self-care, perspective, and evidence-based strategies to help people move from feeling stuck to feeling capable and supported. Connect with Ashley: Email: [email protected] Book: https://l1nk.dev/Ma8SM Psychology Today: https://sl1nk.com/Wn48G About Your Host Dr. Nicole is a pediatrician, the owner of a successful healthcare consulting company, a riveting keynote and TEDx speaker, and the mom of two beautiful young adult daughters. From the outside, she appeared to have it all. But in 2023 she faced the most difficult challenge of her life- ending a 28-year marriage and navigating heartbreak, deception, and loss. Dr. Nicole is committed to creating a safe space where other women who have experienced a “divine disruption” can heal, recover, and THRIVE! Connect with Dr. Nicole: Web: https://yournextchapter.co/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/yournextchapter_co FB:https://www.facebook.com/yournextchapter.co The doors for our new membership community, the R&R Collective™ will reopen in 2026. Join the waitlist today! https://yournextchapter.myflodesk.com/u4ehbbody9 Support the show