Episode #59 - Eight Ways to Provoke Your Children

Colossians 3 gives some really practical advise to us as parents.  In verses 12-21, we are charged to live as those alive in Christ, and we are warned not to 'provoke' our children.  In this episode, Andie digs into the concept of provoking our children and explores eight very specific ways we tend to discourage our children.  Listed below are the eight ways, spend some time self-evaluating to see if any of these describe you.  1. The Proud ParentThis parent sees their child’s behavior as a direct reflection of themselves. Their child’s successes or failures become a statement about their worth or competence as a parent. Pride can creep in subtly — through competition, comparison, or needing to “look good” in front of others. Result: The child feels pressure to perform rather than freedom to grow. Reflection: Do I find my value in how my child behaves rather than in who God says I am?2. The Despairing ParentThis parent lives under the weight of discouragement and defeat, often saying things like, “I’ve tried everything — nothing works.” They may stop shepherding their child’s heart because they’ve lost hope of change. Result: The child often feels emotionally abandoned or unseen. Reflection: Do I believe that God can work in my child’s heart, even when I can’t see it yet?3. The Controlling & Angry ParentThis parent rules through fear, force, or intensity. Control often masquerades as “strong leadership,” but it is rooted in anxiety and a desire to manage outcomes. Anger erupts when children disobey because disobedience feels like a threat to control. Result: The child learns to comply out of fear, not conviction, or rebels to regain autonomy. Reflection: Do I lead with gentleness and consistency, or do I react in anger when I lose control?4. The “Guess What the Rules Are Today” ParentThis parent is unpredictable — sometimes strict, sometimes lenient, sometimes disengaged. Their moods or stress levels dictate the household tone. Result: The child learns to walk on eggshells, never sure what version of their parent they’ll get. Reflection: Am I consistent in my expectations and follow-through, or do my emotions lead the way?5. The Exaggerating ParentThis parent often blows situations out of proportion — using dramatic language or sweeping generalizations like “You always” or “You never.” The goal may be to make a point, but it undermines credibility and trust. Result: The child tunes out or becomes defensive, feeling unfairly judged. Reflection: Do my words build up truthfully, or do I exaggerate to get a reaction?6. The “Must Be Perfect” ParentThis parent holds themselves and their children to impossible standards. They confuse excellence with perfectionism, and their home becomes performance-driven. Mistakes feel catastrophic rather than teachable. Result: The child struggles with shame, anxiety, or a fear of failure. Reflection: Am I showing my child that grace applies to both of us?7. The “Fear of What Others Think” ParentThis parent’s decisions are shaped by appearances — “What will people think?” rather than “What honors the Lord?” Their parenting becomes reactive to public opinion instead of responsive to biblical truth. Result: The child learns that image matters more than integrity. Reflection: Do I parent to impress others or to please God?8. The “Easily Manipulated” ParentThis parent gives in to whining, guilt, or emotional outbursts to keep the peace. They want harmony more than holiness, so boundaries blur. Result: The child learns to control through emotion rather than submission. Reflection: Do I stand firm with love, or do I give