Episode #63: Four Tips to Engage in More Productive Conflict at Work

Today I will provide four tips to help you engage in more productive conflict at work. Where would you rate your typical team meetings on what best-selling author Patrick Lencioni calls “The Conflict Continuum”?Would you say that your meetings are mostly benign, with your team members very guarded and slow to make decisions so nobody will get upset or feel challenged? Lencioni calls these “Artificial Harmony” meetings.Or do your meetings fall more toward the other end of the continuum, where you may have mean-spirited discussions and even personal attacks?   To achieve positive resolutions in your meetings, here are four tips that can move the needle to somewhere close to the middle of the conflict continuum. The middle is the place where great teams maximize the power of healthy conflict:1.  Agree on a set of ground rules for how to debate. When I coach leadership teams, I usually ask them to share any rules they may already have for conducting their meetings. Most of these rules focus on the “logistics” of starting and ending on time, sticking to a single topic or prioritizing them if there’s more than one, not interrupting the speaker, and others. 2.  Ensure there is 100% participation in the discussion. Silence should not be an option, regardless of whether the meetings are remote, in-person, or hybrid. Having said this, the leader should be aware that each team member addresses conflict differently, based on their personalities, culture, and other personal views. This is where personality tools, such as DiSC help uncover the different discussion styles of the team members.3.  Beware of the emotions in the room and manage them, starting with your own. All of us have emotions, and some topics may elicit a type and level of emotions that can easily derail a meeting and potentially harm relationships.  In terms of your own emotions, as my friend and mentor Bob Burg suggests, imagine there are two versions of yourself in a car: a calm one and an emotional one. Which of the two should be in the driver’s seat? Don’t let the emotional-you wreck the car with out-of-control behaviors. And if you spot the emotional level in the room reaching unproductive and potentially offensive levels, call for a break or wrap up the discussion to be continued at another time. You could also include a ground rule on what to do if emotions reach a potentially high level so everybody understands how to manage the situation.   4.  Listen and summarize what you heard to confirm your understanding. In a recent episode, I proposed to listen more and speak less. Maybe this is why we have two ears and one mouth. You can take this practice to the next level by playing back what you think you understood from the other person. There are at least three benefits for doing this:a.  The other person will feel listened to and will be more open to discussing different perspectives.b.  You will buy time to prepare your response to the other person.c.   You will confirm if what you understood was indeed what the other person wanted to communicate.