Episode 665 - Horatio Sanz

All right, let's do this. How are you? What the fuckers? What the fuck buddies?

What the fucksters? What the fuckadelics? What's happening? Where are we at?

I'm Mark Maron. This is WTF. This is my podcast. Thank you for joining me today on the show.

Horatio Sands from, uh, you know, from SNL and from places. He's got a podcast called the Horatio over there on Earwolf. And, uh, well, let's, let's get up to speed. Let's talk about the anxiety for a minute because I have to apologize to many of you.

Some of you who are my friends, if you listen, you know, some of you who are my friends who listen to this occasionally, but it probably muted me on Twitter. I'm okay. All right. I'm not gonna do any investigating.

I'm about done. I'm about out. But I'm about out. I'm going off the Twitter grid.

But this is the Christmas holiday Hanukkah seasonal things happening around getting Christmas cards from people that I don't know, or maybe I just don't know them anymore. Perhaps it's gotten to that point where I'm like, is that that kid all grown up? Who are these people? That doesn't look like the same husband.

That's not the same wife. Where'd those three kids come from? It's strange how Christmas cards change. But I think I'm getting some from people I don't know unless my memory is really fucked up.

The point I'm trying to make is I do nothing. I do nothing. And I'm embarrassed about it. I don't, I don't send out.

I did, you know, when I was with different women who would, you know, get a, you know, sort of a jump on it. You know, let's do this. Let's send a few out. I do nothing and I feel bad about it.

I didn't send out any cards. I feel bad if people get cards. I didn't have a holiday party. I didn't light one goddamn Hanukkah candle.

And, and I don't know if it's important. I don't know. I, I, like I was thinking about this this morning. Like I know that when people get things, they're like, oh, they send a thing.

But if you don't get it, you like that fucker. Then send a thing. If you haven't established that you're sending things. But I'm bad, man.

I mean, I don't send my nephews and nieces anything. I don't send my parents anything. I don't send my brother anything. Some part of me thinks that this podcast is enough.

That it covers everything. That like if, if anyone is, my family listens, you marry stuff. Happy Hanukkah. I didn't send a thing.

I barely get my, uh, if I'm with a woman, which I am. I have to remember to get them shit. It's so, I don't know if it's selfish or I really just don't, I'd like to frame it that, you know, like holidays are bullshit. But no matter how you, no matter how many times you say that, then you got to sell that to the person that you're not buying presents for or not acknowledging.

I mean, I've been through a lot here at the house. I mean, I've had Christmas trees in there, people. I've had Christmas lights. I've lit candles.

I've had a lot of things have gone on in there. Holiday related. There's been decorating. There's been many presents.

There's been no presents. But now I just, I don't even think about it. What the fuck am I thinking about if I'm not thinking about the holidays? I didn't watch a democratic debate.

I didn't go see Star Wars. I, you know, I knew it was coming. I knew everything was happening. What am I fucking doing with my time?

Well, you know, have a safe holiday. Try to be kind to the people in your life, even the ones you have no choice about, even the ones that are annoying. Give, give people a little card or a piece of cake or something. Makes a big difference.

Say thank you. If you get a present for somebody, don't linger. Like, and go and then talk them out of, you know, that just had that happen yesterday. I bought a hat, some gloves, because we're going to go on a chilly trip for a few days.

And, and I, you know, Sarah did not give me the response I was waiting for. So I bullied her, basically. Well, you know, if you don't, you know, if you want, you can take them back if you want. Hey, if you're not going to wear them.

I mean, if it's not your style. I mean, if it doesn't, if it doesn't fit, do they fit? Is it something you're going to wear? I mean, I just, I just bought those.

And if you're just going to put them in a drawer somewhere. And I, me, I put things in drawers all the time and never look at them. Wow, that swag, though. But I just sort of like, well, are you, to the point where she's like, no, no, no.

And she bought me a beautiful Filson duffel bag. Now, granted, I did pay for this little adventure we're going on, but that's not the point. It's about giving. But it's not only about giving.

It's about the person you're giving to to act excited, surprised, perhaps use or wear what you got them as immediately as possible, even if it's only once. It's about maybe bringing it up again and going like, wow, these are, these are really great. This is really great. I remember years ago, I had bought a girlfriend a sweater.

And it was not her style at all. It was not anything she would wear. And in my mind, I had somehow convinced myself, because that's what you do in that moment you have a moment with a thing. And you're like, oh, that's, that's an amazing thing.

That's beautiful. I'm gonna get that for her. Because if, because in my mind, I'll make her into the person that wears that I'll make him into the person that wears that I don't think that's your intention. But this sweater was completely years ago.

And she took it out of the box. And she was like, what am I gonna do with this? And I thought, I don't know, maybe, you know, wear it until it gets ratty and shitty like your other clothes. And then it'll be perfect, because it'll look like an old one of those sweaters.

But I think in my mind, I wanted her to be the kind of person that wore that sweater. And that's where Al-Anon comes in 40 years later, however many years it took me to understand that shit. I'm not promoting anything here, folks. Just don't buy presents for people with hopes that they'll fit your expectations of those gifts.

Does that make sense? Does it? Let me give you a brief synopsis or a little bit of what I know last time I talked to you was Monday morning or maybe Sunday night in Chicago about to shoot this amazing thing I did with Joe Swanberg, who's just a great guy and like a nice guy, not an effective guy, decent fella, and an amazingly gifted film director. And he's a complete auteur.

He does his own thing entirely. And it has its own style and feel. And I love the guy. I loved him before he hired me.

And it's all improvising. And I know that you've seen shows that are like that where it's sort of like, yeah, it's all improvising. It's kind of intense, man, to just go. And I was working with Jane Addams.

Jane fucking Addams. I love Jane Addams. What a great actress. And so funny.

And we were like, you know, she's one of those people. You know, there's people in your lives. I've had a few people on the show like that. I just feel like I have no motherfucking life.

I don't know why. Well, Jane Addams is one of those people. And we improvised these scenes. She was my best friend.

It was amazing. And I did those scenes with Emily Ratajkowski. And those turned out to be great because it was exactly what Swanberg wanted. This gaping age difference.

Let's see how Mark does a character engaging with 25 girls. Andrew Batchelor, who's a comedian, was another one of the younger people. But I had a great time in improvising like that because then you have to improvise when it's really all improvising. All you're going with is what sort of the things you have to, what sort of needs to happen in the scene is that you go through emotions that are surprising to you.

I mean, like I chose not to control my emotions and move through sort of the interactions with whoever I'm working with. And it was sort of a sort of mind blowing to realize that, yes, yes, I'm old. I'm 52 years old. It's not old, old, but there's a difference, you know, generational differences, exciting things.

I don't know what I'm trying to tell you. I'm just trying to tell you that what you're seeing when you see this thing is like actual immediate emotional reacting to other actors without really knowing where it's going to go. And I know I do that a lot. I do that on stage.

I do it here and there. I do it right now. I'm doing it right now. And as you know, for those of you who are still listening, this sometimes can just spiral off into nothing.

But not usually when there's another person here. But anyways, it was a great time and a great experience. I want to thank Joe Swanberg and all the people involved with that thing because it was really the first thing I'd ever done like that. Yeah, I do my own TV show.

It's great to be working with a guy who you trust, a good guy, doing something exciting and new. Do that if you can, maybe over the holidays. Huh? Right now, it's my pleasure to have my guest here in the garage.

I'm going to talk to the very funny and decent Horatio Sands. Finally, dude. Yeah. Right?

Pleasure to be here. Nice to see you. I mean, I canceled, you canceled. I mean, it was like, but like not just once.

And what has we been trying to do this for a year? At least. Maybe three. Has it been that long?

What happened last time? It sounded pretty interesting. It sounded like some international intrigue. The last time you canceled, there was some issues with your green card.

Oh, yeah, that's right. I had to get my green card renewed. Oh, yeah. So I had to go to New York and then be there.

They wouldn't take any kind of submission online or anything. Is that true? Yeah. Is that the first time you had to have it renewed?

No, I think it's every 10 years. So was it a surprise to you? Like, oh, fuck. It's never a surprise, but it is like the only thing that's kind of serious in my life.

Like, shit, I got to get this done or else going to kick me out of here. Then you have to go back to where? To Chile, I guess. And I don't really know Chile, so that'd be kind of weird.

So how does that work? How are you not a citizen? Not that I didn't want you here. No, thank you.

No, my parents just, they conceived me in Chicago and I had two older brothers at the time. Yeah. And they were like, well, let's just go back and have him be born Chilean also. They flew back to have you?

They flew back to Chile to have me born a Chilean citizen. And then they flew back to Chicago? Yes. Like two months after it was born.

But if they just had you here, it would have been okay. You would have been a citizen? I would have been a citizen, yeah. That doesn't seem like...

Now I can't be president. Not by the time. Yeah, you could. I guess you...

I wasn't born here, though. You can't be president if you you were. Well, think about it. I mean, you know, when you're growing up, you want to have that option open.

Sure. I never did. Did it cause you a lot of trouble? Did you think it made you self-sabotage or have an anger issue or anything, not being able to be president?

It may have. Yeah. It may be why I have a rebellious spirit. Wow.

Maybe we got to the bottom of it this quickly. That's awesome. I don't know what else we ought to talk about. Yeah, let's just load this up a commercial and get out of here.

Wait, so you've never spent any time in Chile? I did when I was five. They tried to move back. Really?

Yeah, so I spent a year at school and I think it was first grade. They tried to move back. But by then, my older brothers really missed America, so we went back. Your parents seem to be a little waffling.

Yeah. Well, they're Chilean immigrants, so when they came to the United States, their options weren't as, they didn't have as many options as they did in Chile. Right. What did they do there?

Well, my dad was a, my dad taught school in Brazil, I mean, in Venezuela and in Chile, and my mother worked as a nurse in the hospital. When they came here, none of that mattered. Right. So my dad worked at a hotel as a bartender, a waiter.

Yeah. My mother worked at a factory making lottery tickets. Making lottery tickets. Yeah, like those scratch opens.

Sure. Like from Portland. Yeah. Yeah, the scratch things.

Yeah, the scratch things. With the little things you rub off with a coin or your finger, depending on how desperate you are. Fuck off a coin. Everything's hanging on this.

This is it. The last dollar. The scratch card. And that's, really, that's what they did your entire childhood?

Yeah, pretty much. When I was in high school, my dad, started going back to college because he had a college degree from Chile that wasn't, didn't transfer, so he went to college and became a drug counselor for a little bit. Oh, really? Before he retired, yeah.

Interesting. Just out of nowhere or did somebody? He just kind of always wanted to and finally just, you know, had enough time and was retiring and so he did that. And you have two older brothers?

Yeah. What did they end up doing? Well, my brother, my brother Steve ended up, he was running, he bought a dating service and he was running that in Vegas. An internet dating service?

Yeah. And this was before the internet. No, it was before. It was video tape.

Really? Yeah. So he was getting, you know, like people would make, like, hey, my name's Tom. Yeah.

What's your favorite thing to do on a date? Oh, really? Was this a national service or something local? It was Chicago mostly and then it was Vegas.

What happened to one to Vegas? Sounds like it got dodgy. It wasn't quite hard to define whether it was just a dating service then. Oh, well, the problem may have lied in the fact that it wasn't a full dating service.

Oh, what? It was a real dating, you know, real dating service. Oh, you know, I guess just fizzled out, fizzled out, yeah. Then he did some stuff with real estate and then now I, uh, I think he's working.

Oh. What happened to all those great videos of desperate people? We have them. I think they're my grandpa in my parents' garage.

Oh, good, he kept them, huh? We got them. We should digitize those fuckers. See how those people are doing.

Put those on WikiLeaks. Sure, man. Put them on YouTube. Hey, remember that?

That'd be so terrible. Oh, boxes of video tapes sitting in garages. You got any of those? I don't know.

I made them, too. I used to ask the questions. Well, we both worked for the guy who owned it in Chicago and he ended up buying the business from the guy in Chicago. Oh, yeah, so you were in the position of the executive.

You were the casting guy. Yeah, I was the casting. I was the whole, yeah, the director. Hey, did you look more desperate?

More like. Yeah, sometimes I would say, like, yeah, relax. You're sweating a lot. Maybe turn off the heat here.

Maybe turn on the air conditioning and get them kind of ready. How old were you when that was happening? I was 20. 21, 22.

Yeah. What's the other brother up to? He's, uh, he, he's an actor and he does, uh, mostly, he does serious, uh, films. So he's out here?

Yeah, he's out here. He lives in, uh, between Koreatown and Larchmont over there. He plays drug dealers in a lot of stuff. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. He's swarthy and handsome and tall and South American. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's a bad guy situation.

He's done some big movies? He did, uh, that one with Stravam where he needs to be, like, in a car. He's on a car. He can't stop the whole time.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He's got a mechanical heart. No, he has some kind of drug that's been given to him where he has to keep his heart rate above a certain. Oh, am I making it up that there's some sort of ticking time bomb that if his heart doesn't, like, there's, I thought it was a mechanical heart or something.

It was not a realistic movie. No, it wasn't. You had to plug, like, a car battery into his heart. Am I making that up?

At some point, I think he did have to do something like that. Yeah, oh, yeah. I'm not sure he's got a mechanical heart, but he's definitely dealing with some kind of new drug that's been invented by some bad guys. They took his heart out or something?

Maybe. I forget the detail. But I remember the bad guys were Asian in that, kind of. Well, maybe you missed out the movies then.

Yeah, this one's, uh, Crank. Yeah, that's the one I saw. Well, maybe you saw my brother look Asian. No, no, there's another guy.

There's another guy that's a big guy that gets into a big sort of fight and he's got guns. No, my brother's the pimp. He's not a pimp, but he was a drug dealer. He fell out of a window into a pool and died.

Oh. Yeah, like a real good send-off. Oh, shit. I don't, it must be the movie I saw.

How many movies did he, like, where he's got to keep his heart rate up? He's like, no, that's not the one where he's got the electric heart or the battery heart. Well, this is what we thought about Fast and Furious and 12 films later. I'm thinking of Crank 2?

You might be, yeah. Maybe you're right. I gotta get caught up on that shit. I miss everything.

So Chicago's a fucking great city. I've grown to appreciate it. Yeah, I liked a lot of it. And mostly, you know, the arts kind of flourished there.

Right. For me, they kind of, you know, the idea that Second Sea was in the same town that I was in was always exciting. When did you become aware of that, though? Oh, I was little because of SNL.

I used to watch SNL with my brothers in their room. How much older are they? They're six and nine years older. Wow.

So you were an accident. Yeah, I'm an accident. Oh, yeah. Happy accident.

Catholic accident. They weren't really Catholic. Oh, see, I just made an assumption. Chilean, Spanish, Catholic.

I think we should have been, but my father was agnostic. Oh, that's good. I'm really strong against religion. Oh, really?

Yeah. That's fucking beautiful. It's nice to hear that. Yeah, I have that, too.

From someone of a Latino background. Is it the Latino? Yes. Am I being condescending?

No. Okay. It's coming up a lot. Yeah, what is?

Latino? Latino. What is it? Latino or Hispanic?

Oh, yeah? What is Hispanic means that it's derived from Spain and Latino is all different. Oh, broader. More broad.

Yeah, but Hispanic can fall under the Latino umbrella. Yes. Oh, so Hispanic's out. Not really.

No, but I think Latino is the better. Yeah, you might not just not take any chances. Yes. And if somebody gets defensive and goes, I'm Hispanic, you're like, no, you're racist.

Yeah. Because you want to separate yourself from the rest of the Latino people. Or you can say, Horatio says Latino's cool now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're dated. Retro. Retro. Yeah.

With your... Hispanic, why don't you just say you're a Cholo. Is that still in Cholos? Are there still Cholos?

Yeah, there are. Are there still Cholos? I think so. I think it's a Cholo pride.

I don't want to fucking... Right now they get bad rap though. No, yeah. They just bring people at Dodger Stadium.

Oh, did that happen? Yeah. I grew up in New Mexico. I was there at the birth of the Neo Cholo Renaissance.

Oh, really? Sure. Back when it came back. I think it was like...

I don't know if it was just invented in the 70s, but there was a period where there was a lot of disco going on, a lot of familari shoes, platform shoes, a lot of jackets, feather haircuts, and then boom, all of a sudden, you know, just the work shirts with the t-shirts underneath, top button button, bandanas, chinos. Yeah, like an LA biker kind of thing. Yeah, and that was like over. Disco was done.

Cholos were here. Yeah. And they say... Oh, that stuck.

I prefer it to the feather haircuts. I never liked it that much. Well, it's, you know, there's a big struggle in the neighborhood, you know, for them to retain, you know, the indigenous people over there, and they were taken out by Dodger Stadium, and now they're being taken out by the people who gentrified everything. Yeah.

I mean, white people. Say it, white people. No, I'm part of the problem too, I guess. I felt that right when you got here.

I'm torn. I don't know if I should spray paint the Yoda studio or go to a glass. The one did tag the studio there by the house. Where do you live?

Around here? I live in Echo Park. Oh, okay. So you're right over there by Dodger Stadium?

Yeah. By the house? No, I rent the house. Oh.

Well, you're not really part of the problem then. You're just like, I'm just renting, man. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

Talk to the owner. But the owner did want like a Latino person in the house. I was like, yeah. So I had to kind of like, I had to kind of Latino it up with his mom and stuff.

Oh, so he's Latino. Yeah. Oh, then it's cool. That's not gentrification.

Yeah, he has a weird obsession though with it. With what? He's always like, with the Latino. He's from Peru.

Oh, really? But he kind of identifies with the Latinos in Echo Park. Yeah. And so he's always saying, oh, yeah, man.

You got to watch out. I got shot at the gas station, dude. Like those kind of instructions are just sort of like, you got to be paranoid, man, all the time. I never know where he's coming from.

That's exactly right. You have to be careful. You're getting gas. Boom.

Yeah, I saw a guy threatening. There's like this 50-year-old white dude in like a Volkswagen. And this kid on the bike was like, I'll come back and shoot you. And the guy was like, what the fuck?

He couldn't believe it. That's what he would say. But he didn't come back. He didn't come back.

No one stuck around, though. We all took off. So your brother was that much older, so your kid and they're watching SNL. I wonder what season, do you remember what season it was that you first saw?

Well, it was probably like 78. I'm 77. So early. How old are you?

I'm 47. Oh, so you're close to my age. I'm 50, just turned 52. So I was like, Bill Murray, maybe?

Bill Murray, yeah. Yeah, Bill Murray and the Wild and Crazy Guys. I ate all that up. And then they used to show them on Wednesday evenings at 7.30.

They'd do like the best of the week. So they would do like a little shortened version of it. That's where mostly I would watch and then do those bits at school the next day. Yeah, what were your first impressions of impressions?

Well, my first impression was Robert Stack, which is an impression of Dan Aykroyd's Robert Stack. I want to know what's going on. I want to know. Listening to Unsolved Mysteries.

Yeah, yeah. That's my Robert Stack. That's good. Thank you.

And you were like, what, 12? No, no. At 78, I was 8. Wow.

I was about 13 when I saw the first season of SNL. And it had an effect on me. Did it blow you away or no? Yeah, I used to do the falls at school.

I never did voices, but Chevy Chase makes it set up sort of fairly elaborate ways to fall down. Yeah, would you throw your books on stairs and stuff? I think we, you know, like, it wasn't surprise falls. You know, I tried to do it, you know, in a way that was just funny.

So, like, we'd set it up. It probably would have been better if I figured out how to do it. Me and my friends, we were throwing books on the floor and stumbling downstairs. Oh, that's good.

And the other students were like, what the? And if someone comes by and says, hey, knock it off, like, oh, I fell. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So you were a Chevy Chase fan too? Yes. I was a fan of all of it. Yeah.

And you knew then at eight that you were like, this is my future? Not really, but I did really fall in love with making people laugh. I think I did little entertainment things for my parents, and I remember hanging out with my brother's friends and their girlfriends, and I would make the girls laugh, so I knew that I was on the right track. Did they used to get you, like, stoned, like older brothers would get, like, a cat stoned or something?

No, my oldest brother's a real straight, true blue guy, so he wouldn't do that. He'd protect me. Oh, from the other brother. Yeah, yeah, the other brother would do that.

My other brother made me drink, like, a quarter bottle of vodka one time. How old were you? At that time, I was, like, 12. And he's like, if you drink that vodka, it was New Year's Eve.

If you drink that vodka, I'll give you five bucks. And I did, and he didn't. And you threw up? I threw up, yeah.

Good times. It's always a good first drinking story. Yeah, I guess that's it. And so you're entertaining your parents with voices, and did you set up shows and have the family sit on the couch, that kind of shit?

Yeah, that kind of shit. They would be in bed, and we would come into their doorframe as different characters and try to make them laugh. Oh, that's good. I had a beard with cotton balls and stuff like that.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And did you get some laughs? I did, I did, and it kept happening. So, you know, there was a time where I didn't think it was believable.

I didn't think that they could be accomplished, that kind of thing. What, to get a job in the show business? Get a job in the show business, yeah. So what did you set out to do instead, initially?

I was thinking about joining the CIA, because I spoke fluent Spanish. I thought I could be used. And you just, like, was this sort of like a patriotic duty? Maybe it was, you know, because I'm not, I've never been an American, so to speak.

I mean, I was trying to do my part. Yeah, you weren't just intrigued with the idea of being a spook? A spy? Well, you know, I think they call them spooks.

Okay. You know, the guys who, well, see, a spy is one thing, but, like, you know, the spooks are the ones that go down to places like Chile and overthrow the government. Yes. Okay, then, yeah, I would have been on board for something like that.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I was a little Reaganite. You were a little late on the Allende thing. The Allende thing, I was, you know, the story on Allende, I didn't get it straight at first.

Your parents must have lived through that shit. They actually left before that. Oh, really? Yeah.

Good for them, I think. I don't think because of it, but it just happened that way. Well, he was like a, he was one of the good guys, right? He was a guy that, like, socialized the copper industry.

He has a cotton ball beard. I can still do that, by the way. I know Obama listens. He did the one time he was in here.

That might be the extent of it. The president sat in his chair. Yeah. That's pretty great.

It is. He left his cup. You're going to have to leave this thing to the Smithsonian. Yeah, yeah, or maybe they could just build a replica.

I'll donate some stuff. Just the stuff, but not the whole desk. Yeah, yeah, I mean, they can have the stuff, but I think that it'd be just as credible if they, you know, I don't think it'd be easy to sort of manufacture a replica of this. A lot of shit here that's kind of one of a kind.

Absolutely. Like that hammer, that half a hammer, that had to be removed. They're like, that can't stay with the president. Is this a murder weapon?

Yeah, the knife had to go. Yeah, they were like, that goes out. Yeah, a lot of stuff had to be, clean it up a little in here. So no scissors?

No scissors. They didn't know what I was capable of in a moment of desperation. Isn't that fun? Yeah.

It was cool. Secret service. They were cool. I had the same thought, though, when I met the president of SNL.

Yeah. I'm like, wow, I can change the world right now. I had profound fantasies of assassinating Karl Rove when I was doing Air America Radio. We actually were at the 2004 Republican Convention covering it from inside, and we were sort of like, you know, on a break, or it was before or after the show, and we were in this back room, and Karl Rove was just walking by, no protection.

I'm like, if I knew more about toxins, I could have prepared for this. I had this fantasy of having some sort of toxin that I'd made myself immune to on my hand, and I shook his hand, and then moments later, he had a horrendous coronary, and I just slipped out the back door as no explanation, and I would have saved, I would have probably saved the country, because he was the guy running things for that four years. You would have saved a lot of trouble. We're not saying it's cool to assassinate people.

No, no, no, it's not cool. We're saying that at times it's necessary. Clearly not in the case of Allende, but Chile might have been okay with Allende. Is there creative ways that can never happen to kill people?

We have to explore every option as human beings. But you didn't go that far. You were just sort of like, you realized that if you were a dark, evil man, in that moment, you could just... Yes, I could have snuck in with any kind of metal object, because I was in the show that year.

Sure, you could have snuck in the sketch. I could have gone in my dressing room, grabbed something from it, and put it in my costume. I was dressed as Spongebob. Oh, Spongebob could be dangerous.

Yeah, and there's a lot of stuff to put in Spongebob. And then maybe if you did it, everyone would think it's part of a sketch, and you could get away in that secret elevator. You know, I know my way around there, you know, for my years of working there, which I almost proved. Yeah, yeah.

You know, I know my way around there. He knew his way around. Yeah. I was there, though, when I saw the opening show this season.

That was the only time I've ever been there. That's a show. And Hillary Clinton appeared, and it was heavy security. Yeah.

A lot of Secret Service, a lot of guys looking around, you know, with that thing in their ear. That didn't happen when the president was there? Yeah. Yeah, there were people there.

I think it's safe to say it was a good call not to... Yeah, a very good call. Yeah. Because I tried to take a video of Paul McCartney rehearsing.

On your phone? Yeah. And he went through my phone, and I'm like... But that wasn't Secret Service.

That's just what they do now. That's just his, Paul McCartney's guy. Huh. The Obama's guys were great.

Yeah. Take all the pictures you want. So, all right. So, you were going to be in the CIA.

Yeah. When my brother in college started doing plays. Oh, really? He started doing plays in college.

The actor? Yeah. He started getting a little more variety in Chicago theater, and I was like, oh, wow, okay, this can happen. You know, my brother doesn't have a job.

He was really just an actor. And so, that kind of inspired me to go for it. Is he funny? He's not that funny.

He's funny, but he's not that funny. My other brother is the funnier brother. The dating service real estate guy who might be working? Yeah.

The middle brother. Yeah. Yeah. He sounds like a funny guy.

It's easier to be funny when things don't always go right. It's the only thing you can do. You're either going to go that direction, or you're going to get to a restaurant. Well, I think you have the little child thing.

Oh, really? Yeah. When I came, oh, everybody loves a baby. Oh, look, a little baby.

Yeah. And he just got overlooked. The older brother was almost on his own. The middle brother was, like, upstaged by your ass.

Yeah. Yeah. Tough break. But he was good, though.

It was kind of like having a friend in prison. You know, he kind of knew all the other guys. The bad stuff, breaking the cars and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

He burned his hair once, so I'd set a car on fire for some mobster. Really? Yeah. Like, he was definitely in a gang when he was in high school.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. And then he straightened out, and he's okay now? He's okay now, yeah.

So, did you go to college? I did. I went to... Oh, that's your kid?

That's a kid. That's a real kid. It's not a kid. Oh, yeah.

I don't know what he's doing in my backyard. Oops. That was my neighbor's kid. They don't have a yard.

It's sort of sad and sweet in a way to just have that deck out there. So, this kid has grown up from zero to like four or five, whatever she is now, just playing on that deck. She falls out down the hill? No, that hill's treacherous.

The people that owned that place before, they pulled up all the shrubbery from that hill and it mud slidded away. Now, they can't ever sell that house because they have to rebuild it. They've got to put stilts on it. The house is fine, but the actual hill needs to be retaining walled.

Are you okay? Are we okay? I don't know. I've done rain on it.