All right, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers, what the fuck buddies, what the fucking ears? Happy New Year to you. If you're listening to this Thursday, you got to get through tonight to make it to tomorrow, which would mean Happy New Year, the beginning.
So make it through tonight. Those of you who are listening to this on Thursday, please drive carefully. If you can, I don't want to be a buzzkill, but don't fucking go out at all. How would that be?
If you're not alone and you have some people in your life and you love them and you have relatively easy access to getting over there or them coming to you before sundown, do that. Well, maybe I am being a buzzkill. Do whatever you got to do. Go party, stay up all night, do a bunch of blow, get all fucked up, but God, get a ride, will you?
Just get a ride. Or maybe just reflect a bit. Reflect a bit. I do want to say a few words about the passing of Lemmy Kilmister.
Lemmy was on this show. I don't know if it was his last interview and it was interesting for me to spend time with that guy because I know, I know Motorhead. I know the first couple of records. I listened to them, but Lemmy has been a warrior, a rock and roll warrior in ever, almost seemingly eternal presence.
And rock. If you didn't know Lemmy, if you didn't know Motorhead, you knew Lemmy's face. You knew those carbuncles on the side of the space. You knew that mustache.
You knew the attitude that came through even a still image of that guy. You knew he meant it. You knew he meant business. You knew he was the real fucking deal in a world where there aren't that many real deals.
So for me, it was an amazing treat and honor to talk to the guy. I think we had a nice interview. I knew he didn't look well. I knew he didn't feel well.
But that doesn't make it any easier to lose a guy and to have to deal with that. But as I said, Lemmy was fucking rock and roll. Lemmy was the real fucking deal. He lived it.
And he lived it all the way to the end on his own terms with a lot of fuck you in him. And that's what good rock and roll requires. Just the right amount or even a little bit more than necessary of fuck you. So Lemmy, you will be missed.
And I did want to give you a heads up. There was some great Lemmy talk, a great Lemmy story on episode 656 of WTF with Robert Trujillo and Flea. Talking bass, talking about Lemmy. Lemmy, the interview I did with him is still up and available.
That's episode 634. And I just, if you didn't listen to it or you don't know who Lemmy is or it's not necessarily important to you, I just want to share this clip with you. It's a clip of Lemmy and he's telling a joke. And it's actually pretty touching hearing him tell it now, given that we've lost him.
And so enjoy this side of Lemmy. All right. And then go listen to Ace of Spades. What's your favorite joke, Lemmy?
On the radio? Yeah, no, we're free to say whatever the fuck we want. Yeah, yeah. Probably the best one I got was Jesus walking down heaven, you know, checking everybody out.
Yeah. And everybody's blissful fucking hops and halos and that. And Jesus, little old fellow sitting in the corner, crying his fucking eyes out, you know, miserable as fuck. And he says, excuse me, he said, you're in heaven, you know what I mean?
He said, people go to church five times a week, every week of their lives to get up here. He said, you're here, you've made it. So what's the matter? The old guy says, well, he said, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause any trouble, he said, but when I was on earth, I was just a poor carpenter, you know, and we had nothing.
And we had this little boy and I wanted him to follow me into the carpentry business, you know, but then he said he had to go away on a mission and we went off into the desert with 12 fellows and we never saw him again. He said, and I was hoping, he said that when I got up here, you know what I mean? I'd see him again, but I lose everyone. I can't find him.
He's cracking me up. And Jesus would see us screaming down his face and goes, Father. And the guy says, Pinocchio. Rest in peace, Lemmy.
You left some good stuff. Thanks for coming by. This planet, this garage. So now let's talk about New Year's.
New Year's. The New Year. Again, fucking be careful, will you? Could you please just be careful out there?
I don't know, man. You know, you really, you really need to be somebody to count down. How many times have you been in a, just a, just a room full of idiots? Or I've said before, I think I say it every year.
How many times have you been in the car when the clock strikes 12? Just like, oh, this, this party's fucking spent. This party's done. This party's over.
This party blows. Let's just go. Let's just get to, let's get to another place, man. Let's get there before 12.
And there you are in the car along with a bunch of other idiots in cars trying to get to that right party, honking your horn at New Year's. Giving a hug to whoever's in the car, giving them a kiss, and then having a minute or two into the New Year where you got to be like, well, that sucks, kind of. Glad you guys are here. Glad you're here, baby.
Should we just get something to eat or what? What I do is I stay home. That's what I do. Maybe watch a few minutes of the ball dropping.
I never understood that ball drop. I guess it happens to everybody. That's a fucking horrible joke. Happy New Year to you, though.
And look, why don't we do this? Why don't we do this? Try this. Even if, even if it wasn't a good year for you, even, because I'm going to do this.
I'm saying this out loud to myself, but I had a good year. There were ups and downs. There was emotional issues. There were mistakes made.
But this is it. There's no such thing as a clean slate anymore with the internet. Is there? No more clean slates.
But there is a new year. And there's a moment here where you can take a second and just look at some of the good things. Even if it stunk. Even if it was terrible.
There's got to be something to be grateful for. You've got to be grateful to be alive. Even if that is not all it's racked up to be on any given day. There's got to be some gratitude.
There's got to be some self-acceptance. Give yourself a break. Don't hurt yourself tonight. It's a little recovery trick.
Make a gratitude list. And just feel it. Because I blow right through it. But there are things to be grateful for.
There are problems. There are personal problems. There are problems in the world. But maybe just reflect a little bit on what you might do differently.
But also on what you're grateful for. And if you have love in your heart or in your life, be fucking thankful for that. If you're capable of that. And it exists within you.
Maybe things will turn out better globally, politically, financially for you or whatever. But strip it all away. Fuck politics. Fuck the world.
Fuck your money problems. Fuck your broken heart. And just find that little bit of space within yourself that is truly you. And give a little pat on the little head.
And say we're okay. And there's a lot of things in life that make it amazing. Do that. Will you?
Tonight? Today? Do that. So Bill Burr has got some pretty aggressive fans who've been pestering me for weeks for this little chat I did with Bill.
You know, I got my friends that come in here. Sometimes I got a thing. I'll get a call from a buddy. Hey, I got this thing.
You mind if I come talk about the thing on the podcast there, Mark? And I'm like, yeah, sure. Sure. Come over and talk about the thing for a few minutes.
I usually call them shorties. But you know with Bill, I haven't seen him in a while. We had a little catching up to do. So it turned into a little more than that.
He's got this great animated thing that he's got going. He's going to tell you about that. F this for family. And we talked about some other stuff.
So this is me and the great human that is Bill Burr. So, all right. You know, I tell you, Bill, I know you a long time and I get to screen in for the cartoon. And as part of me, you know, you know the deal.
There's part of me is like, I'm a cartoon. I like how you call it a cartoon. That's what I call it. An animated series is a little too high-brow for me.
Well, yeah, but you're like, I'm not necessarily a cartoon guy. Are you? Do you watch Family Guy? Do you watch The Simpsons?
Really? Oh, yeah. I watch South Park's The Best Social Commentary. No, I agree with you.
I don't watch it much. The last 20 years on TV. And I watch Axe Cop, Major Laser, all that stuff. Oh, you do?
Oh, my God. I love this stuff. I got to watch it. Well, let's see.
My point is, it's like Pink Floyd made a cartoon sometimes. Some of the stuff they come up with. I was on a couple cartoons. I'm on Adventure Time.
One episode of Adventure Time. Play a flying squirrel or a non-flying squirrel. Of course you did. I could have told you you were going to get that gig.
First time I met you. I got a regular gig on Harvey Beaks. I'm a cranky raccoon. I'm involved.
That's good. With animation. You're in it, but he's not into it. Well, I don't watch it.
I don't watch anything, though. So I'm like, all right, I'll watch Bill's cartoon. And then I'm watching it and I'm like, oh, this is good. 70s.
I'm like, still a cartoon. But then at some point, I'm how the whole thing came about. F for family, it's called. F is for family.
How it came about was, I was initially just going to make a little five-minute vignettes. I was going to pay for it. Just throw it up on my website. And it was all based on how we look like the Brady Bunch.
We look like a Norman Rockwell painting of a family. And we would always do this Norman Rockwell-esque stuff like, hey, let's go get a Christmas tree. But it was all a dysfunction between that idea and then the end when we were decorating the tree. I'm like, that's where the gold is.
That's where the stand-up is. And I've been telling those stories throughout my career. And as I started getting older, and the generation that wore helmets when they rode bicycles and helicopter parents and play dates, they came up. And a lot of them still came up like me, but there was that social pressure to groan at bullying and not laugh at it the way you did when you were kids.
Right, so your generation has a family now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So these kids came along, and then they were just groaning. I got frustrated.
So that's how I started thinking, I'll do the vignette. Then, of course, I'm a comedian. I procrastinate. I never did.
And I just happened to have a general meeting with Wild West, Vince Vaughn's company. And they were like, what do you got? You got any ideas for TV shows? I was like, no.
Nothing I ever pitch ever gets made. And all it does, I get tied up in a development deal, and then I can't be on shows that are actually on the air. So I don't want to get tied up in one of those. That's a sucker's game.
So you guys are making movies. I like movies. If you can shoehorn me in there, I'll play anybody you want. And they're like, all right, cool.
We like you. As I was walking out the door, I literally just, you know, I got this cartoon idea. And they were looking to do one. Literally, and they just pulled me in.
The next thing you know, we got Mike Price, the great Mike Price from The Simpsons co-created the show. It's all your idea, though. The inception of it. But the show itself is literally like, you know, 20, 24.
Sure, but this is based on your family. The character I play is an amalgam of everybody's dad. I wanted my family, my dad, everybody to be able to sit down and watch this and enjoy the show the way you're going to. But every once in a while, I'll be like, I remember doing that.
Oh, yeah, right. But nobody's going to know what happened or what didn't happen. Right, right. But then also they're not going to be like, oh, shit, he's throwing me under the bus.
Yeah. He's throwing me under the bus. I respect the fact that I was dumb enough to pick a job to get into the public eye and they didn't. I respect the fact that they don't want to be.
I'm still learning that lesson. Yeah. Well, there's a line in it, like that thing, you know, I'll put you through that fucking wall. Like my dad did say that.
And there was a moment one time he was yelling at us outside. We had this field next to the house and he just sort of ran and we pointed towards the woods. He was so ramped up. We pissed him off.
I'll put you through that fucking wall. And we had all we could do not to laugh because it's like, dad, we're standing in the woods. But the thing about my dad was like, you know, three days later, you could bring it up and tell the story and he would laugh his ass off. So it was, you know, it's, you know, that volatile moment.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have that at all. I take that to my mom. No, no, I have that in spades, but I think a lot of times.
No, he turns out to be the great thing about that character in the show is that there's an edge to it, but, you know, he's a sympathetic character. You know what I mean? Like the balance of it is good. He's just not a monster.
You know, I think that if you saw that father now, you know, out in public doing that with his kids, like you said, that generation of pussies would be like, that's, you know, someone should call child services. But, you know, when you're in the dynamic and you realize the guy's got shortcomings and weaknesses of his own, there's a humility to it and you like the guy. Yeah, his heart's in the right place. And a lot of times I would always say to a lot of people in my life talking about the curse of having a temper is what happens is even when you're in the right, you become wrong because they can then say like, all right, yeah, I should have done this and this, but that's no reason to call me a cunt.
Yeah, or everyone's crying just because you didn't have the right breakfast. Yeah, I know what you mean, right. Yeah, because once you escalate to a certain point, it's no longer about right or wrong. It's about, you're just an asshole.
Yes, that's what it becomes. So that has been my big thing with my temper. Yeah. Oh, really?
Is, is I've tried, I've tried to, and I try not to lose my mind. I try not to lose, like the other night I was driving with my wife and we were going over to go see a movie and I made it all the way to Santa Monica. From Hollywood? Yeah, yeah.
Without flipping out. Oh, that's hard. And right as I was pulling into the, the, the, where I was going to park and some asshole did something and I completely lost my shit. Two of us, I was on seven.
I was even close to the top. But not at her, just at the situation. Just, just at LA. That, that, you know, the, the, the fucking robot lady says that you're at the place that you're at and you're not, and you got to figure out where you're at.
Right. And then I realized, oh, I'm not here. I looked in the rearview mirror, there was nobody there. My wife asked me one second question.
I looked for half a second, answered it, and looked in the rearview mirror, and there was like six cars coming. Yeah. I swear to God, it's like, it's like the Truman show out here. It's like, oh, he wants to back up.
All right, rolling all these cars. And I completely lost my shit. But I made a joke. I said, well, I almost did it.
I almost made it. Is she all right? She did. Um, no, I don't think she is.
I think that, I think it really affects her in a negative way. It's something I'm trying to work on. Cause, um, I was going to say that I don't sometimes understand the tension that it creates, but it's like, yes, I do. Cause I grew up in a house where you're just walking around on eggshells.
You don't want that fucking guy. What's that guy going to blow? And I hate that I became that guy because I always said I wasn't going to be that guy. So that's something that I've been trying to work on.
How do you do it? But I mean, cause like, I just think like lately with me, I'm like, I'm moving to the mountains. I won't get out altogether. Like, cause a lot of it, a lot of it is bullshit LA.
A lot of it is an adult literally acting like an eight year old. So, uh, yeah, there's a lot of embarrassing facets of my, uh, anger. Like, yeah, everything. It just all leads to like, you know, I wish I could be that, that, uh, I wish I could have that chill vibe.
Do we though? Do we? I mean, I'd like to be able to turn it on and off, but I mean, like a lot of times I don't want to admit it. Right.
Cause people ask me all that all the time. Do you think that you need your, your, your craziness, your neurotic shit or your anger to be funny? And I'm like, I don't need it. You know, but then it never goes away.
You know, so I'm not doing anything to fix or behave differently around some fundamental shit because it does drive a lot of it. You're way less angry than when I met you. I am too. Blah, blah, blah.
And she just goes, stop yelling. He goes, I'm not yelling. And he just goes, there's yelling. And I literally blew her hair back.
And I think that was the end of it because she was a sweetheart. Yeah. And didn't come from that. Um, which is just, I can't imagine.
I have a lot of empathy. Yeah. Not empathy, sympathy for anybody that came from a decent background that ends up with one of us in a day to day with me with the monsters. Yeah.
I'm not that bad, but I mean, I, well, if you live with me, my wife puts up with a lot. It's a rage thing. You know, like it comes over you and it's a horrible feeling when you're seized by it where you know you like it's happening. You know it's happening.
Oh, now to say, you know what's happening. It's just coming out of your mouth. God damn it. Why is this happening?
There's a guy in there going, what? what are we doing you know she's gonna she's gonna get upset with you you know you know you told you weren't gonna do this you know my thing is technology oh yeah so you're the guy with the the the gadgets yelling no i can't i hate all of it i hate all of it i got it's draining it is i hate like the new operating systems and all that stuff all this design to do is fill up your damn things you gotta throw it out and get another one it's like i just learned the other one yeah right it's like back in the day when i was a kid you know you learn how to read you can read right and i was literate right and then when i can't stand about these things it's like i'm functionally literate it's the best i ever get right and then i go right back to being in first grade again like and that's what it is it's that planned obsolescence at least back in the day when they did that or cars or televisions is a good example from the show you had a choice like i'm gonna stick with the old one i don't need the new window thing i don't need to get a fix there was you could go to a television repair person like that my parents generation is one of the last generations that they bought stuff and they have for like i go home my parents house i just look at stuff going like dude look at this spoon i ate with this 40 years ago wooden spoons glasses yeah like uh back in the day that we had like the big wooden tvs on the legs yeah we blew the tube yeah then you just didn't watch tv for like three days and then somebody came by with a tube and he fixed it and then it worked again everything just throw everything away now everything's garbage the vacuum cleaner yeah yeah you bought one their whole business is based on people's fear of buying new things and then it became the whole like you know well you might as well buy a new one right because it's going to cost you almost as much and uh they're all in on it well now you got that big swirl of garbage out there in this i always think about that every time i just thought about that when i went to go get a little uh breakfast burrito the swirl of garbage yeah because they thought i was getting to go so then she goes she put it in a brown paper bag so i took it out i go yeah i don't need this yeah i don't need this and then she goes you want a paper plate and i go yeah that was a wash how does it get to the swirl of garbage i mean if it ends up in a landfill or it goes in the ocean you never throw anything out like everything you've ever owned exists someplace on this planet yeah unless it was biodegradable at this point yeah yeah so it's out there it's out there your rollerblades everything you stopped using there's a there's a large swirl of garbage yeah the suspenders that you had when you were into roller skating way back in the day there's somewhere large swirl of garbage it's like two miles deep and twice the size of texas just out in the pacific ocean just swirling around what's it doing now this well the way the currents move or something cost it all to kind of go there i don't want to say it was it two miles deep you said two miles deep and like one and a half times the size of texas oh my god so this is the stuff that like you know you're having a good day you're having a pretty good morning right you have a breakfast burrito and then you want a paper bag no i don't want to and then a plate yeah and then all of a sudden you're in the swirl of garbage yeah and it's over and then you know what the other person just takes the paper bag and the paper plate i immediately assume that they know about the swirl of garbage and they don't care right right that fucker yeah rather than he probably has like four kids and he's been up all night you've got a paper plate too i think that's part of the anger you know you get angry on principle but then you can't help no you can't but you're gonna go for comfort you're part of it yeah no women no i went down the rabbit hole conspiracy theory i brought out i tried to get out of that a little bit i just uh well i mean i was right about a lot of stuff because it was about banking if you do remember no yeah there's always the them and they are running everything that's true i just don't think it's organized like like when anyone they say stupid things like jews run hollywood it would be like dude the level of cooperation just just to run hollywood and if you've been in this town for more than three seconds it is a knife fight nobody's working with anybody i had that moment with my uh my friend jim you know who worked for clinton and he's a politics guy he's in my it's in jerusalem syndrome i used to do it on stage i think where i just go off in this rant it's the bilderberger group the trilateral commission the freemasons look at the you know like i'm yelling at him on a mall in dc yeah and i think i got the beard you're that guy i was that guy and he takes this weird beat and just looks and he goes more people here just aren't that organized it's no way yeah i mean it's like people will try to do it but you did the end of the day even within your group someone's gonna be like well why is mark on top i want to be that guy it's just it all falls it's like a band how many bands other than the rolling stones were able to stay together you just after a while you're just like this guy with the way yeah yeah but the thing is that people you're right about the banks because they're the ones that can rig the system if you can rig the system it's really hard to rig the system in show business yeah you can close the gates and certain people get jobs but they don't make money it's over right you only cannot make money a couple of times before show business is like well that guy's done but if you can rig the system from the inside and people are too stupid or it's too difficult to find out then you do run right but even then banks are competing with other banks but it's just more like they're just not regulated so it's just what they're doing is like reprehensible i just actually watched the screen or that new brad pitt uh yeah it was incredible but i have an equal amount of anger for the bankers and the dopes that got themselves involved in those loans yeah you know what i mean because it's just like like i flunk math i flunk math every single year yeah of high school right and my brother was able to sit down and explain to me how a mortgage worked in a five-minute conversation right how to go and i remember when i first got a mortgage and i was like i want to make double mortgage payment i bought something i could afford first of all yeah to pay more than the mortgage i made like double mortgage payments and all of a sudden i was six months ahead on my mortgage but hadn't knocked down the principal i was just making interest payments and then i was like oh that's how that works yeah then i was like all right so i'm paying the mortgage and then this other stuff i write on this line as principal i'm a moron i was able to figure that out so i know there's a lot of my dad flipped out when the whole thing happened in 07 but people should know better where they're like sign this paper will give you a free house and you can pay for it later yeah and there are people that are just like free house yeah okay more like when the bank calls you up to refinance it's like hey you're paying 1800 a month you want to make 1200 a month mortgage it's like let me get this straight you just called me up to make 600 bucks less a month how does this work and what it is is they go back to like mortgage payment number one so all the interest you've been paying for the last five years is just in the ocean it's in their pocket and then you got to start all over again so that 600 a month you're saving nobody somehow it works out with the numbers that you're actually paying more but most people just hear like yeah i'll save 600 a month and then you want to do that 600 they go out and buy a flat screen tv right which is a total depreciating whatever they call it asset and then where does it end up in the ocean in the porpoise right in the teeth swirling yep well what is um on f is for family right that's the title you're working with great people i mean there's a lot of great people on that show who are the people who are doing the voices with you're doing the you got a great clip at that how many takes you got to do with that you just kind of roll with it it took me like three uh three times of going in there yeah to uh get comedy club comfortable right right and uh on those mics yeah were you working with ensemble were you doing it separately both right both so oh yeah you said earlier this you know the deal so it's just sort of thing where i'm obviously comfortable on a microphone wearing headphones so that was comfortable but then it was just like okay we're gonna do the whole script yeah and uh you know sometimes i did it by myself so that was just a little weird and also trying to keep the energy going up as you're reading the lines you're gonna memorize the whole script right no you can't you gotta read and you don't have to you know what i mean you just go in there so it was learning how to do that and anybody listening to my podcast knows that reading out loud is not one of my strong suits it's hard it's like reading a prompter it's like making you know so you learn how to do that you pick up that skill huh yeah so i got a little better than that but as far as like the cast uh Laura Dern oh she's great yeah Justin Long crushes it is uh uh uh Kevin the stoner brother yep the stoner brother and then uh little bill is played by hayley reinhardt who's one of the finalists on like american idol that was a very key voice to get because a little boy's voice where it hasn't you know changed yet um if he's whining through his parents can be really annoying yeah and i don't know i always looked at those kids like i want to beat the shit out of you i don't know why natural vulnerability that's annoying she has this natural raspiness to her voice that that singer thing and she was able to she does such a great voice on that i was like pam adalon in king of the hill she played the little boy yeah i think yeah you gotta have a little bit of that so it doesn't sound like a little girl right uh debbie darybury plays uh maureen the daughter and if you've watched any of those pics are animated movies she's on the total pro uh kevin farley's in there um sam rockwell what does he play he plays uh vic reynolds the uh the cool next door neighbor oh that's sam rockwell yeah yeah um i always get uh kevin michael richardson uh i'm gonna mo collins oh my god mo collins actually destroys man tv absolutely crushes it uh she does the voice of uh jimmy fitzsimmons the bully and a bunch of other voices um it's it's been an incredible that's an all-star team there yeah what happened was we wrote a really funny script and uh we got one big fish i forget who we got first so then all of a sudden it's like well you know this is a funny script and so-and-so's attached then all of a sudden they started falling like dominoes and was just uh it was incredible but i gotta tell you watching like the actors yeah like uh more so than the voiceover people because they were such pros they just had the voice but watching sam rockwell laura durne and justin long watching their approach was just like every i watched like all of them like every take like it was like when they first get it like oh my god like what are they doing yeah and then five and say like wow that's really good and then like like 10 minutes in seven to 10 minutes in it was just this different person that wasn't them i was like why do they do that like that is amazing they're fucking pros yeah and they had like their process and i was like um i was looking at more like it from a stand-up approach like right yeah they make it funny right now but it works yeah because you got that character yeah that guy yeah yeah we do what we can within the range we can do it totally i'm basically being propped up by a tremendous amount of talent right no that's not true you have a tremendous amount of talent you're a good actor too but you know i mean i you're you know you seem to be you're comfortable in a lot of different roles but this one really speaks to you i mean you know this guy you are this guy for the most part we're better if we're the guy yeah it's it's some version yeah what's cool about this is that some of my dad's catchphrases some of my prices some of the other uh writers uh catchphrases or experiences and then his politics sometimes are mine though yeah so it's sort of this uh cyborg version it's a bunch of personalities in there um you get the tone yeah yeah yeah yeah so i mean yeah it's great dude i've done some acting that's not like i'm breaking bad and shit and something like that guy i think was uh the least like you had to turn a lot of things off you know you know to have that guy but i've always wanted to play a guy uh patrick kooby by the way i know when i found out his first name was patrick yeah was after i had filmed my final scene and i was just watching the series because i got always flying for one day i do my little bs and they'd send me back and i remember knowing that my character was not gonna show up anymore in the story as people tweeting me going like you know is he coming back yeah and i knew that i wasn't and then when uh um dean's character was talking to yeah he was talking to uh talking about yeah and he was going like yeah your character top friend there uh what's his name uh patrick kooby i was at home watching i stood up going oh my character's first name is patrick i didn't know that like we're freaking out um that's good right oh yeah no you nailed that they totally fleshed it out and but what was just great about that show was just the level that everyone was working on like whenever anybody goes oh you know you did a great job on that show i said you would have done a great job on that show you're working with the best actors ever writers directors cinematography the whole thing all you had to do is just say what they wrote and hit the lines and just try to make it sound remotely believable right because that's and that's one thing i've learned about that whole making tv shows and movies it's like those are the guys that really as much as the actors are amazing like because every great actor has an absolute dog of a movie right what do they forget how to act yeah it's just like if you don't have that person knows how to pace it along how to keep that thing rolling and then the right music to build up yeah who did the music for uh effort is for family now dave kushner who's that guy dave kushner's uh from velvet revolver there you go rock and roll that's right man how'd you hook up with that guy uh he was a friend of uh wild west and spawn and all those guys this thing just like i find all these years of trying to do a tv show the one time i was like yeah i don't have an idea you know i got this stupid cartoon idea this is the thing where all of a sudden the planets all aligned where wild west was like the greatest people ever worked with as far as putting together a show then we got with mike price who's the greatest showrunner ever worked with and then uh we got with netflix whose network notes were push it further which is the dream and she's like remember we said we wanted edgy we don't we're gonna saw the legs off this thing and leave you out there twisting in the wind and everybody's just like this show sucks what was up with that they were the exact opposite so um so then we had to get music the thing about the 70s is it's been so mined as far as like uh all the great songs you know yeah i mean that movie dazed and confused alone yeah was half my ipod you know they cost money those songs yes so what we wanted to do is pick some a little bit more obscure and then we had dave kushner and his buddies come up with some original music for it and it's a really nice time kind of that feel yeah yeah and does that does that mean uh what you get to did he bring rock and roll buddies around or what absolutely play with who comes in to do it oh no no no he uh all of his all the people that he worked with are all like studio guys you know it was cool uh i gotta take you over sometime like where they record the music it's just the house looks like this yeah they converted the garage where there's literally a room within the room and like i stood outside the garage and this guy hit the drums as hard as he could hit them it sounded like somebody had a stereo on like two really insulated yeah and i was just like i need to know i need to have i gotta have that once again the swirl of garbage disappears my own selfish i go to my own monkey brain i'm like yeah i wanna have that put down some trees and make me that yeah we do this in my house yeah i gotta have one of those um because i'm not a professional drummer so i definitely need a professional drumming studio in my garage so no one can hear you yeah you don't have that self-consciousness i used to when i first moved out here with my then girlfriend and my wife uh we lived over this crazy old guy who was in the beginning parts of dementia which we didn't know so he was really sarcastic as hell you know he had hardwood floors anytime he dropped something on the floor he would go like you just hear from downstairs you just hear do it again keep it up like that thing so what i used to do is whatever i dropped if i didn't like it or just take my you know my timbaland i just slam it on the floor and then he would shut up right and uh but he had this habit of really you know he could hear my voice because it was an old building but when i was out on the road he really acted up and he would always be yelling at my wife like from the floor below so she kept going you gotta go down there you gotta talk to him you gotta talk to him and i was just like i'm not going down to talk to this it's an old guy it's not gonna go well no matter what happens i'm a young guy i'm gonna do an argument with an old guy i don't wanna do this so whatever so like you know we have this apartment i have my little guitar set up and you know my little practice pad and my drums and all that stuff so one day um it was after christmas holidays i'm taking the christmas tree down the stairs i was trying to be quiet but the end of the day i'm taking a fucking tree down the stairs it's only so glad you could be right so i walk by him and he's glaring at me you know i just you know wink at him or something like i'm just being playful whatever i take it to the thing and i come back to the house and he goes like you need to go down there right now and talk to this guy he just said this and it was just a moment i said fine you want me go down there and i'll talk to the guy and i went down and i started talking to the guy and i got like two words into it and he keeps he starts flipping out screaming and yelling and now i'm standing there and there's an old guy looking like he's gonna keel over he's yelling so bad and i was in my 30s at that time so i'm looking like an asshole when i'm trying to explain i go dude relax i'm just saying don't yell at my wife if you have a problem just come up like a gentleman blah blah blah blah and then at one point he just looks at me he goes he goes how's your band and then he just goes like you could hear my guitar playing he was basically saying i suck dude my face literally turned red i was embarrassed and my wife was above right above listening to it and she thought it was funny so for like the next three days i was so mortified i didn't even play and then when i started playing i would either not have the amp on or have the headphones on and i was even picking it really like gingerly and after like three four days i was like what the fuck am i doing fuck this guy and i turned it up and i started playing again but there's nothing more embarrassing than when somebody makes fun of your hobby because you know it's your hobby you know you stink at it like somebody told me you suck as a comic like fuck yeah i put food on the table doing that you just don't like my act i can i can shake that it still hurts right but not to the level like there's a major exposure when somebody hears your hobby right because vulnerable you got in your head oh yeah yeah you're right where it hurts yeah you're not a pro and you're always fantasizing like you think i do enough to play a band i'm not the same way with fucking guitar dude dude you can play though yeah there's part of me though like i'm sure you get this too where i'm like i think there's what i'm gonna do now i just gotta get some guys together no way and i've gone on tours with other comics which is basically the band experience except you don't have to interact with them as much right but like there's always gonna be the late guy there's gonna be the user the pussy hound and all of that but also the fact that i don't know if i can play with people you know playing at home you're on your own time doing one take or maybe if you think you really nailed that solo you're gonna hit that song again i wasn't even talking about being any sort of like a decent band i just mean like trying it just trying to do it but did you get to play with any of these guys like did you get to play with uh well they had me uh play drums on a track for the uh for the show of course it didn't make it you know it's funny when i actually listened to that dude when i totally did and when i came and listened to the track dude and i thought i nailed it dude oh oh dude it was like you ever hear that joke that i know there's a drummer at the door because the knocking speeds up like that's what it was except mine was like like dude it was oh yeah no but i was also like you know i'm sitting like that's that's a question right there like you know what i mean and they just showed up like all right man go ahead get in there have a hit and they're like we'll fix it we'll fix it i kept on with the paul abdul knob you can turn that up a little more and stretch that out and then condense that thing but what ended up happening was um you know dave's such a great guy he does a lot of stuff for charity whenever he does charity he knows all of the those guys, you know, the Guns N' Roses guys, all of the guys, like STP, all of those guys, so when he puts together a show for charity, it's like an all-star band, it's like, you feel like you're at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, so I went to a couple of these shows, and then at one point he said to me, he goes, hey man, do you want to sit in on one song, you know, you can do some stand-up and then maybe sit in, and I was like, no, no, no, I'm not going to, I'm not going to be that guy, there's that old man downstairs, fucking in the back of your head, no, but also it's just like, everybody's geeking out that they're that close to these rock stars, and then we're going to bring up this jerk-off, and I was just like, I don't want to do that, and he goes, all right, man, you know, they wouldn't care, man, they actually know, they like your stuff, you know, blah, blah, blah, and I was driving, I was thinking, you know what, that was more of a fear choice, I'm trying to act like I was being courteous, like, I don't want to do that to you, but really, I was too scared to do it, so I just called back and said, all right, let's do it, so we decided we're going to do Highway to Hell, Phil Rudd, straight ahead, so I show up there, the day, we're doing the sound check, and everybody is a monster, but I'm not recognizing half of the guys, so I start, once I get their names, I'm like wikipeding them, and they're all these insane studio guys, and I own half the albums these guys played on, right, I just said, hey, I'm Chris, I found this guy who plays with James Addiction, bass player and stuff, so we end up going up, I end up going up, I do the sound check, we do the song once, and it went well, all right, that sounds good, is that, you know, you want to do it again, I go, no, that's how I'm going to do it, so they go, fine, so that night I show up, now there's a crowd there, the sun's going down, we're playing outside, and these guys start, I'm looking at the set list going, okay, I got to be up second or third, they'll warm them up, get the stupid comic in and out, and then they'll go back to being, you know, rock stars with professional drumming, and I'm like, third to last song, or fourth, I'm like, what are they doing, so they're tearing through ten songs, destroying them, Frankie Perez's vocals, just crushing, and it's like, you know, these people just going nuts, because it's like they're getting their own private concert for this charity thing, and then we're coming up, they did Roadhouse Blues, and I knew I was next to play Highway to Hell, so I sneak up onto the bandstand, because I didn't want to get, you know, the announcement or whatever, intro, and as I'm sitting down, the bass player and guitar player walk off stage, and I'm getting nervous now just telling you this, I'm like, oh, what's going on, we didn't rehearse, what's going on, so Chris goes, yeah, hey, we're going to have a special guest on this one, on drums, and he's like, oh my god, who's this going to be, Bruce Springsteen, that's so spoiled, they go, on drums, we got Bill Burr, comedian Bill Burr, and dude, literally golf clap, I didn't think there was a clap, it was just like, a collective, who the fuck is that, so now, you know, I'm hiding my face behind one of the cymbals, and then he goes, I also got a couple more friends coming up to the stage, from Guns N' Roses, please welcome Duff McKagan, and Slash, and they just walked up on stage, and I was like, oh my god, and dude, I literally, appetite for destruction in the 80s, I would lift weights to it, and then play drums to it every single day, my other brother wanted to kill me, heroes, yes, and me and my brothers used to do a cover of Highway to Hell, and one of my brothers stood where Duff was, and the other one stood where Slash was, it was like 12 worlds all meeting, and I had three seconds to process this, and then Slash just goes, da-na-na, da-na-na, and I was like, oh god, here we go, and then, I still, I couldn't feel my legs, and somehow I was able to get through it, I screwed up like three times, but I came back on time, you know, and I just remember in the end, you know how the band cuts out, and then Bon Scott does the, all the way, and then there's a big cymbal watch, well Slash, Duff, and Dave all turn around for the cue, because it's on me, and dude, I would have been less nervous if like literally three oak trees came to life and bent down and talked to me, and like, so I get off stage, and like, I am grinning like Julia Roberts, like all my molars are showing, I'm like, I couldn't believe it, I got to meet Slash afterwards, and he said that he liked my drumming, he was being nice, so now I am floating, like wow, I just played with these rock stars, and they liked me, so then of course, I leave, get in my Prius, right, that was a rock and roll thing ever, and I was driving down, you know, it was up in the Hollywood Hills where we did it, and I was literally screaming, like just out the window, I couldn't fucking believe it happened, so I go down to the comedy store, because I meet these guys to smoke a cigar, and I go down there, and I get out of the car, and one of the guys that runs the store, Adam comes out, he goes, hey, Bill, I didn't come by, and he goes, you want to go up, and I was like, nope, no, no, no, no, no, that was the end of my night right there, so I go in the back, I tell all the guys the story, they can't believe it, night of my life, as I'm telling the story, Christian sent me some video of it, so I showed it to them, they're like, dude, that's like, make a wish, that's unreal, I literally didn't want the night to end, so it's three in the morning, and I finally have to go home, and this is where I turn back into a pumpkin, so I'm like, ah, this is the greatest night ever, so I get in my Prius again, and I'm driving out of the comedy store parking lot, you know, I've got to wait to make the left, to cross my set, and all of a sudden, there's this knock on my passenger side window, I look over, drop dead gorgeous woman, I'm like, this is, this can't get any better, I immediately go to my ego, she's like, oh, I didn't know you were down here tonight, I was the biggest fan, did you go up, I love your comedy, I thought you were going to do that, I roll down the window, and she sticks her whole head in the car, and she just goes, are you Felipe our Uber driver? I just was like, ah, no, no, I'm not, and then I just drove home in silence. Welcome back to the planet.
Yeah, so, oh, bad acting, couldn't have ruined it too much. No, it was still, it was awesome, I got to do it one other time, recently, I got to play with Gilby Clark, and, no, it's great, he's a good guy, yeah, he's a great guy, and tough again, and it was, yeah, it was insane. Living the life, man. Yeah, yeah, I keep it in perspective that I know, I know that I suck.
Yeah, you know, I also know that it's, it's one and done, when you do those things, you do one song, and then the novel is over, or else they're just like, then it's a job, and you're not doing it well. Exactly right, there you go. Yeah, well, no, but the, I mean, it's good to know that, like, no matter what happens, you're always going to suck to you. I mean, you know, you're like, the thing that's going to keep us humble is that part of us is sort of like, no, I think everybody that's actually really good at what they do is not happy with what they're doing.
Yeah, I think that's a shame. No, because I can be happy with what I've done, but, like, I always had a feeling I know I can do better, I know I can get better, because other than that, then you're just like, yeah, I'm great, my hour's good, I don't need to change it, yeah, and then you're like, what's up with Bill Clinton, huh? It's Monica Lewinsky stuff, it's crazy. Well, look, dude, F is for family, it's great, and how many did you do?
We did six, so they gave us, like, half a season to see how we do, so I have man, I am living the dream. Yes, but no, you're also a very popular comedian. Doing all right? All right, buddy, good to see you.
All right, thank you. That was me and Bill. You can go to Netflix and watch that F is for family. Gotta love Bill Burr, right?
Of course you do. So here we go. The new year is here. Let's look back for a minute, can we?
It's been a pretty amazing year for this show. A lot of things happened to me, and a lot of things happened on this show. Many times, they are the same thing. I think a few of the ones that I'd like to reflect about, out of the hundred or some odd ones that we've done here over the last year, I guess we do about, probably about a, what?
About 104 or something like that per year. There's been some amazing moments for me, but some of the highlights, as you would expect, were these. Let's talk about the ones. There are so many.
There's so many. But like for me, one of the great moments was interviewing Terry Gross, the amazing Terry Gross, NPR's Terry Gross, the sort of, the interviewer we all aspire to. I guess if you're me, I have a tremendous amount of respect for Terry Gross. She's the voice of what an interview sounds like.
There are Stern people, and there are Terry Gross people, and some of you are both those kind of people. Obviously, I've not interviewed Howard Stern. I don't know if that's a possibility, but Terry Gross is the quintessential interviewer, and there was an opportunity at Radio Lovefest where she was asked to be, if she would do a live event, and she requested my presence as the person to interview her, which was incredibly flattering. I was honored to do it, but it was a live situation, and they're not always easy, but I'll tell you, it was one of the best nights of my life in terms of me respecting her, finding information out about her that we didn't already know as a people, and also just being in front of 2,000 people at BAM and conducting this very intimate interview was a challenging thing, and it couldn't have gone better.
It was a nice balance. It was a wonderful live show. She was amazing, and I felt like I did a great job, and again, I was incredibly flattered and honored that she asked me. I love her.
I love Terry Gross. I love her even more since we had that evening together, and obviously Keith Richards. Keith Richards was another amazing thing for me. Now, I know you know that I interviewed President Barack Obama, and we had a time in here.
We had an hour in here. That was a hell of a day. You can listen to the President episode if you'd like, but a lot of people seem to really enjoy the President was here, which is episode 614, and that was me and my producer and business partner, Brendan McDonald, talking about what led up to that. Now, that was an amazing day.
It was a challenge for me to sit in myself and have that interview be a WTF interview. I was not looking for a political conversation. I was looking to connect with a human being, and I felt that that happened, and it was a monumental day for me. I'd like to thank for the President and certainly for the medium of podcasting, but if I'm going to be totally candid with you, I also interviewed Lorne Michaels.
As some of you may listen to that, there was a lot of personal closure that I needed out of that episode. I never assumed that that would happen, and many of you over the years have gotten sick of me telling the story of me meeting with Lorne Michaels. I was sick of myself telling it, but that was a very amazing interview for me personally. I don't know what that means really, but personally it was important to me to talk to Lorne Michaels and have the experience I had with him, and a lot of you were involved in that in terms of like, you had something emotionally invested in me having that conversation and hoping that it goes well, and it did, and I think we all feel better for it.
I was glad that happened. That was a hell of an interview. Barack Obama, hell of an interview. Lorne Michaels, hell of an interview this year.
Terry Gross, transcendent. But back to what I was saying, if I'm going to be honest, if I'm going to be honest, Keith Richards, Keith Richards wins. Keith Richards, Keith Richards was in my mind and in my heart since I was 13 years old, and I think if you listen to that episode, I don't know what you would call that. I don't know if you would call it an interview.
I don't like using the word interview. I'd much prefer the word talk. I had to talk with that guy. That was a good talk.
I don't really think of myself as an interviewer, but if you listen to me and Keith Richards, I had to do everything to keep myself from crying with excitement and joy, and all of them, for me personally, as a kid, as an artist, and as a grown-up, that was the one. That was the one. They were all amazing, but I sat across from Keith Richards, and we had a cigarette together, and we had a talk, and it was phenomenal. Never in my life would I thought that I would hang out with Keith Richards, and you guys would hear it, even if it was a little embarrassing.
But look, there's been a lot of interviews this year. There's been a lot of amazing things happened, and really, if someone asks me, what's your favorite one, what's this or that, I don't really have them because they're all different, they're all unique. I mentioned those four because they were sort of amazing life achievements for me, amazing experiences that I never thought would happen, but all of the interviews, there's very rarely any, that I don't come away with something amazing. Something changes in me.
I learn something. I feel something. I have a human experience I would never have had before. There's so many that are amazing, and we put together a bit of a montage here, and these are just moments with people like Melanie Linsky, who I love, and who I loved on screen, and I never thought I'd get to talk to Melanie Linsky.
That was amazing. Paul Thomas Anderson. Nobody talks to Paul Thomas Anderson. Another amazing experience.
David Byrne, are you fucking kidding me? I was so nervous before David Byrne. Kurt Metzger, a buddy of mine, a comic, had one of the great interviews this year that I thought was powerful, educational, intense, funny. Mike Watt.
Are you fucking kidding me? Mike Watt. I had no idea what he'd like to talk to that guy. It was like talking to a man from another planet, a good planet.
Laura Jane Grace, the punk rocker, transgender person, and I was, you know, awkward, but we worked through a lot of stuffer and I. Sir Ian McKellen. Come on. White Sinek.
That was a monumental interview. James Taylor. I'll throw together some clips of those people, but you know, I can't. It's a very hard thing for me to do.
They're just all so amazing to me. I don't know if I could live if I didn't get to talk to people twice a week in this garage. It's become more than a show. It's become more than a business.
It always was. When it comes right down to it, every year, every time I got to walk out here and talk to somebody, I usually don't know. I may have an idea of, I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not really that prepared.
I'm not just saying that. It's some sort of cute thing that I say. Yeah, Maren's never prepared. I try not to fucking prepare because I want to have a good talk.
I want to have a connected talk. And it's like, it's not like therapy. It's just good for the soul to have a conversation. Maybe you should do that this New Year's.
Take a little time to just sit down and maybe spend an hour with someone in your family. Just say, I'm going to take an hour and I'm going to talk to this person I've known all my life, but I really don't know anything about. I'm going to talk to this person that interests me. I really don't know anything about it.
I see them every day. Feel it. I'm not just doing this for a job. If I don't talk to somebody for an hour or so, at least once or twice a week, I start to get squirrely and lost and disconnected from being a human.
Okay, listen to this. Well, you've got some grandkids, right? You've got five. We're five.
Do you love hanging out with them? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, it's worth hanging around to be a granddaddy.
Did you ever think you would? I mean, at certain times, no. But here I am and there's five grandkids. And it's another thing.
It takes you on another level. It's one thing being a father, which is funny enough. You've got a couple shots at that. Yeah.
Two sets. Yeah, two sets of that. And out they come. But they're great little kids.
What do they have a name for you? Just grandpa or granddad? Grandpa. Yeah.
Him. I was bulimic for 10 years. And I was never a binge-eat bulimic. I was too ashamed to ever binge eat.
I'd never. But I had such a strict diet. And if I ate anything over it, then I would get rid of it. Right.
And I just was obsessive about my eating. And I got in a relationship when I was 21. And I really opened up to this person. And he said to me, that's so violent.
What a violent thing to do to yourself. And I never really had thought about it. Like, I remember when I was 12 years old and I read about it, I was like, oh, great idea. That's awesome.
Yeah. And my body was changing. And I was freaking out because suddenly I had hips and breasts and stuff like that. And I was like, oh, God, help me.
Like, it's just going to get worse. Like, there's more fat bits that I have to worry about. Fuck. Yeah.
And so I was, you know, trying to control it. And this boyfriend I had was just like, oh, that's so... And then he started crying. And he was like, that breaks my heart that you would do that to yourself.
That breaks my heart that you can't, like, eat. Like, experience something delicious. Like, we'd go out to dinner and I'd have a salad with no dressing. That's all I would ever eat.
I still had a lot of feelings about my body. But it just sort of got bitter and bitter. I don't know. Sometimes I look at myself and I'm like, oh, that's kind of sexy.
Yeah. It's all round and, you know, bouncy. It's like, what's wrong with that? I don't know why I was denying that for so long.
You know, I was so excited to be able to see all my ribs, really. Not everyone's supposed to look like that. Those women are beautiful and, you know, it's beautiful when everyone looks different. So you work with Philip Seymour Hoffman in all three of those first movies?
Yeah. All the way through? We did five movies, I think. So you guys came up together, really.
Where did you first meet? Yeah, he started before me. He'd been around. You know, by starting out, we all kind of started out together with Riley or Phil, but they had a little bit more of a resume underneath them.
Right. Which was really helpful, even if they made four or five. films that was more than i've done right so when we were starting out you know they had my back and they were really helpful just in you know from like that's where craft service is to you know the simplest thing through just just having a few movies under your belt makes makes a big difference sure but you know phil was like you know he maybe had a long list of kind of not so great movies but he'd always be the best thing in it so you just liked him yeah yeah yeah um i mean early on i mean obviously as an actor you thought when you cast him in heart eight and in boogie nights you were like you know this guy's it i thought that when i saw him for the first time and sent to a woman that i i just knew what true love was i knew what love at first sight was and it was the strangest feeling sitting in a movie theater thinking uh he's for me and i'm for him you then that was it really yeah strange but that's and i believe when i was a kid i used to draw out like you know yourself and your only movie cameras and sets just like 89 years old and nowhere in it did i draw anything that looked like him you know i was like i'd have like carrie grant would be in my movie Harrison Ford right but something happened when i saw him really yeah when you say you don't have a nostalgic bone in your body what does that mean really i don't look back it's like oh that was the golden age or things were better when new york was right here or um not at all you don't do that um i mean there were certain you can look at certain things and go there was that was a good aspect uh at a certain time but i don't look at like all things were better than when you when you think of the talking heads because do you does it just feel far away uh no no it feels yeah a little bit i mean it feels like oh that was something i did at that point in my life um i'm aware that certainly a certain generation knows more of that stuff than they know what i mean last year sure but it depends there's other people who know what i did recently more than they know the old stuff oh you did you were in a band before this and um oh really there's a little bit not that much but there's a little bit what do you say to that you're like yeah i had a thing yeah yeah it was a thing and uh it was yeah it was pretty popular what did you realize at that time that many people don't even realize now i wanted i wanted interesting work i wanted to fall in love with work and i wanted to fall in love with a person and you know i'm lucky i had both and was your husband your first love um now that i really know what love is i'd say yes but but what was the other thing i mean i i mean i i oh this gets really personal i mean i was i was married before and for how long um a short time and we were very close and it was it was a year maybe i don't right it was a very close relationship and it makes me nervous to talk about how old were you i was very young we were still in college did your parents know about that yeah they did they were okay they were okay with it uh they were okay as okay as parents were at the time my parents weren't okay with anything i was doing that i dropped out of high school and hitchhike cross country with him before we were married what yeah so all right so this is before you went to college or this is while we were in college my sophomore year instead of going college we hitchhike cross country you and this guy me and this guy where's this guy now in new york oh you know him still we haven't been in touch in a long time but okay i'm surprised we happen to have him no he's he's a wonderful person i mean i have nothing but he's a really wonderful person i'm just like you have to understand that like you know a lot of us have uh created a life for you terry and this is all this exciting information this is what we're you know i you know we can you know be funny and just brush over stuff all night long this is exciting stuff to me and then my mom converted 18 because she was a dissolution catholic and so she found those witnesses which i think really kind of satisfied whatever needs you had what need to those how do they just i don't understand what they do like in terms of catholicism was catholicism too abstract or too vague or too complicated or probably all that probably finding the relief from going into the booth probably all that that's probably a good way to put it the guy behind the screen is not helping me the wizard is not helping me this is a glory hole forgiveness is not helping me yeah yeah i think she wanted the more personalized uh protestant god over the uh you know the ethnic pagan right fucking thing that she was doing so she uh isn't jehovah's witnesses like the no dancing troop no no no that's that's footloose i mean that's the footloose church that you know jehovah's witnesses is uh like it's actually used to be no holidays uh well not not most of them right the ones that are considered pagan which would be like christmas okay but you can you can dance yes you can dance but uh you know they have their own peculiarity like we believe in a mortal soul for example they believe in a resurrection okay like at the end times or whatever if people will be right walk back to life and you live in the in the garden of eden again they have a show that depicts that no what is it walking dead yes well yeah i guess christ was really a zombie those 30s right i gotta tell you when i was laying there you know with the fevers and said there's no cock it's just delirium delirium delirium i was like you know in those kind of situations got really pulled together i think because it's like why not end the hurt let go but on the other hand i had all these things see that's the thing when a hurt a sickness comes down on you you think you got enough time but it just makes you so weak you you might not yeah you don't have time so but i just said fuck it yeah a lot of work i can't go now and then also the difference with this this intern doc yeah i'll put him in the opera in fact he's you know because they all got their theories they got only one real right but you got a hole in your tank i know so but they got theories some dudes think it's flesh-eating bacteria right right doc hopkins he says i think you got the mother of all abscesses i think this might have started from an ingrown fucking hair that should have been lanced no shit holy fuck you know the way county was in those days all these people it's not for the money all these people from all the world come there to get experience yeah you're there because they want right they punch in a clock it's like a music racket some cats win the lottery the last thing you want to talk about is music you know some cats are first into it a big higher percentage if they really want to do it yeah it's a human thing yeah so i ain't against doctors like i said this cat saved my life what has it been two years uh 2012 is when i came out so three years but since you've actively been doing the therapies to transitions in like three years yeah like now that you've sort of started this thing are you like okay or do you are you looking to do more i feel like i have a much better understanding of what i need and what makes me feel right than i did three years ago certainly more than i did 10 years ago 20 years ago right but i feel like that in another three years another four years another five years i'll even have an even better understanding of who i am and what i need i don't think that that's something that you can ever fully feel like complete with or anything really at least for me huh okay i am an existentialist you know and i like i oftentimes feel locked in thinking about things and thinking about the bigger picture of things and what certain things mean and you know i don't know how to reconcile with my life beyond where my towardates end and and that's like i live a really weird life i know like what if you were to quiet it down and what do you like like see like i'm a guy i'm a recovery guy so i haven't done shit in like 15 16 years you know that was my problem right but do i feel whole and complete all the time i feel better about myself i feel comfortable in my skin but there's still something like you know what does it all mean what's the fucking point yeah so you know that hasn't gone away no i very much still have that that's there i don't want that to go away in a way you know i think that's safe sure it is yeah but you should have some peace of mind yeah i mean it's a trip you know like i can't imagine i mean i can't imagine like it took me like you know years like i don't think i arrived in my body uh until maybe five or six years ago just you know when i started to get successful feel like i worked very hard all my life to do something it was a self-esteem problem sure you know and it just sort of happened organically but i felt it happen so i imagine on some level that you know you taking this you know making this transition has given you some of that i mean your self-esteem must be better and you're comfortable 100 percent my problems now i guess are more just like normal problems of like oh i'm going through another divorce you know yeah oh i got to deal with the fact that like i work and i travel and i have a kid and how do i balance like traveling life with having a kid and being able to be a part of my kid's life when i'm not necessarily getting along with the mother you know like those are just like the realities of life that everyone has those are minimal problems to what other people's problems are i'm going to give you a bit of shakespeare okay i'm going to give you a little present thank you the leading character is called thomas law and thomas law is a lawyer and he's sent out uh by the authorities to put down a riot that's happening in the middle of london and the riot is all about the strangers and then it's uh immigrants yeah people with deep food smells different they look different they're different clothes different language and uh i had to send them back wherever they came from and this is how it goes uh so someone in the crowd shouts that the strangers should be removed and thomas more says grant them removed and granted this your noise hath chid down all the majesty of england imagine that you see the wretched strangers their babies at their backs with their poor luggage plodding to the ports and coasts for transportation then that you sit as kings in your desires authority quite silenced by your brawl and you in rough of your opinions clothed what did you got i'll tell you you could talk how insolence and strong hands should prevail how order should be quelled and by this pattern not one of you should live an aged man for other ruffians as their fancies wrought with so same hand self-reason and self-right would shark on you and men like ravenous fishes feed on one another though desperate as you are wash your foul minds with tears and those same hands that you like rebels lift against the peace lift up for peace and your unrevenent knees make them your feet to kneel to be forgiven you put down strangers kill them cut their throats and lead the majesty of law in lime to slip in like a hand say now the king as he is clement if the offender mourn should so much come too short of your great trespass as but to banish you whither would you go what country by the nature of your error should give you harbor go you to france or flanders to any german province spain or portugal anywhere that not adheres to england why you must needs be strangers would you be pleased to find a nation of such barbarous temper that breaking out in hideous violence would not afford you an abode on earth quet their detested knives against your throat spurn you like dogs and like as if that god omes not nor made not you nor that the elements are all appropriate to your comfort but chartered unto them what would you think to be thus used this is the stranger's case and this your mountainish inhumanity that's amazing uh and he said you know i'd love for you to be at the last show because you helped to build this thing and so i was like i appreciate that and you know i still don't know if i'm gonna show up but when is it august 6th so you should just go probably yeah but it's also one of those things where it's i don't really i don't really get into the emotion of that stuff i don't i don't uh like the pomp and circumstance doesn't really i get you i get you but uh you know but do it for the people yeah that's uh yeah i suppose that's a see i don't have the connection to an audience the way that you do where it's like you know you're sending them books and doing all that stuff you don't know you do but i mean to the people that love that show and they watch every day oh sure so you know whether you think you have that connection or not they're gonna be like there's wyatt right right but i think it's just i'm such a i'm i'm such a sort of anti-mushy person that it's like even if like if somebody's like there's wyatt i'm like oh yeah but dude i can learn how to take a little of the love in you know and i was a tough nut to correct you can take a little of the love i guess yeah see higgins was there i walked in and you said um uh how was coning last night did they laugh did they laugh at you it's better when they laugh it was nice it was nice i wasn't scared and you've done and you've done conan right yeah and i sat down and then uh you you use the zoo analogy have you used that before monkeys yes yeah yeah so that's a regular thing no it wasn't a regular thing it was just my sort of beginning to piece together where comedians do it in hollywood right the lions are scary when you go to the zoo yeah first first uh thing you want to see is the lion because the lion is the king of the jungle and uh and uh it has it's regal yeah and uh the second thing you want to see the bears because they're the strongest and the fastest and the third you want to see the monkeys because they're funny and occasionally one of them jerks off right and what i said i don't think you added the jerk off line now because i said as long as they're not throwing their shit at you yeah i got nothing yeah i know from you well i would have gone softer as you saw yeah yeah exactly and steve higgins was like it's not going well already and did you know steve before kind of i met him once right and then you just looked at me for a little while uh-huh and uh and i and steve actually went learn and you said it's important to look in someone's eyes you can see a lot in someone's eyes and then i was trying to exude some star quality of some kind right which it was not successful god you really remember this yeah i remember and then in my recollection there was a smaller bowl of candy and uh yeah that's a tootsie roll one but it's a jolly rancher in my mind no it would have been tootsie rolls well i remember i took one yeah moment you shot a look at steve and then i thought i failed the candy test oh yeah no no there's no candy there's no no alternative just the one there was popular probably there right there i didn't get popular yeah then i had a motorcycle accident broke both my hands and both my feet so i was in uh you know i missed woodstock i was in i was in plaster uh where'd you go back to chapel hill i went to martha's vineyard which is where i was living at the time after i got out of uh you know rehab i went to the vineyard and that's what i knew so before sweet baby james you couldn't use your hands your feet that's right and i think that period of time really allowed me to finish the songs you know yeah get the lyrics yeah and uh so that when we went into the studio to make sweet baby james we had everything yeah it was all ready to go and you really thought about it and we had this great band yeah and uh and we knocked it out fast and then a fire and rain took off and um you know we uh we hit the road and that's where i stayed it's a great feeling man fire and rain was a huge song it was uh i was you know i was it was amazing it was um it's a painful song you know in a way but i i think um it's not painful to listen to no no no i mean there's a transcendent spirit to it some people i'm sure but yeah it's one of those songs that like can be played at a wedding or a funeral right you know i do i was walking around you know talking to my neighbors people were out on the street like the fourth of july around here and at seven o'clock you came and the secret service started to come and we were told that you know he's gonna you know he's gonna fly right from santa monica in a chopper to the rose bowl that's right and which was a good thing to do like if he chose to drive the motorcade all throughout los angeles it would have stopped everything yeah and you're already being uh called out by name on the radio yeah marin caused a traffic jam yeah talking to the president and i felt you know i felt kind of bad about that i was apologizing to my neighbors but everybody around here was very excited that the president was coming but the countdown begins you know i'm going over the notes we're setting things up we're trying to cool the place down secret service is doing their things it was wild when all the secret service was here and like an hour or so after they all showed up the two snipers come yeah like i don't know what they were they came in a special car but i just saw two dudes walk up and like those are the guys one of those guys was what the guy was on the roof the other day yeah roof of this garage and uh yeah there were two of them so in my restroom was the only restroom for all the secret service which is which i always feel bad about because the doors were open yeah that sniper brought all his gear into your bedroom oh no they're done everything yeah right in with him you're not gonna lose that thing yeah what i've always been impressed about like when i listen to comics talk about comedy is how much of it is a craft right and they're thinking it through and it's uh and they have a sense of when it works and it doesn't and then the longer you do it the better your instincts are same with president yeah same with president and and also I guess the last thing is you lose fear. That's right.
I was talking to somebody the other day about why I actually think I'm a better president and would be a better candidate if I were running again than I ever have been. And it's sort of like an athlete. You might slow down a little bit. You might not jump as obviously you used to.
But I know what I'm doing and I'm fearless. For real. You're not pretending to be fearless. You're not pretending to be fearless.
That's exactly right. And when you get to that point, freedom. And also part of that fearlessness is because you've screwed up enough times. Sure.
That you know that... It's all happened. It's all happened. I've been through this.
I've screwed up. I've been in the barrel tumbling down Niagara Falls. And I merged and I lived. And that's always a...
That's such a liberating feeling. Absolutely. It's one of the benefits of age. It almost compensates for the fact that I can't play basketball anymore.
Well, good. All right. Well, thanks. There we go.
We're good. That was fun. I appreciate it, Mr. President.
It was great. All right, man. That's it, folks. Happy New Year.
Be safe. I should tell you the remixes of my guitar riffs were done by DJ Coakley and Paul Buck. They've been doing these for us all year. Check out DJ at WebPuppy45 on Twitter and Paul at Paul Buck Music on Facebook.
Our theme music, as always, is by John Montagna. Check him out at John Mon on Twitter, J-O-N-M-O-N. Seriously. Let's try to get through another year together.
We can do it. Also, just remember, you're probably not as bad as you think you are. Boomer lives!