Alright, let's do this. How are you what the fuckers? What the fuck buddies? What the fucksters?
What's happening? That's an abbreviated version. Welcome to the show. My name's Mark Marin.
This is WTF. Thank you for listening I'm recording this during the Super Bowl. That is not an act of radical extremism in any way It's so funny man on Super Bowl Sunday like if I'm on Twitter or anything and I'm tweeting anything other than that You know people are like what the fuck man the game's on I don't care And that's not even hostile. I mean, if some of you've heard me talk about I mean I I wish I enjoyed it I just don't I look I am very detached from a lot of things as of late, but I've always been detached from these sports and It's not the personal there's part of me that wishes I was wired that way, but I'm not I hope you had a good Super Bowl Sunday and you didn't get sick and I hope you enjoyed the commercials and the games I have no idea who won because I'm recording this it actually might be starting in about an hour I do this obviously the day before so I hope your team did well I hope you felt excited and electrified and sated by the spectacle of the Super Bowl I hope that Coldplay was entertaining and in the commercials where everything they were anticipated to be and I just I really hope It was a great American Sunday for all of you who enjoyed and engaged with the excitement of One of our national pastimes and I know that you might be projecting a bit of condescension to my voice It is not there.
I mean, what do I know? What do I know? How did I spend the day today? I had a wonderful guest over here I don't even want to tell you who came over, but it's very exciting I spent 11 to 12 till 1 in the afternoon with him talking here in this in the garage And I sat on my deck and I had I had a cheese tortilla thing that I made in my toaster oven and thought about shit And I realized that I was not asked to any Super Bowl events And I'm not complaining as I've complained before but not really complaining to stating the fact I don't get asked much doubt And I realized I realized people I realize I have a limited social life.
I realize that says something about me I realize that I am a bit isolated in a way I do not hang out that much, but I do cherish the times that I Am able to hang out like last night, you know at the comedy store, you know, look I got friends I think most of my social life happens here on the mic system, you know Today we have the wonderful Pete Corielli comment from New York who I always like seeing and talking to his great guy very funny guy This is a comic day stand up comic day on WTF with Pete Corielli comics The beautiful thing about the community of comedians is that I don't have to have friends necessarily I don't have to spend time with people if I go to the comedy store And I see the comics that I've known for decades some of them some of them for years We hang out and I feel connected with my community and my people we talk and we have a lovely time And that's that's my social life that and hanging out with the girl the painter the Sarah and I was actually about a week ago I was like yeah, I'm tired me and I got no new stand up I don't know what I'm gonna do and then I just book myself This always the way it goes, you know I'm consumed with the work and then I got to work more because in my mind Don't matter what you think of me or what you think about what I do or if you like any of it I'm a stand-up comedian at heart and that's what I set out to do and that's what I make myself do I have to be in shape I have to get up on stage maintain that connection with an audience so fear doesn't set in you got to stay in that dialogue I wasn't feeling great Like on Saturday that was not it was not really I shouldn't have been working because I'm doing 12 to 13 hour days on set And weekends I got to do what what everyone else who has a job does and let's get caught up and do the book work and the shopping and everything else on the weekend Relax But I put in for three spots at the store at the Comedy Store and I got to tell you I don't know if I can repeat this enough the Comedy Store is really the only comedy club to go to when you're in Los Angeles because it is a It maintains its integrity as this weird dark palace of hate and humor to this day in all three rooms It remains perfectly authentic to what it was going back to its inception in the early 70s The laugh factory is why go there no reason the improv no reason just go to the Comedy Store So you can feel what it feels like to be in a real fucking place because there aren't that many real places anymore in the comics It's sort of the the inmates run the prison anyway Yeah, there's management and yeah, there's people in charge But you know everybody who's working the door everybody's hanging around mostly comics and it's just a it's just a beautiful mad House of comedy and weirdness, you know and every time I go in there I'm like oh my god, it's just part of my heart that lives here I don't know if you know how we live really Comedians or what you think we all are in relation to each other or how much we socialize or whatever But when it comes right down to whatever our presence is in the public sphere You know what podcast we are on or what you think our point of view is you know at the end of the day and you know Sitting in the fucking dressing room, you know, we're comedians And in last night I just I didn't feel on I thought I was just gonna go hit and run and do my spots and come home But you know I ran into Brian Scallero fucking hilarious guy And I hadn't seen him in a while so we started talking Tommy Rhodes was hanging around I go back to San Francisco with Tom And you know he's here now and he's hanging around in the main room. I brought up Sebastian So backstage backstage in the main room and this is like, you know, there's no this is comics territory, you know So it turns out it's like me Brian Scallero Anthony Jezelnick Tom Rhodes. We're all hanging out talking in the back Of the back room of the main room Morgan Murphy comes in hangs out for a while. We're talking about comedy We're talking about family.
We're talking about, you know other comics who aren't doing that well shout out to Keith Robinson Her yellow health issue. We all love you man get better soon Joe Rogan comes in now He's part of it and we're just laughing and we're just talking sure we're, you know, we're gossiping a bit But you know, this is my community This is who we are and this is where we have a great time, you know Just kind of bullshitting and I just I hope people realize that that you know despite whatever you think we are Separately, you know most of the time when we all get together we uh, we're you know, we're coworkers in a way and we're comrades And we're you know, we're having some fucking laughs It was so exciting for me that I got for whatever reason I got Sebastian laughing last night It's like I still get excited about that because him and I you know, yeah We don't hang out we're sort of different I've talked to him here and I think he's a very funny guy and a quirky guy But you know when you get another comic laughing it's a it's a pretty it's probably one of the best experiences as a comedian Before we get to the conversation with people. Yeah, I want to mention that his most recent stand-up special Let me tell you is still airing on Showtime and available on Showtime on demand. So this is me and Pete Corey Ellie hanging out in the garage Pete Corey Ellie Mark Marand dude, I'm sight man.
I know you know that though I even listen I was like, oh, I'm doing bring it up to I'm not bringing up now two seconds in I'm bringing it up In my excitement as you know, I'm such a fan that even way back in the day I have I pulled out my old copy of the Jerusalem syndrome, which I read man I didn't just ask for the book I read it me and my wife both, you know, yeah I had you sign it. Yeah, and you know it sits on nice about me and my wife and at the bottom you go One of my favorite comics and of course it's being nice, but then I go online. I'm like six hundred and fourteen episodes in it We're just getting to the favorite comics now Come on this this whole thing like even being in your house right when it started okay, you know listen You know how I've always you're one of my favorites I've learned a lot from watching you from knowing you yeah early on you were like a guy that it was so funny to me because My my sense of where you come from and where I come from I'm like what's this guy pull my leg? You know what but I knew you liked me you're real nervous about it Yeah, I feel like we have we come from whole different lives.
I was always like well This is interesting I connect with this guy he must have something wrong with him. I mean you got the approach ability of a I'm a rigid it and I'm in the comedy club but But watching you though was like I just think remember like pretty much the first time You're on stage at the comic strip and you're telling a story about passing a guy on the street who was clearly homeless or whatever And he had one thing to sell and he was holding up a copy of the game Sorry, and I was like well No one's doing it like that man. No one's like making me thinking and be more involved in the joke And everyone else is like laying it out a long time ago Yeah, but you would just and just everything about you doing it differently And then of course I was with my wife almost since the first joke we were dating and you know She's such a huge fan because it's the cerebralness what you're doing and then on top of all that oh do the hair you would do a bit And then you run your fingers through your hair and I'm like that just that's just Exhasporating and lastly I have to say I'm saying all this is very excited One time you're at the cellar and you're doing a spot on the back watching yeah And it was one of these you know smart though out great bits and it got the type of response from you know the typical kind of crowd That time and then I'm totally paraphrasing when you took a pause and then you added something like and then I said suck it They just something so like that the whole place left and then you go almost half-heartedly to self you go just checking and it made me go Oh wow alright, so I'm just checking what I'm maybe that joke isn't bad Maybe it's just not right for this moment, you know and all this is vindication, bro Thank you know what I'm saying yeah finally right from everything else when you're only by the time when you were the only one believing in yourself And then you're like barely but don't you be in places right going am I am I fucking crazy? I mean how are they not getting this yeah But there was always pockets of people that were really getting if nobody was right I heard you say once on an interview with someone's you know It's not to have some fans and then they'll come out to see me someplace like San Antonio and they realized it was very few of us Yeah, see that disappointment their faces and weird, but it's not to them man It's like we know something that no one else knows and now everyone else knows man So well, thanks buddy.
No down I appreciate it. But that's a good way to look at it I would never look at it. He doesn't difference between me and you I'm like hey, sorry You know, I know you can't hear expecting to be among the crowd of many But it's just you four but I'll do this show but I always look at it through the insecurity of like shit They're disappointed. I'm disappointed.
Oh, no, we're probably like always shit We're the only ones here It's gonna be like having dinner with him Well, you were so angry before people felt this way about you that I figured you'd be well happy when they finally did see what you always So I don't know if I always saw any how to do it any different there was no plan You know, I just my first assumption was that you know, I'm just not doing it right Maybe I picked the wrong thing, you know, maybe maybe I should be a teacher I don't know what the fuck I was supposed to do but I had no choice in my mind that was all you know I wasn't gonna do anything else. Yeah, and there was also always probably just enough people telling you and just just enough projects coming You wait to keep to keep you Here's another chance and also I love doing stand-up, of course and the thing was is that this I guess that's true I just never frame it that way that it was believing myself I just felt compelled to keep working on those goddamn jokes and to keep you know trying things and to keep trying to you know I always believed in stand-up, but you saw that sorry game that was like the first time you saw me that's like that's a long time ago Oh, yeah, when did you start going to comedy cuz were you doing stand-up already? I started I think like 95 Late ninety four ninety five is when I started I was a few years at a college. I guess that's about right Yeah, man, where'd you grow up a long island like in your wife is like a English major right English teacher or something?
She was like you work there Columbia right research. Yeah, very smart Just got a master from NYU. I thought you were an interesting couple Yeah, I was like you like a project first Yeah, like I read American Psycho once because there is that part of me that's into something like that But I couldn't get through it. I remember thinking like all right describing you you're outfit for a chapter Who gives a shit about you?
We lose got a whole chapter on you. We lose that I mean my wife and she's like reading you'll understand That's the whole point. Yeah, and then I reread it and I'm like all this guy all right now I know why we're doing this you lose thing so she open my eyes You know, I feel like when you get married Yeah, there's two parts to every man and depending on who you married out woman's either gonna you know make the good pop blossom or you know Make the other part come out, you know, did you deal with both parts? Well, no, I'm just saying I married a woman that made me work harder Right.
I mean, that's what I wanted. I didn't want to marry a woman that let me be lazy and crazy I just said that book sucked. I didn't get it. It was great I mean not even in a movie.
You remember this scene in that book. Yeah, we're right He's in the elevator with Tom Cruise, right? And he just feels compelled to say something to Tom Cruise and goes I loved you in that movie ball time that Tom Cruise was like was called cocktail and Patrick Bateman's like whatever and at That point I was so into the book. I'm like he doesn't even give a shit about Tom Cruise Who wrote the Easton Ella?
I talked him on his podcast and the other one Jesus So you grew up wearing Long Island a town called Oakdale out in Suffolk County. Yeah, man But like what was the childhood? How many kids pull Italian half Italian half Irish? My mom's all Irish big drinking family Yeah, Italian.
Yeah, you know and like my dad was an architect and became a partner in the firm. Oh, so that's it. Yeah All right, my mom. That's not a fisherman.
No, no, my mom is a school teacher So you grew up with some brains in the house. Yeah, my father always said, you know, just go to college get you degree I don't give a give a shit what you do and I remember being like 24 years old college degree Yeah, and I was mopping and sweeping the floors in New York comedy club for stage time Oh for a Al Mart and during the daytime I worked front desk at a hotel. Yeah, I go home and I change and I did it for free And the first night first of all my father gonna get the job. Yeah money ball Yeah, I want to pay for like that I'm gonna mop and sweep for free and I get to go on last every night, you know and not once did my father Fuck you, buddy.
I'm like, okay. Good for you. Oh, you know, yeah, and the first night I did it to Maron again first the first time you went on stage. Yeah, the first time working for Al Marten I'm in the back of the monster.
He was right now. Well, no, this is a good story because the place he goes You're always gonna go on last and I'm sitting in the back and I'm looking through a little window Yeah, and there's a place you come into once in a blue moon Oh, yeah, you coming into it you be in the summertime you wear sandals and shorts. I know I would expose themselves to that level I don't even put my sleeves down front of the crowd just my hands and face. That's all the flesh they get in from me It was so humid.
I just sweaty all the fucking time at some point I was like fucking yeah, but you need the clothing to deflect them if they don't laugh at your bit You need that shield. I mean you're just naked to the world doing new bits. What you tote show it I don't know if it's about the bit they look at how you sandals I didn't even think about it that much I was like I couldn't at the certain point that humidity was killing me Just kind of fucking like how how important could this set be at that fucking place the mic was always broken Sound bounced around everywhere so the first night I'm there and I'm looking through the little window and it's like two drunk kids Guys left the only ones in the crowd. Yeah, and I'm gonna go next and they come in and I go you're next get ready And I go now you know what I'm a I'll start tomorrow.
I'll just know I'm just I'm getting settled in here I gotta learn my free job how to sleep first. Let me get settled in. Thank you a joke. I'm doing too fries at once Oh, hey, well, you remember all the good old man.
What are you saying? I got you my top five of all time So my point is Al Martin comes in and he goes listen you don't want to go up because there's two Let me tell you there's gonna be times when there's only one you got a college degree You're doing this for free you come here to mop my floors for free You came here for the stage time get the fuck out there and do the stand up Yeah, but at least he made me do it, you know Yeah, they had when I worked there and even afterwards they had a George Foreman grill at the podium when you walk in to pay and go through And if you're on if you're coming to the next show they'd be a line Yeah, you're seeing them taking frozen wings and smushing them on a George Foreman grill right in front of you right next to the break In every code yeah that to get to the point right beyond stage and like there's people in the front row eating I'm like did you see them cooking them in a grill and they go yeah go and you're eating them I don't even I don't even want you to get my jokes. You don't even deserve to get my jokes man You have no self respect I can't believe everybody's vote counts the same did you talk to a bomb about that that's ridiculous You only know wal-mart eyeball and someone else going so you nullify my shit you vote the opposite of me. I'm nullify Holy shit now every what are we doing and then oh then he had those doors with the sliding doors that weren't even real bathroom doors And you never knew if that fucking lock would catch I just remember one night That was like some drunkie crazy girl dragged me into a bathroom and her boyfriend was outside I'm like what am I doing to get my ass kicked it was crazy was okay and like you'd walk in there and he never could move because there was people Waiting holy shit man just not conducive to what you started.
Yeah, but that was the whole thing I had no choice. There was no choice. I'm happy about that No, I know makes you stronger man What the fuck would if I would have started like you know five years ago and I didn't even have to go into a comedy club I mean I had to figure out how to get those fucking monkeys to like me. Yeah, man They were not there for my shit.
No way. No way man. There was so much more going on than just stand up comedy Yeah, yeah, I didn't even understand what was going on. It was messy So you are so you got brothers and sisters I got an older sister and a younger brother really what do they do?
Oh, man, my sister's big time in a hotel chain You know she was she's like was the head of sales at the wall with him in hand and now she's part of an even bigger chain big Corporate yeah, even like when I call her I'm like she can't like not do the corporate right? I got she's got an okay. What I can tell you man. They got an open I'm on Christmas and nice word for an anti yeah, you know pair You know nothing your Christmas.
You know they're in town for Christmas the last one we had she's German Yeah, and at one point the bread came out my brother grabbed it right away And I'm like you grab it before I ask him what he would not see I mean I throw but it's my Christmas table Yeah, I mean I have to watch it when I say on Christmas at my table to bring it in a pair And we have to get her a gift on top of that I See you man. It's in you buddy dude like that was always the thing with me and you was like I like watching you I thought you were funny had good style, you know, you're like a There's a slight difference between you off stage and odd stage a little bit. Yeah, good. You know the professional is not professional disposition But you've got almost like a like we all do you guys sort of slightly Amplified version of what you know yourself up there Yeah, and your jokes, but I always thought like I still don't understand how this kid liked me so much I feel like we live in different worlds.
I couldn't talk about sports with you Yeah, and I feel bad about that. I'm sorry now. You know, I don't know people talking sports I didn't need to talk I didn't want it even that even mentioning sports now with you is like I don't need that from you Man, I know you remember that joke. I know see cuz with me you look at me.
You're stereotyping You know a guy long island, you know, maybe he's hit me with breddy stan Ellis and he's a fan of mine And yeah, but I always knew that though, but then there was some point where I realized when I started talking to you and your wife That you were this sweet guy. You've very thoughtful. You got your own take on the world. Yeah, you know, you're not some idiot No, I'm a prisoner in the accent But it was your whole family have it.
Yeah, I mean my dad is like a partner and a firm and everyone else is like at five or six Other guys is retired now on the golf course all that but at the time you think live on golf course? Yeah, Eastern Pennsylvania really interesting choice. Yeah, so you keep all you know It's to be in your family and yeah, yeah, who's got kids your sister? My sister my brother's got that I got one I got a daughter.
It's when did that happen a couple years ago. Holy shit Yeah, I say on stage where I say in the special low my wife and I weren't even trying and when you're looking at a positive pregnancy test When you're not trying that's like getting a speeding ticket in the mail, you know, you're just looking at that trying to backtrack a month Well, we had this have old married a mole. How old are you 45? No, that's all right That's the right time what could you imagine you were the kid five years ago?
No, I mean, no, you know, you would have been like you remember You will drunk you Yeah, I just feel like I'm ready to give this kid some knowledge. Yeah, do you love her? All right? I can't wait.
Well, it's sort of unreal. She's so smart. I mean she's she's Chinese small. You know, I'm saying she's really Really?
Yeah, but like when you like okay, so you find out you're pregnant. She's your wife's pregnant. She is well That's people say that I don't matter. Yeah, so she's pregnant.
Yeah, you freak out at first like what are we gonna do? Was it was your you know, was there a choice or did you like it would just do it's time? Well, no, it was go time and happened out here in LA. We're out here for only like about six seven months So, you know, I gave me a reason to you know, but the thing is it's kind of in the special two because we tried for Special let me tell you that one.
Yeah. Yeah, all right But I'm just saying is we tried for a while and we couldn't get it done, you know, I ended up with a fertility clinic and say that like it's a shameful thing Oh, yeah, it's embarrassing. Yeah, right? Yeah, I know some man that knew in the moment when it happened man Like they knew when it happened.
I said I don't I had that one so I looked at my wife as soon as we're done on like Congratulations, you know what to sell for my calling mother? Didn't have an at the fertility clinic Yeah, and then it's kids running around in a fertility clinic. I do a bit about that. Yeah, bring it to a fertility clinic Well, what happens to the fertility clinic?
Well, you have how long ago is it? Yeah, this was about four four five years ago. Yeah, and we didn't want to have more than half kids We're gonna be a couple who didn't want it and then right towards the tail end my wife started to feel like she wanted to right So and you know, I was telling to what I'd be able to physically all right, right? Right, okay.
Yeah, so and I also was like either way so I was like, yeah, let's let's go for it thinking being Italian that if I said Let's do this today. My Thursday will be making a shallow list, right? No brainer. Yeah, that's powerful.
I could just look at you Yeah, so then yeah, it didn't happen that easily didn't happen at all right And then there was frustration sets in so then we go and then like it doesn't sex become like a chore you timing it out And did you have to get into that like you figuring out the cycles and like oh my god? We gotta do it now. Yeah, yeah, you did and then the thing is she has a Who has this with her insurance? We're able to go to a fertility clinic in at the NYU medical on the east side really good place Doctor apparently was Celine Dion's doctor And it's so crazy because you're in there and you can just see that I'm sorry, but this desperation people, you know sure Yeah, I know they're like you wanted to happen different levels We weren't at that level my brother went through it for years before you adopted.
Yeah years a decade dude heartbreak. Yeah, it is It's frustrating and the doctor that they got no bedside manner in there whatsoever. They're talking about like we're looking at the hood of a Dots and you know Everything looks alright except for this one thing. Yeah, I don't know if we can replace that but we might be able to yeah Yeah, so and along those lines just do a few things to make sure you're very fertile when the time comes and I take my in the basic terms just Yeah, I'm officially I know now.
I'm just to put me in her right sure so you know I tried to do a bit about doing that But come on man, what am I? I mean I am but Can barely talk about it like you do a thing and then well I just don't want to be bitty with you You know what I'm honest about it. Yeah. Yeah, so anyway, um, so ironically It's an item going on the comedy seller boat ride and right before I get on it Yeah, dude, I mean talk about low rock bottom.
I was going on the boat ride. Can we get a drum roll for the money for the money? Oh, yeah, I got 200 bucks. Yeah, you know, that was like I did it once I think and I was like I'm not doing this again because like I had a mediocre set and then you got to walk around the fucking boat while you know It tell kills.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't even get people to listen at the back of the boat and then they try to tell you like it's fun It's not fun. It's not funny. How many times people told you I have a good set like please I'm just gonna try to get through that. Yeah, how do you look out there and what part of your brain?
You're like this is gonna be okay. This is like I gotta fucking live through this like so much of my career We're looking at it rooms going. Oh, no, not those guys. This is gonna be hard.
Yeah For the money and on top of that when you do that boat thing you could be having a nice little moment And if they make a wrong turn and it's a sight like the Statue of Liberty What's up, then you're done man. I mean you purposely don't go into a bit if you know they're going around Oh, there's the statue Then it would the last time I was on it I think Quinn's on stage how and we docked and he's still on you know, I don't even think I'd stay on the boat of prior was in his prime I'm sorry, I'm getting off the fucking thing, man. You had your mind. I never understood the logic of it I mean, it's nice of them.
It's a wonderful club and it gets the comedians together, but what was the boat ride? Did they make money on that? Did they make a big bunch of money? They made a money, but they're very generous with the comedians There's one picture of the boat ride and I'm in it Yeah, and I'm the one you might my face is sort of darkened in the back and I can see me wearing my one of my dumb Hawaiian shirts that used to wear all the time and just not looking happy So what happened that night, so you don't know.
Yeah, you know, I mean it wasn't a pretty time and She called my wife holds up and says that we can't it can't happen They can't get through with a blockage from a previous minus surgery. She had Anyway, that's what they figured it out. Yeah, but then he's like but don't worry to something else we can do and then my wife goes You know, I don't even that was too much pressure on him. I deal with it forget it.
Yeah, sad times Yeah, yeah, so then what happened and we moved out here? We said how would we we took our Jeep Wrangler dog? We took three weeks three and a half weeks driving our Jeep Wrangler from New York LA And the goal was to not go over roads where you do over 50 miles an hour Right, so we got the highway wherever we want to go I mean at one point we're in Kansas and we wake up one morning I'm looking at the map and I had just finished reading in cold blood Yeah, sure and I'm like a hulkam Kansas is only an hour away on the map. These are the sites Yeah, and we drove to hulkam.
I checked out the house. Did you yeah? It was crazy? Did you feel like other people did that or you were one of the craziest thing?
What's the name of the Potter the Potter family? The family that got all murdered in the house, so you drive we pull up dirt road to this little coffee shops last gas There's nothing else there and I go in and there's one behind the counter I mean like a Stephen King novel I go excuse me Do you know where the cutter house is and she looks at me makes her face But won't answer and everyone sort of turns away and you know being a long island guy. I'm like, okay, okay We're not gonna fucking tell me like I'm just gonna leave They're not telling me Jack. I guess we gotta live.
We're gonna fucking Google it or something happening Yeah, so finally somebody else calls me over and says well listen It's a mile of that way and then it's a long dirt road leading to just that house Yeah, but you know they're not gonna let you on the property or anything like that and I go I know it's fine. I want to go on the property. I just want to see from this well That's where it is and you know so we start driving on Jeep and we're going down the dirt road You are to the house you go into the house and now you can see it just like in the book in the distance It's maybe like two football fields away and we're just down the dirt road now a jeep just like mine Yes, it's not to come in the other way and he literally does one of those where he gets in front of me I'm going real slow and he waves me to stop and he pulls up right next to me And he goes hey, what are you doing? What are you going?
I was like oh hey, you know just going to check out the house you're going to see the house right? I said yeah and goes well my mother owns that house now It's a guy about my age me. Yeah, yeah, and I go well listen I'm not going on the property or anything like that I just want to take a look and he's like I like to jeep what year is it? You know with the 2001 it's got a lot of years on a man to jeep thing.
Yeah, if you ever had one No, you have it though. Yeah, but even when you pass people they do a jeep sign. Okay fine. Yeah, I have things like that Moments where I'm like all right you're red-wing guys.
Okay. You got five place in records. You're a man's man I know that okay fine. I'm just saying there was a reason why two men in a jeep would have a jeep I'm not a jeep guy, but you know, yeah, yeah Nice boot guy so you got the alpha for a regular for whatever.
I know I thought about it But you know you're high up and it's not practical for me. I went I'm gonna go for a wheeling. I got a camera That's what I get it's true. I don't have to worry about it But I like the idea of a jeep I can appreciate the jeep and I understand so you're having this jeep moment on a dirt road To go to a murder scene right and his mother owns the place and his mother owns the place exactly And he kind of started to take to me and he goes well if you'd like to see the house I'll let you see the house for $25 right.
That's not I go. What do you mean like go in and he's like yeah, my mom will let you go in for $25 Oh shit, so yeah, that was weird, you know Like he says that was weird you're driving down a dirt road to see an old murder scene and now the guy actually says you can't Sorry freak. I'm out. I'm focusing on the fact that a man Well it won't pull itself a writing about this area right, you know I didn't want to go in there was four different murders in the house in different areas Like we're gonna take me to the radiator where the woman's tied up It was well, that's the thing because you said have other people done this I said no, it's all right.
I just did you mind if I just go to the edge of the driveway and take a photo He's like yeah, I'll call my mom until you're gonna do that. She's mine They weren't the uh, they even bought off the second owner after it Right, so so I said has anyone else done this and he goes in the summer time We get 10 to 15 cars a day on weekends up to 20 So he's making a living I said do you do this anymore? He goes no because we used to try and do it but they would come randomly like when we're eating dinner It was never a set time. Wow, so my mom just shut it down.
We don't do it at all anymore. Wow. Isn't that true? Yeah, did you go in the house?
No way man. I want to be number five when he's kidding me That's people like and then the dummy goes in Yeah What else did you see when you were driving across? Because like it's hard now you go out you get off the highway because a lot of the stuff that's interesting like, you know, Towns or this or that it's not there anymore. Yeah, no, absolutely We'll be cut through plots of our own Cleveland really quick.
You pick some weird things are in Kansas. You go to the Inkle blood. Yeah, housing What's in Cleveland? Well, my wife we left from her hometown.
So we From Ohio to New York, so much in New York. So that's a little rough up there, huh? I live in a small town up there now. Where?
For Donia, New York. Yeah, yeah, people I don't know people realize you get up north there. It's a little hill country, huh? Yeah, it certainly is.
Amish quite an Amish and so I had a We stopped at a place rural rural and as an Amish card, right? So, uh, is this outside of Cleveland now? I'm sorry outside of Cleveland. Okay.
Yeah, so I take a photo, okay? And I said but we're using one of these nice Nikon cameras when I'm really trying to document it. So I take on my wife's camera By the time all I want is the black wagon and a horse by the time I set up the guys in the in the wagon So I take the photo so we go inside the shop. He takes off You know we get up maybe a little bit of a ways in his railroad track and we have to go around him So he slow down as I'm going around him.
I got the top down. I go to give a wave and the Amish guy looks at me and he goes You could have asked oh yeah, and I just drove by and I look at my phone. He's just fucking I think he said I should ask What are you talking about? I took a photo.
He got in the wagon and whatever right doesn't mean nobody looks like a very photogenic So then cut to about 50 minutes later. We're and this only the second day into a 15 You know 25 26 day trip. I took that one. Yeah, holy shit So like the second day in now we see some sort of lake and what I said, let me get a photo of it out This is early on, you know, you stop for a bird You know what I mean?
So we pull over to this lake thing to take some photos and she gets out to get a better shot And I turn the Jeep around all of a sudden the Amish guy comes clapping by with his horse Same guy same guy and he's going pretty fast and he's I see him see me and he keeps going and then he stops with the horse And he turns around and I'm like, oh, man I mean, not only you're making the horse do this the horse doesn't even want me But then you're turning around you can't he comes up to me Yeah, and now his horse is leaning over the hood of my Jeep He gets up close and he says uh, how'd the photo come out of something? I'm like listen, I didn't even mean to get you. I'm sorry. I wanted to just get your wagon You got in.
I mean, he's like, well, let me have a copy of it I go I don't even I don't even know what that means. He's like, well, let me see it And I go I'm not gonna let you have my camera. I don't even know and then Jackie comes over and she's like, what's going on? I'm like, listen, can you just move sir?
Can you just move? And I just kind of got in the car and I go, I'm sorry. I don't even know and I drove off his yellow. You should ask next time it's rude.
It's rude. What do you think you're gonna do run off of your camera in the cart? Well, what does he want to do? What does he need to look at it for?
He's gonna go, oh, that's beautiful. Can you email me? Maybe? Mary time.
What do you tell me? Email to the Walgreens. I got a countdown. They'll print it out for him.
You thought he was gonna maybe break the down? Yes, that's exactly what I thought. I mean, if you're willing to turn around and not get that angry, it's like again, it's like, it's like, I feel like there's an anger about you chose that angry about it. He locked in like he had taken you're driven a while and this was like 20 minutes later He's still clapping along holding on to it.
There's that fucker. I knew I would catch up with him. I always said if I ever catch up with the one that he's fucking stinks of business, you ruined his old plan. He's still hanging on to it.
Oh, wait, I forgot he could still just drive away or run. Yeah. All right. So, okay.
So what did you go to other places? Well, here's a heavy one. Here's like one of the ending ones. So we had the dog.
My dog was last leg. He was caught. Yeah, it had a good run. It was like 15 minutes.
Actually outlived the expectancy to breed, you know, to the point where, you know, like let's wrap this up. I bought you based on a fact that you died with the penny. I want to travel now guy, right? So, you know, some comics with their dogs affect their career because, you know, they got their dog.
Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, that's why I got the dumb cats. Yeah, you just get someone to drop food off and they're like, all right, take it easy.
Yeah, you got to walk them. Got an occasion. They'll freak out and have a few days where they shit on things, but you know, it's cat shit. It's not a disaster.
Yeah, I had dogs my whole life. It's fucking short, dude. I surrounded by old English sheep dogs. I grew up with hair all over me all the time.
They're just fucking hair everywhere and shit everywhere. Now people are going like dogs. I'm like, I did dogs. I'm done with dogs.
Are these your first cats? Like, have you had any cats pass on you yet? Yeah, but I missed it. Like, I had one disappear.
That was brutal. I still think about him. And then there was one that Meishna bought me the first cat, butch. Yeah.
That came out here with us, but it was sick and I was in New York doing that radio thing and it died here and they buried it down there. Is it as devastating as a dog dying? Because I mean, you know, bury my dog was ridiculous. Well, you know, I think like I don't, these are the ones, you know, the two I got now, like I think it's going to hurt me.
Yeah, I mean, we had the music play loud and then you went to check on them after we load the record play on them. Don't you see him running around like a lunatic? I don't want to be around the day. Oh, yeah.
You're going to be very sad to say the least. Yeah, because I got those guys in the alley in Astoria. Like I've had those guys for like 11 years now. I trapped them.
They were wild in Astoria. And there were five of these fucking feral kittens I saved. And somehow I got these two out here. Wow.
And you know, I've had them for that long. So yeah, I mean, there's a couple outside here that have been coming around for a decade. But I don't get attached one that was weird one that used to come here like years ago, like seven or eight years ago. This one is, I don't know who's it was, but I used to feed it.
It showed up like a like about a year ago. I hadn't seen him in years. It came here to die. Oh, wow.
Like this old sick fucking cat. I'm like, I remember you. What's up? He's like not good.
Got flies around my eyes. So like, you know, the bugs and shit. And I even missed that because I went out of town and the woman I'm seeing. She came over and he just like, he just was no good.
There was nothing you could do. He was dying. But he tried to go under the house and he didn't even make it. He got halfway into the hole here and just fucking crapped out.
Wow. And she but she took care of that. Well, they say you try to go back to the place you love the most. Well, I think like that.
I'm glad he had fond memories of me getting him. He's got the word guy. I had to put one down. I don't think it was anybody's battle.
I was all sick and full of snot and shit. So I trap it and I bring it in. The doc is like, he's got the other feline age. And he's got a pretty bad bronchial thing.
But it's probably the beginning of it. The end. I'm like, all right. Well, put him down.
But then I always wonder, is there a family somewhere? Like, you know, two blocks away going, I don't know where the cat is. Like, I know where it is. Yeah, I took care of it.
Wow, I don't know, man. They're probably going. I hope somebody did that for it, right? Yeah, maybe.
We got sometimes we get the little mice that are so small that you got to use glue traps. I know I have to do that. I don't do it, but then she takes a knife. The adult part and presses him here until they pass out.
She puts it. She kills them. It feels bad. So she does that before she throws them out.
Oh, it's so sad. She just presses the knife there. Oh, she can handle it? Yeah, right.
That's how you got a woman like that. Yeah, or be afraid a little bit. Hey, she's true. She is when we buried the dog, man.
But what happened? So we're going cross country dogs, right? And you may know, it's two with a dog. You know, when they're asked to start to stink those, they get the glands up their asses.
They get these glands. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, back in New York City, it would smell so bad.
We take it to the vet. And the vet would put gloves on. She'd hate when she'd have to do it as the vet would, of course, the dog would too. We have to hold a dog and the vet would put her fingers up there and squeeze, you squeeze them, you gently squeeze them and they drain out.
And it stinks so bad, man. And the vet has the mask on. It's just so gross, right? But it relieves the dog and the dog's ass doesn't smell anymore.
And it doesn't, because it'll leak. It'll be on the couch and it'll leak. So we're going in the Jeep. And it's summertime and the dogs has this problem.
And it's leaking and it's stinking up the Jeep to high heaven. And we're in, what's the place in Arizona? Sedona, right? Nice.
We had a nice way in there. We had a nice place we lucked out on overlooking the rocks and stuff. It'll allow the area. And we're like, we got to do something about this.
And we're like, you know, we're not going to call a vet to come out here to drain the dog's things. I go, can't we do it? We went online to Google it, right? And my wife goes, it seems that you just put your fingers up there, the two inner fingers and the two out ones are on the body.
And you just massage them and it leaks. And I go, well, that's how the vet does it too. I see it and stuff. So she's like, all right, I'll do it, right?
So she takes two plastic bags from, you know, when you have ice buckets and they give it a little plastic bag for the eye, she takes two of those and we have chapsticks. So she rubs it on her fingers to get some blue going. I take a belt and put it around the dogs, you know, you know, so English cockers, it's got a nice long snout hold down place. And she sticks her fingers up and she's draining and she's doing it.
I'm like, anything. And she's like, nothing yet. Nothing. And I'm like, come on, come on.
I have my fingers up the dogs asking you. Give me a break. I'm trying. I go, come on.
I can't hold them much longer. And the dogs, I'm finally squeezed. She goes, oh, I got it. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. This so much. Oh, this so much. And we drain that shit out, Marin.
And, you know, back in the city every time we do that, that's like 225. So any home of the dog out there, if you can stomach it, man, just lay down some paper towel and do it the road. You learned so much from the road, man. I know why Willie Nelson's the wise, right?
Yeah, right. You know, everything. And the dog survived it. Yeah, the dogs survived.
I mean, if I could talk, I would have said, thank you. And you have a cigarette. I become a That's an amazing couple moment. Yeah.
Yeah, it really was. I mean, talk about teamwork, man. That was something else, man. I mean, talk about being able to go to the gym and room go, Hey, well, we did something that room that no one ever did before.
Well, we've had honeymoon is no guy. You don't even know. You don't even know. Yeah.
That was a bonding moment. I thought you were going to tell me the dog died there. No, no way. No, the dog died back in New York, back in upstate New York and we buried it illegally in the backyard at night.
Oh, really? So I'm going to get on you for that? I don't know the name of my I don't know. So did you put it down or it just died?
No, we went and we had to put down. No, no, no, the guy gives you put the dog back in a it was a big box from the supermarket that had a lot of bounty paper towels. Yeah, and you get them all shipped away. Yeah.
That's it. And ending right, man. And you bring it back with its favorite blanket and we put it in a backyard and like I said, we light a candle every Christmas Eve and have a couple of dollars. We'll drink some singing for your carols by the grape.
Yeah. So my old man right then once it goes, oh, when I die, you're going to come to my grave and I can't go to Christmas Eve. I go if you're buried behind my garage. Yeah.
Let's not forget the convenience factor going on here guy. Oh, yeah, that's that God bless Ruby, my dog. You stayed out for seven months? About seven months.
But were you out here on a deal? No, no, no, I just once it didn't happen with having a kid, my wife, I'm on the road so much. She likes California. She always wanted to come out here and she's like, let's sell our apartment.
We had a nice padman hat. Oh, that's right. You made some money out though. You're doing the radio and stuff.
No, not selling it. No, I didn't. But it was also like, it was getting, I mean, it was not to be about the monthly, not on it. Let's talk about ultimately what happened because I left New York before you really started to get your legs, I think, a little bit.
Yeah. You seem like sometimes you'd be there and sometimes you wouldn't. I mean, you're also, you have various hairdos. Very few men have drastic different hairdos.
It was a mistake. It was a mistake. You got to commit to a hairdo. I mean, John May, I didn't even know.
I used to say, like, no, I'm like, dude, you like to walk marinam musicians and just try to find it. Find it, find it. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I finally leveled off on the little goteenship and I'm growing this out now, not because of fashion. Yeah.
And I need to, like, there's a reason that I got to look to shovel. So I'm going to let this go as long as I can handle it. No, when I saw you Montreal a few years back, it was like, wow, he is like just there where he's supposed to be. He was so in your own skin.
And I wasn't there the year that you gave the commencement speech. Somebody sent, told me where to get a transgrap. Yeah. And I can't tell.
I felt like you were talking to me. I mean, right up to the waffle. No, if I get up, I can go get the waffle right now. And just, and just this whole feeling of knowing, I mean, this dumpy hotel in the middle of nowhere.
And I'm really, really good at what I do. And it's like crazy that no one's seeing this yet. You know? And, you know, heartbreaking.
Yeah, that was tough. That speech is like choked up. And like, you know, everyone in the industry is there and I'm like about to cry and I had to turn around and pull my shit together. Yeah.
Don't cry. You could cry, but not too much. But that was a real comic speech, man. Like, you know, you got to be a comic to understand that.
Yeah. Yeah. That's who I wrote it for. You know, I mean, I'm very grateful to the comedy community in some weird way, you know, because like it's weird, you know, as far out as I got, and however hostile I became or whatever other people thought of me, I don't think I was that horrible to people.
It's just that personality problems. But you know, you get when it got dark and everything fucking was closing in on me and I was able to turn it around by some fucking miracle of cosmic timing and persistence. You know, I just, you know, that's my community. There's nobody else.
It's not the Jews. It's not, you know, I don't have this circle of friends. It's all the fucking gypsies and weirdos that we spend our life with. So I'm like, this is the Iowa to them.
I mean, that's why I did the podcast at the beginning. I'm like, because the great thing about doing it was like, I talked to guys we know, you know, at the beginning was all comics because, you know, and then I kind of ran out of people. But it was sort of like the greatest thing that people said was, you know, comics would come up to me like, yeah, I hadn't heard from that guy in a while. It was good to hear from him.
I know what he was up to. So it was almost like this weird service I was providing for people, you know, comics who never heard of tell, talk for a minute. I know what to tell for 20 years. I never, never talked to him for more than 3 minutes.
Have you ever talked to him for more than we drink? He might have talked to him for more than 3 minutes. But with me, I consider him a pretty close friend. But it's always like, what?
Yes. Okay. And then it's like, all right, good to see you, Dave. Yeah.
And when I talked to him for an hour, I was like, oh my God, I just talked to him for an hour in the daytime. Oh my God, man. What was that like? Anything about him, man?
It's like, you know, even from his act, you don't know. I mean, one time me and another comedian drank with him for a couple of hours. And then he left and I remember, I forget who was with me, but the other comic looks at me and goes, do you believe we just drank out drank a tell? And I go, what are you kidding me?
It's just time for Dave to drink a little. You know what I mean? He's had enough. Yeah, he can not hold off with the social skills for me and you any longer, man.
And that was the longest again. I mean, you and him were the kind of guys in Colin where I would, you guys could get my head. Like I go home and tell my wife, I mean, what did you get my butt at? Just really, you know, or how we call up and say, hey, do you do a bit like this?
And he knows you don't. And he knows I didn't. And even if I did, you give a shit, if Pete Corioli's six years in. I love those calls.
That means he likes you. That's why I say hi, you bet. Exactly. Oh, man.
But like, I guess I was in and out and then you were doing spots at the cellar. But what's happened for you? How did it turn out? Well, I was always knows to the grinds, though, man.
I was always, you know, I passed the cellar early on and I was never the kind of guy that like self-promote or anything. I would just write the bits, work on the graph. And then I remember about, I don't know, 10 years in a so my manager at the time was like, she goes, you know, what about doing half alpha commie central? And I said, what about doing an hour?
I think I can do an hour. So I went to a club. 15 years in. Yeah.
Yeah. But never haven't done a half hour anything. And I had done like a tonight show or let him in and I handed it in and I got an hour. So I did that.
And, you know, well received, but you know, got me in the clubs and just, you know, then that whole nother level of eight, nine years of grinding at these clubs, just playing them all. Like, you know, so much of all you were speaking to me in that speech. And then I was just funny bone here. And this one there.
And and just like nice that they worked it. Like I had a hard time even getting traction in those places. Well, again, you, some of the other ones, I I've been situations where I'm like, there's no way you could say this to Marin. And he would not blow his fucking top.
I like that. Like, I remember being a club and I don't want to name names, but Ohio. And after the show, it's one of those places where they drive you back to the, to the at least at a hotel. And I did one condo join them.
And I go in and the guys in his office and I go and the guy would pick me up as a guy and he mats. So I go, the guy running the club. I go, hey, is Matt here? Yeah.
And he goes, nope, Matt's done for the day. He went home. He's done for the night. Oh, I'm just, I'm just looking for a ride back to the hotel now.
And he's like, right? Okay. And when we have a moment and we're done, we'll give you a ride back to the hotel. I'm like, I'm just another cog.
I'm just another cog in the machine is no, no, you're a little above anything because you're the comic here, you know, and I was having like, and he was mad at me. So I'm sitting there like a yo, you leaning against the wall just waiting for a ride. And then people that were lingering around to have a drink. They're like, Oh my God, I'm never going from going, you need a ride.
Oh my God, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. So, you know, you know, and again, I mean, I'm like, I would be in moments like that.
And I even tell my wife when something like that would happen. I'm like, you just can't tell me guys like, Marion is one to Paulo is another. There's no way they're gonna go. Okay, I'll stand over here.
So I'm like, I wonder how before, you know, you really hit how you compensate sometimes for my thing was, is it like, I never quite understood that it was a business. Like, I never understood when you were playing a club that the idea was you'd like to come back. Yeah, you know, I'm like, I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do. And we'll see what happens.
I was never that diplomatic. I was never that pleasant until later. And I started to realize like, Oh, the idea is you build a little following it wasn't even a prima donna thing. I just was very kind of aggravated and entitled by it.
And then you'd have to do a club owners and want to hang out. You know, I don't know what's worst. The guy who's trying to, you know, you put you in your place or the guy that's sort of like, we're going to the club. I don't know if I can talk to you that long.
And you know, you have to go because you're not in enough to say no, I don't want to go. Yeah, I just know. Well, when I did drugs and shit, that was easier because at least you could drink and stuff. But I've never been a guy that just has casual conversation with a club owner.
And I remember one time, one time like it was weird because like, I never really quite put it into perspective, you know, like I was in the everyone's dead. Now, so I guess I could talk about I was in Tempe. Or yeah, yeah, improv. I was running the place and I was working with Hedberg and Merwanda go out and drink.
And I just thought like, oh, let's go out and drink. And you know, I'm trying to get Hedberg out of his room and he's not answering a pound. And he's like, what? So you want to go hang out with the manager?
Yeah. I never thought about it that way. I guess I don't really, but I ended up going eating go and I felt like such a fucking. Like you implied that was kissing.
But I just wanted to drink. But they just it's just the numbers. That's all. And if it's just the numbers and if it's just who's drawing and who's not, then aren't you kind of just a rental whole man?
Come on. Well, that's it. But that's what you know, Hawking said to me. We're in the.
We're in the. We're in the. We're in the. We're in the.
We're in the. We're in the. We're in the drink selling business. It's not, you know, that's what we're doing.
We work in the restaurant business and I never quite put that together. But when he told me on this show, it's like, we were working the restaurant in bar business. The bar and restaurant business. I'm like, really?
No, it's not. It's not. It's. It's about us first and foremost, isn't it?
No, it's a horrible lesson to learn because I never thought of myself as an entertainer. I never was like, you know, he's not going to entertain these people. I'm not going to drag them through something. Yeah.
And hopefully I'll get through it. All right. Yeah. Yeah, that's true, man.
I mean, you never, you never the kind of one go, did it was, I know the boat shake right there. Yeah. Yeah. You're not doing no cruise act.
But I never like, fortunately, I never made. There was no way I could make myself available for that, even if I wanted to, even if I tried. No way, man. So all right.
So you kind of hammered out. You do the hour. Yeah. You know, hit the road.
I don't know, man. Always kind of under the radar. I've had a few of the various sitcom opportunities. You know, last year I got to a point where I sold, we wrote a sitcom script for CBS, but he has a doozy man.
Yeah. So I move up state a couple of years ago and just, you know, trying everything. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, great. It's upstate. You know, like, I mean, to give you, it's an old Victorian and I do love it. But great.
But this is so funny. Like, my father-in-law was retired. He worked in a steel plant. He was retired.
Yeah. Gold Watch. All that stuff. Hard work in man.
And my dad did well, but, you know, white collar much more. So, you know, I had my dad and my father-in-law and a few of us standing at the foot of my driveway. I bought the house now and have people in my dad's got glass in the morning. It's a big old Victorian and next to my house.
It's a nice house, but significantly smaller. Yeah. So we're all chatting and somebody, I think it was my father, but somebody goes, oh, I see that house is for sale. The one next day, how much is that going for?
And I think it was going for like literally like 120,000. Yeah. And my wife goes, oh 120,000. My father goes, Jesus Christ.
I'll take poo. Right? Yes. So then when I pull my side, I go, Dad, what are you doing?
I'm sorry. I just, holy shit. I mean, you get me right out of place. So I mean, to put a perspective about my, I mean, a parking ticket where I live is $7 on Main Street.
$7. Now what are we doing at seven and a half hours? Yeah. Dude, I had to get that far away, you know, starting to see some, you know, just a lot going on in the city.
I was losing my creative vibe. I got all I could out of playing those clubs. Yeah, you get tired. We drink it too much probably.
Well, no, just, just, you know, flavor to month. It's a cafeteria popularity. This one's this and this one's that and like I would come home and it would mess with my creativity because you started judging yourself against, you know, outside things. I needed to get away from all that.
My wife wanted out of the city anyway, and I was on the road so much, you know, it's hard not to feel like a small town after a certain point. And if you're just a guy sitting at the table and you feel like it's passing you by because your own insecurities are fucking with your head. Yes. You gotta get away.
I like when I was I was like, you know, I be Yorkamike, thank fucking God, I was like, why don't you live? I'm like, there's nothing to do there. Yeah, that's really not, I mean, what are you going to do there? I mean, there's there's the two clubs.