Episode 72: Self-Love, Marriage, and Boundaries

All the time, you find yourself worrying about things you can’t control: your spouse’s feelings, your kids’ feelings, your income or finances, et cetera. If this is you, you may want to take a step back and think about you: who are you? Are you the person you want to be? In this episode, Jodi discusses the power of self love and boundaries—which, yes, is a form of self love!—with author and public speaker Chany Rosengarten.About Our Guest:Chany G. Rosengarten takes women who are struggling with real pain in their marriage, to living in peace, power and connection. While many people try to help couples by bringing them together on the same page- something that results in fireworks and pain when there's been trauma, distrust or animosity in a relationship, Chany helps couples by building up one member of the partnership at a time. This is so powerful that most women who work with Chany report that not only are they happier than they ever were, and not only did they find their purpose, passion and peace, but their husband typically says, "what have you been doing? Because whatever it is, I'm in love with who you are''. Chany has helped over one hundred women directly change their marriage or other significant family relationships. She is the author of the book The Boundary Is You, and she is a wife and mother to four beautiful children ages 14-3. Connect with Chany: [email protected] Notes:3:00 Addressing the elephant in the room“Having tried to fix all the little problems […] at some point I realized that in all of these things, there’s one central theme, and that is: I don’t like myself. And when I realized that, that’s where the real work began…” (4:01)5:14 Avoiding the tendency to blame others“I was resentful at my baby, and I knew that there was something in that equation that didn’t make sense. But who was I to blame, myself? [laughter]” (5:45)8:12 Who are you?“Even just ‘who are you in this situation’ is enough of a question to say […] What do you say about this? What do you need? What are you bringing to the table, and can we tolerate that?” (9:05)9:40 Practical tools to get to yourself“The basic idea is get to the answer of, or get to the question of: who are you, and the next question is: what do I want?” (10:59)11:11 The boundaries of yourself“For me, understanding the boundary is me means I have permission to want what I want. I have permission to create the life that I want. It spills over naturally into my other relationships.” (12:46)14:25 The LAND method“L is for Loving yourself […] the A is for Authority and Autonomy […] the N is Negotiation […] and finally, [D is for] Direction.” (14:47)17:43 How it’s all connected“Women are very powerful, and a lot of women don’t know that. I want women to have a good life where they’re shining, where they’re taken care of, where they feel at peace, where they feel safe and secure.” (18:26)Credits:Host: Jodi FriedGuest: Chany RosengartenEditor: Rae Pavlat