Episode 78: Developing Stronger Relationship with Vicky Essebag

FocusED Show Notes with Guest Vicky EssebagVicky starts by defining “relationspaces” as the way that we bring ourselves to the spaces where we develop relationships.Vicky tells us that we have preconceived notions about how we’re communicating and sometimes it’s effective and other times it’s not.Vicky gives us an example of where our communication as teachers to students might be landing wrong in a way that only supports more misbehavior.It’s better to minimize our noticing of the behaviors that are not desirable and maximize our noticing of the desired behaviors.Solution-Focused is a strength-based approach. And, the future aspect of it asks the question, what does the person want?Vicky says that success happens in small increments. Change happens gradually. Her advice is to take a few steps back when things aren’t going the way we want them to and then to become more inclusive.She tells us that relationships have to be the foundation of everything we do and have to be prioritized as important in the minds of every leader.Vicky explains that Solution-Focused has a premise that “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it; if it’s working, don’t change it; and if something is wrong, do something about it.”Don’t miss what she says about future-oriented types of questions.Vicky talked about a scenario and exercise that she did with students who were refusing to come to school, and they built hypothetical machines to help bring them back to school.She talks about her own growth and a program she’s in right now to gain a certification that she wants for more international credibility.Vicky says that the most important part about commuting with others is our presence.We asked Vicky to give us some techniques for asking questions. She says that the best questions are open-ended and up to the person being asked to provide their answer versus searching for the right ones.If we can inspire people with hope, why not. ~ Vicky Essebag