Episode 8 | Part (2/3)

And we're back. We've got refilled modellos. Actually, this episode is sponsored by Modello. Thank you, Modello.

Modello is Special. Gracias, Modello. Keeps you wet when you're dry. That's right.

Modello. Imported beer. So where we last left our intrepid heroes, several soldiers had walked into the cathedral. Five soldiers had walked into the cathedral, one of which was beginning to change into who knows what.

Uh-huh. A crab soldier. Some kind of a crab thing. I'm going to grab all their tongs.

Start putting on robes and a collar. Becoming the preacher first. And then printing the crab. That's how the transformation is.

Ah! Pushing. Yeah. It's a low-brose-rebeep.

Ah! Oh my god. Father, I have sinned. So everyone rolling ishia for me.

OK. Oh shit. I don't think I'm going to put the carpet on the carpet. And folks buckle up.

This is the whole combat thing. So we're coming in high. 14. OK.

I don't care yet. All right. So I'm going to roll again. No.

It means I don't want to hear your number yet, because I'm doing my own numbers. I don't care yet. I just want a teacher who falls face and is fucking dimples. And I don't need it.

Does this? I don't care yet. It's a picture of me in front of a speeding train. I don't care yet.

And the train says life. Sorry. Wow. Make a loop.

OK. Do you need to talk? I'm fine. And I'm driving the train.

Yes. OK. Oh my god. Oh my god.

OK. I want it to be like Thomas, the tech engine. But your face is front of it. Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be right back. OK. And we're back. We just explained to Jason the song Gucci gang and the term gang gang gang gang gang.

I'm much worse off for it. You are. As are we all. Orzak, what's your initiative?

Seventeen. Nice. All right. Tim, or Hardback, sorry.

Fourteen. Fourteen. And Nella. Nella for Toto.

Seven. All right. This is going well. I don't care yet.

I don't care yet. It doesn't happen. Danging. All right.

Let me go to the Chool. If anyone following along the Monster Manual, you can make your very own Crab Preacher by adjusting the Chool in the Monster Manual page 40. OK. So the Crab Preacher goes first.

I believe Orzak, you're closest. Oh yeah. I'm going to. You're going ham.

I'm going ham. Wait, there's a Crab Preacher up front. And then there's five. Four soldiers behind him.

So you see this, the guard that nodded you in. His armor like bursts apart and blood and skin. Bone. He flies out from what emerges is this crustacean, kite-ness-plated pink, gross gooey covered crab preacher that you fought.

And he locks grody eyes with Orzak, and charges at him, claws and appendages extended, ready to rock and roll. Does a 19 hit you? Hell yeah, bro. OK.

And that doesn't hit. So his first attack is a pincer attack. And you take, wow. You take 12 damage.

I take six, bro. You have resistance to all types of damage, right? That's not a mantle. Oh, mantle damage.

Yeah, our psychic. What do you want to call it? Nice. That's really good.

Now it is Orzak's turn. Well, this thing is mainly combat. Yeah, I was surprised how quick it got off because I was pretty quick getting off. Anyway, so I remember the last time I took a couple swings at these things.

They seemed pretty resistant, but I also wasn't like, wasn't rocking and rolling. So I'm going to go ahead and just do a regular attack on this dude. Maybe if I can get some, get into the white fleshy parts underneath the shells. OK.

I've got some butter in my pocket. I'm going to heat up. OK, and dip it later. Probably missed.

I rolled. Let's see what is that. That's a he. Well, maybe not set a now an 11 probably doesn't it?

No, it doesn't. Yep. So your strike rebounds off of his kite in his plate. Oh, wait.

I get to attack again because I have extra attack. I'm going to do it again. Do it again. That's more like it.

How's a 19 sound? Yeah, that's a hit. Nice. OK.

So you have that is do you care what damage type as long as it's non magical damage? I don't care what type. OK. So you feel like this is a really good strike.

You've your blade has got it caught between its defenses and you have a really good gut shot coming in and you feel like this blow should have moved a lot further into its soft tissue, but a lot of the kite had absorbed the initial strike and it takes a reduced amount of damage. OK. OK. Next up is one of the guards.

A guard comes rushing in long sword raised above its head. And it goes after, well, yeah, they'll, they're not stupid. The guards are not stupid. So they're going to come after Harbeck first.

So where are you at? I guess so and I'll let you guys decide, paint me a picture of what this looks like inside this cathedral. There's the aisle. There's the altar area where I think most of you were standing.

And then I think this combat between the Joel and Orzak is happening basically in the aisle of this cathedral. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I think we're all up by the altar. OK. Yeah. With you in between the guards and the vicountists.

Yeah, I got in front. OK. And comes charging in. He's got a long sword in two hands raised above his head to strike you.

Harbeck does a 17 hit. Nope. OK. So I pull up that Warhammer and I block that overhead shot.

Nice. Next up we have Harbeck, your turn. So with that same Warhammer I want to attack this guy. OK.

And I roll a natural one. OK. So the battle isn't gone like one way or the other. You just lose your turn.

You just, and maybe his strike was just, there was so much power behind it that you just weren't able to, you, you had to fend him off with everything you had you didn't get to attack. Really off balance in these guys. Yes. I thought one another one of the guards comes rushing seeing his friend was unable to land a decisive blow on you Hardbick comes to gang up on you gang gang.

Oh my god. He rolls it too. So you're just this stout Defense that is completely impenetrable. Yeah total low center of gravity Next up would be another Nope or now your turn.

I turn to the vicountess and debris and I shout at debris Take the take my countess and run and get as far away from this cathedral as possible. We will meet up with you later, okay? Just go please. Okay, I love you.

Okay. Bye and he turns and grabs the vicountess by the arm and hurries out the back He draws a short sword from his belt and holds it in front of him as he runs out of the runs out of the room There's a back door and he disappears from sight with the vicountess nice very good. There was a good idea But you still have your you can do stuff. Yeah, I'm gonna attack I'm not so here's here's what's happening.

So there are two attacking hardback right now There is the crab preacher that's attacking or zock and then there are two guards that have yet to make a move I want to protect hardback with all of my body-mind and soul. So I'm going to attack whatever is closest to me that is also attacking sure Yeah, either one of the two guards there. They haven't taken damage yet. So I rolled five Okay, and they're wearing what kind of armor they're wearing split mail, so they're pretty heavily armored So your attack does not hit cool, but you make two attacks You can make three if you choose to use your action surge which you can replenish after a short rest 11 plus 5 at 16 not close but not close enough for one shy So it's just a swirling melee and you're just unable to land a good hit on him So yep, and don't forget you can take your action search whenever you want or your Second wind second wind whenever you are cool.

I have not used those yet. Oh, yeah, it's not there's not a lot of yeah You probably will now do a good time guard. Yeah quite yet guard one of the guards comes rushing in Hi, and he yeah, he has a sword and shield so he has a long sword in one hand and a shield in front of him So he has an increased armor class And he goes to strike at you or Nella seeing you come after his friend And he rolls a 15 to 15 hit man This is a really dramatic fight of no one doing anything the next guard is going to come in oh man I didn't read that but so this guard has a And that was stupid he has a short sword drawn and a shield and a shield out and The short sword he goes to stab at you or Nella and he rolls a 23. Oh, yeah, okay.

Oh, yeah My god, you take nine damage Okay, and then he gets two attacks with the short sword so he's gonna make one more on you or Nella and he rolls a 10 So that's not a hit next uh next is oh that was a last guard So now we're back up the top the turn of the chol that's fighting for the crab creature That's fighting or zach makes a pincer attack. It is a 23 Yeah I think I'm afraid I'm that wing diamond armor Resting pepperonis what I'm sorry. No, you're not. No, I'm not fuck you I'm gonna get a pinch to be six three plus six is nine plus four is 13 damage Do I round up around down when reducing uh always round?

Well, do we want to make this deadlier or nicer your call deadlier so round up no thought yeah, no absolutely no thought to that deadlier Fuck this guy. I guess we know who's saying calls and then it's going to attempt to grapple you or zach So it makes the one pincer strike and lands a hit and then it's going to take its other pincer and try to lock you into a grip So opposed athletics jacks. Let's do this. Oh god Nine I I don't crit or anything, but I rolled 19.

So okay. Yeah. Yeah, totally. So we and that turns into a grappling check Okay, I have the destruction.

Yeah, you do. I'm gonna hold him in place. Okay. Yeah, let's make a post god dammit Six Okay, I just want to like Oh, yeah, and the camera like zooms in on like the like the scene from predator with arnie and uh, I'll Dylan you son of a bitch And I start crushing his claw and I Because I'm raging one hand with the two-handed weapon just you know if you want to reduce damage whatever Sure, come to the go right into the shoulder.

Oh, yeah. Um, uh, so it's gonna do reduce damage It's not gonna do the full what is a great sort of is that d26? So just do one d6. I had your strength Uh, well, I almost created the can for that attack.

Um, so yeah, I would imagine that's a 20 something. Yep. Um, all right when he's six Whoo, I rolled a 10 max damage nice Yeah, so you like parts of the kite and plate just burst like like you were cracking a crab shell They just pinch inwards and juice and guts not guts but juice and stuff flies out of it So shell explain to me since I would normally have to attack some assuming the grapple is an action and then this is the other action All right, cool. Next up is Guard two that's attacking harbeck.

Oh, and he crit Uh, so that's a d10 so 2d10 damage That's just a one. Yeah And then six so seven plus Four is 11 You guys need to take that guy down. He's a dude. I take the tutor.

Thanks for sure. That's I don't know. I apologize. No.

Yeah, it is hard. Yeah, I didn't go out. I didn't go out. We're harbeck your turn.

Okay, and I want to retaliate against that dude that just hit me. Yeah, retaliate like a boss full force. Yeah, use it And that's so good. Um, with the war hammer.

That's um, 13. Nope. Not enough. Sorry.

And don't forget to use your spells or yeah Things you could be like if you want to save them like this fight. I used my cantrips a lot Then I feel like I'm just gonna have to do that again. I don't even know why I have weapons to be honest Well, let's just to give you in case you can't like for real. I can't um next up is the You always use your cantrips one of the other guards.

Uh, he does not hit you harbeck or nala your turn Okay, I'm gonna go after the same douchebag who's fucking up harbeck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah 13 plus five 18.

That is a hit. Well done So that is a big old accident 1d12 plus three Do it. Do it. Do it.

Oh Six city full damage. Yep. The one that was attacking hardback, right? Yes.

Good. 15 damage. That's nice And you get to attack in the field. Mm-hmm.

Fuck. Yeah, it's true. Is he? Uh, no, he's not bloodied yet.

Okay, that's fine. That's fine. He bought me play. Let's do this I mean, these are like full-on soldiers that have seen crab war.

So Do I have I love that boyster called crab wars all through college. What did you tell true 17? Okay So if it meets it beats, but keep in mind he's the one without a shield So that should give you an indication of the guys with a shield what their AC is little tip from the DM to my lovely players Okay, so you hit do damage again Nice nice. Wow.

Thanks to my concount. Thanks for now. I sucked It's been an off morning. I think I'm no tired.

Uh now the two remaining guards are gonna attack you or Nella. Let's do another crit But he only has a short sword. So it's just 2d6 damage. The first one is a one.

The second one is a is a one You take oh five damage And then the second guard is going to attack you or Nella was a mage and we shouldn't be taking her away You miss or he missed so yep cool. Now it is the choles turn so he's grappled by Orzok So he's gonna try busting his hand up. So another opposed athletics check. He's gonna try to break the gravel rolls of 10 I roll a 22 So he's just like locked and you can see its eyes like constantly shifting in this gross insectoid manner And it's ma like a crab mouth.

It's just got all of these little claws and it's chattering at you and shooting spittle and saliva at you. It can't do anything. So Fact is strategy Orzok. I'm going to dick dance this guy.

I'm a dick dance this guy since I've got him. I'm gonna actually Tell me if how this could work, but I've got my hand here I noticed that I wasn't effectively able to really make any big you know difference in the attack with two hander in one hand So I'm gonna use the it is just a way to kind of sweep him off his feet I'm gonna try to knock him prone. Okay, I'm holding him and I'm gonna swing it at the bottom of his feet And I'm not really hoping to do damage as much as not getting him to fall down on his back Sure, so we'll so you haven't grappled so you you get advantage on this role and it will make another opposed a strength check Okay, and I rolled a seven. I rolled a 17 So you do it.

Okay, so he's prone and then for my last action I let go of his thing and I just raise that sword back and I'm not swinging it to cut I'm gonna pierce him through the chest. Okay, I'm gonna hope to do so advantage because he's prone, right? Yep 19 that's a hit All right, get him get him. Here we go.

Everybody have a gang gang gang gang gang. That's not the best That's gonna be uh 12 damage this thing shrieks a a a Ear piercing hair standing on its end screech out of its little crab like mouth shooting spittle and Black blood at you as it convulses from the strike to its chest that is critically effective. How much damage was that 12? Okay?

Yep, and he takes the full 12. Okay, so piercing piercing piercing Nipple piercing next up is the guard that took all of that damage from Ornella last time So he's he's messed up like that he took two hard hits from a great axe and the dwarf doesn't represent much of a threat But this big this big mean brunette is gonna get the dick dance So that I didn't like that. I said it and as soon as I said it I didn't like it I said it regret it, you know, I said it regret it Just a false life. Totally.

You have no idea. Uh, does a 15 hit? Nope. God damn it All right, and the other guard is going to swing at you.

Okay. Does a 19 hit? Yes. Okay, sweet and you take 8 damage.

Oh, okay. I am at 8 health Or like, yeah, have you been increasing your hit points when you level up? I don't know. Probably not.

That's okay. Well, uh, get get yourself an uh an extra 10 and we'll I did because I raised it one point. Oh, you should you should have more than that probably. Yeah, I know I added some at some point It's okay.

Just give yourself a bonus like 10 and we'll do the hard numbers at break It's not that big of a deal. I'm probably fine I've but you're getting your buddy like if someone crits you're in range to dive someone crits. Yeah, so just keep that in mind Uh, those two guards are done next would be they're done you oh, they're done with their turn They're done with their turn. I'm out.

I'm done. You know what? I get paid hourly and my shift just ended I'm just gonna be a journalist. I think I'm gonna take this communication major and really make something of it I'm gonna take a van and I'm gonna convert it into a house and I'm just gonna travel with my dog Yeah, cheers.

It sounds really nice. It's gonna post it to my instagram blog Hashtag crab preaching traveling channel Traveling just grabbing and reaching crabbing and reaching all of it. We call it at garycon shumming. Yeah chumming just going out chumming I got a chum right now.

All right. Someone go before I keep talking who's turn is it or no? Yeah, it is kill it all right go ahead and do a ton of damage now if you don't mind I will It feels so much more useful like with it now that I Googled how to be a fighter if you do it's all good 17 that's a hit. Yep.

Well nailed it crushed it. Nailed it Eight three you're doing much better than average the same guy you've been beaten on right Yep, and you got no check and I get thank you. You'll have to remind me every time I will help 18 plus five that's a hit I don't mean to say a lot of health 12 plus three holy mother he that guy's gotta be all right. How do you kill him?

Yeah? Death death blow blow listen up all right do it While you're thinking we definitely need to give props to brutal blades for the mechanic of the death blow Uh what an awesome thing right session is such a cool idea such a fun game quick side tangent We played at gary con a game that's in the process of being developed called brutal blades It's a hack for fifth edition and one of the main mechanics to the game is that when a target is killed an enemy is killed They get what's called well the killer gets a death blow and the player describes how they kill the character and then the DM gives that description A rating 110 and rolls a detent against it if the role beats it then they use this table to decide what happens next And it could be they explode like an acid bomb and deal acid damage in a radius or we turn into a zombie Or they pull out a dagger and like quick stabbing the side. It's super cool Lots of little last chance things for all the stuff you kill death blow we're nella. Um, I just I'm this close mad and um Like I thought that we were just gonna have a day.

We were just gonna have a day. Okay. Okay. We're just gonna Nice.

Yeah, we're gonna talk to this bitch. We were gonna steal some horses. It's a favorite pastime of olive Yeah, that's true. This is we steal the fuck out.

You guys take a lot of horses. Yeah, we love to steal horses prime statistics in a while or Scared wherever you go Horse thievery is way up this one of course freedomy It's like you know that somewhere within a kingdom of law since we have been sent to more saying there was like one headline on a newspaper Like eight pages in that was like horse thievery has gone down in the past in the recent months You know, I'm like one person was like really serious about it more on there's a 10. Yeah, yeah I'm mad. Yeah, I just want to get it over with and so just like a clean like I'm swinging up I even likes to take a stance like a baseball.

Oh, yeah, and like roll my shoulders and just like Clockin cool. So yeah, so I imagine this This battle acts we see it in slow motion cut through the air and it zooms in super close And we see like actually the wind and the air like move past the blade in a super close perspective And then we see his head come into view and it just goes right through the skull right into the brain And he ropples like the top of his head and he wobbles and just collapses rad I know I did something embellishing for you. I'm sorry. I just get really excited But I'll give your description an eight Cool and so he dies next in the initial order are the two the two guards at the bottom Yeah, they're really coming after you or Nellah.

That's my first one is rolls an 18. So 21 to Yeah, three damage. Okay, next one 15 to hit Nope, okay Top of the turn order the chull that is on the ground prone It goes to push itself up and stand up as its move action stands up So it takes it normally can take two actions, but it can't so now it's just gonna take its one action to claw you or zach Maybe 19 I think that's it's kept 2d6 damage Eight damage that's reduced because you're mad. Are you reducing it?

Are you telling me the total? I'm telling you the total sorry if that wasn't clear. Go ahead your turn Well, I'm just gonna roll both because I'm gonna attack it twice Uh, yeah, we're at full melee at this point. Oh, yeah, but I know that thrusting attacks are more successful piercing attacks piercing attacks So, um, I'm going to be looking to pierce.

Okay, static cut I don't well actually the weapon doesn't say it does that so whatever right I gave you that because like you were able to Yes, I got you all right so uh second attack hits With a 22 well Yeah, you see I'm not adding all my shit. I'm 13 seven. She now that's yeah, only the one attack is okay. No, it's fine And I rolled really low That's uh 10.

I still solid damage But if I if I roll a little bit above average on each dice it gets really ridiculous, right? That's I'm just hoping for that next next is okay that guard died and then there's a guard after him uh with a long sword that is How many guards are left? All three yeah, and the preacher or no, yeah, and the preacher is fighting or zog. Yeah, yeah, yeah And he doesn't roll good enough to do a goddamn thing.

So cool next is harbeck All right. I want to use my sicker flame and I want to take a flamethrower fucking on it's touching me. Yeah, okay. Yeah, you know It's a dex save.

Okay Uh 16 that's a pass Half okay and sicker flame is a d it's 2d8 now Rad 2d8 11 half 2d so we're rounding up right because we're making this more lethal so 6x damage nice Um, so just so I'm clear are you attacking? There's one guard that goes before or Nella and then there's two guards that go after her They're they're all attacking her at this point Which one are you going after the one that goes before her or one of the two that goes after her? I have the one he's taking the most damage all of none of them have taken damage up Oh, she just killed that one. I'll do the one that goes before okay And that was 11 right yeah Great next is Yeah, shouldn't me.

Yes. Yes. No, there's a guard that goes before you that Tim just attacked then you then two guards Yep, so he's gonna go and he rolls in 19 And this is this is the one that's swinging with a longsword starts d10 7 plus 3 10 yeah May want to second wind yeah, yeah second wind is good for things On your turn you'll be and whatever Tim can do to draw their attention like sacred flame is good That's a good start now. It's your turn, Nella The closest one yeah, there's the one that Tim barbecued and then there's two that go after you that are untouched I'm gonna go after one of them.

Okay. Don't forget your second second wind. Yeah, yeah second second wind will take an a Bonus action second wind is a bonus action and your second attack is just an extra attack again. So you can do all three So I rolled an eight plus five miss I rolled an 11 plus five that is also a miss cool second wind please That is regale HP equal to one d10 plus better level nice.

So d10 plus five. Yep Three plus five eight nice. So it's like that last hit never happened cool rad eight Next is the two guards, uh, and I'll make morale checks for them to see who they go after Tim or Ronella Tim Or excuse me harbec harbec and harbec. So that one of them just gets crispy and crispy Uh the two guards they both have swords and shield in hand and they turn to face you harbec and they come at you charged shields locked ready to rock first one rolls in 18 Ties meets a beat up.

So he does eight damage to you. Okay Second one second one goes and he rolls 17 Nope, okay, and he misses sweet. So maybe the first one sword strike comes in as like a thrust and catches you in the side Uh, but you move and use one of your plates to block the other sword strike next is the chull's turn with orzak Cock and lock standing up now he's gonna make two attacks the first attack is a grapple. He's gonna do And he rolls a 23 on his strength save.

So can you make sorry an athletic strike for me? Uh, he succeeds. Okay, so it's second attack. He's going to tentacle you.

Oh, he's gonna tongue you Without taking me to dinner. Yes, not cool. Very rude. Tell me about it brother.

Yeah Yeah So you see this thing's this thing's mouth and face almost split apart and a long flesh tongue comes out with barbs at the end And it lurches right at your face and latches on your your cheek. Maybe you can feel it injecting venom into your face make a DC 13 Constitution saving throw DC 13 Constitution saving throw you're probably good at con. I am okay But there's also something here. Let me are you proficient in con saves?

Yes, so you get to add your proficiency modifier to that safe in case that's not already also something here. Let me just look at something here for being a barbarian Yeah, what's a marshal weapon marshal weapons are so they're simple weapons that are easy to use Hold on or short bow marshal weapons. They require a certain amount of finesse or technique to you I would like great acts be a marshal weapon. Yes.

Cool. I totally forgot to I have the advantage on straight checks So I need to roll. Oh, yeah, you can do that. Yeah, I did roll a 23.

Yeah, I rolled a 19 So I still failed but at least I did the right stuff this time. Um, so I will roll for the content here Yes, I pass I rolled a 21. Okay, so must succeed or be poisoned You don't so you nothing happened. So basically learning through it too fast my body is metabolizing.

Yeah, it just doesn't give a Fuzz doesn't give a foe. So that's its turn now it is Your turn, sorry, right? Okay, so do in order to take an action. Do I need to break the grapple?

Correct. All right Yep, as long as you're grappled all you can do is try to like fight off So I have strength as a proficiency so I need to make sure I'm adding my proficiency to these rules I this is all stuff that I have not been doing. It's all good. I created so I rolled an app at 20 So what I'd like to do how much leeway am I is this thing kind of like?

Like yeah, yeah, and it's it's still trying to inject you with this poison through its big long time So I what I do is I I take with one hand. I take the tentacle. It's attached to my face Yank it off and I've got it by the tentacle and I just start dragging it towards these guys Oh, yeah, I'm pulling it across the floor and And it's it's claws are snapping at you the whole time trying to like clip off part of your arm or something while you're dragging it So pews like yeah, yeah, so I can see it looks really cool There's like this light coming in for like it's it's late afternoon dust the sun is coming through these these tall windows We're fighting in this big tall church. There's a lot of reverb.

It's really cool looking. It just had to be there So I drag it closer to its mates And with my other action I take my sword and I look at one of the soldiers that's fighting I just pull my weapon eyes. I just lop off that tongue you pull an ornelle. I pull an ornelle Learning rolled it just make a two-hit roll like you normally would fuck Oh, you can spend inspiration.

I'm going to I'm actually going to that allows me to reroll. Yep. Yep. Okay All right, let's do a little bit of not damage, but skills and attack rolls you can reroll Same exact number.

It was meant to be it was meant to be so so maybe it like retracts its tongue into its To beat the grapple, right? Well, it's just it retracts it enough to where you don't have enough like lengthen it to get what I realized about to swing Is it pulls my arm right where my swing was gonna go? I like stop the swing. Yeah, I go perfect Next is frickin hardback thunderballs.

Yep, so uh sacred flame Secret of fray. Yep Perfect. Yeah, go ahead and do that. Yeah, I do like a combat tuck and roll and then I just I would also put out there Yeah, or now is really hurt.

Yeah, if you want to get my bonus action. Oh nice. Okay. Sorry.

I don't mean to metagame. No, but you're right I probably should heal you so yeah Oh, I don't need to roll because it's a deck save Uh not good. So great. So then it's 2d8 Yeah, that's such a good camera now.

Yeah, same barbecue guy you're attacking with the two guys that are attacking you So barbecued guy and I don't find damage okay, which no actually I deal more damage than that because I have yeah Shoot it's um, what is that? You're spellcasting modifier basically whatever skill you hear wisdom probably yeah, yeah at that Okay, so now that's that's plus six. Okay. Yeah, so 11 Okay, and then with my bonus action, I'm going to use healing word.

So that is Wendy I'm going to use that third level. So that's 3d4 And plus because of my life domain and extra Three so I'll roll that 2 3 4 so that's 9 3 is 12 so I say or never I love you Oh, I just have to say that for it to work I mean I do but all that said and then the magic flows through you and yeah your wounds. It's an aqua heal. Yeah, yeah I cast aqua It's just a hover hug.

Yeah 12 damage. I cast Michael Sarah deal call that a Wisconsin hover hug Yeah, you get 12 Cool. All right next one of the guards with a long sword. Okay, 23.

So he definitely hits or Nella and he rolls a d10 for damage Oh nine plus three 12. That was a really good heal. Yeah, you basically negated this guy's a tweet Uh, now it is or no sir. Well, how much damage do I get you took 12 you took 12?

Okay So now it's my turn Yeah, I'm just gonna attack whoever's attacking me The barbecued guy has been doing the damage to you and then there are two guys with short swords and shields attacking hardback Okay Um, I'm gonna try to get this cute guy off my back. He is the most injured. So it's not a bad idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah Okay, move 15 plus five that's a hit okay, Dimaj 4 plus 3 7 All right next the two guys with shields and shorts towards attacking hardback.

I forgot to get multi-attacks So they're really gonna I'm dead come at your be whole hardback. I should have healed both of us Uh That doesn't hit that doesn't hit so the first guy missed both of his attacks The second guy critted And for a second attack misses. So the only the crit that hits you does Uh, nine damage. Okay, I have two help Okay, uh, the crab creature bloodied is going to loudly screech and flailing And is trying to get loose of a grapple And rolls a five Well, I beat it, but I don't roll well All right, or zach do whatever you want to my guy.

All right, so I'm seeing that there's some shit going on here I'm gonna like Freak out and I'm gonna just I've got this thing by the tongue. I grab it's I grab it's like Carapist crotch and I just pick it up and I hurl it into the dudes with the shields. Oh, sweet Uh, nagin athletics check. I don't yeah Oh, yeah, that's uh 20 Okay, so 26, okay, so you yeah you full on like pick this thing up It's bigger than you but you have to over your head and it's claws like a crab on its back are like flailing in the air and it's pincers And you throw it at the two guys right into the shield dudes.

All right. They're gonna make a deck save to try to get out of the way And he critically fails. Yeah, and he succeeds so Uh, one of them sees this coming and ducks out of the way But the other guy is too obsessed with trying to skewer this little fucking dwarf And a full-on full-grown crab preacher comes hurtling through the air right at him. Um, go ahead and do Well, I'll do it.

I don't know what kind of damage works, but um It's my preacher and he takes nine damage Shield boy. Yep. Shield boy and he got crabbed Get cry now. It's hardback's turn.

Well, so I'm sorry. You have another action right? Yep Does he fall the one that got took damage? No, he I mean he just like he just gets hit by this carapist So I dragged myself into melee range with those other guys last turn.

Yep I picked up this dude threw him into the guy the one dude with a long sword that's been causing some trouble I'm gonna give him what for from the side Yeah, the barbecued guy. Yeah, he's almost dead too. He was on death's door when ordella hit him. I created 20.

Oh rad Okay For you Eight okay plus describe how you eat his dick So okay, so I dragged this thing over the turn before I like I'm getting frustrated this you know I'm seeing I can just hear that you know the You know these two I pick this thing up and kind of clear the way and I see this guy that's just Swinging away and he looks like he's actually been because you're kind of bloodied and stuff And I just kind of take my sword and I ram it like up through underneath his rib and it comes out the other side and lifts up his arm It's kind of there I pick him up and I just like fling him off and just spray a blood like a like a mohawk just goes like up in the air And you could see it filter through the light that's coming in through the stained glass windows And he just kind of hits the ground and makes this kind of wet kind of slide balls coming That was so fucking cool. Yeah, you win Uh, no death. Yeah, you just that that was really cool. That's very evocative.

It was the word we want to use Next is just a mess harbeck your turn. I want to channel divinity and heal up. Will this heal? Um the other people that means it's a pen no wait does it zone right actually yeah, I think in a 30 foot I think it does.

Um is this just your for your class like a class skill? Yeah, this is my Domain is the master manual you idiot. It's not gonna be in there. It's about the manual you idiot Dylan your son of a bitch So good, I don't know where my players do you have my That's mine.

You can use it. No, no, you can use it. I just hope that you're right I Didn't think you had it. Awesome.

I want to play this dude. That brutal blades was so fun. I loved I mean I could change it to spider Yeah, yeah, that was pretty fucking cool brutal blades I like how we ended up fighting a wizard. It is never land-rich.

Yeah Put the carousel horses and stuff. Oh, I choose any creatures within 30 feet of me Okay, okay, so you can choose them and divide the hit points I just know there are some skills that do like just anything in an area because if there's any of them and if there's undead You can actually do damage to them also, which is cool. Yeah, I can't use it on undead or construct Okay, so but you can't you can heal up to half of your total hit points max. Wow That's really good.

I'll tell you I'm at I'm not bloodied. Okay, so if you need to focus on you too if it divides between that I would say do that Alright, so then I guess between the two of us. It's five times my level plus three So that's 28 points of damage to or hit points to give out nice. So yeah, divide it I guess um so I'll get myself at least a half so I'll take 13 points of that so there are 15 points left So just 15 or an L.

I think you should take more. Well, I can only heal up to half my maximum points So that's that's the most I can do. What's your I'm at 13. What's your total hit point?

30 40 now. Oh, it's 40. Okay, then I can definitely give you up to 20. So you're back to 20.

Okay, cool. Nice very good Good job guys. I left over there is yeah, I'll take whatever's remaining I guess so I gave 13 to myself. I gave you where were you at 13 so I gave you seven so there's eight left Fuck I'm good.

I'm half okay, sweet Extra beat to sweat show up on like listening. Yeah, pull out my holy symbol in the middle of this battle It's like oh around my chest and it's an acorn right yeah amber. Yeah, nice. I love I love harbeck.

He's so nice He's a sweetie. All right, we're sending actually is a sweetie. I'm a sweaty. There you go.

Hornborn. You're a So no for taught us don't cold fox These um soldiers aren't aren't uh like thrown off by the fact that we just like Demolished their leader. He's ain't dead. Yeah.

Yeah. He was flying through the air Oh, well, that's I want to go. Oh, I did just kill their longsword guy. Talk sir.

Go after that crap. Yeah, I'm gonna go after that crap Okay, go after that. He might be prone for that right your attack. Yeah, I guess he would be prone so you get advantage on him He is uh, so you roll two dice and take the highest Or a 16 17.

Yeah, it's a hit because it's plus five right. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah Right now right now. Oh, yeah, right now right now five five damage right now right now You attack me and you can do it again something Right now right now You gotta roll 11 plus five 16 that's not a hit right now right now right now Next up All right, uh, these guys are gonna make a morale checks first one's gonna go uh charisma safe Nice and critically fails.

Whoo. Uh, so he he Okay, does he run or does he drop his weapon and surrender? I don't think he's surrenders because I don't think he thinks you'll not kill him so he Turns and runs so harbeck or well harbeck very attacks of opportunity Because you were attacking the other guy. I know it's not specific where anyone is but um, he was definitely attacked in harbeck And I imagine the other guy's a little bit farther away.

So harbeck you for sure get an attack of opportunity on this guy Okay, and he's not within melee range, right? He is. Oh great. I'm not gonna do that Uh, I mean, I guess I will it's probably the best option for me though probably well.

I could try a guiding bolt Good evening And that worked the last time I tried to run away. Yeah, you fucking So I'll do that. I wanted to try my guiding bolt And it's a range spell attack against target. So you just make a regular attack roll And then add your uh, your skill bonus plus your proficiency bonus will be like an attack roll So I did really well.

I think that's like 20 that's a hit for something so then it's 46 of radiant damage Here we go. I remember this last time like the first roll was not very good Yeah, the second roll was okay and the third roll was max damage Oh, I'll roll these cool. So that's um Uh 18 on the die and then do I add any damage your, um, wisdom bonus Yeah, just your skill bonus. Great.

So that's another plus three. So that's 21 damage All right death blow sweet. So yeah, uh, the guy starts to turn and in harbeck's mind He just flashes back to that field and that horse and then he whispers to his holy symbol He's already holding and you see the air distort and fly out from his holy symbol It just catches the guard in the side of his helmet and it like explodes the helmet opens up and there's a strap knowing just catches him sideways knocks and down Nice. I will give that a solid eight.

Yeah. All right. He is dead. Whoa next is or No one last no that was him running away and you got an opportunity attack.

That's right So he's gonna make a morale check and he fails also And so he's gonna try to run away. So you get another opportunity attack. Well, no, you don't opportunity attacks work you get In around you get a main action, which is like an attack a movement action a bonus action and your bonus action can be spent as a reaction Okay, which is what an opportunity attack is about it. So you actually don't get to make an attack I don't but he's running through you too.

So you two get an opportunity attack on him Like slice him and dice him. Yeah, you aim high. I'll aim low 15 not a hit So he spends his full move to run out run out of the cathedral now It's just crab preacher and the crab preachers turn and it So does that work Yeah, can I listen what you're no you can no you can no you can I it's not work safe. This is not safe for voice I have to pause my boss comes back like oh hello.

Yes typing hello putting things away Industry science and technology. I am synergizing Yeah, whatever it's fine. Uh, so the chol was prone. It's gonna take its movement action to stand up.

It's gonna lock eyes with uh one two three four five six Harback and it and it uh raises its big pincers. It has reach so it despite it not being next to you can still hit you with these long claws Oh, no, it's gonna try to claw you right in the Cooter and it misses my cooter. Oh no or zog. I'm gonna hit it hit it Oh the 18 that's a hit and I'll roll the hit for my next attack as well.

I miss so Ooh, there we go. There we go. There we go. There we go.

Right there. Right there. That's gonna be 15 points of damage That bumps it up to eight. I don't know what you're asking Uh it is on it is on death's door.

Okay, knock knock. Next is Harback thunder fist sweet. Yeah, but hammer right. Yeah, I do and you do know that hammer does more damage to them Yes, it does the bludging does.

Oh, okay. Well, then yeah, like how you do that? Like how you grab so you have to do it right now So I want to he tried to reach at me and he missed and then I come back with that war hammer and I'll get like a full swing Maybe like overextended so he's like in a semi vulnerable state side step roll at advantage on this turret good That is yeah, 15 plus for his 19. That's a hit.

Whoo. So then we're hammer. Yeah regular damage, but it's full damage Oh, yeah, it's full damage. So that's 10 damage nice.

How do you kill it? Whoo? So yeah, I step in his claws reaching out and then like I'm standing sideways And so I've got my warrior hammer in my left and I bring it up to my right hand above my head And it comes crashing down into this thing's mod It's like open mouth just splits on the ground and it's just like a curb stomped it nice I will give that a seven And I rolled a seven so it meets it beats. So I get a death blow I'm just gonna say it makes one last attack at you before it dies 17 that meets so it beats no actually my armor class is 18.

Sorry. I was thinking my DC So it doesn't it does not meet or be it only loses so with the last it tries its attack and I just Yeah, it wiggles. Yeah. Yep.

You were wiggling. I was trying to give them a visual all right, uh, we'll uh, so Um, the camera Fades tilts up and we see the scene of like the pews are all turned over and broken and there's blood everywhere There's two bodies of guards in dark blue Splitmail lying on the ground and there's this hulking giant crustacean with four arms It's lying oozing dark black and almost looks like oil blood out on the floor And uh, we fade to black and we'll be right back with the last part three of uh, our episode eight So don't go anywhere. We'll be right back