Four improvisers have chosen to don their cooks brandish their sabers and speak in terrible accents for your entertainment Past the Doritos grab your dice and go on a quest with the moynes best comedians as they do all of those things in the Moyne and Dragons Ladies and gentlemen adventurers adventure is welcome to Des Moines and Dragons episode 9. I'm your DM and lovely Person with the dice and the computers and I've got a phone. I'm Paul and with me as always my beautiful Sensual gorgeous cast we're gonna do a quick check in with them. See what's been then on the haps and then we'll get in We'll get rolling today.
So starting to my left charity. Barity. Hi Within the dream. Yeah, happy to be here.
I'm really excited for today's episode So charity you've been like listening to the show like again. What do you think? Yeah, it's definitely I definitely recommend it to everyone. Yeah, just listen to like a guy to listen to episode like two or three I got a lot of I picked up on some stuff that I didn't hear You know I might want to end the table and other players with the other end of the table.
Let's say they say things and I don't catch it My I kind of picked up on like different things that my character does that I maybe didn't realize she does Mainly I just like as a listener I really really tried to take the like player out of me and really just listen to it as a listener And I don't understand how anyone can like not be in love with these characters Yeah, it's so cute and the episode with just Tim and I at the ball is the fucking so heartwarming I mean it has a shitty ending spoiler. Yeah Yeah, we really bungled it such a that was such a great word to it came from the I just that episode has very special place in my heart. It does for me too. Very cool.
So yeah, all right. Thanks charity. Yeah, Tim. No What's up?
Oh, hey? How are you man? I'm pretty good. We do just doing some D&D shit.
Yeah, what is what's going on in your life? Nothing your character sheet is fresh. It's pretty bad I wanted it to look like authentic parchment like an old scroll like it's been you know Beaten up by travels. Mm-hmm.
So fun thing you can do is you take a little bit of coffee grounds and water and it looks like dirt Oh, yeah, cool. I'll do that. We're gonna soil it. Do it's cover it so it's not readable anymore I'm pretty sure that like I stopped looking at it for a while anyway I mean, it all sort of once you've played a character for a long enough time and you don't you don't really need a character sheet.
Yeah cool Thanks, Tim. You're welcome. All right, Jason. Hey, what's the haps?
Oh, you know what's your shirt? You've got a sweet shirt for all the people that can see you. Oh, yeah, it's a maroon shirt great I'll just for in the band graveyard who I love dearly They're kind of a bluesy kind of stoner rock kind of doom band there from overseas And I got to since I think actually since the last time we went up and we saw these guys graveyard of uncle acid at first I have in Minneapolis. No, it's totally bitchin sweet.
So yeah, it was all the white claw. Yeah, there was white claw all over the place That stuff was flowing. See at first when you said that I didn't realize that was literally a drink I thought it was hard-seltzer or something like that I thought it was something that you called people like call them white claws If that was a thing I'd want to be one. Yeah, that's pretty fucking cool.
Yeah, that's a cool nickname. I want to be a white claw, right? Well, that's neat and you've got a neat shirt. I'm really good at these intros.
Hey Paul. Do you have like a fun question for us? Yeah, we used to do that. Let's do a fun question.
Let's do a fun question How about this if there was a spinoff series for your character and just your character? What would the series be called and what would it be about and we'll start? We'll start with Tim. It'd be called Thunderfist because it's a cool name But it would just be the early adventures of hardback and the guild and the other ventures he's worked with Nice.
Yeah, I really want to know more about that. Yeah, well, you know interestingly enough. I think we will learn about some that stuff today Yeah, spoiler not really sorry Shut it down Okay neat Thunderfist coming the spring Charity yeah, if or Nella had a spinoff deal of you can't just use your last name. That's already been taken done in That's fine.
I don't know what it would be called But she would have a series of workout videos and it would be like a workout video But you would have your like your weapon with you and so it would be like stay in fit But also kick an ass it's sort of like what is that kickboxing? But yeah, but cooler all the best workout programs are called named after portmentos So you combine exercising and like sword like sort of sizing. Oh, yeah, sure. You know some exercise Battle exercising yeah, two-handed battle exercising with vanilla.
I want a nice axe see or Nella. Yeah cool My first customer and or zach or Jason whichever you prefer, you know, I'm a method actor. So I appreciate that Actually, I'm kind of along the same veins as or Nella It would be or cooking with a warzach and it's basically a wide just a very complicated show And it's the premise the whole show is set up because basically everything ends up with a piece of meat being jammed on a stick and held over a fire The camera zooms in you've got like a billion spices and like to Morick and he just throws it over his shoulder They're not even like dressed. It's just like just swirls and cows and just been impaled to speed He's like every time he has to explain the disclaimers you have to fight through the smell of the burning air for Yeah, he's holding a cow Cooking with a warzach Great answers everybody.
I think we're ready to take this in so we're gonna do the intro and hop right into the episode don't go anywhere My queen Victoria report the teal guard first second and third armies have taken positions along the southern most canyon before the clan folks plateaued city We've learned this place is named to tier Positions are secure and we have not seen any traces of orcs for over a week now We outpaced many of the supplemental armies from their kingdom at large and are currently waiting for their forces to catch up to our position We did not find much in the small cloisters of orcs but for simple stone tools and furs Generals and field commanders of our other military enemies report disorder amongst their forces Many soldiers were promised riches in the south and I worry that the sparse rewards will not stake their thirst for plunder Please advise if we are to move upon to tier or if we are Return to a lap Oh hello there, let me apologize to you dear listener for I have business across the way So I will not entertain our fireside gathering this night It concerns matters of the greatest important matters that will affect our heroes myself and you But make no mistake. You will absolutely hear from me soon. All right, you guys Let's see. So I need a decision from the party where and how do you leave last?
We left you right we were discussing with the Viscount the Viscount is moving to the southern territories And you had indicated that you thought about going along with them. I guess I'm just curious as to what your What your plan is when you plan on leaving who you plan on leaving with etc etc. I think that we had decided to To just get to your lands as quickly as possible. Yeah, right and kind of skip bug Molly Yeah in hopes that we can try to establish some sort of understanding before Before a bunge of a yeah, okay, so Uh, if we look at our overall map, uh, the audience obviously can't see it But um for you guys and I'll do my best to kind of describe describe this Uh So we have jury, which is the farthest east city sits on this big river called the grand Huron river that runs East to west and eventually spills into the great sea to the west of allow Along the the most optimal route would be to take river barge down the grand Huron Uh about halfway down the river and then head directly south You'll cross through territory known as the midlands in the greater country and eventually run into these tall redwood forests known as the queen's garden, which is Millennial ago is these very fancy woods and the queen's garden separates these southern territories from the greater kingdom of allow So, uh, so then since we're skipping jury Skipping bog Molly.
Thank you. Uh, we're in jury. You are in jury injury. Oh my god I used to be an adventurer till I took an injury to the knee.
I hate this quitting. No, uh It's over send the catering back Uh, we need uh, so at first a headcount u3 and devory are kind of the traveling group. Is that correct? Yeah, I don't think there I don't think there was anybody else that we were taking with right?
Okay and Are you so you are offered free trap the vikound gives you? Basically any tools you would need for the journey he provides rations and uh horses and a passage aboard a river barge to go along the grand Huron Is there anything that you do in jury before you sort of set out into the great wide world? Yeah, our goal is to create a political alliance So I was like a gift from the people of jury that we could give and bring to your people. Oh, yeah, that'd be smart treaty.
Um, so I I'd recommend Things that are of symbolic importance are more than things of uh, uh, monetary material material. Yes So something that would especially if there if there's any way that we could maybe talk them into giving us something that may be an heirloom Of their people or a symbol of their strength or some sort of uh thing like that would probably be Have be weighted more than like hey, here's some a bucket of gold and a few hats so Although depends on that like a flag or um, I don't know I would think maybe we should see what the vicount would think would be of so maybe this meeting This so this meeting takes place in the uh grand hall in jury where the vicount, uh is meeting with several of his other advisors about setting out Uh, just organizing people again. He's got a contingent of 50 cavalry some of the best cavalry in a law um, the uh jury line breakers and then you have a contingent of about a thousand, uh, conscripted and freemen so Certainly not like the teal guard not professional soldiers But individuals who probably have weapons passed down from them or uh people who have been convicted of a crime that have been conscripted in into service They all serve together as footmen for the cavalry force So he's got a lot of stuff to organize and you meet him in his great hall and there's this back and forth discussion about heirlooms and uh, I think he's a little He's still not I mean he's he's bought in right? He's definitely Agrees that this is the best form of action, but this is like a new thing a new relationship, right?
Yeah, sure So he's still a little bit has a tent to kind of give To give over a hundred percent of his I don't know he says to you well Certainly from jury We have prized animals that would I don't know if I've never met or encountered folks from the south, but uh, certainly Uh, would they not take a I don't know perhaps a demigryph as a sign of good. I don't know. Do they what are your people? My people are extremely talented riders and we value the ability for An animal could serve is something that can carry your carry your your tent in your belongings And then you can also ride it into battle or into a great hunt Um an animal like that if it's what I saw you riding during the parade, it's an impressive beast It would be well received could I recommend it?
I hate to um, you know, uh, uh, demand more uh, but uh, a breeding pair perhaps of demigryphs would be great Roll a charm for me harbeck and you can go at advantage Uh, so there's no charm, but you're not charmed. Sorry. Uh, just charisma No, it's uh, persuade. Okay, that's uh 18.
Okay He looks at you and squins his eyes and he says I understand that yes, this would make a greater gift but we have but two females and I could not give away 50 percent of our breeding stock I'm comfortable giving I'm concerned for the um the life of the male It could be lonely and um without the company of a female. Uh, they're more likely to live a shorter lifespan you could also present animal husbandry and raising of of Animals is something that my people do quite well With the proper instructions if you have if there are eggs or there are young that could be reared I say to you I understand your reticence your gift would come back tenfold I'm going out on a limb trusting you all but so far and having saved my if I count this I do oh you a certain amount of latitude and I could agree to this. I I will send with the male a an egg that they may raise and uh, uh, uh, Train or do whatever with this is this is all I can really offer That is an immense kindness. Thank you.
I can assure you this will be viewed with great respect And the fact that this does not come with some sort of dotted line or an agreement or a treaty that they have to sign Even more show of a show of good faith. It is a I it is appreciated Well, then uh, when will you be setting out immediately? Oh, uh, you have everything in order then. Oh, yes.
We are packing ready to go Very good. Uh, my advisors tell me that we would be able to leave here in a few more days Uh, so I imagine we may be a week or two behind you that would be enough time for us to make the welcome Well, uh, good luck then. Thank you and thank you again. I will say before we depart Come with an open mind and understand that the formalities and rituals of your culture mean little but your deeds and your actions and If you can bring tales of your ancestors and your grand the people that raised you and those that raised them These are the things that matter to my people.
So understand that you will be speaking not to savages But people that value things differently. Mm-hmm knowing that and how to stop the conversation on the right foot Will be of utmost importance. There will be people that will try to disrespect you. There will be people that will discount you Don't let that face you.
I will be there to help broker any kind of To men fences or do what I need to do but just know that it will not be easy You see his face, uh, behind his eyes. There's a calculating Um, you can see like the gears turning in his head as he takes in your words. He doesn't respond right away He says noted. Thank you.
What was that? Thank you Ornello Good luck Thank you. Why count? He says now if you'll excuse me, I have to see to some other things and he gives a short little nod and turns on his heels and walks out To another room in the great hall leaving you all in this big empty space Uh, this sounds of uh house servants and people milling about taking up the background Uh, we should hit the road quick.
We're we're gonna hurry Indeed. So as you head outside you can see that davery is pulling a strap tight on one of the horses Uh, there are four horses there and they're loaded up with uh, all kinds of pack for food for rations for tools and supplies Um, and he pulls a strap tight a couple times and says Uh, they're already Thank you, davery. You were doing a wonderful job Thanks Uh, okay Yep, and he like puts his foot in the uh stir up and tries to swing his leg over and you can see he's kind of struggling a little bit He's certainly not the most uh, well practiced adventure But eventually hops his leg over sits on top and a big goofy smile comes across his face This is gonna be fun. I'll just tend to making sure the tack on the horse that i'll be riding is there All right, let's head out So you head down to the uh, the river uh river docks and there is a grizzled old, uh elf with sun bleached and uh, weathered skin Frisbee just nasty hair is someone who's been outside a lot, right and uh, he's sitting looking around I guess expect it waiting for someone Hold there Oh, um, are you the ones that i'm taking past magmali?
All right, we need to know Favreau nice to meet you Favreau, which is a pleasure. I'm harbec thunder fist and this is my company of heroes All right back nice to meet you. Yes. Um, may introduce uh, or Nilla.
Oh, hello Hello, pleasure to meet you. Yes, I am uh master Favreau the captain of this here vessel And he turns his hand and slaps the uh gross old wood plank of the boat and fill a lot of adventures on this boat And he turns over and looks at you or zakfao Um, welcome and this is my good friend or sock Good pleasure to have you aboard Whoa, it was like a fog or Yeah, there's another boat coming in he waves Jesus, um, and who's who's that small boy behind you? What's your name son and the davory? His face wrinkles is uh, davory.
I'm Yep And Favreau's face. He is a brave adventurer. Oh, yes, obviously. Um, well, uh welcome Uh, the uh salty boobs are happy to have you aboard.
I'm sorry the what there's salty boobs and that is those are my ship. Okay. Okay I gotta look at the meta whatever the proud Yeah, there's a there's a very crudely woodcarved Like kind of bad one like Madonna like real pointy But it's like it's not really obvious that it's female except for like a pair of enormous Bores on this very like it looks like maybe he carved it. Yeah, there's my divanorship.
This is this is my baby He's um, pride of ownership He's a fine vessel. These naughty boobs are happy to have you aboard Glad to be climbing onto the salty boobs. Now you're catching on. Okay.
Well, I'm gonna Wait to get inside and just get deep in the bottom of this salty boob I'd like I'd like to find a really good convenient spot right in between the salty boobs I just want to steer the shell salty boobs. My family said it was stupid to call your ship their salty boobs But everyone enjoys it that comes aboard. So yeah, we look at everyone else Boobs can see the the wheel is a pair of giant knockers just this big wheel just a bunch of boobs all the way around I just had to grab the boobs the Very well I have a few things to take care of here and we'll set sail to just a few moments So please uh bring your horses aboard and tie them onto the straps towards the back and or the uh the tie-off stick and Because I don't know what boats stuffs are and uh, we'll we'll be setting out here shortly All right, do you park does the park his boat in the nip slip? Sorry because the slip is a All right, I don't know that i'm gonna get past any I'll be in the bosom.
There you go. Okay, so well, let's just get on this boat and make it go So you board the salty boobs you get all of the horses and all of your pack settled It's basically like a big flat boat big long flat boat that has a slightly raised deck Where you would be where the the boobs steering wheel would be and there's a like an awning cover over it and there's literally like You know like not even beds, but just piles of like hay and stuff that you would presumably lay in sleep on Way more like mississippi, uh, Lewis and Clark Log boats not like a actual sea vessel, which makes the fact that there's this is that a four castle is that what it's called? On the back. Yes, where are the captains?
No, I'm still trying to figure out what that thing is that they have I think it's a prowl. So the fact that this thing has a prowl and it's basically a barge. Yeah It's kind of ridiculous. He wanted to sell it and I appreciate that so We uh we set off and There's a bit of montaging that goes on because we don't need to like what songs playing.
Uh, I don't know Charity barry. What what songs playing? That song from the whiz called ease on down the road. Oh, yeah He's on down.
He's on down the road Yeah, probably ship. Wow. Sam and I asked you Shouldn't have given you that freedom. You see the whiz And the right song the prowl in the figurehead figurehead.
Maybe life is a highway That is a way. Yes way better than that bullshit whiz song. Um, oh, they're gonna have words today. Oh, yeah, we are It's gonna come to never mind Uh, okay, so we So this part of the journey.
I'm going to since you're not necessarily navigating I'm going to roll like the survival rolls to see how the winds quickly or So he rolls average. So you'll take the average of the amount of travel you would need. So it's going to take you Like five or six days. Mm-hmm.
You're skipping bog Molly from jury to the queen's garden. Yep So plus five days So during those five days, so we see a montage of The riverboat meandering its way down this and it should feel very much like a Mississippi river. The the water is brown It's not clear. It's this soty muddy Supy mess.
What uh, I want each of you to that's clearly blue. Yeah, but you can't make a brown river on a map because then you just think it's a road It's just poop river Uh, each of you needs to so or no, how do you montage or spend the five day journey? Um, what is the montage of if we do like a crosscut of like each of you montaging doing whatever during this trip? What does that look like?
Oh, I think Arnella is spends a lot of time Um out. Yeah, don't you love that my neighbors are awesome. Yeah, it's no big deal They play this music from they've been playing it since 7 a.m. And they'll play it until probably 11 o'clock at night on sunday They're really nice.
Yeah, I love my neighbors If you're listening to this you're a piece of shit Uh, yeah, Arnella she spends a lot of time like in the open air with like the slight breeze Um, maybe she tries to like write a little bit in a there's like some parchment or something just Oh, yeah, um, yeah, that's a good idea. I kind of forgot about that. She's gonna read a couple passages out of her mama's journal Oh, she will hit that here in a second. Yeah, I forgot about that good.
Oh Uh hardback. What is your five day travel aboard the salty boobs look like so hardback has spent some time on a boat for He's not totally comfortable on the water. He prefers firm ground But um, the sparge moves very slowly and the waves are you know, basically nothing So other than a few dips in the river here and there he does pretty well. So he spends his time um meditating focusing on his prayer or his uh, he's always symbol to acorn and um, he is You know trying to come in with his god and prepare for the things that he needs to do ahead He's looking forward to the new environment and the new terrain because he hasn't been that far south before so he's Really looking forward to all of the new fauna and all that and he's caring for the horses He's like horse whispering the whole time.
Make sure they're comfortable on the ship and caring for them. Nice. Okay I would like to think that there is this uh moment in one of these days where it's just where nella and harbeck On the front of the ship and maybe she's asking him about like different types of fish or different types of creatures that would live in the water Yeah, yeah We're at the bow of the ship and it's framed with like you and the left me on the right and the giant pair of knockers you can see from behind Yeah, I'm straight like they come out to the side Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah A couple things to uh and I tell you a couple things about what i've heard about the environment ahead So that we have to do some survival stuff that you might be prepared for finding water sources or edible stuff We see uh, we see a small scene, uh, davery approaches or zach early on maybe like the second day I'm I was kind of clean and though, you know dealing with one of the horses and turn around and I can say oh Hello, davery I want to impress someone with my ability to engage in combat Um, I'm just kind of standing there. So there's this person That I want to show that I am capable and not I'm not harbeck from the back of the ship y'all's a big pussy I kind of like lean or actually I don't have to because I look at him over his shoulder I kind of look back down.
I don't try to show any kind of change and facial features Yeah, this is the kind of first time he's ever really approached me and I'm caught cognizant of that. What do I what do I do? That's a big question. What do you want to do?
Well, I want to be useful. I don't want to be just the guy that puts the packs on the horses. I want to help I believe in your culture. You want to squire?
Oh, yeah, but squires typically squire for nights But they train in martial combat What do you got? I push it. I go stand ready. What do you got?
Um Is this happening right now? What do you got? Come at me. Show me what you got.
Okay, and he tries to throw a punch. I'm gonna roll at disadvantage I roll this seven. So he like just very awkward. He's his feet aren't planted well And this is very yeah, so what I do is I see that he's clearly off balance I catch his arm and I just place my foot behind his lead foot and kind of push back a little bit And he's falling but I have a hold of him so he won't fall and I say your balance is you haven't seen much You haven't been in a fight.
Have you well? I mean I punched a couple people but how did it end? I got punched back right. Oh, we did take care of those guys.
Uh you protected the bike countess You killed one guy with a sword or a sword. Yeah, yeah, you you said you killed that man to protect the bike countess Okay, well, you should know that I knew it that fucking eyebrow move well, I um I there weren't standing up I just asked if I count us to say that so the first lesson is not lying. Yeah, no, I know that's true but I just Ever you're all so you're also good at this and we've been trained to do this I didn't wasn't born with an axe in my hand Well, we'll just take it one day at a time. Okay.
Yeah, so step one step one don't ask a woman to make up stories for you Okay, is that okay? Yep be good at what you're good at and learn to be good at other things start there Okay, uh, I'm good at a few things. What are you inclined to fight with? What have you ever shot a bow?
Have you ever held a sword? Have you ever swung a hammer? Uh, I've shot a bow before right grab go find a bow He he goes over to the supply pack and picks up like an old short bow and a quiver of few arrows So let's go to montage where basically over the course of the next few days while Between kind of tending to the horses and stuff and actually I take a swim quite frequently And I don't even care about the water is just jump in refresh Right. Yeah, just come up glistening with poo water.
Um, oh my god There has to be glistening in every fucking episode. This is part of the deal here guys No, it's not sweet But what I've made a makeshift kind of like part So I've used the hay from my bed to create a makeshift like target for him to shoot at and I'm helping him with shooting a bow You know, it's not my native weapon, but actually we do have everybody knows how to shoot a bow in my culture So showing him how to stand showing him how to like target downrange all that kind of stuff and just getting him more comfortable with it Okay, and actually taking time and I'm to much people's surprise. I'm very patient with him Yeah, or no and hardback see this happening from the other side of the ship and we're just looking on in Inspired Aw, I think just very happy to see this side of orzak and to see davory wanting to better himself So we uh we moved to uh so that so these scenes montage out over the next several days and we have um This this scene fades to black and then fade in from black to uh, there's a old scrolling text on the bottom of the screen that says all all three years ago and the camera zooms in from a big white city shot to a uh a basically the the shittiest part of the city Uh harbeck you lean against a wood fence that wraps around an old hog confinement in your hand is a final warning from the guild Camera pans down and can see the like last few written uh pieces last few written words on the on the parchment of paper Failure to secure a cadre of sufficient size will forfeit your guild status signed mr. Carlisle We see the crowd roar Causing your head to perk back up and watch what's happening inside this hog confinement Uh, there's a woman in there she couldn't be older than 20 and she's holding a man in a headlock His eyes bulge and his face turns bright red as she pulls her arm tighter and tighter cutting off air to his lungs finally the Choking the being choked man, uh raises his hand and taps on her arm three times causing the woman to let go of her grip Letting the brood of man fall into the mud the crowd roars with excitement and a halfling and ruddy red clothes runs over To the woman and screams the winner by tap out is lady or Nella and everyone's like And uh, we we cut over to you harbeck.
What do you do? That's the one And so I uh crumple up the letter, um and I put it in my pocket, um, and I make my way through the crowd toward or Nella Yeah So or Nella you you've just like again another person who who did not take you seriously as uh, you you amongst these fighter guilds and uh, Other street tufts your name is sort of a joke They you either get things or either said that people let you in because you're a noble woman or Um, you're a mean cheating using your wily womanish ways to to win It's not because you're actually good at writing or anything. Can you see this uh short dwarf man? He's got a clasp.
Uh, his armor is very nice It's well put together his clothes are well Well kept and he's got a clasp on his uh, his shirt that has a sigil of the guild on it and he approaches you I wipe like my forehead and kind of shake off. Let's shake my arms out a little bit and can I help you? Yes, you very well can My name is harbeck under fist. I am listen.
I don't really have time for this so what well, um, never mind and I walk away So, uh harbeck where do you where do you go? I uh, I'm dejected. I'm the hunter through the crowd I try and look at some of the other strong fighters. I see um in this situation See if there might be any other worthy candidates.
So you see a lot of uh, bloodthirsty Like maniac, uh, you see a lot of fighters. Yeah, you see a lot of people capable of doing physical damage Uh, ruffians brutes Not one of them has heart. It's not like the old days So where do you or Nella? Where do you go after after a fight like this?
How does or Nella? Spend her victory coin because you probably earn maybe like 10 15 silver for one of these bouts Where do you spend your money and spend your time after a fight? Um, I Definitely I don't like um Sort of the attention of at like afterwards I don't like people Giant like grab me and say things and and talk to me. I just like to think about it and be alone So I try to get out of the crowd as quickly as possible kind of just like duck my head and get away and um I probably sitting like on a on some steps outside of uh the peppercock nice and uh, So this is probably maybe an hour.
So later is this immediately afterwards that you had there? I mean, I don't I probably you know, like grab my my stuff from wherever I was maybe not immediately but pretty quickly afterwards I try to dip out. So I think we see so the camera comes over to this uh, this wide-angle shot of Or Nella sitting on some steps that lead into the peppercock She's got mud on her face. She's got a big bruise on her cheek that's starting to swell and push up on the bottom of her eye And we see harbeck again, uh, wander up from the street harbeck you see or Nella again sitting on these steps outside the peppercock her again Uh, you should try again.
She's the only one here who has any measure of soul in her If this is going to work, I need the good ones too many of the bad So I wander up and um slowly approach. I kind of lean in uh and wave Oh, um you again. Yeah, yes. Um me again.
I'm sorry for earlier. I I just get so angry sometimes You were in the spirit of the fight and the crowd was giving you no reasons to be happy Yeah, I um I understand that um perhaps not the same but Um in this privileged kingdom the other races aren't looked upon with uh, as high regard Um, I noticed you've um got a shiner there. Yeah, might mind if I um, I'm a cleric. Oh Well And I just whisper um a healing word and just be well And yeah, the the the shiner the the purple slowly fades into back to when I was normal skin tone in the swelling subsides There's still a little bit of a rosy red mark on it, but it's not obviously Uh painful anymore.
I touch where it was Thank you. You're very welcome. You said you were from the guild I yes, um, I've served the guild many a year. Um, in fact, I'm actually looking for new members for a cadre Oh, well, there are plenty of fighters back there in that arena.
Yes. I saw those there and May I be honest? Sure Lady or Nella of all of the fighter as I've watched um go down in that salbit. I um There's a thing that happens when men fight without heart.
It's like sharks their eyes go white and they're consumed by anger and rage and they lack all tactic I see you fight with both feet on the ground You measure the man And I tend to have a sense for these things, but I would say that in the short time. I've known you you have immense heart I may have heart, but I'm I'm not like those other I'm not a fighter. Well, that's exactly why I chose you You're not like those other ones chose me. Well, if you will agree lady or Nella I um serve an important mission and I need the best What do I have to do?
Do what you do best fight and lead and be of sound character I stand up and walked on the steps. I don't No one is going to take me seriously. That's why you're perfect for this cadre. Nobody takes me seriously But in my time serving I have accomplished more bounties more missions saved more lives than that's what I want to do I had a feeling like you said earlier People well Other races in the kingdom.
Nobody's looking out for them. Yes. We are a connected world. All life is That's my higher mission.
I know I like you to be a part of that She really looks or I look out um like around the town and just kind of like Take it all in. I'm assuming it's like getting to be dusk sort of the light is really like purpley sure throughout the town Where do I sign up? Right here and I got without a really crumpled up piece of paper I mean, it's got three lines on the bottom says like official cadre sign up sheet And like harbec is written in there and like a very crude handwriting And I just I smooth it out on the bar and I get a quill and an ink pot and set them out I just say sign here and um, we'll head down to the gillowton and you'll be official My father isn't going to like this. Oh Uh, well that that'd be a problem.
No I sign it very fancily probably take up like three lines with my very large. Oh Have you seen so I can sponge bob where uh like the paper looks all nice and above where your signing is written very crappy Very angular car back. Yeah, and maybe like the e is crossed out and rewritten and then in very fancy noble script or no or no or no sand bridge is written or no or no vanilla That's your early or no Oh, um sand bridge. I should have recognized from um your house symbol Yes, I actually I know some of your father Um, I you know actually seen you now.
It explains a lot. What is that supposed to mean? You're not at all like your father. I think you were the first person to ever say that.
Well, I know I won't be the last Welcome to cadre 11a or no less storm bridge Sand bridge. Oh, I'm sand bridge So we uh slow fade out on the two class pans of or no and harbec shaking hands Fade in fade out to black fade in on Uh on a close-up shot of or no less sitting on a box with the journal in her hand her mother's journal and Just to remind our player that you can always read the last page and that will always be the same Or you can roll to read a random page that you haven't read before so you know, you'll roll at d 20 I'm gonna roll Nine. Okay. Did I read that one last time?
No, okay. Cool Summer year five queen victoria queen victoria Complimented my dressing court. She has no idea that I had the maid steal it from her own wardrobe Sometimes it's the little things in life that make it all worthwhile and we cut over to let's go to Okay, so the after five days of travel the signs of the more uh Forested part of the country start to disappear and it starts turning into rolling prairie hills that are the telltale signs of the midlands and we see the Captain favro of the salty boobs approach or Nella um my lady we are Approaching the midlands. I have orders from the by count to uh to let you off here is um Will this be uh will this be okay?
Does this seem like a where you want to go? I guess If that's what the vie count said then yes Very well here. Let me just turn this thing and he grabs like two pairs of boobs on the steering wheel and slowly like talks the boat over to the uh Over to shore and ties You know, there's a quick montage of him tying the boat getting it secure to like a tree on land and uh, he takes a plank and gets an exit ramp off the barge onto the uh, silty brown muddy prairie Beach that eventually turns into this prairie grass That's very nice. Have you a bar to ship your first passengers who haven't tried to have sex on my boat The party just looks at each other The high laugh out loud salty booms are a afro-deezy act Wait you what my ship it's an afro-deezy act very well then uh I go about the business of offloading the horses.
I think david comes over to you as you're offloading horses And he whispers or is like what is an afro-deezy act? I don't really know Where do you've heard before in this language? No, it's just not a problem in his culture There aren't people on like beta blockers that need to take that Calm down bro I just can't get hard anymore. Oh my god I'll tell you when you're older boy off of the rest of the stuff So stuff is offloaded the horses are taken away You all mount up onto the horses and begin walking What now would be southward from uh, we're about if we're looking at the map again So jury is the city that's farthest to the east We come around this big bend Maybe like a day and a half two days further east or excuse me further west from bog molly And you will head basically straight southwest and cut in between the queen's garden fort which is basically it's not even a city It's it's a military established military base that is southwest of a lull And mosh is this Is a small it's like jury a little bit smaller and that is directly south of A lull so you're sort of navigating the space in between those two places to come through into the queen's garden and get into the southern territories With a healthy distance from a lull.
Yes Because my next question was so I assume you're going to be doing your best to stay off main roads you're going to be yeah, and I would uh Ornella I would uh Forgive me for suggesting something such as this but I would recommend if you can stash any of your family Cress or anything that would be related to your previous life people will be more recognizing a video already done And uh, I should also mention that devory has the demigriph in like britain britain bridle and all that um tied to his horse So the demigriph follows what does the demigriph look like? Uh, so it's a little bit uh It's not as tall as a horse, but it's much uh more stout and thick stock here stock here Thi-c-c-c-yes It has has the head of a falcon or an eagle and the body of a lion or a um like a Million beasts it doesn't have hoos it has like rending claws and uh very intelligent animals They um actually have a certain amount of sentience. They're not as dumb as just a standard pack of these Oh great So like those five days hardback has just been like holding court with this demigriph and like trying to learn things from it So the yeah the demigriph because I don't think you don't really have speak to animals But your handling is like is high enough to where you can uh convey ideas and you can through gestures and things So the the demigriph takes note of your ability to communicate with it And um this animal is very uh excited about the opportunity to leave jury and go to these new places You can see as you travel that its eyes would dart all over and watch the terrain change as you traveled down the river And so we cut back to you all marching and walking through these tall prairie grasses Through through the midlands. Um, I need one of you all to roll a d100 encounter role for me.
Please okay um 90 Cool So eventually your uh, we'll call this oh, well, all right. Hold on to that role for me. Okay We need to do what your so who is leading pathfinding for this trip south? Um, I've kind of filled that role in the past if there's no objections.
I'll do the same 100 So you can make a survival role for me at advantage or sock Oh, um, let's see It's a 13 pretty average. Yeah, so it'll uh you don't lose any time but you don't gain any time So it takes you So it takes you another about five days of travel through the midlands. Um, you don't get lost You don't get turned around, um, but you don't really make up any time All right, so we see And you're you're encountering a role of a 90, uh, making your way through these prairie hills and Uh, should feel like rural Iowa like Just you can't see too far because there's just too many the terrain is just not conducive to a long line of sight and eventually You come over a hill and can see um, before you maybe 250 to 300 yards away a thin strip of dirt road Um, that is You were gonna run into one at some point but you have in front of you now, uh, a part of the main road that goes up to a lull And it's about it's about midday. So it's the sun is a little past the middle of the sky And this is on the first day.
Um, this is the second day. Excuse me The second out of five yep second out of five Kind of stop for a moment. I kind of look back. Is this Are you familiar with this area?
Is this someplace we should avoid or Is this road going to lead us? Can we gain some time on this road? Oh, do we want to travel away from this If anyone wants a real history to see if they know what this, uh, road is 11 It's it's certainly not like the imperial like there's there's literally a thing called the king's highway that spans from the law all the way east Or whatever. Yep, and uh, this is not that main highway.
This is probably just an offshoot small road used by merchants and uh, rural farmers So not likely to be heavily trafficked, but you're also not really sure what it specifically is Let's take it Okay Might be able to gain some time So you you head down to and get on this this dirt road and you see So walking along the road for the rest of the day gets to be maybe You've got a few hours left before sundown a couple hours will say and uh start thinking about setting up camp and uh, you Unfortunately, uh are coming up to a hill and just coming over the hill is a man Writing on horseback. Um, he's not in full gallop running towards you, but he is not on a he's not horse trotting down the path He is the horse is moving pretty quickly and he's closing the distance on you pretty quick Coming towards you. Okay, but there's no reason to assume that he's coming Like for us. So, um You know, we'll just kind of try to get to one side of the road to allow him to pass within Safely but not we're not going to make a way for him.
We're not going to get over, you know So kind of etiquette on a road that kind of thing you get to Uh, moving over to the side and the rider Runs right past you. Uh, you see I guess everyone make a perception roll for me 16 16 18 Does anyone get higher than a 20? Uh rolled 14. Okay, so He just looks to be dressed as a doesn't look like a soldier doesn't look like a peasant Possibly a mercenary of some kind or a town militia person because he is armed.
He has a shortsword at his side his animal hat or his horse has uh equipment that would indicate it some sort of Uh, war horse not like a pack horse and he runs right by you down the road and disappears in the The opposite direction from where you came Riddled for your orzak Why would a soldier on his own swiftly head back toward along who was dressed for war? Messenger There might be something up ahead something um bad I would say that this would be a good place for us to find camp in a Direction that would not be obvious to this person. So he recalled that they were riders on the road with a Hippogriff or what is it? Demogriff.
Demogriff. So Give me a minute. Um, I hop off the horse then I'll start looking for a way to obscure our tracks off the road Sorry, um, so the idea will set a scene where we'll go fake a camp in one direction and go a different direction You make camp for the night and the evening passes without incident next day you get up and begin Heading down the direction you were heading Okey-doke. I don't trust this.
Oh, we'll be fine. We'll just be on guard Um could I have an adventure after all? Oh, I'll roleplay After seeing the rider yesterday. Um, would you all mind if I borrowed the demigrift for a moment to gain some altitude and scout out ahead?
Oh, and I should sorry Demogriff's can't fly. Oh, sorry. No, that's okay. Why I could have described it better.
So a a griffin has wings. Demogriff is not quite a griff I see okay more lioness than then people. Yeah, okay. No wings.
Oh, never mind. That would be cool. Yeah, sorry I mean Orzak could just like oh, yeah, lift you up Nobody tosses it. I want you to be the dwarf that likes being tossed I do life of the party.
I do like being tossed, you know, I really do Oh, I jump on minotaurs. I roll upstairs cases. I love that That was one of my favorite things from the last episode when you rolled up the It's okay. I don't know what they call it with a you know, one of those rolling bullies or what a doodle bug is what we called them The best the best part was when Tim said the harbeck was rolling all of us went Yeah, there's definitely a noise of that.
Yeah, all right, so um, I should just keep going then head down the road. Mm-hmm So up ahead you crest another hill and you see a encampment that has been hastily erected you can say there's it's not like a stone fence, but there are uh, like They've taken trees and created like a palisade wall and there are a couple towers that stand up on either side You can see that there are a couple men on horseback that are standing outside the gates and uh, they're Probably a quarter mile away. Yeah, I know that look. I know that site not that specific one, but I've been at camps like that before Yeah, it's very clearly like a military forward base or a rear base that's somewhere in between the forward whatever This is a mobile camp, but semi-permanent um I just turned and I kind of have this look of like you see a wide-eyed look of like like memory Um We need to give a wide berth to this they will have scouts.
They'll have regular regular patrols. They'll have Methods for delivering messages if we're seen. I'm just hoping that that one messenger was already on message right So I will um I want to try to look or figure a way to skirt this safely um Can you try to explain to me where we are in relation to the map? Are we sure have we reached this?
Have we have we reached the road that goes south to mosh or are we not there yet? You're somewhere between the road to bagmali the the imperial highway and the road to mosh So you're maybe like somewhere in this zone. Yeah, okay, so we're in a pretty open area Well, and like I said that there's lots of hills and it's not like there's there's ample cover, but it's not trees It's really just terrain and uh Small rolling hills and valleys that you could try to use to circumvent this So okay, so the further south I would recommend that we take at least one we add a day of journey time south They're not going to travel south to mosh very much these messages and the related the messages and the action will be between the fort the forward fort and alal Did um the vicount give us anything that has um Like jury or or or their like symbol on it or anything. Hmm.
Uh, we could certainly retcon something or do like a quick flashback scene But I don't believe I mentioned anything that he gave you guys like a official writ of whatever Um, and I think to a certain degree And well, let's roll Coming up on the end of the episode. So we'll make this role kind of close us out. So I need a Let's call it a person wait because I guess what do you need from them? What do you need like if he had given us like a like a flag or something if we just carried on I mean if we if we went a different route, but put up a flag that said we were from jury or we were part of they might just See it and think with a demigryth be enough.
Maybe you just say that in conjunction with that might work Well, I don't know maybe the demigryth has at least a glance at like oh, okay Got it, you know or instead of hey, I better go look right but it could work either way. It could draw more attention Yeah, we'll uh roll persuade so to give you background I am certain with great 100 certainty that the vicount would not want to directly put himself under threat of being accused as a trader Yeah, and he would be putting himself quite a bit of risk by giving convicted assassins of the crown a writ of like right Do whatever you want. So but you could persuade him. So roll persuade for me at advantage.
We're not So your first role is a nine Second role is a six. Yeah I have plus four on persuasion. So Still not good enough He very emphatically says that if you get to a point where you need to prove someone who you are It's my writ is not going to save you and I can provide the demigryth I can provide Passage and horses, but I would not put my wife or myself in danger of you being reckless and getting caught Oh, uh, is there a plan for the egg that we picked up to the demigryth egg? Yeah, I'm sure it's in like a little like cloth wool pouch thing.
Okay, I would like to care for that Okay, you have like a little Pouch yeah, I got a more soup. You'll like it like it's like a fanny pack But maybe you're interested in my lower back. So just about my buns. Okay, I'm unrest.
Perfect ones So then the plan of action will be to do what we can do and we will Safe we will err on the side of the south. We will go Southerly because it'll still keep us going the right direction, but also keep us away from Hopefully, you know if that means we cut into the forest earlier, then I think we should do that excellent cool Great. Oh, I know I don't like that. So all right.
This is what this is the so the last scene that So we see from a perspective of down this hill That the party is currently about to crash. Maybe the tops of their heads are just peering over to see this checkpoint down below and We see them turn and head eastward in an effort to head southward and their heads disappear behind the hill The perspective pulls back farther and we can see we're actually inside of one of those towers The guard towers that look overhead and we see a man in okay. What does he what houses he from or what city is he from? so So he is in a black Black tabard with chain mail of the mosh free citizen army these are the Citizens and soldiers of the city of mosh, which is Historically the city that has been most under threat by the war with the orcs and He calls down from the watchtower riders on the road.
They're heading eastward One of the men down below says hi, I'll tell the lady and he turns and we follow this I don't know they use it in all these shows this like walking perspective sort of shoulder cam view That it's just over this soldier's shoulder and he's walking through the camp and we can see men are sharpening swords They're playing cards or sitting on a fire being crude drinking And we see that a few of them have the letter the the sigil of the free citizens of mosh actually painted over with this purple triangle with an eye at the center and he he walks into this It's like a tent and inside the tent there's this fire that's rolling and smoke is building up inside It's very difficult to see and he coughs the Mount of the riders on the road Do you need us to send men after them and this woman? Old woman sits across legged she's sipping from a bowl And you could see next to her is a pack and the pack is open and spilling out are these purple vials and Similar to the vials found in episode one in the sewers this drug called three eye and You see that there's a bunch of empty vials to her on the opposite side of the pack She picks her head up from the bowl and she says yes, but Keep a wide berth from them. Don't let them know where you are I will give the order on whether to strike or not now. No leave me be I have much work to attend to and the scene slowly fades to black And that's where we'll cut off the first parts of episode nine everyone.
Thanks so much for listening. We'll be right back Don't go anywhere